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RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/7/2011 8:42:39 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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I simply conduct myself in the way I agreed to in the beginning. I don't think about serving him, or obeying him. Sometimes I'm tired or would choose something else, but I get my warm fuzzies from the knowledge that I have kept up my end of the 'bargain'.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 21

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/7/2011 9:01:56 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
If you feel like talking about it, what do you think is the basis of your relationship?

Neurosis. i gotta respect anyone who has the patience to deal with me. i'm a basketcase right now.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 11/7/2011 9:04:06 PM >

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[link] www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlvDnbFOkYY [/link]

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 22

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/7/2011 9:30:05 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

If you feel like talking about it, what do you think is the basis of your relationship? Control? Service? Authority?

Mutual love, his authority, and my submission to his authority. Our love for each other brings us to just be our natural selves together. His desire is to have authority over his woman and I submit to that. And that can come in any form.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 23

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 12:51:59 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

where the fuck do people find time to do all this shit? Im at work 99% of the time. And when Im not at work, Im getting ready or driving to or from, and when Im done ... Im fucking exausted. Then in my free time Im taking care of all the little shit I dont have time for when Im at work.

Do people really get off from getting finished with work to come home and work and be pushed some more? Or are most people independently wealthy or have boundess amount of energy and dont require relaxation - quiet time?

When I read shit like this, I am boggled.

right now i have school, and i'm not preoccupied by being elsewhere doing dishes at someone else's house right now since he's out of town for work. =p so maybe i do have free time. hahaha
i have a big painting to finish, and i'll pop something in my head and think about it throughout the day. =p (i hate this painting................... !!!)

i've kinda come to see this topic as just a huge overcomplication. actually, half the time when people are doing something besides "fuck or pass" on FL, it's kind of an overcomplication. =p i kinda like to see the different perspectives that you get here vs. there -- but i think you can sense the exasperation in my title. hahaha

whaaaaat?????????????????

it's just kind of a time-wasting, "what do you get from this?" topic if that makes sense.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 24

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 3:00:49 AM

SweetCheri

Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline

quote:

it's just kind of a time-wasting, "what do you get from this?" topic if that makes sense.

It is probably a waste of time to argue about it or discuss each individual's answers in too much depth, but truly it is never really a waste of time to think about what is motivating you to do things. That is always a good, but not always comfortable, thing to try figure out.

_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 25

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 9:13:17 AM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

quote:

it's just kind of a time-wasting, "what do you get from this?" topic if that makes sense.
It is probably a waste of time to argue about it or discuss each individual's answers in too much depth, but truly it is never really a waste of time to think about what is motivating you to do things. That is always a good, but not always comfortable, thing to try figure out.

How obvious. I'm sure the OP would never have considered that herself.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to SweetCheri)

Post #: 26

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 9:15:54 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

How obvious. I'm sure the OP would never have considered that herself.

*snicker*

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 27

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 10:01:56 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

where the fuck do people find time to do all this shit? Im at work 99% of the time. And when Im not at work, Im getting ready or driving to or from, and when Im done ... Im fucking exausted. Then in my free time Im taking care of all the little shit I dont have time for when Im at work. Do people really get off from getting finished with work to come home and work and be pushed some more? Or are most people independently wealthy or have boundess amount of energy and dont require relaxation - quiet time? When I read shit like this, I am boggled.

I hear ya! I used to work 10 hours a day for the Columbian male equivalent of Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, with a one hour commute from hell on either end and then go home to an equally PITA Dom. Almost had a nervous breakdown. Chose the Dom and walked out on the boss, after seeing his butler and yacht captain do the same.

Now, I'm working from home and have a lot of down time, allowing me to start dinner, etc.

I've warned M that I will not be able to serve him in the style to which he has been accustomed should my next job require commuting.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 28

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 8:54:17 PM

SweetCheri

Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

quote:

it's just kind of a time-wasting, "what do you get from this?" topic if that makes sense.
It is probably a waste of time to argue about it or discuss each individual's answers in too much depth, but truly it is never really a waste of time to think about what is motivating you to do things. That is always a good, but not always comfortable, thing to try figure out.

How obvious. I'm sure the OP would never have considered that herself.

Do you have anything on topic to contribute?

_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 29

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 9:01:14 PM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetCheri

quote:

it's just kind of a time-wasting, "what do you get from this?" topic if that makes sense.
It is probably a waste of time to argue about it or discuss each individual's answers in too much depth, but truly it is never really a waste of time to think about what is motivating you to do things. That is always a good, but not always comfortable, thing to try figure out.

How obvious. I'm sure the OP would never have considered that herself.

Do you have anything on topic to contribute?

Do you?

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to SweetCheri)

Post #: 30

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 11/8/2011 11:26:12 PM

SweetCheri

Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline

Yes I have, and, unlike you, I already posted my thoughts. I did it on page 1, but since you didn't know that, you probably didn't read page 1 of the thread. I would not be surprised if you haven't even read Lilly's OP yet.

So, just what are your thoughts on Lilly's question?

And speaking of questions, I have a couple more for you.
What did I do to you that you follow me around these boards trying to harass me?
What do you hope to achieve by doing it?

_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.

CG/HH

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 31

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/14/2012 4:55:16 PM

SweettT

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/14/2012
Status: offline

That is just how I feel...PERFECTLY put......(OPPs...this reply was ment for LittleWonder)newbie here...sorry...lol

< Message edited by SweettT -- 1/14/2012 4:59:55 PM >

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 32

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/14/2012 11:38:26 PM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

There's a thread on the FL Masters & slaves group about control-based dynamics, and how they differ from service-based ones. Some of the replies chime in with "well my relationship is XYZ-based."

I consider myself a service-oriented person, but to me, they're all kinda wrapped up together. I kinda think I'll just start saying "I'm looking for Metallica-based relationship dynamics." (see sig for reference)

Sometimes I think it's a case of overthinking? Sometimes it's a case of semantics? Though I can see how the motivations for the people involved can be wildly different, even if the end result is similar, so in that sense it's not really semantics at all...

If you feel like talking about it, what do you think is the basis of your relationship? Control? Service? Authority?
I know we have people who are in relationships where they don't "feel submissive," but instead just "do as told." We also have people who do feel submissive, and who feel "servicey" -- but how do you define that?

To me, control is a detail thing, and service is an overarching thing, but all of them are aspects of the most important concept, which is obedience, based on his authority. =p At least that's how it works to me. So i don't really see them as totally different exclusive concepts. To me, as I said on FL in case you know what thread I'm talking about, control is the detail of what you wear, where you go, what you eat and when, blah blah blah -- but to me, that's an aspect of service because by submitting to that control, I'm in service to whatever the D's designs are. To me, they're all interconnected and spaghetti-like. =p

I'll stop rambling before I confuse myself. I remember a thread on a similar topic, but it was quite a while ago, and I don't remember who started it in order to search it and reference it. I feel like my opinions are a little better formed now than they were, then.

i agree with you and i believe you are right about semantics. i think a LOT of fights get started over semantics or who is feeling horny and extra kinky that night-or just had a pissy experience and pick on the verbage etc.

i think it is all intertwined and for me it is a lot about loving the sensations i get within obedience, submitting. A high and also hot.
Service has a lot to do with internal obedience. We do it because it makes them happy.

One service slave said they (he) did it because it got him off working under the threat of CBT if he screwed up the job.

As far as sex goes i can't be in the least interested in sex unless i am dominated. Want to be egalitarian? Fine- asexual it is. (for me). So it permeates everywhere for me and i feel that some people have aversions for words that have meannigs that upset them, even though they are actually doing it. i also note that reading series of posts in different threads-most people are VERY inconsistent and do have a lot of changing self definitions living in their heads.

< Message edited by slaverachel2Him -- 1/14/2012 11:41:13 PM >

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Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 33

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/15/2012 12:43:44 AM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good morning!

Wow...awesome thought provoking question! I guess at this stage it would Authority. He's older, done more, knows more, and when I have questions or doubts, he's the first I can ask. In that Authority, I feel safe and cared for, I feel alot I can lay out to him and he makes me understand.

Service initally to me means domestic and housework, which I did for 4 years. Sir now uses the words "Serve me" to mean something totally different though...literally to do what pleases him so it's hard to get that definition out of my head. It has for me a certain distant feeling, not the closeness I crave.

Obedience..mmm that always leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I am naturally curious and questioning so shutting up is not easy for me. That involves for me a cold, sterile feeling. I don't like to do things just because someone told me to but becuase I WANT to..and in a greater context...I WANT to b/c it makes you happy on a deeper level.

Control...yikes. I am not a robot, my nature is to feel and take care of. I can be controlled to a point but you will get much better results if you play to my strengths in MY head rather than pulling the control card.

Intersting...if it wasn't for my need to bend over backwards for those that I care about...one would read this and consider me a sub-and a bratty one at that! lol

Very truly,
Zechriel

_____________________________

Sir HighlanderME's little z

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 34

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/15/2012 5:40:30 AM

iedg

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/20/2011
Status: offline

You Nailed it. It is not about whether you like to do something. It is whether S/He wants and expects you to do it. i am a slave. i don't get a say in what i do. Yes, this is a control thing, but i am also in service to my Mistress, at all times. The service is not a category or basis for the relationship. It is just a part of who and what a slave is. We live to serve our Mistress/Master in whatever way They choose. Anything less is not really slavery.

i can't speak for those who are just in this for fun. That is a different mindset completely. For those of us who are in 24/7 r/t M/s relationships, you make one decision; Are you in or out? Once that decision is made, the rest is out of your hands, so control is implied and service is expected.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 35

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/15/2012 9:38:07 AM

AndreSanThomas

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/4/2012
Status: offline

I don't define it, I just enjoy it. I think we waste a lot of time and energy on things like that that don't matter. If it works for the two of you, that's what matters.

Even in the books I've been writing, I've had people tell me, "you can't do that.. a DOM wouldn't do THAT..." (and no, we're not talking about technical or safety issues). He wouldn't be that arrogant. He wouldn't be an asshole. He wouldn't be that kind and caring. Really? 'Cause last time I looked, we were people with our own personalities and faults and strengths, that just happen to fall somewhere into a BDSM spectrum. Some people are still assholes or nice guys or whatever. It is crazy that we have this idea of what "these" people are and then we spend so much time and so many key strokes trying to sub-label everything until we just wear it to death. Just enjoy it!

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Andre'
andresanthomas.blogspot.com
Explicit romances of lust and passion found at the feet of the master.

(in reply to iedg)

Post #: 36

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/15/2012 9:59:04 PM

slaverachel2Him

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iedg

You Nailed it. It is not about whether you like to do something. It is whether S/He wants and expects you to do it. i am a slave. i don't get a say in what i do. Yes, this is a control thing, but i am also in service to my Mistress, at all times. The service is not a category or basis for the relationship. It is just a part of who and what a slave is. We live to serve our Mistress/Master in whatever way They choose. Anything less is not really slavery.

i can't speak for those who are just in this for fun. That is a different mindset completely. For those of us who are in 24/7 r/t M/s relationships, you make one decision; Are you in or out? Once that decision is made, the rest is out of your hands, so control is implied and service is expected.

Yes.

i do think the Master/Mistress takes a slave's abilities and lack thereof and feeling into consideration USUALLY, and of course a reason to choose wisely and not jump at any chance because TPE MEANS TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE. S/He Gets to to have my power, my rights to give back as a privilege or not- obeying regardless of my mood. It is not better or worse than doing it otherwise. It is just that when you think about it enslavement is an intense word. it implies intense experience, it reflects unending obedience and Mastery at any and all times. Some people want dedicated guaranteed time off, breaks or ability not not just ask if it can be done differently or later with the final answer in their hands, but to say not now. no, in your dreams. That is just fine too.
The other side of it- is the dynamic to be M/s must also fit the Master or Mistress's convenience which means as the slave is trained and better accommodating the Owner, things may seem less than it is. The dynamic has to work for the "Top" so the ways differ and some prefer the slave to have more privileges because it pleases them, the "Top" for their own reasons. or less for the same reasons. Pleasing the Top HAS to happen or the Top is enslaved themselves to a concept or "rules" list. Some love to micromanage and some feel like it is a waste of their time. Which is right? Both. They are pleased with their decision. Either one reversed would be unhappy and that would not be Masterful at all.

_____________________________

Master Richard's slave rachel

(in reply to iedg)

Post #: 37

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/16/2012 12:47:04 AM

fadedshadow

Posts: 751
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for me, i'm one who doesn't care about service and am rebellious against authority. i guess obedience may play a role in submission (me and my girl are equals but we use bdsm for fun) but honestly, i see playing as nothing more than a means to alleviate stress and perhaps add a little spice to one's sex-life.

well, control may play into this as well too, if i submit to someone i do it because i want to have no cares, no worries, no concerns about anything temporarily. i used to play a lot in the past to help deal with my depression and personal demons but that's no longer an issue

however, trying to be a submissive all the time never worked out. i'm too much of a narcissist to place another person's existence above my own

< Message edited by fadedshadow -- 1/16/2012 12:51:02 AM >

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your living nightmare

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Post #: 38

RE: Service? Authority? Control? Obedience? What??? - 1/17/2012 8:17:46 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

At first our relationship was based on control.

Now close to 6 years later i tis based on control and love.

Matt's litleone

(in reply to fadedshadow)

Post #: 39

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