DeviantlyD
Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
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quote:
ORIGINAL: strongbottom88
I am new to the site, but this quote resonates with me on a few different levels. Since the post seems to be looking for serious responses from men on how they can relate to the quote here is at least a half-serious attempt at an answer.
First I think it could also follow that "He who gets rid of the pain of being a man makes a beast of himself," (and if he goes far enough and lacks or is stripped of basic empathy, a sociopath) or that He who makes a man of himself gets rid of the pain of being a beast (in the sense that a beast may feel no real purpose in existing other than surviving)
I grew up in a rough environment where I learned and was openly taught that for men any showing of emotion was a sign of weakness (except for a certain boys will be boys range of emotions including ocassional bouts of anger, lewdness, silliness, and self-destructiveness) Different class backgrounds etc. will tend to create different expectations, but there is also generally some socialized expectation of success - be it being a successful thug, professional, provider, or what have you.
Another theme that is intertwined with this internal tension (at least for hetero guys) is coming to understand the power that women have over us, while alos coming to understand women as the "fairer" sex that needs to be approached with a certain tact that differs greatly from how I was otherwise socialized. When you couple all of this up with male hormones or whatever other forces tend to make men big, strong, horny and hairy, you wind up with a whole lot of bottled up energy that leads to internal conflict, restlessness and perhaps what could fairly be described as a certain internalized form of male "pain".
Ultimately, all of this conflict, internal tension etc. needs to be released in some form or another. For me in my youth this took the form of ocassional physical brawls, petty crime, meaningless sex, and lots of self-destructiveness and risk taking often intensified through drug and alcohol use. I am talking serious self-destructiveness to the point where a number of my friends from my youth died living the "fast life" and I came very close multiple times. I ultimately found myself (after certain life transforming events) in a situation where I had an opportunity to recieve a tremendous education and got exposed to people from much more "civil" backgrounds and who had very different understandings of what being a man entails. This did lead to channeling some of my "beastly" energy into more productive pursuits, but I still needed frequent releases to deal with the "pain" of my understanding of what it was to be a man.
As I have gotten older, maturity, insight, somewhat wiser targeting of how and when I release the "beast" and a more manageable level of energy have lessened this internal pain or tension, but it still exists.
In a BDSM context, I find I have found comfort in the opposite fashion to what you might expect. Because I have always seen women as the "fairer" sex and I have found it more comfortable to offer up the beast to be harnessed by a woman in a more productive way (hence, one of the reasons I indentify as submissive despite having many dominant personality characteristics). As a bottom, it is even clearer to me. I love really hard and rough edge play, because it tends to both release and to then tame the beast. At the same time, I see myself as being able to endure a level of being pushed physically (and to a lesser extent mentally) to the edge very roughly in a manner I don't think I could ever bring myself to treat a woman and I have known some tough women. (I have some switchy tendencies, but they tend to come out in a more vanilla context than in any type of heavy bdsm or edge play)
Well, off of the top of my head, that is about all that I have. Anyhow, hopefully this is the type of insight you were looking for.
I had to smile reading your second to last sentence. Off the top of your head? I see your post as very thoughtful and insightful. Thank you.
And I know exactly what you mean about the switchy tendencies coming out more in a vanilla context. I very much relate to that idea.
Your words suggest you find a certain catharsis in rough edge play. Would you say that's a fair statement?
I have this question in mind for you, but I'm having difficulty finding the words to phrase it in the way that I want. Plus, it makes some assumptions about you, based on what you've written and that may not be a fair assessment.
You say the beast within you is both released and tamed during rough play. But it's always there, true? And you had mentioned you could never bring yourself to treat a woman in such a way. It seems that being taught to treat women as the fairer sex as an ingrained part of your being. So is that belief the only reason for why you see yourself as never being able to treat a woman in that way? Do you ever allow your inner beast, as it were, to dictate your intimate interactions with a woman?
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ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D
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RE: He who makes a beast of himself... - 
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So what would you like: "moo", "baa", "woof"... 
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