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Najakcharmer -> RE: Do You care if they ask?? (5/24/2006 11:28:40 AM)
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Depends entirely on how it's done.
Casual player comes up to me at a party and negotiates for the kind of scene he likes, that can be well and good if it's done respectfully and with consideration for my likes and limits as well. In that case we're just two people who want to play together, and we decide together what would be fun for both of us. Mind you, if he comes across as demanding or whiny, or gives me any reason to think that he's looking at me as a life support system for a whip that he can use for his wank fantasies, I'm outta there. I only want to play casually with people who are genuinely friendly, who really like and respect me as a person, and who are interested in having a mutually enjoyable transaction rather than seeing what they can selfishly get for themselves with no real consideration for anyone else.
I always enjoy and appreciate a contribution of creative energy, ideas and impetus from the sub's side. In fact, I need it in order to stay sane and healthy in a D/s relationship. Life would pretty boring if I was the only one who ever thought up or initiated a scene. I really don't want to be in a relationship with a male blow-up doll. I don't think that a long term D/s relationship would be healthy or sustainable for me if I had to supply 100% of the creative energy and initiative in it. In fact I'm having this specific issue in a current D/s relationship, and we're scheduling a time to sit down and communicate/negotiate some ways we can improve on this.
I know myself well enough to say that the stresses of my everyday life are going to weigh me down enough on a day to day basis that my energy and impetus towards kink is likely to wear down considerably without an inflow of positive energy from a partner. I need the impetus of active consent and initiative from my partner, or else I will eventually end up feeling drained and more likely to retreat into a book or my computer than to make a play date. I have no interest in being the only responsible adult in a relationship, or in being the only person who is contributing any energy or initiative or creativity to our play. When I start feeling like I'm stuck in that role, I end up in "top drop" and lose all my interest in playing for awhile. So for me, if a subbie *doesn't* periodically approach me with good creative ideas, input and insights into our D/s relationship, requests to play, etc, I will lose interest in him and feel like I might as well go buy me a blow-up doll to beat on. Booooring.
As always, my answers may not necessarily be your answers, and what is true for me may not be true for you.
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