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Catharsis - 10/30/2011 6:48:59 PM

HisPet21

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There are times when I am really stressed and I thinK, "You know what would probably help? Having the shit tortured/dominated/beaten out of me." Somewhere in my mind, I feel like a really rough...even violent...domination scene would be cathartic and could really relieve some stress. I imagine that this might be because, when I am stressed, it'd be nice to feel the freedom of submission, of not being in control. Maybe I'm just a slightly crazy, self-destructive chick and I better leave well enough alone.

Since my partner and I are still on the light side of things and have never done anything too extreme...he isn't comfortable with that yet...I don't really know if some seriously hardcore BDSM would be cathartic or not, I just imagine it would be. So, for those of you who are a lot more experienced than I am, I need to know: Can BDSM be cathatric for you in times or stress? Does it just exacerbate the stress? Or does it really depend on where the stress is comng from? I'm really curious and...you guessed it...really stressed right now! I'm wondering if I should ask my partner to consider something a little more rough in the near future...I won't push any limits, of course...or if I'm just totally off my rocker here and should stick to good old fashioned yoga, jogging, and screaming into a pillow.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 6:58:46 PM

littlewonder

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When I was younger and fucked up with major problems with my life extreme bdsm was a way for me to feel...to simply know I was still alive so for me the pain, the blood, the hurting afterwards were ways to help me release the mental pain I was going through.

I'm no longer that person however and I no longer need that pain to feel alive but there are still times in my life where I need something to help me with catharsis. It doesn't however have to be pain anymore. These days it can be something as light as him stroking me or it could be needing to be beat. I don't always know what I need until it actually happens and I just break down in tears.

Afterwards we simply just talk about it while he comforts me. He allows me to let it out and we deal with it. Then life goes on.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 7:03:51 PM

aromanholiday

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I think it would certainly help me to relieve stress if I had it, although I highly doubt someone I was involved with would do it to me for that reason. Torture, when it's intense enough, focuses your mind on the moment, the here-and-now, and it is very hard to think of anything else simply because it hurts so bad. That breaks the obsessive circular loop your mind gets in when it is stressed. It also causes chemical changes in your body and mind which make it hard to remain in the same headspace you were in before the pain. After heavy pain I have felt very calm and clear headed while at the same time my hands/arms were shaking so badly they couldn't work the clasp of a necklace. It's an interesting experience, and definitely not stressful--well, not once the pain ends. ;-) I don't experience such pain as particularly catharthic (but that might be because I am all catharthiced out?), but it certainly leaves a powerful impression!

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 7:25:52 PM

LillyBoPeep

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In my last relationship, we used catharsis at times. And for us, it went both ways. You hear about it mostly from the sub's point of view but if he needed to work something out, it was fulfilling to both of us for him to work it out by ramping up the intensity.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 7:57:26 PM

MissImmortalPain

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Can it make you feel better for awhile..yes. Is it a good idea to mask a stresser with some other activity...no. I know what you are talking about because way back in the day when I would get really stressed I would get in fights with people I know would kick the piss out of me. While it was happening it gave me something else to think about. But the original stresser still came back later and still had to be dealt with. And in this case since it is someone you are in a realationship with I think it could confuse things later.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 10/30/2011 7:58:04 PM >

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 8:11:51 PM

xxblushesxx

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I've been really stressed (for no reason I could discern) before, and every once in a while HM will get out the fun toys and force me to play even when I say I'm not in the mood. It seems to work for us. (then again I'm not exactly sure what "extreme" means to you.)

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 8:23:25 PM

LillyBoPeep

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I don't think it's intended to deal with the problem, just the feelings. Sometimes they get in the way of making progress and it can be helpful to blow them off a little.

I think any possible confusion just depends on the relationship and how people relate to/communicate with each other. Confusion isn't a given.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 8:31:07 PM

littlewonder

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for us it's nice because I don't let go of emotions easily so when we play I'm able to just release and actually deal with the problem at hand...if there is a problem. Lots of times there isn't. It's just the buildup of having to be strong, independent, life's little things starting to pile up, my depression finally beating me, blah blah blah...and I just need to let it all go. If there's a problem to deal with then that's where the aftercare comes in. We talk about it and he helps me to figure out what to do or just tells me what to do from that point on.

No confusion, no mess, no chaos...just letting go.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 8:38:41 PM

HisPet21

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quote:

Can it make you feel better for awhile..yes. Is it a good idea to mask a stresser with some other activity...no.

I agree. I mean, even yoga is only a temorary stress reliever. To solve a problem, you need to get at its roots and correct whatever difficulty is stressing you out. But a self-indulgent movie night, an hour of yoga, or a fizzy bath can help reduce high levels of stress and enable you to get through the rest of hard week until the problem can be addressed, or clear your mind up to deal with the problem. You don't want to mask a stressor with another activity, true, but I don't necessarily believe that a nice BDSM session has to be a mask.

quote:

When I was younger and fucked up with major problems with my life extreme bdsm was a way for me to feel...to simply know I was still alive so for me the pain, the blood, the hurting afterwards were ways to help me release the mental pain I was going through.

Thank you for your comment! It is appreciated, and it is also useful for helping me make a point. While I am looking for a wide variety of comments---any at all---I am not talking about gaining catharsis through abuse. I'm not looking to take a hardcore beating from an apathetic or uncaring partner just so that the pain can allow me to physically apprecaite the soreness of my emotions. Ugh. I am trying to draw a fine line here, and doing a pretty poor job of it.

I'm just asking if a really rough BDSM session can be cathartic. Obviously, asking to be abused for the sake of abuse, or above and beyond your limits, or with an unemotional edge can be dangerous. But I do feel cared for, even when my partner is causing me pain, because he does it for me mostly. For him too, more and more, but he started into the whole BDSM thing because I liked it. I feel that a more intense session could be cathartic in that I'd be able to completely surrender myself to the sensations and stop thinking, and the more rough the session, the more oppurtunity to yell and push back and get out a lot of excess energy. Plus, I'd get some of that caring through rough play I get...I sound stupid, I know.

It's like...I envision it as a combination of a really intense jog, where it hurts your sides to keep running and you are all out of breathe and exhausted, but you've run your angry/stressed stores up. And then, on top of it, you've got someone watching over you the whole time, making sure you get the most out of it. We, of all people, know that you can cause someone pain and love them at the same time.

Well, I know its just a ramble, but I tried. Maybe ya'll get something out of it. Proably not though, ha ha.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 8:54:51 PM

ExSteelAgain

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It's an individual thing depending on all factors, but most probably do. I, as a Dom, can certainly feel better after whipping a submissive and believe most of us on both sides feel bright, clean and rejuvenated after playing.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 9:00:23 PM

HannahLynn

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quote:

Can BDSM be cathatric for you in times or stress?

my opinion on this fucking question is best summed up here.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 9:52:06 PM

Epytropos

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There is very little in life more cathartic than an extremely rough session, especially with someone thick-skinned enough to take some serious punishment without falling to pieces. It's like all my frustration flows into my partner, leaving beautiful welts and bruises in its path.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/30/2011 11:29:05 PM

SoulAlloy

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I've often thought about this, but honestly have never been able to achieve it.

For mild stress it seems to work ok, but if something is really bothering me then I have difficulty focusing on anything else - I also have a tendency to feel worse, worrying that my lack of attention the scene will have spoiled the time for my partner. But then I'm neurotic like that lol

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 12:53:06 AM

crazyml

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I've known a couple of women for whom a really hard beating represented a very cathartic experience. In one case she seemed to have rationalised it in a really healthy way (that "diagnosis", btw, is based on my extremely subjective and unqualified opinion), while the second girl's apparent need for fairly extreme pain bothered me.

So here are a couple of things that I'm pondering..

The second girl was also prone to self-harming (cutting herself on her arms and legs) - would self-harming be a valid and reasonable way to achieve catharsis?

What is it about the process of being beaten that actually does the "trick" of delivering catharsis? Is it to do with the mental process, the focus that being in receipt of a good thrashing implies? Is it the "differentness" of the experience?

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:03:33 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisPet21
While I am looking for a wide variety of comments---any at all---I am not talking about gaining catharsis through abuse. I'm not looking to take a hardcore beating from an apathetic or uncaring partner just so that the pain can allow me to physically apprecaite the soreness of my emotions. Ugh. I am trying to draw a fine line here, and doing a pretty poor job of it.

i don't think anyone has said anything about abuse.

if you're somehow reading posts in such a way as to think that there's a lack of caring or lack of emotion, you'd be terribly mistaken.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:11:40 AM

TheFireWithinMe

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Oh holy fuckin crispy Christ YES! Does it for me every time. Makes no difference what the stress is from, after the beating I feel much better.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:14:50 AM

TheFireWithinMe

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quote:

What is it about the process of being beaten that actually does the "trick" of delivering catharsis? Is it to do with the mental process, the focus that being in receipt of a good thrashing implies? Is it the "differentness" of the experience?

In my case it's the pain that does it -or to be more precise the pain makes me cry which makes me feel better.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:16:30 AM

ServeMyMassiveCk

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It's fairly obvious with the way you people talk that you enjoy getting your asses kicked. Now, you've confirmed it

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:19:17 AM

TheFireWithinMe

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And? I'm a masochist what ELSE would I want. Doesn't mean I want it from random strangers, that's known as abuse.

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RE: Catharsis - 10/31/2011 4:58:50 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

The second girl was also prone to self-harming (cutting herself on her arms and legs) - would self-harming be a valid and reasonable way to achieve catharsis?

some people believe it can be. we had a thread about that not too long ago; some of us thought it was unhealthy, while others thought it was.
i have a history of self-harm, too, and i don't think it's healthy, at least not the way i did it. some people do it without a huge depressing back story, though -- so maybe it's the frame of mind/intent that's unhealthy, not the actual act? i have no idea.

to me, what i experienced with cutting, and what i get from BDSM, including consentual-nonconsent play and catharsis play, are two totally different things, even if the physical sensation is similar.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml
What is it about the process of being beaten that actually does the "trick" of delivering catharsis? Is it to do with the mental process, the focus that being in receipt of a good thrashing implies? Is it the "differentness" of the experience?

like Fire said, sometimes it's helpful to be pushed into crying if you have a hard time doing it. sometimes crying just makes you feel better.
sometimes, it gives you something else to focus on besides whatever the mental stressor is. sometimes it's just really fun, no matter what, and doing something fun can elevate your spirits. =p

and when being on the receiving end of his frustrations (which i wouldn't call abuse in the least), i had an enjoyable experience while also getting to feel like i'd "helped" in some way.
cathartic scenes weren't something we did every day; just when the need arose. there were only a few of them in the time we were together, but they were fascinating, enjoyable, and effective -- at least i thought so.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 10/31/2011 4:59:24 AM >

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