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Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:30:43 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
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I have been in a D/s live in relationship with my Dominant for 1 1/2 years. We are diametrically opposed politically and while we both enjoy a spirited discussion at times, at times he becomes overly "pushy" as to his political beliefs. After a series of these incidents, we agreed to disagree and when one of us called for a "over", we would just stop our debates (or arguments). He cannot seem to stop and starts to make his attacks personal. Afterwards, he is always apologetic and all is forgotten. Last night, it happened again as we were going to bed. I got up, out of bed, and told him when he wanted to end his discussion and bring me back to bed, let me know. I ended up sleeping on the sofa. I am now so mad and hurt that even though he has apologized, it doesn't mean much to me. For me, a Master is not a Master if he can not control himself.

Is anyone else in this situation? How do you make a situation like this work?

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Post #: 1

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:39:46 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Does he continue the discussion/debate if you just make your point and then stop talking? I've found it's very difficult to have a one sided argument.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 2

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:42:16 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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There are famous examples of couples from opposite sides of the political spectrum (James Carville and his wife, if I remember correctly), but I'd say those are the exceptions that prove the rule. If you're constantly arguing over politics, then I'd say there are two possible explanations: one, you're not really arguing over politics, you're arguing over something deeper and using politics as a way of venting; or, two, your political views are simply incompatible and you haven't learned how to agree to disagree. I don't require a partner who shares all my moral and political beliefs, but they have to be compatible. I'm an atheist. I wouldn't insist that a partner has to be an atheist too, but if she's an evangelical, that's not likely to work out.

I wouldn't sweep this under the carpet, either. Over the long term, issues like this will have to be resolved somehow. What about estate planning, charity, things like that? If you're going to be together for ten, twenty, fifty years, politics is going to be harder and harder to avoid.

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 3

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:43:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If I could use the search function, I'd link you to a thread we had which discussed this exact question. If you can, just do a search for "politics."

Generally, we've just learned to stop ourselves when it gets to a certain pitch. It's not worth the hassle and we still love and respect eachother.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 4

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:44:21 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Walk away any time he starts to pick a 'fight' about that topic, if he follows you then he is antagonizing you and that means that he WANTS to fight, which is a sign of immaturity. Youc an always get a little 'STOP' sign and any time he starts talking about that topic that you both 'agreed to disagree' on, hold it up and ignore him until he stops. He should get the hint, if not, you may need to reevaluate things.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 5

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:48:49 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Does he continue the discussion/debate if you just make your point and then stop talking? I've found it's very difficult to have a one sided argument.

Celeste

Unfortunately, yes. That is what causes most of the problems. We are both very passionate people about everything

including politics

. I can stop but he continues to rant for quite a while. When I got out of bed last night, I said I was done and when he was too, I'd come back. I guess I'm not submissive enough to just lie there and accept his rants. I can hold my own in any debate, however, I try to stop these when it is apparent neither one of us is listening to the other anymore. Afterwards, I feel verbally beaten up BECAUSE I do stop.

And, as I said, I spent the night on the sofa because I wouldn't come back without him admitting he was done. I'm even more angry because it is MY bed! LOL!

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 6

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:52:01 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

Some people like to argue just for the sake of arguing and have an obsession with eventually changing others minds so they can prove they were "right" (a couple here fit that profile, lol). If he is one of those it has nothing to do with his being dominant but rather just anal. Good luck with it but it will be difficult and hiding from, or ignoring the problem will NOT make it go away (as was advised).

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 7

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 9:59:29 AM

andal

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline

Well, perhaps his brain is miswired. This link http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/11/20/opinion/meyer/main584753.shtml might help to understand what is going on. And while the article only talks about "political partisans" I have a feeling that this is true of most people on any topic that they are emotionally invested in, i.e. abortion, religion, even favorite bands.

Remember, you said that you gave him the conditions for reconciliation "when he wanted to end the discussion bring me back to bed," maybe that's just how long it took him? You say it takes him awhile to rant himself out, maybe that's how long it took? It seems that you two have a high-energy relationship which works for the most part. Perhaps you are just ticked that he didn't come to his senses in time to sleep in your comfy bed? Because if THAT is the issue, then my dear I must kindly quote, "You made your bed, now sleep in it!" (Pun intended.) But good luck either way!

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 8

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 10:05:21 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes it works if you just say 'yes' and keep on doing what you're doing. Don't engage in debate, don't comment on anything he says, just 'yes...yes.... yes...' and no involvement.

It's obvious you're not actually agreeing, but because he's getting nothing to work from it makes it hard for him to keep the argument going.

But if you guys can't work this out, I think you've got deeper problems.

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 9

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 10:27:53 AM

Dustyn

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Joined: 4/5/2006
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I know that this is probably too simplistic of a cure for the whole thing, but have you looked at your SO and told him, "Hey, I'll think my way, you think your way. If you continue to try and bait me, I'll continue to ignore you."

Something to that point will probably get the message through, in one way or another.

_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 10

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 10:34:42 AM

DragonDiver

Posts: 10
Joined: 8/25/2004
Status: offline

A Master is only human but what sets him/her apart from the rest of the pack is that they can Master their own emotions and help others focus on thiers. A Master is not a perfect being (yikes! yes bita I said that!) but they strive to be the best that they can. The seperation of a Master from a Dom is that control, and a few other things but that is a large one. A Master should be able to grow and constantly seek ways to improve themselves as well as their charges. as my tag line says:

"Mastery begins, when the ego ends!" - Master Dennis

p.s. bitatruble nice to see you again but your tag line is suspect... if you need a lawyer ...you did it!

p.p.s. Sunshine119 You and your Sir need to do a sit down, maybe with a third non biased person, even Masters are not Islands. Some times a third mind is helpful in these situtations.

< Message edited by DragonDiver -- 5/26/2006 10:38:59 AM >

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 11

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 10:53:36 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: andal

Well, perhaps his brain is miswired. This link http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/11/20/opinion/meyer/main584753.shtml might help to understand what is going on. And while the article only talks about "political partisans" I have a feeling that this is true of most people on any topic that they are emotionally invested in, i.e. abortion, religion, even favorite bands.

LOL....I just sent him this article....loved it!

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to andal)

Post #: 12

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 10:56:10 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn

I know that this is probably too simplistic of a cure for the whole thing, but have you looked at your SO and told him, "Hey, I'll think my way, you think your way. If you continue to try and bait me, I'll continue to ignore you."

Something to that point will probably get the message through, in one way or another.

Maybe taking this one further, I should just hold up my hand and say "Speak to the hand" LOL

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to Dustyn)

Post #: 13

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:11:00 AM

ScooterTrash

Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMacComb

Some people like to argue just for the sake of arguing and have an obsession with eventually changing others minds so they can prove they were "right" (a couple here fit that profile, lol). If he is one of those it has nothing to do with his being dominant but rather just anal. Good luck with it but it will be difficult and hiding from, or ignoring the problem will NOT make it go away (as was advised).

Couldn't have said it better MMC. To top it all off, I cannot imagine someone creating that much of a stir over something they can't control, or influence for that matter...other than voting every couple years or writing a letter now and then. You could argue with each other till the cows come home and it wouldn't mean a fart in a snowstorm. Sounds like your opponent needs to get a better grip on reality, in my opinion...there's so much more to life than being concerned, to that magnatude, with political issues.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to MsMacComb)

Post #: 14

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:15:24 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

This is why I have a certain political philosophy as a hard limit.

Perhaps you should not discuss politics?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 15

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:17:14 AM

iliv2servher

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like your sig other is not on the same page with you with regard to a political POV. If this is the case, and if he (or you) cannot separate your political differences from his love for you, then I would have to say that the relationship will not survive.

_____________________________

Dating sucks!

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 16

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:20:03 AM

MasterGentry

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Do I smell the stench of conservative politics here, could he possibly be tainted by viewing to much of the FOX network news? weg
Making him watch reruns of O'Reilly for a long weekend should shock him into some sembelance of accepting that the republician party twists and spin their rape of our country so that we dare not disagree lest we be called unpatriotic. Sorry, but, I don't but their nonsense, especially when it also has an atrocious odor and is pus filled upon close scrutiny
Gentry

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119

How do you make a situation like this work?

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 17

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:20:54 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Perhaps you should not discuss politics?

We both enjoy it so......until it becomes nasty. It rarely becomes nasty, but when it does.....!BOOM! In our better moments we can both remind ourselves that James Carville and Mary Matlin have done it for many years. That is....in our better moments only.

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:22:22 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGentry

Do I smell the stench of conservative politics here, could he possibly be tainted by viewing to much of the FOX network news? weg

Gentry

No it is the Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity crowd! <puking my guts up now>

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to MasterGentry)

Post #: 19

RE: Serious Political Difference - 5/26/2006 11:28:36 AM

MasterGentry

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Hannity is a blatant apologist for republicians and ruch my drugs limbaugh is addicted to Oxycontin, but still thinks that everyone other than him should be jailed for any drug use. his views on marijuana were so rabid, I wondered if his vibrating buttplug was shorting out. lol
They're both spin wizards that aren't very good at covering the truth of the matters that they twist out of recognition. At least, O'Reilly has moderated his stances somewhat lately. He's even taken up, Loy Dobbs mantras against illegal immigration.
Gentry

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 20

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