RE: On day 1

RE: On day 1 (Full Version)

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kalikshama -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 5:46:25 PM)
[image]http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a277/leavinglv/whoosh-over-yr-head.jpg[/image]

lizi -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 7:10:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet For a new meeting with a SUB: BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities? When asked what will happen I always reply the same...we will sit and talk a bit...if YOU want it to go further (YOU being a sub or slave) YOU can be in charge this time. After we play a bit, when YOU are comfortable, YOU pass control over to me. YOU are always free to get up and leave even if it's as soon as YOU arrive. NO PRESSURE EVER ! The results have run from barely getting in the door and (a newbie) saying..."I'm sorry...I was wrong...this isn't for me" to a full blown heated session ************************************************************************************************************************************************ For a first meeting with a slave: So far I have found NO SLAVE (and I mean for a 24/7/365 TPE) to be real. My answer would be get the preliminaries out of the way and an understanding of what all parties expect (I have a polyamorous household). I offer leading questions to discover their sincerity (such as "what is your relocation plan?") and we talk in intimate detail about expectations ************************************************************************************************************************************************ hope that helps The fact that you think it's ok to suggest a first meeting at your house is staggeringly obtuse. The fact that you push for it so you don't waste time or effort is complete laziness and shows no thought to the person who is meeting you. The woman or man you are meeting is supposed to put their own personal regard for their safety aside so you can save a bit of time? Seriously? Did you ever think that the reason you have the no shows is because you're insisting on having them come to your home? They might be just agreeing to it with every intention of never showing up because it's way too much for a first meet.

GrandMasterChet -> RE: On day 1 (11/6/2011 7:28:53 PM)
it's simple 1) I merely stated MY opinion 2) I acknowledged that I am a male and it can be totally different for a female 3) If this is so risky.....don't play the lifestyle ? 4) Who is to say meeting in public is so safe? Ever hear of date rapes? BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character...meet somewhere public but don't kid yourself ....a sick pervert will find a way even in public

kalikshama -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 4:22:03 AM)
When lots of sub women, your target demographic, tell you to rethink your strategy, you might want to consider rethinking your strategy.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 5:00:37 AM)
i much prefer meeting people away from home at first. insistence that i come to someone's house would make me feel like they were intending to lead up to playing, which is also unlikely to be my concern on a first meet. to me, in the beginning, you're on more or less equal ground, and each person is responsible to seeing the meet through -- so yeah, you have to "inconvenience" yourself to leave your house. if getting to know me is an "inconvenience" for someone, then they're probably someone i don't want to know anyway...

lizi -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 6:13:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep <snip> so yeah, you have to "inconvenience" yourself to leave your house. if getting to know me is an "inconvenience" for someone, then they're probably someone i don't want to know anyway... Exactly. For some reason that statement about not wanting to be inconvenienced by simply leaving his house in order to meet someone just made my skin crawl. Honestly....to ask someone to put aside all of their concerns and come to your home just to meet you for the first flipping time is self absorption to the maximum degree. It's just utterly clueless to even ask for that. It says to me that the person has no idea how to watch out for me, or empathize with me, and there is no freaking way I'd get naked with such a person and let them have free access to me while doing dangerous things. To me, sitting on a stranger's couch and chatting is more danger than I would choose, as I have no idea if I trust that person yet. If someone ever wants to be up close and personal, they'd better let me select my own risk levels in the beginning. Accepting the inherent danger in BDSM is a turn-on for most of us, minimizing that danger as much as you can is imperative. Which is why many of us choose to form a bond with a one or a few select trusted individuals. The biggest thing for me in D/s or BDSM is trust. Form that with me and I'll do whatever the hell you want. I wouldn't even begin to trust someone who couldn't find it within themselves to leave their stupid house in order to meet me. Good God. OP, I've written about this before but here you go...I met my Dom here on CM. We chatted online, then we chatted by phone. After about a week we decided that we would like to meet each other and set up a date. In the past that's simply been having a cup of coffee, for whatever reason I was certain I'd like this particular man very much, and we set up a longer date right at the start. We went to a college basketball game, we walked around in a park for a while first. We liked each other and decided to extend the night by having dinner together. Simple stuff. No playing, no D/s, just two people meeting on equal ground and seeing how well they liked each other. I was left wanting to see him again. After seeing that we both wanted to meet again, after a LOT of discussion we decided to play the next time. It went well. This was in a neutral setting, we went to a hotel. Our progression may be too quick for you, see how things go after you meet someone and how you feel about going forward.

OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 7:02:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character... So, you aren't a good enough judge of character to determine if they're not a scammer or a fake, so you won't bother to make any effort to meet in public. quote: ORIGINAL: lizi For some reason that statement about not wanting to be inconvenienced by simply leaving his house in order to meet someone just made my skin crawl. Honestly....to ask someone to put aside all of their concerns and come to your home just to meet you for the first flipping time is self absorption to the maximum degree. <snip> Accepting the inherent danger in BDSM is a turn-on for most of us, minimizing that danger as much as you can is imperative. Which is why many of us choose to form a bond with a one or a few select trusted individuals. The biggest thing for me in D/s or BDSM is trust. Form that with me and I'll do whatever the hell you want. I wouldn't even begin to trust someone who couldn't find it within themselves to leave their stupid house in order to meet me. Good God. This to the Nth degree.....

searching4mysir -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 12:31:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on DOMS at all...even "switches"... guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over You must specialize in playing with stupid women, because otherwise they wouldn't step foot in your home before meeting you first. If nothing has happened to them, they have been lucky and it is only a matter of time before they get seriously hurt.

OsideGirl -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 1:31:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet it's simple 1) I merely stated MY opinion And we stated our opinion, that as a female, that's not safe. quote: 2) I acknowledged that I am a male and it can be totally different for a female Which has nothing to do with any of this. Yes, you're a male. It's still not safe for a female submissive to go to a strangers house. quote: 3) If this is so risky.....don't play the lifestyle ? So, you equate the lifestyle with the possibility of getting raped? Bottom line: even on a vanilla website I wouldn't advocate a female have a first meeting at a males house. It has nothing to do with the lifestyle. quote: 4) Who is to say meeting in public is so safe? Ever hear of date rapes? Date rapes don't happen on the floor of a coffee shop. It happens in cars and private areas. So, yes....public places are far safer than meeting a complete stranger in his home. quote: BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character Again, I'll reiterate that you come on here advocating that women become a good judge of character, when you can't judge if someone is a scammer or a fake. quote: ...meet somewhere public but don't kid yourself ....a sick pervert will find a way even in public Just because a sick pervert will find a way in public doesn't mean that you should throw common sense and caution to the wind.

mnottertail -> RE: On day 1 (11/7/2011 2:12:44 PM)
So, did otis make a day 2 yet?

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 10:23:59 AM)
Meh, who knows?? [8D]

orimotis69 -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 11:56:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail So, did otis make a day 2 yet? No not yet.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 3:10:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on DOMS at all...even "switches"... guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over You must specialize in playing with stupid women, because otherwise they wouldn't step foot in your home before meeting you first. If nothing has happened to them, they have been lucky and it is only a matter of time before they get seriously hurt. Hell, he is lucky that some wacko broad hasn't brought a gun and robbed him or worse. At least, the way he does things, if he does meet a wacko, she will know exactly where he lives when she sneaks over there at midnight, with a her bag containing a scalpel, rope, cool-whip, coonskin cap, Cheetos and some great CBT movies. Good times!

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 5:57:00 PM)
[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 6:07:01 PM)
quote: Hell, he is lucky that some wacko broad hasn't brought a gun and robbed him or worse. At least, the way he does things, if he does meet a wacko, she will know exactly where he lives when she sneaks over there at midnight, with a her bag containing a scalpel, rope, cool-whip, coonskin cap, Cheetos and some great CBT movies. Good times quoted because it's just to fucking funny. Damn I love you jas!

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 6:10:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet For a new meeting with a SUB: BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities? When asked what will happen I always reply the same...we will sit and talk a bit...if YOU want it to go further (YOU being a sub or slave) YOU can be in charge this time. After we play a bit, when YOU are comfortable, YOU pass control over to me. YOU are always free to get up and leave even if it's as soon as YOU arrive. NO PRESSURE EVER ! The results have run from barely getting in the door and (a newbie) saying..."I'm sorry...I was wrong...this isn't for me" to a full blown heated session ************************************************************************************************************************************************ For a first meeting with a slave: So far I have found NO SLAVE (and I mean for a 24/7/365 TPE) to be real. My answer would be get the preliminaries out of the way and an understanding of what all parties expect (I have a polyamorous household). I offer leading questions to discover their sincerity (such as "what is your relocation plan?") and we talk in intimate detail about expectations ************************************************************************************************************************************************ hope that helps Yeah it helps. You've just excluded yourself from meeting any half sane woman. You just saved them a lot of time.

stacey4u2luv -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 6:25:30 PM)
Yikes I would never meet a man the very first time at his place. Firstly it is risky enough to allow a man to you home knowing where you are and live but at least that is your own territory that you are familiar with. Now expecting a woman/sub to go to a Doms place alone sounds to me to be much riskier you have no idea what he has there being the weaker sex too. YIKES Sure but only once trust is gained, but right from the first. no no no no

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 6:43:42 PM)
You subbie chicks just don't get it -- he's Grand Master Chet. Once you pronounce yourself a Grand Master, you don't have to care. It's all about him and what he feels comfortable with. He is, after all, a superior being. Shessssssssh.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: On day 1 (11/8/2011 7:25:29 PM)
Chatte, I thinks I lubs you! [;)]

TheFireWithinMe -> RE: On day 1 (11/9/2011 2:44:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt You subbie chicks just don't get it -- he's Grand Master Chet. Once you pronounce yourself a Grand Master, you don't have to care. It's all about him and what he feels comfortable with. He is, after all, a superior being. Shessssssssh. I would bow down to him but my doctor told me it's bad for my knees.

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