ImBella
Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
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I have been struggling internally, debating if I should write to seek advice or not. Part of me thinks I should have known better, while the rest of me just feels blind-sided.
I joined CM back in February as a newbie, after having learned about this lifestyle from a friend I met on myspace. I did some research online on my own, and he answered any questions I was unable to find answers to. I made a profile here, and in it, I was honest about what I seeking and my level of inexperience. I received several messages and offers to chat and through the process of elimation, began seriously chatting online with a Dom in the beginning of March. He was not local, but he also wasn't too terribly far way either, where it would be difficult for us to meet one another when we felt it was appropriate. We chatted online just about every night, as he wanted to train me online, and we became very close. He told me he felt I was progressing nicely and would like to for us to finally meet one another at the end of this month.
Shortly after we began chatting seriously, he opened up and told me that he had some health issues earlier last year, and required extensive surgery for some heart problems. He was fully recovered from the surgery, and was doing well, but felt I should know about this. Last month, he began telling me during our chats that he was experiencing chest pains. I encouraged him to go to his doctor and be examined, and at the end of April, he told me had an appointment with his cardiologist. I didn't hear from him for several days, and when I finally did, he told me he was in the hospital for some tests, and they found a blockage they wanted to address with surgery. He told me he expected to be there for about another week. I didn't hear from him again for another couple of days, and was very worried about him. I continually sent him emails, letting him know I was thinking about him, and hoped he was doing well. In the next email I received from him, he explained that he had taken 2 heart attacks, and required extensive surgery since I heard from him last and his implanted defibulator had needed to be replaced as it had not done it's job during his last heart attack. He told me he was in excrutiating pain, and could not chat much from his laptop in his room because it was interfering with his EKG machine. I sent him back a message, letting him know that I was praying for him, and asked him to send me a phone number for me to call him, since he couldn't chat online. I didn't hear from him again for a couple more days, and was online typing him an email when he appeard online. We chatted for a bit, and he told me he was doing well, but very sore. While we were chatting, his nurse came into the room to give him his medication, and my Dom requested I chat with her for a few minutes. She told me it was touch and go for a while, but he was doing better. My Dom came back online and said his medication was making him sleepy, so I told him I wouldn't keep him, and we could chat at another time when he was feeling a little better. The following day I received a message from his nurse. In it she said that my Dom had an unexpected problem occur, and was rushed back up to surgery and was now in the CCU. She said that before he left, he asked her to message me to let me know what was going on, and he had her permission to keep me informed as to his condition. She suggested I pray for him as his prognosis looked grim. Naturally I was extremely worried about him. I sent her a message, thanking her for letting me know, and requested she please keep me informed of his condition when she was able. Days went by before I heard anything more. I agonized thinking the worst had happened, and he had not made it. I finally received a message from his nurse telling me he was back in his room, and doing much better. After a few days, I heard from my Dom as well. He sent me a romanitic card, in which he told me he loved me, which he had not previously ever told me. He seemed to be improving and I was so grateful and relieved that he was going to be alright. I chatted with him a couple more times over the next few days, and he told me that since he was going to have to postpone our meeting, (which he was very upset about), he was assigning a task for me to complete. He wanted me to search on CM to find some female subs to become friends with.
The following day while doing this, I came across a profile of a DaddyDom that was seeking a little girl. As I read this profile, it became evidently apparent it was made by my Dom. I wasn't 100% sure, as it had no picture of him, but I knew. I made a new profile, in which I stated I was looking for the same things he was offering, and received a reply from him about an hour later. The reply included the very same pic he had sent me back in March. He told me that he was single, and would like to chat with me. I agreed. We began chatting in an instant message, and he had no clue it was me. The conversation immediately turned sexual, and he told me that he had no other slaves or sub, nor had he in quite a while. I asked him where he was chatting with me from, home or work. He replied that he was at home, but would be leaving for work shortly. At this point, I brought the conversation to a halt and informed him I was not who he thought I was, and that it was me, his sub. I asked him if he had been in the hospital, as he told me he had, and he said no. I was stunned, furious.
I asked him why he would do this to me, allow me to sit here, worrying about him, day after day, thinking at times he was dead, and I received no answer. Shortly afterward, he signed offline. I waited a while to see if he would return, but he did not. I sat down and typed him an email, and when I tried to send it, it came back that his email account was gone. I signed onto CM, his account here was also gone.
It has been a few days since this occurred, and I've had much time to think about this, but I have been unable to come up with a plausible reason for why he did this. Throughout the months we chatted online, I bared my soul to him, and I feel very hurt and angry about this turn of events. Along with being angry with him, I am also angry with myself for being so trusting of him. This whole series of events has left a very bitter taste in my mouth, and the thoughts of exposing myself emotionally again to someone else is a frightening thought.
I don't understand why this person would go to such extremes as to allow me to think he was dying, when he could have just been honest with me and told me to take a hike.
Bella
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Confused and dejected - 
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