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Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 11:15:22 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Do you all run into a lot of Them..that try to change everything about you?

i know it's good to learn.. i love to learn actually..and to experience pretty much everything.  But, when you say you aren't interested in something or you don't want to do it.. a firm "no". ..then it's brought up again, and again..it drives me a bit nuts.
 
i know we are here to be guided and taught.. i love that part..but.. i do have thoughts and i can know if i will or won't change my mind about something.  i feel like i am treated like a child so much..and i am getting a bit frustrated.
 
How do you all handle this.. or is it even an issue for you?

< Message edited by sleazybutterfly -- 5/24/2006 11:23:11 AM >

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.
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RE: Does it drive you nuts too? - 5/24/2006 11:22:48 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Fastlane pulls out the 12 Guage!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you nuts too? - 5/24/2006 11:25:16 AM   
gentlethistle


Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline 		I have thoughts too....and what drives me nuts is not so much someone trying to change them by pursuasion or evidence.  It's when those opinions or ideas are instantly discounted and I'm told 'No'....when all that the 'No' really means is, 'I choose to see it like this...'.  I most particularly hate being told 'No' when the thought that I'm putting forward turns out to be actually, factually, demonstrable and true....a matter of where something is, or isn't, for example.  But I still find it hard to cope with when it's just a matter of opinion or approach and I'm being told that mine isn't a valid possibility for consideration.

For some reason I can't get interested in declaring that black is white, just as an act of submission.  The best I can do in those situations is to bite my tongue and not start saying things like, 'Are you sure it isn't a little bit grey?'

Laura

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 11:32:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		People will try and make you doubt yourself, take advantage of you and generally do anything that they can so you will do what they want you to do.  As a novice especially, they will smell fresh meat and think they can use your state of confusion to their advantage.

1)  Take what works for you and leave the rest

2)  Use the same skills you had before you discovered "all this."  If people act like dorks, then ignore them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 11:52:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It isnt an issue for me in my present situation, it was an issue in my past one. I am no longer in that situation and found someone that would respect my limits and accept me the way I am,.... it is a totally beautiful thing to feel as though someone is accepting you the way you are and not trying to push their agenda down your unwilling throat. Soft limits should be tested by those who are trusted and respected... hard limits should just be off limits.. and if that isn't the case I would raise my red flag!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 12:24:39 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, thank goodness.. i am so glad to see i am not alone in this. 
 
i know that i am new at this..and have so much to learn.. i don't doubt that.  In some ways..that does make me childlike..in exploring...being excited..learning. Yet, i am not new at living.. thinking.. expressing a thought.. or forming my own values and opinions on a wide range of subjects.  
 
i don't know how someone can talk to you on the computer or in real life for a few hrs.. and think that they absolutely know everything about you..better than you know yourself.  i did manage to make it 30yrs without them.. so i have to be doing something right, somewhere.
 
you all always make me laugh at these things..even when i want to pull my hair out.. i appreciate that a lot.
                                                            ~butterfly
*thinking about that 12 gauge though* hmmmm
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 12:25:30 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Do you all run into a lot of Them..that try to change everything about you?...
...How do you all handle this.. or is it even an issue for you?


Only when watching TV...and Tivo has made having to listen to it obsolete and only having to watch it at fast forward.
 
but seriously, there are always going to be those people that are going to attempt to "convert" you to their way of thinking.  heck, they even knock on the door dressed in nice business attire, passing out pamphlets sometimes!
depending on their delivery and what concept or product they are trying to "sell", this slave usually just smiles, says no thank you, thank you for your time and doesn't give it another thought. 

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you nuts too? - 5/24/2006 1:34:17 PM   
Moloch


Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Fastlane pulls out the 12 Guage!


Moloch pulls out a 10 Guage!!!
Ha mine is bigger!!!

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 2:44:23 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i know we are here to be guided and taught..


I'm not here to be guided or taught. If I'm in need of that I'll look at Master. I'm here to chat with like minded people and share experiences.

Honestly, I write it off to the "I'm the Dom" syndrome. These are people that are domineering, arrogant, and rude and use BDSM D/s as reason for behaving that way.

Bottom line is that for every person out there, there is a different version of WIITWD. The people that try to determine how or who I should be, I politely tell to "fuck off" and move on. :)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 3:00:39 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		If my Master wants to guide or teach me something i will glady accept his guidance. That is because he is my Master and he respects my hard limits  evnt though he nudged my soft ones.  If someone who is not my Master tries to teach me something (unless it is in school of course) i will see if it has any value to me to learn this and who and how it was presented.  The best thing i can tell you is what LA said take what you need and leave the rest.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 3:24:51 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		It's been my experience that the "It's all about me" crowd are the one's most guilty of trying to change us. If you can't accept me for who I am, we're not a match. his doesn't mean that compromises can't be made, but don't expect me to give up everything I'm interested in, without reciprocity.

(in reply to littleone35)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 6:19:05 PM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Your limits are your limits. If a Dom/Domme doesn't respect them than find one that does. It takes time to find a good match. Be patient and above all else don't settle.
 
sub tara

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 6:51:56 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Do you all run into a lot of Them..that try to change everything about you?



Hehheh, this sounds like a science fiction movie plot .....
 
On the one hand, people have a powerful desire to be accepted, and liked/loved for themselves. On the other hand, you have dominants. They want to control. Many want to control....everything. When to whip you, how you style your hair, where you take a shit. They want to be pleased, and obeyed.
 
As others have stated, you'd be well off finding one who "fits" you. And as has also been brought up, maybe give less emphasis to "being a slave" and work on finding one to submit to, and to learning more about yourself. You seem like an intelligent woman, with a genuine desire to figure all this out, which are wonderful tools. Keep your chin up.
 
Level

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 6:58:06 PM   
Halcyone


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		I had more a problem with this in my early vanilla relationships, before I figured out that I could avoid the problem by removing myself from that conversation/environment/marriage/whatever.

Humans being herd or pack animals, I've always wondered if the impulse to pull this sort of thing with others comes from wanting to build that sense of security that comes from being surrounded by others just like them. And since they're so happy/fulfilled/orgasmic/whatever from having that in their life, why wouldn't you be? Really, come on, just try it once, you'll love it. Are you sure? Really sure? You're making a mistaaaake...

I bet it's also the same impulse that makes so many people want to share terrible smells with others. "Oh my god, that's terrible! Here, have a whiff!"

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 7:27:41 PM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline 		i simply don't waste my time with people who can't respect me or my limits, even if they don't agree with them. Anyone who starts off too pushy or high and mighty like they are the great *I AM*, waves several red flags and i simply retreat... and fast!  For me, anyone reading you the right act of how it *should be* or is *gonna be*, wreaks of a wanna-be...
 
yes. i am a slave, but i am also a person, an intelligent one who can be very assertive when i have to be. i might be a slave, but not for just anyone and everyone... just for the One i choose, who fits with me... who respects me and my limits, choices, desires, etc... and i His.
 
hope this helps and makes sense,
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to Halcyone)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 7:34:46 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		MY experience is that most issues can be avoided with proper inducement. Simply because you say NO, does not mean much to an IDIOT. However a great master will create a desire in you to WANT to attempt to follow his lead.
I NEVER PUSH, only gently create an environment conducive for success on all parts.........that is what a skilled master does..........few have those skills.......and few girls will ever need them...........too bad for me and them!!!!!!! 

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 7:58:05 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

Do you all run into a lot of Them..that try to change everything about you?

i know it's good to learn.. i love to learn actually..and to experience pretty much everything.  But, when you say you aren't interested in something or you don't want to do it.. a firm "no". ..then it's brought up again, and again..it drives me a bit nuts.
 
i know we are here to be guided and taught.. i love that part..but.. i do have thoughts and i can know if i will or won't change my mind about something.  i feel like i am treated like a child so much..and i am getting a bit frustrated.
 
How do you all handle this.. or is it even an issue for you?


Being submissive or a slave does not mean being brain dead. My feeling is if a "dom or master" wants a non-thinking, completely willing sex toy - buy a blow up doll. Human beings are made to think, feel and decide. Any "dom/master" who expects something else is probably just a HNG with no real life experience and no real concept of how to have an intimate relationship.

Now, yes as a submissive i do seek to learn Master's desires, His pace and needs etc. But that is my choice and based on giving and loving, not having unreasonable demands made on me.

Being new to this lifestyle does not mean we're required to leave common sense and real feelings behind.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 8:06:06 PM   
FloridaISIS


Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: talibahh

i simply don't waste my time with people who can't respect me or my limits, even if they don't agree with them. Anyone who starts off too pushy or high and mighty like they are the great *I AM*, waves several red flags and i simply retreat... and fast!  For me, anyone reading you the right act of how it *should be* or is *gonna be*, wreaks of a wanna-be...
 
yes. i am a slave, but i am also a person, an intelligent one who can be very assertive when i have to be. i might be a slave, but not for just anyone and everyone... just for the One i choose, who fits with me... who respects me and my limits, choices, desires, etc... and i His.
 
hope this helps and makes sense,
tali


well said, tali

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

MY experience is that most issues can be avoided with proper inducement. Simply because you say NO, does not mean much to an IDIOT. However a great master will create a desire in you to WANT to attempt to follow his lead.
I NEVER PUSH, only gently create an environment conducive for success on all parts.........that is what a skilled master does..........few have those skills.......and few girls will ever need them...........too bad for me and them!!!!!!! 


As long as it's not a hard limit, I personally feel it's all in how you present it to the sub.  Not to sound corny, Lord help me, but a little "time, love and tenderness" will go a long way. Once you have their total trust almost anything is possible.




(in reply to talibahh)
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RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 8:17:41 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

MY experience is that most issues can be avoided with proper inducement. Simply because you say NO, does not mean much to an IDIOT. However a great master will create a desire in you to WANT to attempt to follow his lead.
I NEVER PUSH, only gently create an environment conducive for success on all parts.........that is what a skilled master does..........few have those skills.......and few girls will ever need them...........too bad for me and them!!!!!!! 


I truely agree ... I am so honored that i have a Master that knows how to get that kind of response  from a slave with out having to push.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to dogobedience)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Does it drive you a bit nutty also? - 5/24/2006 9:19:25 PM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

MY experience is that most issues can be avoided with proper inducement. Simply because you say NO, does not mean much to an IDIOT. However a great master will create a desire in you to WANT to attempt to follow his lead.
I NEVER PUSH, only gently create an environment conducive for success on all parts.........that is what a skilled master does..........few have those skills.......and few girls will ever need them...........too bad for me and them!!!!!!! 


I truely agree ... I am so honored that i have a Master that knows how to get that kind of response  from a slave with out having to push.




i agree with this too, but once you have found someone you connect with or are already with and developing a relationship/bond.  However i think (and i could be wrong... i am occassionally... cheeky grin), that sleazybutterfly was/is refering to those who contact her and are talking with her in the initial stages... definately (IMHO anyway), not appropriate behaviour... in my (all be it limited experience thus far), the REAL Doms/Masters don't do this. On the contrary. It's the wanna-bes who feel a need to prove themselves and try to exert some kind of control in the initial stages.
 
humbly,
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to LaMspeach)
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