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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Are overweight women drawn to this lifestyle? (10/21/2011 4:37:35 PM)
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Twisteddom, I can kind of see where you are coming from. The military demands that you stay thin and in shape, and you are coming here looking for a sub and having a WTF moment maybe every time you read female profiles. My sister and her previous hubby were Army people.
You are right that most of America is fat and/or not physically fit.
I have no problem with your personal preferences, it was the rape stuff that pushed my buttons. I agree with what others said here about it, and hope that you can understand some things...it is common for women who have been molested or raped as an adult to put on weight. Not that it will protect against being raped again, but for the comfort zone it provides. The last thing I wanted to hear was wolf whistles, comments about my DD breasts, my shapely legs, etc., so putting on some weight brought me some relief from this. Having less panic attacks triggered was a good thing.
Since I am on my sub's computer and not my own, I cannot get you an article I read about how some people also use BDSM for healing past injuries. D/s and kink pushes our buttons just as with other fellow kinksters who have never been attacked, but BDSM sometimes serves a dual purpose...to write over bad things from the past with someone we trust. This is why some women might be into rape fantasy, to make something ugly from the past lose it's power to give nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks, etc. With others, I think rape fantasy is just another thing that gets their panties wet because...yet another aspect of submission makes them hawt. Do I need to ask for a show of hands among male and female subs, to point out that BEING TAKEN and overwhelmed by someone they trust makes them wet (or gives them a boner)...? [:D]
As for myself, there is no way I can order my sub to "rape" me to rewrite over my distant past because my buttons are way too hot in a bad way. My PTSD would kick in so badly I'd might go feral and seriously injure him. Way back when I thought I was a sub, if restrained well enough, with someone who was excellent at aftercare, this rewriting over old ugly shiite might have been possible. Now it doesn't interest me to even try. There's more than one way to skin a cat. Yes, I have been using my sub to push some of my bad buttons, one being that I am not allowing him to shave off his facial hair to make things easier on me so that less panic attacks are triggered, instead I have taught him how I want him to behave when I am having one and this is working out fine.
I don't want to hear anything about therapy from anyone, as I already tried that route off and on for over 20 years and this is as good as it gets. My sub/boyfriend will do what I tell him to do and I will adjust better over time.
I have many valid medial reasons for being quite large (lymphoma four times, three old back fractures, two old hip fractures, four times...I'm a fair person and each leg got broken twice [:D] , as well as having had a baby, aged, knee injuries...one from a motorcycle accident, and have had different years of anti-anxiety meds) that made me put on weight. However, as much as I restrict my calorie intake, being a couch potato (doctor's orders) have helped me to pack the weight on. Some of us cannot afford gymn memberships, cannot do an hour long walk three times per week without ending up in some nursing care facility... I bought an exercize machine that I could afford, non electric and no digital gadgetry, that I feel will help my knees, upper body and metabolism...my sub has been clearing out my basement and will assemble it for me soon. I will never be thin, but at least I will become more physically fit without destroying my body in the process.
Now for the next things to clear up. [;)]
Thin women are great to look at, granted. Some people's bodies are like looking at...art in motion. I cannot blame people for appreciating a work of art, whether in a waitress, stripper, or even some beach bunny. Long time ago before I had my son, my body was a work of art too and I was hassled night and day by horny, appreciative men. However...if you think for even one moment that women have a problem getting laid...think again. Even through years of celibacy all kinds of men tried to get into my size 3X pants. The husbands of friends, guys in bars, at laundromats, grocery stores, in libraries, while I was taking my kid to a park... This was in vanilla. From the Domme side, huge as I am I have never had any trouble getting subs...and sometimes we are taling about young hunky ones in their twenties and thirties, physically fit and art in motion. [;)] Even when I advertise that I am taken, own a sub and am not looking for a third person, the guys keep writing. One from this week lives only 20 minutes away and is hunky and in his low twenties. See...if I were into swinging I could have dick from at least a hundred different guys per year. I know this may be hard to grasp...fat chicks can have as much dick as they want...mkay? When I came here soon after my birthday when I turned 39, I averaged 100+ letters in my mailbox per week and guys that visited me were often from out of state (this was still during my celibate years, but I was still enjoying meetups and limited scenes as well as limited r/t D/s relationships). If there are not enough men in our area, they will take a car, bus, plane or train to see us. No need to feel sorry for those of us who are fat and not attractive to some. At the same time, I am capable of feeling [:(] for not having the same body I had at 20...but I love what the years have molded me into even if the outer packaging is not what I'd like.
Btw, the young thin pretty women are primo and can have their pick of the young, fit, hunky guys with great jobs, great house and fancy cars. LOL, have you read enough profiles to see the younger wimmins complaining about men who could be their dad or grandpa hitting on them?
There is a difference between some fantasies and real life, and it offended me, the insinuation that fat chicks would be grateful if someone raped them. Rapes drove me to celibacy for years and left me with PTSD that no shrink or meds can make go away. Believe me, if I wanted some fantasy rape scene, it would be HAWT as Hell and nothing like what really happened. My sub knows better than to even let a show on tv continue to play if a rape scene or worse is playing...the channel is changed or the tv goes off ASAP. When I was young, yes I had some "rape" fantasies, but they were more about being overpowered by someone wonderful who was doing wonderful things to me, where my conscience was gagged and... Unlike the real thing, there was no real violence, horrible feelings, fear of death or disease, or being totally degraded by someone who didn't care about me at all. My stupid dreams did not involve feeling seige mentality afterward, that every smiling man could morph from Dr. Jeckyll into Mr. Hyde (to H with spelling those names correctly), and that having boundaries people would respect was just...an illusion. Btw...because of past rapes...I have NEVER had an orgasm during vanilla type sex. I need a vibe on my clit or nothing happens. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Any more talk going to happen about how grateful fat chicks are to get raped? There is a world of difference between making love and being used as some stranger's slop jar.
Btw AGAIN. [:D] I was drawn into this lifestyle kicking and screaming, because of my past history. I misunderstood what this was all about and was horrified that this had any fascination for me until I saw past the roleplay and sadomasochism...and learned about the deepest trust I had ever known. Yes, I also tried to leave a good dozen times while I was struggling with issues. My boy feels blessed that I stayed. And found him eventually.
If you are Dom, who cares if the sub you find is out of shape and a bit overweight? Take her for walks with you, and gradually make changes so that she has a more healthy diet...and I don't mean "diet food", I am talking about decent meat, whole grain bread or pasta, a wide variety of raw veggies and fruit to snack on, and good quality cheese or other dairy. I am sure she will like kneeling at your feet while you hand feed her rather than going to some drive through McBurger. Hell's bells...if she sticks to her modest exercize routine for the entire week...reward her in a way that makes her feel great about herself and increases her hero worship of you. Check with her doctor and work together as a unit and not cause her to injure herself while trying to please you. My mother stopped exercizing for years because of exhaustion, and had to find out on her own after her divorce that she was anemic and needed shots for several years. Myself, I become exhausted over the winter if I do not have Vitamin D capsules. Becoming more physically active can be fun, and not just a chore, especially if it is time spent together and gives positive reinforcement, but health issues must be looked into first.
Look, if I can take a guy and decide how his hair is cut, put him on a daily vitamin for men over 50 (after checking with his doctor), and have him do crunches when his hiatal hernia isn't acting up so that he looks better in a loin cloth for the Halloween party (three munch groups together), and change his diet a teeny bit so that he has gradually lost a wee bit of weight (not for my benefit, but for his own ego), then you should have no problem with the overweight women here. My sub is glowing with better health, and joy...so much that his family have all noticed and love me to pieces for being such a good caretaker of what is MINE. (My sub now wears men's size medium, and in jeans has a 31 inch waist. I will need to take a new pic of him for his profile soon.)
My own recovery will take longer, will involve exercize machines in my basement while playing music, and probably sometime next year, knee surgery to scrape cartilige. [:'(] My cholesterol and triglycerides are excellent, lol, so how unfair is that?
Good luck with your knees. Almost everyone I have known who served in the armed forces for years gets their knees goofed up.
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