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RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed and spoken to by an unknown male approaching you?


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RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 3:31:33 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
Here's how this works for me.

The only people who are allowed to call Me Mistress at all times are those who are collared to Me or are under consideration of becoming Mine.

I've had certain play partners who are permitted to call Me Mistress while we are sharing a scene and during after care only.  This is only if they have specific permission.

If a Dominant has instructed their submissive to address all Dominants as Master or Mistress, I can deal with that, too, because I'm not the one who is in charge in their dynamic.  If it would be that big of a deal to Me, I would ask the Dominant to direct the submissive to make an exception in My case.  I also don't have fits about it if a person happens to be Gorean because that's a part of their culture.

As a leather person, it's perfectly acceptable to call Me Mistress Pact or Mistres <insert real name here>.  That's actually the proper protocol and the difference is that they are including a qualifying name.  It shows that they are recognizing that I've earned My leathers, but not implying a dynamic with Me. 

In BDSM circles (which are different than leather functions), I go by Lady Pact.  I prefer the same if it is somebody that doesn't know Me because I prefer they address Me by screen name, which also happens to be My scene name.  I'm fine with My real name on a friendship basis, but I prefer My scene name if we are in a kink environment, such as a club.

For those who don't like any kind of formality or don't like titles, I'm just as content with LP.  Pact is ok, too.  However, that can get kind of confusing if it's a situation where both My husband and I are present.  In some households, it's not uncommon for the senior person in the leather culture to have the primary name and others in the household, either Dominants who have fewer years experience or the submissives owned by that person to take some form of a derivative of of the senior person's name.  My other half's name on these boards is MisterPact and of course, it's LPs_little clip.  It can make "Pact" confusing and leaving us unsure if just which of us a person is addressing.

Ma'am can also be acceptable depending on the circumstances.  My personal opinion of Goddess is that it's rather ridiculous.  I'm not a deity.

There's your proper protocol lesson for the day.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/24/2011 3:34:38 AM >


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MistressLilliana)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 4:13:17 AM   
Delilya


Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline
I always enjoy your posts LP. Have so much still to learn and you are a wealth of information. Thank you for taking the time.

_____________________________

“Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions, accept me without changes, desire me without inhibitions"-Dick Sutphen

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 7:18:26 AM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
I don't like it either. In fact it says not to call me Mistress right on my profile.

If someone addresses me that way anyway I block & delete, no matter how nice the rest of their letter or profile is.



_____________________________

"Biting is excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner!"-- The Doctor's Wife

"...Open your eyes
And see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself..."

(in reply to Sherrr)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 7:25:23 AM   
ourmsbetty


Posts: 266
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
Lady Pact,

Thank you for sharing this.

I found it very interesting.

(I'd say more but my coffee hasn't kicked in yet...)


_____________________________

"Biting is excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner!"-- The Doctor's Wife

"...Open your eyes
And see who I am
And not who you want for me to be
I am only myself..."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 10:11:36 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
My name works. I ask politely that they not use Mistress, and if they pay attention, bonus!

Ma'am, Miss, other courteous titles are fine.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to MistressLilliana)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/24/2011 10:27:05 PM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
I think that the video posted by kalikshama is a great representation of why I find 'Mistress' offensive rather than productive/complimentary or almost anything positive.

That video is so close to the majority of my encounters with subs for more than 28 years, that I might as well have sent it instead of anything I had to say or even face to face encounters.

Mistress, Goddess, Empress, all of them immediately discount the value of whoever is contacting me. 

I long ago made a concession to the majority that need to objectify me while denying it, but it's at least usable in public and another benefit.

If it wasn't such an ingrained piece of the culture and mindset, I'd go with my name.  After all, if someone is submitting parts or all of their life to me, my name alone should have meaning.  Needing to refer to me with a label that homogenizes and dehumanizes me seems a contradiction and an insult.  But I have found that most of those that have tried to learn by reading, are so indoctrinated to treating dominants as a commodity as opposed to what they claim to feel, that they cannot relate without that anchor of a label.  They literally can't seem to connect without the insulting, demeaning and at this point meaningless, label, Mistress.


< Message edited by SurrenderForMe -- 10/24/2011 10:29:15 PM >

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/25/2011 6:31:28 AM   
LizDeluxe


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline
It doesn't bother me. I know a few women who make a big deal of it and the net result is that people tend to avoid them at meetings and munches and such. I like people to feel comfortable around me. Once we're alone there will be plenty of time for pomp and circumstance.

(in reply to Sherrr)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 10/31/2011 4:27:23 PM   
MistressMeltz


Posts: 124
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline
I dont mind being called Mistress as it is part of my name..Thats actually my preference. Being called a Goddess from time to time isnt bad either. Mistress Meltz is what I prefer though

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(in reply to MistressLilliana)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominant Ladies: How do you prefer to be addressed ... - 11/1/2011 3:52:24 PM   
axlsub


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/23/2011
Status: offline
hi, new to posting here. Iv always spoke to people as if iv already met them as people. I find it melts the ice quicker.IV always treated these threads and blogs as a sort of pub/bar. Just being polite and open always works for me, whatever the kind of bar im in. Hope that makes some sense?

(in reply to MistressMeltz)
Profile   Post #: 29
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