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Too independent - 5/24/2006 8:44:12 AM

chrisy

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
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will someone, like myself, have any chance finding a donimant willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub? it seems i push them away! any advice...save for me to change and become what i am not...thanks

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 8:51:10 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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yes there is a very good chance. My kyra is a very intelligent woman. Two degrees in difficult field of endeavor and is a senior manager of her department for the company she works for. I am very lucky to have her... but she is lucky to have me as well. Independence is not a death nail..... for the right person you can grow into a very healthy inter-dependent relationship.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 8:54:56 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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I am in the same boat as you chrisy, but, I have found an abundance of Masters and Dominats that like a slave or a submissive who is a bit independant. Its about balance, as logn as you know when you lean on your top, thats what matters and in my expereince it comes down too.
Don't change who you are, if you do that then you compermise and move away from who you REALLY are inside.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 8:58:29 AM

chrisy

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
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wow. thank you so much. i was beginning to think that i was alone in my feelings. i have given up looking for a dominant that can take the "pressure." ha. i suppose if it happens it will. i am sick of trying to tone it down to ease them. but i am not dominant myself..have you found this yourself...not quite overly submissive but not dominant either?

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:01:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Stop seeing dominance or submission as actions. Don't think of things as "things subs do" and "things doms do." You are you. We all do the same things.

People will try and convince you in any way possible that you are wrong and need to do what they want you to do- including telling you that you aren't who you know you are and making you feel bad about yourself.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:03:07 AM

chrisy

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/10/2005
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oh i see. that makes sense. i feel i know who i am even though my actions may not reflect those feelings....

thanks for giving me something to think about!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:04:49 AM

ADomDoc

Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline

chrisy,
The only folks who should be expected to be intimidated by an intelligent sub would be 1) stupid Doms and 2) insecure (such as wannabe) Doms.

For myself, I have no time for a zombie sub who has to be told how to do everything. My last slave of 9 yrs was previously a Woman Marine Drill Instructor, another sub is a actress, screenplay writer, historian. Before that I had a corporate Attorney/MD at the 2nd largest firm in Houston.

So don't worry ... there ARE Doms out there who prefer intelligent subs ... and the ones who don't ... consider that you've ducked a bullet!

Best of luck
ADomDoc
SanAntonio

(in reply to chrisy)

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:13:45 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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The mind is a terrible thing to waste, so why would anyone want you too?
As far as being independent....independently weatlthy is something I always seek in a slave!..Winks

Your independence is you...don't let anyone change that and you are sought after...trust me....kevin

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:23:22 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
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From: Cali
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

wow. thank you so much. i was beginning to think that i was alone in my feelings. i have given up looking for a dominant that can take the "pressure." ha. i suppose if it happens it will. i am sick of trying to tone it down to ease them. but i am not dominant myself..have you found this yourself...not quite overly submissive but not dominant either?

I have been told more times than I can count that I am not 'slave' enough or that I am an anti-slave. If being able to hold my own and not kiss every tops ass that comes my way makes me that way, then I guess I am. I am independant because I am NOT collared and I don't have anyone to lean on and to rely on but me for the most part.
I am dominant in my job and as a single parent, because I HAVE to be otherwise thigns would be chaotic and nothing would get done, not to mention at work I would have clients walking all over me and co-workers as well; I am NOT a doormat, at work or in my private life.
chrisy, if a top does not like that you are independant and can hold your own when you have too, then write them off, they are not the one for you.
you can always take a 'break' in looking, nothing wrong with that; when you stop looking is usually when you find what you had been seeking all along.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:25:59 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Yes, the only Doms who won't want you are the ones who know that you are too smart for them. They won't want to do the work that may be needed to power exchange with you, they may not be up to the task. It will be much better when you find a strong one. The ones who say things like "I don't think you are sub enough" are the ones who can't handle anything beyond a robot sub.

Good luck.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:26:35 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I am seeing an extremely intelligent Dom that really digs my mind. He likes the fact that I can discuss Marx over eggs and bacon. Do not worry about whether or not a particular Dom likes what you have to offer as far as your personality and qualities go... One will, and one is all you need right?

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:28:13 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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I am also a bright, curious, independent person who is submissive. Personally, I find that bright, curious, independent people ARE generally attracted to me...and I like it that way!

If a guy is intimidated by my intelligence or my ability to take care of myself...what on earth would make him think he was Dominant in the first place? I sure wouldn't...

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:28:53 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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domo ali gotto Mr Roboto...Domo.....Domo...

tee hee, could't resist and now I'm showing my age...looks up and waves to KL

I agree totally....smiles, Kevin
Julia said "He likes the fact that I can discuss Marx over eggs and bacon."
Hell I can do him one better...I can leave marks using eggs and bacon!

< Message edited by fastlane -- 5/24/2006 9:31:36 AM >

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:44:40 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

will someone, like myself, have any chance finding a donimant willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub? it seems i push them away! any advice...save for me to change and become what i am not...thanks

To me, intelligence and the ability to get along by herself is a positive factor in a submissive. I want someone who choses to be my submissive, not one who can't survive without someone. Libby is a perfect example of that. There are a number of areas, like computer systems and medicine, where she's my superior so, with her advice, I'm more competent in those areas than I would be alone. However, she accepts my dominance over her life and her soul because she feels I've earned that right.

It's like the difference between winning the olympics and getting of of those "everyone is a winner" badges in school games. I really had to win her... and as Poul Anderson illustrates in The Song of the Shield Bearer, it's a constant thing.

Oh, and she's continually extending her competence in other areas so she can be even more valuable as my submisssive. Right now she's learning Spanish and mastering the Weaver stance with a .38 police positive.

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:50:28 AM

SirWolfnman

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Any Dom that is scared of a sub is not a true Dom as i belive. he is very insecure i enjoy intelligance in a sub. It makes the relationship more fullfilling for both

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:52:46 AM

jezabelKH

Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

will someone, like myself, have any chance finding a donimant willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub? it seems i push them away! any advice...save for me to change and become what i am not...thanks

chrisy,

Master Ken always said it was my mind that attracted Him to me in the first place. If a Dom, Master or Mistress can not appreciate your mind then that is their fault/problem........there are plenty of them out there that do!

jezabelKh

(in reply to chrisy)

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:55:03 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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chrisy,

quote:

willing to get involved with an eagerly intelligent sub?

Can you explain how your intelligence is eager?

quote:

it seems i push them away

Look for patterns in the men you choose, what sort of conflicts arise, and how each relationship ends. Since I know many intelligent submissives who are happily submitting away in relationships, my money is there is some other issue.

(in reply to chrisy)

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 9:58:22 AM

MasterMoody

Posts: 133
Joined: 4/19/2006
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you don't need to be a scared of you you are as long as you find the dom that will take you for who you are and for you to take what the dom as to give as long as you know where you what to be there should be no promables

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 10:32:54 AM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
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There is intelligent an insufferable. If you are the former, you are an intelligent Dom/me's wet dream. If you are the latter you would be a nightmare.

Gosh....i need a nap.

< Message edited by Wulfchyld -- 5/24/2006 10:35:09 AM >

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RE: Too independent - 5/24/2006 3:17:07 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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<giggles wildly> ya know, Wulfie One... you come up with some real jewels now and then. "There is intelligent and there is insufferable" ...I love it!

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