RE: On day 1 (Full Version)

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kalikshama -> RE: On day 1 (10/28/2011 2:45:34 PM)

quote:

Perhaps I should have asked how people got started. I mean this isn't your typical online dating site or am I the crazy one.


It actually is a lot like regular dating except you know going in the other person isn't completely vanilla.

ps - I just read your profile. Sounds like you are relatively new, in which case I think you should start with a sub before taking the responsibility of a slave. You have to crawl before you can walk.

I recommend you go to some local events and see how BDSM couples interact IRL.








Awareness -> RE: On day 1 (10/29/2011 6:47:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: orimotis69

So I've been reading some of the experiences other masters have had and I was wondering what happens on day 1. What I mean is, say you meet some girl on CM and you had a conversation with them and then you want to meet in person. What happens then?

After having multiple conversations and getting to know each other, both the master and the submissive decide they want to through with this. what happens then?

I know these are broad questions but I'm a geek and I like to understand details.
  Dude, you're not a fucking master.  Give up and go back to being vanilla.

Honestly, this is another 98%er situation.



orimotis69 -> RE: On day 1 (10/29/2011 10:36:34 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Perhaps I should have asked how people got started. I mean this isn't your typical online dating site or am I the crazy one.


It actually is a lot like regular dating except you know going in the other person isn't completely vanilla.

ps - I just read your profile. Sounds like you are relatively new, in which case I think you should start with a sub before taking the responsibility of a slave. You have to crawl before you can walk.

I recommend you go to some local events and see how BDSM couples interact IRL.


I feel you.
It's a bit harder for me to go to these events because, 1. I don't have a car, 2. I have to take public transit(for now at least) which is a bitch to do not to mention the cost. But don't get me wrong I would like to go. I probably won't be dressing up in anything either.



daveWSmaster -> RE: On day 1 (11/4/2011 1:57:17 PM)

I have found that a leap straight into dom/sub or whatever the play is works far better than a coffee then....
Of course this requires a huge level of trust and not a little risk. As a result this never works for me before a considerable time on the phone.



OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/4/2011 2:31:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daveWSmaster

I have found that a leap straight into dom/sub or whatever the play is works far better than a coffee then....
Of course this requires a huge level of trust and not a little risk. As a result this never works for me before a considerable time on the phone.
Not a chance in hell I'm going to jump into Dom/sub on the first meeting when I haven't even decided if I like you enough to even see you a second time.



GrandMasterChet -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 7:40:30 AM)

For a new meeting with a SUB:

BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities?

When asked what will happen I always reply the same...we will sit and talk a bit...if YOU want it to go further (YOU being a sub or slave) YOU can be in charge this time. After we play a bit, when YOU are comfortable, YOU pass control over to me. YOU are always free to get up and leave even if it's as soon as YOU arrive. NO PRESSURE EVER !

The results have run from barely getting in the door and (a newbie) saying..."I'm sorry...I was wrong...this isn't for me" to a full blown heated session

**************************************************************************************************************************************************
For a first meeting with a slave:

So far I have found NO SLAVE (and I mean for a 24/7/365 TPE) to be real. My answer would be get the preliminaries out of the way and an understanding of what all parties expect (I have a polyamorous household). I offer leading questions to discover their sincerity (such as "what is your relocation plan?") and we talk in intimate detail about
expectations
**************************************************************************************************************************************************

hope that helps



OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 9:07:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

I always insist on meeting at my place.
Not a chance in hell that I'd do that. It's not safe.



DarkSteven -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 9:10:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

I always insist on meeting at my place.
Not a chance in hell that I'd do that. It's not safe.



And you're not alone.  Hell, even suggesting a first time meeting at his place will blacken a Dom's reputation.



kalikshama -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 9:43:55 AM)

quote:

BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities?


Several posters get around the time wasters by telling potentials what kink events they will be attending. You're there anyway, so not wasting time. Others go to Starbucks and bring a book. I have no interest in a Dom too lazy to put some clothes on and drive to a coffee shop.

I've never not showed and never had no shows.

I did the first meet at someone's place and will never, ever, do that again, and spend a lot of time suggesting to others that they do the traditional vanilla first meeting.



OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 9:50:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I have no interest in a Dom too lazy to put some clothes on and drive to a coffee shop.


The irony here is that he expects the submissive to trust him enough to go to his home, putting her safety at risk.

When he doesn't trust her enough to show up at coffee shop and all that's at risk is convenience.
         




tj444 -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 10:18:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
I have no interest in a Dom too lazy to put some clothes on and drive to a coffee shop.

The irony here is that he expects the submissive to trust him enough to go to his home, putting her safety at risk.

When he doesn't trust her enough to show up at coffee shop and all that's at risk is convenience.

I have had guys insist on meeting in public for coffee and not at his place, guys can be at risk too (mostly robbery but could be more too), after all. Or the female could just be out and out crazy or a drug user or off her meds..

For me it would be a lot of public meetings first and then his place but no sex for a long time until i got to know the real him.. But I am looking for a long term relationship and so if a guy wont take the time i feel i need then he can just look elsewhere..



GrandMasterChet -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 11:47:58 AM)


I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference

also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have
a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on
DOMS at all...even "switches"...

guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 12:01:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet
I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference

also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have
a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on
DOMS at all...even "switches"...

guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over

Yeah, we kinda noticed you're a male.  Hard not to.  And it has nothing to do with you "not taking on Doms or switches".  It has to do with common sense for females who know either from first hand experience or incidents that have happened to friends what can happen when they decide to go to someone's house without meeting them first.

And it's also not about "ability to handle those we invite over".  It's about being smart and self-aware that not everyone in the world has the good intentions they convey on the phone.  No matter how long you've talked with them.  But hey, that's JMHO, nothing more, nothing less.  Take it for what it's worth, or throw it out with the bathwater. 



GrandMasterChet -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 12:15:31 PM)


I hear you...my not so well made point about looking for subs and slaves
is that they are a lot less agressive in the first place..if I smell agression at all
they are history....

never been a sub looking for a Master...that's a whole different ballgame



myotherself -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 12:16:13 PM)

Meeting a guy for the first time at his home is an absolute no-no for me. Not a snowball's chance in hell am I going to a guy's house when all I know is what he's told me on the telephone.

Hell, he's going to have to put up with some 'nilla dating before he finds out where I live!

Fortunately I found a man who actually made the effort to get to know me in person (after many months of chatting online and on the phone) before we got to the D/s stuff and the 'where do you live' stuff.

If he'd suggested I came round to his on the first meet, there wouldn't have been a first meet,



OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 1:47:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet


I hear you...my not so well made point about looking for subs and slaves
is that they are a lot less agressive in the first place..if I smell agression at all
they are history....

never been a sub looking for a Master...that's a whole different ballgame
What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Bottom line: You expect a female submissive to put her safety at risk by meeting at your place as a first meeting.



orimotis69 -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 2:03:18 PM)

wouldn't be easier for both parties to meet in a public place for a first meeting?

OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



tiggerspoohbear -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 2:24:51 PM)

Why make sense?  Apparently that doesn't count for much in some peoples worlds.  It's a mystery to me, but hey, I'm not the one who'd invite strangers into my house whether male OR female.  So there ya go.  MHO for what it's worth or not. [;)]



ourmsbetty -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 2:52:57 PM)

One of the best reasons for a public vanilla meet first is that it gets someone to relax and open up a bit. If you give them time to unwind a bit sooner or later they let interesting information drop.

Information that, once you do get them alone for play, can be very, very useful...




lizi -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 5:38:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daveWSmaster

I have found that a leap straight into dom/sub or whatever the play is works far better than a coffee then....
Of course this requires a huge level of trust and not a little risk. As a result this never works for me before a considerable time on the phone.


No way I'd ever jump straight into D/s at a first meeting. I need to meet someone and see if I like them, am attracted to them, feel submissive to them, can carry on a conversation with them before I submit to them. A considerable time on the phone is never a substitute for meeting someone in real life. If a man thought we'd do this I'd immediately cut off contact with him and move on. To me, it's a ridiculous thought. I've had too many first meetings that ranged from being mildly interesting to being get me the hell out of here now and yes, this is with phone time. Phone time doesn't preclude someone using a picture of himself weighing 80 lbs less, having rotten teeth, or just not finding a spark together.



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