NINASHARP
Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
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There was even someone who mentioned hugging thin person was like hugging a broom, which I thought ok, what you don't love to hug a little child. Who doesn't love to hug a little child?
Being the person who said I feel like hugging a skinny person is like hugging a broom….
I guess I’ll comment here.
You asked, so I answer…
I’m not much into hugging little children, but I’m not opposed to doing so if they need a hug. That doesn’t mean I enjoy it or don’t enjoy it. It depends on the person and the situation. Same with skinny people. I’ll hug them, but whether or not I enjoy the hug, depends on the person and the situation. I’m not a very tactile person, so hugs aren’t real high on my list of "things to do with people". For me, it’s difficult to feel warmth and a flow of energy when I’m embracing someone, but my arms feel wrapped around each other.
I prefer plump people. That doesn’t mean that I hate thin people. I also prefer brunettes. But that doesn’t mean I hate blondes. I like the color red, but blue shouldn’t be offended, and neither should my corn be upset that I prefer green beans. We all have individual preferences in what we find attractive and what appeals to us. By default, there will be a large population of people who don’t score in the top ten. That doesn’t mean that we find that large population repulsive.
When I read a profile that says "I’m looking for a tall man with blonde hair." I don’t become offended that I’m a short woman with dark hair. In fact, I don’t become offended at all. I really don’t even think about it.
There are some people who post on here (the first one that comes to mind is KnightsofMist, hope he doesn’t mind my mentioning him) whose posts offer me absolutely no warm fuzzies at all, but tons of strength and learning. This man has a way of phrasing things, that I could be offended, but the thought of being offended really doesn’t occur to me, as I’m usually greatly preoccupied with going "Damn, that’s a good point." or "Now there’s a perspective I never thought of." or "Wow. That gives me something to think about for the next 3 days!" I have no doubt that if he made a post stating all the reasons he didn’t like short women, I could easily read the post and learn something. Being a short woman myself, I’m sure I could read through the paragraphs and feel offended, but it probably wouldn’t happen because I’m wired in a way that I love to explore new perspectives, learn about people and how they think, and expand my horizons through every word I read. It doesn’t take much effort for me to not take things personally.
I find it mildly piques my interest when I see a skinny person speak up when thinness is devalued. It kind of makes me want to say "Aha. Now you know how fat people feel almost every moment of every day when their weight is devalued routinely on television, magazines, playgrounds, nightclubs, and by society in general." 30 million fat jokes are ok, but 1 thin joke sends the skinny lassies running away in tears or vehemently defending themselves. It sucks to be in the person’s shoes who is being devalued based on physical attributes, but most people don’t notice any sort of "problem" with it until they are the one in those shoes.
I’m not getting down on you Nina. In fact, I like you and your perspective on most things. But I must ask, did you feel this sensitive, put off, or offended when the fat people, in that same thread, were being called lazy and worthless? Did you speak up in their defense? Were you inspired with that same urge to type out a flaming comment? Or are you only sensitive to words that could apply to you personally?
If you are only sensitive to comments that you can personally apply to yourself and your own life, maybe you’re not quite looking outside the boundaries of yourself into those infinite boundaries of humanity. When we become less focused on ourselves, we tend to be better able to see the bigger injustices in the world around us. In turn, we begin to take petty insults less personally, because we are looking at a much larger picture than the one we fill.
I could sit around and feel offended about how I personally feel oppressed as a woman. But when I look at the bigger picture, I realize that a lot of women are oppressed. And in fact, so are a lot of men, and elderly, and races, and religions. My scope changes from defending myself as a woman, to speaking out against oppression in general. Defending myself as a "woman" becomes a self-based bandaid that distracts me from the larger cause of defending people as "equals".
I’m less sensitive to posts that I could perceive as personally insulting, because I’m looking at the larger meaning in what someone is saying. If you look back at my post in which I made the broom comment, you’ll see it wasn’t an inflammatory attack toward thin people. The basis of my post was about acceptance of others, acceptance of oneself, relationships void of hatred, and taking care of one’s health. It’s a shame that all of those messages were lost because someone focused on a single metaphor used to describe what I personally find attractive.
It all comes back to… the less we focus on ourselves, the less we take others people’s words personally.
Since i first joined Collarme, I've always admired you, and that doesn't change because your opinion is different from mine. I think you are very articulate and intelligent and a tell it like it is gal. And I don't think you are rude, but can be a little blunt, but I mean that in a good way. I'm saying this so you know that I mean no disrespect, regardless of how it comes across on a forum.
 No, I don't think you should like to give hugs to children, if its not your thing, I was just throwing that out there, as compared to children being small like skinny people. I do love to hug little ones and also big ones. I just love hugs. Of course you are entitled to your opinion and I do like that you are honest and sincere in your posts . You are right about society, which does give a lot of shit to those who are bigger and plus size. And even though I have never walked in those shoes, I do feel very much offended by it.
I did come to the defense of the slave who had a master who thought she needed to loose weight. I did post on how I think that overweight people participate in the scene more, becauese they are comfortabe with their bodies, probably being more comfortable in their own skin then those in vanilla and not buying into the hype of what the vanilla world thinks the way we should all be and look like. I didn't post on the other thread, and didn't even realize it was you that talked about hugging a broom.
I do have friends and family that take a lot of shit for being over weight. And it does piss me off just as much as being underweight automatically makes a person a drug user or breakable. I understand where you are coming from and beleive me.
Its not just the skinny bashing posts that I found offensive, I used that point because it still was fresh in my mind. I could reference a lot of different threads where people are just down right mean for no good reason. It isn't just on a BDSM board, its on a lot of BB's I have come across.. Try going to a quit smoking website and see what they do to people, who are "serial quitters" . People seem to forget their manners behind a computer and come across angry and its disturbing to me to some degree.
Yes but there are many things to be learned from the differences. Even if its not something everyone agrees on.
No, I don't think anyway, that I focus so much on myself as I do on the person being bashed or even doing the bashing. I certainly can feel their frustration. And yeah I've jumped in on it and found myself sweeped away by the drama, too. But you are right. Its only opinions and everyone has one. I guess I need to develope a thicker skin to take less offense to it and try to pull the positive out of it.
Thanks for replying,
Nina
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My stiletto boots fit like gloves around his wrists.. as I locked them on I knew we were a match!
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RE: Is there any sense in being so sensitive? - 
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