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RE: On day 1 - 11/6/2011 5:46:25 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: On day 1 - 11/6/2011 7:10:47 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

For a new meeting with a SUB:

BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities?

When asked what will happen I always reply the same...we will sit and talk a bit...if YOU want it to go further (YOU being a sub or slave) YOU can be in charge this time. After we play a bit, when YOU are comfortable, YOU pass control over to me. YOU are always free to get up and leave even if it's as soon as YOU arrive. NO PRESSURE EVER !

The results have run from barely getting in the door and (a newbie) saying..."I'm sorry...I was wrong...this isn't for me" to a full blown heated session

**************************************************************************************************************************************************
For a first meeting with a slave:

So far I have found NO SLAVE (and I mean for a 24/7/365 TPE) to be real. My answer would be get the preliminaries out of the way and an understanding of what all parties expect (I have a polyamorous household). I offer leading questions to discover their sincerity (such as "what is your relocation plan?") and we talk in intimate detail about
expectations
**************************************************************************************************************************************************

hope that helps



The fact that you think it's ok to suggest a first meeting at your house is staggeringly obtuse. The fact that you push for it so you don't waste time or effort is complete laziness and shows no thought to the person who is meeting you. The woman or man you are meeting is supposed to put their own personal regard for their safety aside so you can save a bit of time? Seriously?

Did you ever think that the reason you have the no shows is because you're insisting on having them come to your home? They might be just agreeing to it with every intention of never showing up because it's way too much for a first meet.

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: On day 1 - 11/6/2011 7:28:53 PM   
GrandMasterChet


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/28/2011
Status: offline
it's simple

1) I merely stated MY opinion

2) I acknowledged that I am a male and it can be totally different for a female

3) If this is so risky.....don't play the lifestyle ?

4) Who is to say meeting in public is so safe? Ever hear of date rapes?

BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character...meet somewhere public
but don't kid yourself ....a sick pervert will find a way even in public

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 4:22:03 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		When lots of sub women, your target demographic, tell you to rethink your strategy, you might want to consider rethinking your strategy.

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 5:00:37 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i much prefer meeting people away from home at first. insistence that i come to someone's house would make me feel like they were intending to lead up to playing, which is also unlikely to be my concern on a first meet.

to me, in the beginning, you're on more or less equal ground, and each person is responsible to seeing the meet through -- so yeah, you have to "inconvenience" yourself to leave your house. if getting to know me is an "inconvenience" for someone, then they're probably someone i don't want to know anyway...


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 6:13:33 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

<snip>  so yeah, you have to "inconvenience" yourself to leave your house. if getting to know me is an "inconvenience" for someone, then they're probably someone i don't want to know anyway...



Exactly.
For some reason that statement about not wanting to be inconvenienced by simply leaving his house in order to meet someone just made my skin crawl. Honestly....to ask someone to put aside all of their concerns and come to your home just to meet you for the first flipping time is self absorption to the maximum degree. It's just utterly clueless to even ask for that. It says to me that the person has no idea how to watch out for me, or empathize with me, and there is no freaking way I'd get naked with such a person and let them have free access to me while doing dangerous things. To me, sitting on a stranger's couch and chatting is more danger than I would choose, as I have no idea if I trust that person yet. If someone ever wants to be up close and personal, they'd better let me select my own risk levels in the beginning.

Accepting the inherent danger in BDSM is a turn-on for most  of us, minimizing that danger as much as you can is imperative. Which is why many of us choose to form a bond with a one or a few select trusted individuals. The biggest thing for me in D/s or BDSM is trust. Form that with me and I'll do whatever the hell you want. I wouldn't even begin to trust someone who couldn't find it within themselves to leave their stupid house in order to meet me. Good God.

OP, I've written about this before but here you go...I met my Dom here on CM. We chatted online, then we chatted by phone. After about a week we decided that we would like to meet each other and set up a date. In the past that's simply been having a cup of coffee, for whatever reason I was certain I'd like this particular man very much, and we set up a longer date right at the start. We went to a college basketball game, we walked around in a park for a while first. We liked each other and decided to extend the night by having dinner together. Simple stuff. No playing, no D/s, just two people meeting on equal ground and seeing how well they liked each other. I was left wanting to see him again.

After seeing that we both wanted to meet again, after a LOT of discussion we decided to play the next time. It went well. This was in a neutral setting, we went to a hotel. Our progression may be too quick for you, see how things go after you meet someone and how you feel about going forward.

< Message edited by lizi -- 11/7/2011 6:18:03 AM >

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 7:02:59 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet


BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character...
So, you aren't a good enough judge of character to determine if they're not a scammer or a fake, so you won't bother to make any effort to meet in public.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi


For some reason that statement about not wanting to be inconvenienced by simply leaving his house in order to meet someone just made my skin crawl. Honestly....to ask someone to put aside all of their concerns and come to your home just to meet you for the first flipping time is self absorption to the maximum degree. <snip>

Accepting the inherent danger in BDSM is a turn-on for most  of us, minimizing that danger as much as you can is imperative. Which is why many of us choose to form a bond with a one or a few select trusted individuals. The biggest thing for me in D/s or BDSM is trust. Form that with me and I'll do whatever the hell you want. I wouldn't even begin to trust someone who couldn't find it within themselves to leave their stupid house in order to meet me. Good God.
This to the Nth degree.....


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 12:31:52 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet


I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference

also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have
a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on
DOMS at all...even "switches"...

guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over


You must specialize in playing with stupid women, because otherwise they wouldn't step foot in your home before meeting you first. If nothing has happened to them, they have been lucky and it is only a matter of time before they get seriously hurt.

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 1:31:22 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet


it's simple

1) I merely stated MY opinion
And we stated our opinion, that as a female, that's not safe.

quote:

2) I acknowledged that I am a male and it can be totally different for a female
Which has nothing to do with any of this. Yes, you're a male. It's still not safe for a female submissive to go to a strangers house.

quote:

3) If this is so risky.....don't play the lifestyle ?
So, you equate the lifestyle with the possibility of getting raped? Bottom line: even on a vanilla website I wouldn't advocate a female have a first meeting at a males house. It has nothing to do with the lifestyle.

quote:

4) Who is to say meeting in public is so safe? Ever hear of date rapes?
Date rapes don't happen on the floor of a coffee shop. It happens in cars and private areas. So, yes....public places are far safer than meeting a complete stranger in his home.

quote:

BOTTOM LINE: learn to be a GREAT judge of character
Again, I'll reiterate that you come on here advocating that women become a good judge of character, when you can't judge if someone is a scammer or a fake.

quote:

...meet somewhere public but don't kid yourself ....a sick pervert will find a way even in public
Just because a sick pervert will find a way in public doesn't mean that you should throw common sense and caution to the wind.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 11/7/2011 1:32:02 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: On day 1 - 11/7/2011 2:12:44 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		So, did otis make a day 2 yet?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 10:23:59 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Meh, who knows?? 

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 11:56:00 AM   
orimotis69


Posts: 69
Joined: 10/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

So, did otis make a day 2 yet?

No not yet.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 3:10:42 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet


I am male ur not....maybe that's some of the difference

also...I use my gut feeling and talk to lots of people and have
a good sense of what someone is about....I do NOT take on
DOMS at all...even "switches"...

guess we have different feelings about our ability to handle those we invite over


You must specialize in playing with stupid women, because otherwise they wouldn't step foot in your home before meeting you first. If nothing has happened to them, they have been lucky and it is only a matter of time before they get seriously hurt.
Hell, he is lucky that some wacko broad hasn't brought a gun and robbed him or worse. 

At least, the way he does things, if he does meet a wacko, she will know exactly where he lives when she sneaks over there at midnight, with a her bag containing a scalpel, rope, cool-whip, coonskin cap, Cheetos and some great CBT movies.

Good times!


_____________________________

yep

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 5:57:00 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 6:07:01 PM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline
quote:

Hell, he is lucky that some wacko broad hasn't brought a gun and robbed him or worse. 

At least, the way he does things, if he does meet a wacko, she will know exactly where he lives when she sneaks over there at midnight, with a her bag containing a scalpel, rope, cool-whip, coonskin cap, Cheetos and some great CBT movies.

Good times


quoted because it's just to fucking funny. Damn I love you jas!

_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 6:10:44 PM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

For a new meeting with a SUB:

BECAUSE there a so many fakes, scams, no shows, etc. I always insist on meeting at my place. Why would I leave myself open to wasting time driving somewhere, waiting, etc. for any of those possibilities?

When asked what will happen I always reply the same...we will sit and talk a bit...if YOU want it to go further (YOU being a sub or slave) YOU can be in charge this time. After we play a bit, when YOU are comfortable, YOU pass control over to me. YOU are always free to get up and leave even if it's as soon as YOU arrive. NO PRESSURE EVER !

The results have run from barely getting in the door and (a newbie) saying..."I'm sorry...I was wrong...this isn't for me" to a full blown heated session

**************************************************************************************************************************************************
For a first meeting with a slave:

So far I have found NO SLAVE (and I mean for a 24/7/365 TPE) to be real. My answer would be get the preliminaries out of the way and an understanding of what all parties expect (I have a polyamorous household). I offer leading questions to discover their sincerity (such as "what is your relocation plan?") and we talk in intimate detail about
expectations
**************************************************************************************************************************************************

hope that helps



Yeah it helps. You've just excluded yourself from meeting any half sane woman. You just saved them a lot of time.


_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to GrandMasterChet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 6:25:30 PM   
stacey4u2luv


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Yikes I would never meet a man the very first time at his place. Firstly it is risky enough to allow a man to you home knowing where you are and live but at least that is your own territory that you are familiar with. Now expecting a woman/sub to go to a Doms place alone sounds to me to be much riskier you have no idea what he has there being the weaker sex too. YIKES Sure but only once trust is gained, but right from the first. no no no no

(in reply to TheFireWithinMe)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 6:43:42 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You subbie chicks just don't get it -- he's Grand Master Chet. Once you pronounce yourself a Grand Master, you don't have to care.

It's all about him and what he feels comfortable with. He is, after all, a superior being.

Shessssssssh.


_____________________________



(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: On day 1 - 11/8/2011 7:25:29 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		Chatte, I thinks I lubs you! 

_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: On day 1 - 11/9/2011 2:44:16 AM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You subbie chicks just don't get it -- he's Grand Master Chet. Once you pronounce yourself a Grand Master, you don't have to care.

It's all about him and what he feels comfortable with. He is, after all, a superior being.

Shessssssssh.



I would bow down to him but my doctor told me it's bad for my knees.


_____________________________

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 60
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