RE: Doms With Hard Limits

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DarkMstrs -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 12:56:59 PM)
As a Dom with Hard limits in the sexual area as well as out of it, I look for a slave that is willing to do or not do whatever I require, and that they're whole reason for living is to make their Doms/Masters happy in ALL areas. If you and your sub/slave have issues and limits that can't be accepted, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Remember though a slave shouldnt care about their wants.

Kedikat -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 12:57:21 PM)
A certain activity may not appeal to Me when I just see it or think about it. But if it is something that turns on My sub, that is a different thing all together. Then it takes on the added attraction of a tool to delight or deprive, erotically control and play. It would make a huge difference in My enjoyment of it by how she reacts to it. Some conceptual hard limits of Mine, might be opened up with the right reaction to them. I can't say what My hard limits might be, with the right partner.

ADomDoc -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 1:26:24 PM)
Soapbox time! -- When we were in High School, we were locked in together, it was easy to meet lots of others & we were all the same age ... our biggest problem in finding a match was someone w/ compatible interests & of our gender of choice. As we get older, we don't meet as many folks & an age gap becomes less important -- but we also pick up some other baggage (& experience) to make a match harder. But once we step off the main road & get into our individual kinks ... the chances for a match diminish geometrically. The basic mantra of all BdSmers is ... what I do is natural & normal ... what YOU do is sick, kinky, disgusting & perverse. Despite our common problem, there are few folks who are more judgmental than BdSmers esp when it comes to limits. We can expand our chances by WWW searches, but then we also have to filter out more freaks, wannabes & psychos. For myself ... I'm ok w/ my kinks ... I'm ok with yours ... but I choose to participate only w/ folks who have compatible interests & limits. Since I've been around the block at least 3 times on my tricycle & know the world, I'm pretty easy about differences AND having had multiple subs & slaves with very varied interests ... I've learned to appreciate new things & can play expertly in areas that would never have been my prime interests. I'll adapt to a sub who adapts to me ... we can meet in the middle somewhere. But was my scenic route to saying, don't hook up with someone with whom you don't share some basic essential common interests & limits. I've seen it hundreds of times ... most BdSm relationships start because of mutual interests ... mutual BdSm interests ... spankos, bondage or latex, fisting or needles. But it starts just on sexual interests. If you don't have the basic common interests (kids vs no kids, smoking & drinking ok vs non-smoking alcoholics, spiritual views, political views, activity preferences (museums & 5 star hotels vs camping & skiing, couch potato vs clubbing, etc), then the odds that you will break up within 3-6 months are extremely high. You can try to push the river, but your chances of making a square peg fit into a round hole is not likely. So you have the ultimate choice of going back to mundane relationships or continue to try to find a compatible kinky match. For myself, I've had many, better than average long term successes. Now that I'm an old fart, I'm not willing to settle on a 2nd rate relationship which will aggravate me for another 10 yrs ... I'll wait til I can find a compatible sub (or slave) or I'll enjoy my life without one. (That being a separate topic ... being alone does not have to be lonely. And finally being secure in yourself & able to enjoy life that does not depend upon someone else.) I'll admit that sharing the joys of life, & introducing someone to joys I've found in the past ... from Torroncino to Chinaco & Sangrita, from Kloster Andechs to the Jeu de Paume, from Cloud 9 to Patcherkofel, etc. (No ... I don't expect anyone to know what I am referring to. That would be my point.) But for me ... being trapped in either a mundane relationship OR an incompatible BdSm relationship is no longer an option. I'm going to enjoy my life ... if a compatible sub comes along, so much the better. ADomDoc SanAntonio

agirl -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 1:26:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkMstrs As a Dom with Hard limits in the sexual area as well as out of it, I look for a slave that is willing to do or not do whatever I require, and that they're whole reason for living is to make their Doms/Masters happy in ALL areas. If you and your sub/slave have issues and limits that can't be accepted, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Remember though a slave shouldnt care about their wants. That's an interesting notion......maybe just a little myopic. I think it might be that YOUR slave shouldn't care about her wants...and what it is to be a slave to YOU.

LadyHugs -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 1:32:26 PM)
Dear truesub4u, Ladies and Gentlemen; Thank you for starting this thread, as it is usually shoved to the back as to what hard limits dominants have. If I meet the possible canidate, I want to see if they are the same person that was typing to me for days, weeks, months, etc. And, believe me--I get a lot of men who do not express things that they want to do. This is why I don't have the desire to express my likes and dislikes up front, so they don't change their approach. My hard limits are; No Kids, No Animals use, No Criminals, No Druggies, No Alcoholics, No Brats, No Age-Players, No Smokers, No femme men. And, there is no compromises here. Pretty common really. I do have preferences in regards how to lead my leather lifestyle. So, I seek those people who best fits those interests. But, I also want to know the person beyond the scene. Habits, food, beverage, body maintainence, music, hobby interests influence me as well. When I collar a slave/submissive, I collar the total package. I don't participate in a lot of areas within the lifestyle but, I also find the same in the slave/submissive who don't really participate in things I enjoy. So, if I do not find a slave/submissive who enjoys and is willing to participate in things I want to do, I would prefer to remain solo. I don't need a slave/submissive sitting at home doing nothing to help me in my interests. How I select my slave, is seeing the big picture. How is that slave in vanilla situations, in scene situations and in private. Since I give presentations and demonstrations, it is important for me to find a slave that has the same interests in education as I do. That is why I prefer a servant slave over a sex slave, to which it seems there is an extra surplus. In addition, I do want to find a slave or two, to grow old with. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

Dom4me2 -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 1:33:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper quote: So here's my answer: i think if the want/need/desire is deep enough, the answer must be "no". Anything else is like trying to eat the bowl and not the ice cream....ultimately, those appetites will become a wedge between U/us. JMO. candystripper I totally agree

Sab -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 3:10:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross We all really have the same choice in the end: Is this what will make us fulfilled in the long term? I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who feels they are compromising who they are. Not only won't it work, but for me, that's not actual respect or love. Love and respect for me means giving someone the freedom to get what they really need to be fulfilled- even if it means that's not you. I honestly don't think I could say it any better myself. I know/knew when we first met there would that 'special' something, that click that defies all logic and is 'just there'. Now that I am moving to be with her there is no stopping us being as free as we wish - and this lifestyle allowed her to be who she really wanted to be - herself! Her limits are respected as are mine - so yes, I would say that Dom's do have hard limits, and those limits are part of that relationship that has been nurtured over time. The expanding of the limits of a sub, mine in particular is an ongoing process. She does have limits that we have agreed upon - and she respects that I have mine. These limits are personal to us - and that is how I feel it should be.

Kirei -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 3:31:36 PM)
If I really like a dominant and we talk I get as much information as I can, both good and bad. That way I can really think of is this right for me. A good example I have this little slave outfit I made, I am making another one. It helps to put me into my head space at times. Yet I have had dominants say I can't wear that ever. If something like that becomes a hard limit for them..then the talk is over and the situation is not right. I could deal without the knife play....I hate not having it, because I love it....but I am willing to look at the whole picture if they are as well. Koneko

truesub4u -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 4:42:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wickad Hello, Have you considered 'going outside' for your satisfaction. As an example: If you are into fisting and totally taken with your new Dominant and he is totally against the idea... have you discussed his finding a Dominant (male or female) that he trusts to do the act for him. He might be in the room or he might simply have pre-arranged with the 'secondary' Dominant how the scene will play out. Just because a submissive and 'their' Dominant do not match up on 'every' kink does not mean they cannot have a successful fullfilling life. Sometimes, it's the differences that make the relationship work. Wickad PS - and wouldn't it be fun to have to re-late all the details of your 'fisting' experience back to your Dominant. He of course would have already seen the tape so you couldn't leave out any embarassing details - lol. Firstly...... i'm not owned...secondly... I do not believe in going outside a realtionship. But then that' just me and my way... not everyones.

DavidS8ist -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 4:44:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u <snip> I was curious.....specially where pain lovers are concerned. You meet someone you are totally smitten with. Everything up till now is going too good. So you know anytime now, the wrench is going to be tossed in and put a small or possibly large hole in it all. When the topic finally comes up....you find out your likes and dislikes are like night and day. We mostly all agree that sex isn't the thing that makes the entire dynamics of a D/s and or M/s relationship. But we know it is very nice added bonus for most of us. So when limits start getting laid out. And you find out that it's the Dom with hard limits. How do you respond to this? Let me see if I can restate this....... ok submissive/slave.....(this is only a hypathetic situation) You meet Dom that you feel the power....the pull....the need...want....to submit to this one....and no other. You have had the joy of before feeling a knife laid upon you breast and or backside. But you find out this new dom despises knives at all. You're into water sports.....this dom is not. You're into fisting....this dom isn't. <snip> Now this question is about respecting the Doms Hard Limits. I've often wondered if a Dom must respect the slaves limits.... is it something they can do without from now on? Can the submissive/slaves live from now on with something they now know they'll never get again as well? We see where a dom might push limits...how does a sub/slave try to reach limits...without appearing to top from the bottom? <snip> I figured I would ask about changing ones limits....specially when it's the dom with hard limits...and not the submissives and slaves? So I am curious....can each one Dom or slave....just give up all feelings.....for the "right one"......and live feeling hollow.....unfullfilled...lie when asked happy....just to be with this one....???? Interesting question. Now. Let's throw away the meaningless terms "dom" and "sub/slave" and replace them with "owner" and "property" as opposed to "top" and "bottom." If it's a top/bottom interaction, the answer is simple. "Hey, jerkoff, I like XYZ and if you want ABC, you're gonna give me XYZ." On the other hand, if it's an "owner/property" interaction, one would hope the two people have done their due diligence and arrived at a place of ethical commonality wherein they understand that what one wants the other gives and it's not a vice versa situation. If in that case the "property" person can't live with that, oh f'in well. The door works in two directions. My point? Before you commit, make sure the person to whom you're committing shares the same wants and needs you have to offer and what they have to offer is what you want and need! If not, make sure you can live with the mutual denial. Because that ain't a river in Egypt. Due diligence as equals first obviates a lot of pain and disappointment later. D.

truesub4u -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 5:04:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkMstrs As a Dom with Hard limits in the sexual area as well as out of it, I look for a slave that is willing to do or not do whatever I require, and that they're whole reason for living is to make their Doms/Masters happy in ALL areas. If you and your sub/slave have issues and limits that can't be accepted, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Remember though a slave shouldnt care about their wants. Yeah...ok.... and when the slave quits caring ..... you remember that you said that too. Not knocking the ones that can live in fantasy land while living reality...but it's not for everyone. So there for I'm gonna disagree with your statement of a slave shouldn't care about their wants. When one stops caring in one area....others are bound to follow. And one day...that slave will stop caring about you too.... Oh and in case you've not noticed... i'm not a typical submissive and or slave.. I'll not hold back and let you or anyone else know when my bullshit meter is going batty.

truesub4u -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 5:23:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist Oh and in case you've not noticed... i'm not a typical submissive and or slave.. I'll not hold back and let you or anyone else know when my bullshit meter is going batty. D. Damn..... I have finally seen the light.... there seems to be more and more out there....that seem to think.... that they're all alone in a damn relationship. All the submissive is there for is when one feels like being king for a moment. Because from what i'm seeing here....and on other threads... I'm Tarzan...you Jane...now go tend to cheeta. Unless i'm wanting my cock sucked...or want to spank your ass... you mean not a damn thing to me. (not everyones coming across like this...so don't get panties in a wad) For those that like to live in relationships like that... hey to each their own... but do not assume everyones into that. I'm a submissive from my very soul .....doesn't mean submissive equals no feelings... no needs... no wants.. no desires. And no sexual desires either. And yes David...one should do homework before entering any relationship. There I totally agree. But when that door swings...better move your ass alot quicker...because it will hit you in ass on way out the door if you come in thinking it's all one way..or no way.

juliaoceania -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 5:40:02 PM)
I would get to know what a dominant was into before getting that hot and bothered for them. I know this may sound cold, but when I am looking for someone now I really listen to what they say and not what I want them to say. I do not get close enough to be disappointed right away. I usually will talk with several doms when I am looking for one special dom so that I can maintain some distance while I get to know them all. I find out about fantasies and limits and expectations soon after talking to someone. It is not like a sexual thing so much as it is.. "This is what I am into, what are you into?". If I have a list of things I want, and they arent interested, well I am not going to pursue it past a friendship level. It happened to me a couple of months ago, there was an attractive nice guy that showed me interest, but he was into bondage and was not a sadist at all... well, that showed me we were not on the same page. It hasnt been much of an issue for me though

DavidS8ist -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 5:46:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u quote: ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist Oh and in case you've not noticed... i'm not a typical submissive and or slave.. I'll not hold back and let you or anyone else know when my bullshit meter is going batty. D. Damn..... I have finally seen the light.... there seems to be more and more out there....that seem to think.... that they're all alone in a damn relationship. All the submissive is there for is when one feels like being king for a moment. Because from what i'm seeing here....and on other threads... I'm Tarzan...you Jane...now go tend to cheeta. Unless i'm wanting my cock sucked...or want to spank your ass... you mean not a damn thing to me. (not everyones coming across like this...so don't get panties in a wad) For those that like to live in relationships like that... hey to each their own... but do not assume everyones into that. I'm a submissive from my very soul .....doesn't mean submissive equals no feelings... no needs... no wants.. no desires. And no sexual desires either. And yes David...one should do homework before entering any relationship. There I totally agree. But when that door swings...better move your ass alot quicker...because it will hit you in ass on way out the door if you come in thinking it's all one way..or no way. Whoa, True! First, I don't mind being quoted, but dayam, you pulled some weird jou-jou putting my name to words I never posted! Second, I think I made it perfectly clear that how I view submission is particular to me and that said, it's an absolute state. I don't see it as equivocated, negotiated, modulated, moderated, monitored, or contracted. And yes. It's. About. Me. But neither do I see it as a casual endeavor. Are there other types of relationships? Of course! Are they equally as valid? You betcha! But once someone offers themself up to me, they damned well better know that it's a give all situation. Which means, they'd better have met me eye to eye, equal to equal, and come to a place where they can't not submit everything. That's me. Your world has every right to operate under different rules. And every relationship needs nothing more than to be self-validating. D.

juliaoceania -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 6:01:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHugs Dear truesub4u, Ladies and Gentlemen; If I meet the possible canidate, I want to see if they are the same person that was typing to me for days, weeks, months, etc. And, believe me--I get a lot of men who do not express things that they want to do. This is why I don't have the desire to express my likes and dislikes up front, so they don't change their approach. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs Dominant men change their approach if they think that they have to in order to get a submissive's attention. That is why when I was looking I did not put anything in my profile about limits as such, because I did not want them to change what they said they were into based on this information. I do not know if they are really "dominants" if they do such things, or just wanting to "date" what they think are kinky women...lol, either way when I was looking I did not want to deal with them changing their story from their profile, and that has happened to me QUITE a bit...smiles

candystripper -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 6:44:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkMstrs As a Dom with Hard limits in the sexual area as well as out of it, I look for a slave that is willing to do or not do whatever I require, and that they're whole reason for living is to make their Doms/Masters happy in ALL areas. If you and your sub/slave have issues and limits that can't be accepted, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Remember though a slave shouldnt care about their wants. quote: Yeah...ok.... and when the slave quits caring ..... you remember that you said that too. Not knocking the ones that can live in fantasy land while living reality...but it's not for everyone. So there for I'm gonna disagree with your statement of a slave shouldn't care about their wants. When one stops caring in one area....others are bound to follow. And one day...that slave will stop caring about you too.... Oh and in case you've not noticed... i'm not a typical submissive and or slave.. I'll not hold back and let you or anyone else know when my bullshit meter is going batty. truesub4u i just love your posts, true. Your bulls**t meter and mine are evidentially at nearly the same set points, lmao. candystripper

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 6:50:16 PM)
Basically true..it comes down to simply how important are the differences?..If your hard limits are such that a Dom would rather look further ,then obviously they were important..and the same with his hard limits if they are important to you and mean more to you in the long run then said Dom then you too need to look further..He may float your boat in everything but one...so is that one thing the deal breaker?..Thats a decision the two must make...be well..Tempting

truesub4u -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/25/2006 7:38:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u quote: ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist Oh and in case you've not noticed... i'm not a typical submissive and or slave.. I'll not hold back and let you or anyone else know when my bullshit meter is going batty. D. Damn..... I have finally seen the light.... there seems to be more and more out there....that seem to think.... that they're all alone in a damn relationship. All the submissive is there for is when one feels like being king for a moment. Because from what i'm seeing here....and on other threads... I'm Tarzan...you Jane...now go tend to cheeta. Unless i'm wanting my cock sucked...or want to spank your ass... you mean not a damn thing to me. (not everyones coming across like this...so don't get panties in a wad) For those that like to live in relationships like that... hey to each their own... but do not assume everyones into that. I'm a submissive from my very soul .....doesn't mean submissive equals no feelings... no needs... no wants.. no desires. And no sexual desires either. And yes David...one should do homework before entering any relationship. There I totally agree. But when that door swings...better move your ass alot quicker...because it will hit you in ass on way out the door if you come in thinking it's all one way..or no way. Whoa, True! First, I don't mind being quoted, but dayam, you pulled some weird jou-jou putting my name to words I never posted! Second, I think I made it perfectly clear that how I view submission is particular to me and that said, it's an absolute state. I don't see it as equivocated, negotiated, modulated, moderated, monitored, or contracted. And yes. It's. About. Me. But neither do I see it as a casual endeavor. Are there other types of relationships? Of course! Are they equally as valid? You betcha! But once someone offers themself up to me, they damned well better know that it's a give all situation. Which means, they'd better have met me eye to eye, equal to equal, and come to a place where they can't not submit everything. That's me. Your world has every right to operate under different rules. And every relationship needs nothing more than to be self-validating. D. David...I so stand corrected....CM and i didn't get along earlier....and I had to come back in Explorer....when I started with Mozilla Firefox. So I do appologize for my fuck up. You didn't state what I quoted ...... that was my quote to DarkMstrs earlier.. I am truely sorry for the screw up..... So that all know..... David did NOT state what I quoted when responding to his response. I do appologize for the screw up. Walks off mumbling about zilla and explorer.....

DavidS8ist -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/26/2006 4:16:07 AM)
TrueSub sigs her post:"Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it. " And I add, "...And Luck is getting away with it!" ;) D.

cynthiamarie -> RE: Doms With Hard Limits (5/26/2006 7:20:15 AM)
Ah, your question voiced what I have been concerned about, and what I've been dealing with. So many approach me and I find that our needs often clash. Mine are mild, since I'm new and will not dabble in things I'm not comfortable with. I'm a Domme with many hard limits, lol. I also have a teenager, and once I've warned someone of my hard limits and why (no, they can't wear sissy maid outfits up to their ass in front of my son, nor prance around the house naked, etc.) and they can't respect them and try to negotiate on this, I've had to send them on their way. Same thing goes for rope bondage and leaving marks...I'm taking things one step at a time while I study until I'm satisfied, and then taking things very slowly. I've even made my own vinyl cuffs with industrial strength velcro because I've wanted quick release, without wasting time to undo buckles, or untie ropes. Later on things may be different...the look and smell of leather is...mmm. I've had to turn people away who wanted suspension, or to be hogtied while I left them to go shopping. One of my hard limits is leaving a sub alone while they're tied up...I don't see that ever changing. Aside from all the average concerns, I was on the top floor of a burning building once, and had to get my toddler and three cats (stuffed them into pillow cases) out through 4 flights of black smoke in the early a.m. hours. There is no way on earth I'd leave someone helpless and not under my watchful eyes. Other hard limits I have...I don't share. Hundreds have approached me in this past year wanting to be kept in permanent chastity and/or "forced" to be cuckold, fluff girl, and cleanup crew of assorted genital parts. I am not into having someone of mine service another male, and I wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of sharing my property with another female...unless it was strictly non-sexual service oriented...like having him do yardwork or help with a party. I'm not poly, can you tell? smiles I expect a one on one, with no chastity unless I'm merely using it to torment him wide evil grin or as a tool to get an attitude adjustment. If a sub wants an orgasmless life, then we would be a mismatch. Some are obsessed (did I shout that loud enough?) with strapons...which I dislike. It's not a hard limit with me, but in my yellow; I prefer using other things. It has to develop into a love thing, or I won't be happy. I'm up all night reading entire threads and posting, so I apologize in advance if my mind hops and skitters about in an annoyingly blonde way. grins Anyway, given the deluge of male subs I've experienced who will fling themselves at just any female without bothering to see what kind of person she is first...nor checking to see if their needs would be met...it's my opinion that most fem subs are more careful about who they are handing their future over to, than are the males who approach me. I've had some male subs call off talking with me, saying that they just want to get lost in their submissive feelings and not learn so much about safety. Like I'm obsessive or something. [:D] Subs I'm interested in must understand everything, and I give links we both read, including all possible damage and all safeties for play they are interested in, or I don't take it that I have their informed consent. I don't care if they played with someone else and left it all in their Dominant's hands before...I'm not their ex. My sub side will say a few words now. grins As a sub, I would have followed wherever he led me (I'm referring to someone who almost collared me) even though the heavier sadism he enjoyed scared me to death. I had faith in him that he wouldn't break me, and/or that he could put everything to rights in my world if he pushed me too far by accident. I was so raw and new that there was no way our limits could match, but I hit into a limit of his once, and he came up with a compromise that would satisfy my needs, if not my wants. I trusted him and respected him more because of this. Other things got in the way, and he did the right thing for both of us...he chose someone else. Ah, it's now 10:14 a.m. and I need to get to bed...night all.

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