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Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 7:51:46 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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A local pal posted elsewhere how she was all WTF because some dude wanted her phone number, as if it was something *nefarious*. She was getting general agreement.

Obviously, my reaction was Wha? How are you going to talk without a phone number? Staying online forever until you get a DNA sample?

So, friends and foes, what's up with this? Am I a crazy old stegosaurus for exchanging numbers with someone I like well enough to want to TALK TO IN REAL TIME? Is it insane to give out my email address? (or chat, back when I did that...)

I am of the mind that the internet is all well and good, but if the person passes my initial "is he a douche" scan, I want to TALK to them, not endlessly exchange cmail. If I make a date, I want to have that person's number, and them mine---what if we get stuck in traffic, or get lost?

Trust v. paranoia.

Discuss.

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Post #: 1

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 7:55:03 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i don't mind numbers if someone passes quality control. haha
i think sometimes people give in to paranoia too easily. besides, i like to hear voices.

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Post #: 2

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 7:58:54 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I met Master we never exchanged phone numbers until after we met, then again I only ever saw a blurry picture of him also lol. We kept it all online for about two years like that until we met in person.

Before him though I always had exchanged phone numbers after I felt we knew enough about each other online to want to go the next step. I never gave out my phone number right away and even then I was rather overly cautious about giving it out. I usually requested their phone number and put my phone number so that they couldn't see my number when I called them. I've had stalkers in the past and took precautions until I felt more secure otherwise.

It could be that your friend wants to keep it online, arrange a date and then meet the person in a public space to see how it goes without giving out her number. This way they can't stalk her or keep calling her up begging for another date. Can't say I really blame her.

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RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 8:04:06 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I gave out my cell, but not my home. And I never gave out my cell until we had emailed for a while, and i know the guy's full name (supposedly) and could at least Google him. I don't think it it s a big deal, and on my cell, I can block unwanted callers, and I rarely answer it anyway, unless I know who is calling. The guys who said they "liked to talk right away" and demanded a number after the second email just got ignored. I don't like talking on the phone anyway, and I am sure not going to waste a half hour of my life in a forced conversation with some stranger that I am probably not interested in anyway,
God, I am glad I am not dating anymore.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 11/9/2011 8:05:11 AM >

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Post #: 4

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 8:23:17 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I give out my number sparingly. Mostly that is because I don't want some random joe calling me at inconvienient times. I never give out my number to someone I just met on the net. It takes me a while to see if they show consistancy about how they present themselves. For instance, I mentioned I prefer intelligent men, the next thing I know I am getting email from some guy who writes like he is presenting a thesis. Only it is like it is some high-schooler trying to write about quantum physics who is copying from a few books.
Online he can pose all he wants, he can take his time and appear to be anyone.

I guess I am choosy about people I want to talk to in real time. It sure never happens on the net in some brief interactions.
Now, if someone impressed me enough to want more, I might engage them in longer conversations in email. Phone numbers. phht. I have no interest unless I really like someone.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 5

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 8:50:05 AM

lelloy

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: One end to the other, US
Status: offline

I have to get to know someone before I have any desire to talk to them on the phone. The same goes for cams. But then I have phone anxiety... I've never really felt the need to verify people in that way and I don't need either of those things to get to know someone. I exchange phone numbers eventually (it doesn't take months), but I've had people harass my phone before after meetings went wrong. I'm a lot more cautious about giving out my number. I LIKE my number, I dislike changing it.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 6

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 8:51:07 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I don't offer my phone number or give it out after the first letters go both ways, but I will after I get to know the person after a handful of letters, or if it ever came up that someone on the message boards & I started wanting to talk realtime. It just seems that I feel like I have a better idea of knowing the person after reading a lot of their posts on the boards, whether that's correct or not.

I did have a sub push for my phone number in the very first letter, which was a little irritating, and after a couple more letters he insisted, saying he wanted to know whether I was real or not. I guess I can understand that, when there are so many guys out there pretending to be women. lol

NBMG

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RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 8:59:48 AM

Delilya

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I will online for a little while, but then I want a voice.

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Post #: 8

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 9:29:50 AM

HannahLynn

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: where its fucking at.
Status: offline

i'll meet them face to face long before i will give them my fucking number. even at that, almost nobody has the number that can be used to contact me directly, most have the number that goes to voicemail.

i hate fucking phones. as soon as somebody has your number they seem to think they can talk to you any time they want to. fuck that. leave a fucking message and i'll get back to you when i want to talk to you.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 9:32:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

LOL! I am KNOWN for not answering my phone, or returning calls!

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Post #: 10

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 9:47:46 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

I always think of it the same way I would of meeting someone at a bar, club, social event. Whether in person or on the internet, someone can pretend to be anything you want. Of course on the internet, the "conversational" exchanges take a bit longer with email.

I do think people are overly paranoid about the net, and there are certainly news stories that support that paranoia to an extent. But there are plent of news stories (much more than the internet actually) of things happening to people who never had internet contact.

Now that certainly doesn't mean give out your home address or not get the guy's name. But if you met someone at a social event and they asked you out, would you first ask for their driver's license to verify their identity? Before the internet, did people run a background check on someone before going out with them? Before cell phones, did people not exchange numbers because they didn't want the call to their home? Of course not.

It seems that in inordinate number of people here (primarily women) have had men stalk them, rape them or in some other way threaten them. Does that mean that there is a higher amount of criminal/psychotic behavior among BDSM? Or does it mean there are a significant number of people who are engaging in higher risk behavior or are a really bad judge of character? I tend to think it is the latter. I've met assholes in and out of BDSM, on and off the internet.

So yes, people tend to be a lot more paranoid and as you said, if you don't exchange numbers, if you are stuck in traffic or otherwise delayed for a date, how do you let someone know? Of course, people will respond that you can call the meeting place and get a message to them, but really? The reality to me is that you can spend a lot of time checking on a person or you can spend that time living your life. Considering BDSM is supposed to be all about trust, seems a great number of people have serious trust issues and won't trust someone until they have all the documentation that a person is "real."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 9:52:58 AM

Delilya

Posts: 4108
Joined: 2/2/2011
Status: offline

Before a meeting my daughter gets their name, user name, and phone number. She is contacted as soon as we meet and every 2 hours until we part. Always in public, usually the park.

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(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 12

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 9:56:34 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

You can apparently do a reverse look up and find out all kindsa information about them from a phone number, if the information is there. But I have absolutely no problem giving out my phone number, and have met people in public with in 30 minutes of having just met. But now I am not single I don't do that much any more cause nobody really wants to go out for coffee if it's not going to go somewhere.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

A local pal posted elsewhere how she was all WTF because some dude wanted her phone number, as if it was something *nefarious*. She was getting general agreement.

Obviously, my reaction was Wha? How are you going to talk without a phone number? Staying online forever until you get a DNA sample?

So, friends and foes, what's up with this? Am I a crazy old stegosaurus for exchanging numbers with someone I like well enough to want to TALK TO IN REAL TIME? Is it insane to give out my email address? (or chat, back when I did that...)

I am of the mind that the internet is all well and good, but if the person passes my initial "is he a douche" scan, I want to TALK to them, not endlessly exchange cmail. If I make a date, I want to have that person's number, and them mine---what if we get stuck in traffic, or get lost?

Trust v. paranoia.

Discuss.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 10:23:51 AM

Ishtarr

Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline

I usually want to talk to somebody after a couple of mails, and I certainly don't object if they want to give me their phone number to do so, however, I use Skype until after I've met somebody to talk on the phone.

I have no problems giving out my Skype number, or receiving calls on there, but my cell phone number is personal and is only given out to people I've got a long standing relationship of trust with.

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Post #: 14

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 11:20:42 AM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Email/online is a big time suck for me. I'd rather get someone on the phone asap; it's a lot more efficient. Putting endless hours into typing back and forth only to find out there's no chemistry with a conversation is really a let-down, so I try to get to that as soon as possible after initial QC. Voices are important to me...if I don't like what I hear and/or what they have to say there's no going forward anyway. I ask for their number, do a lookup, and call from my blocked number when it's convenient for me.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 15

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 11:52:18 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynn

i'll meet them face to face long before i will give them my fucking number. even at that, almost nobody has the number that can be used to contact me directly, most have the number that goes to voicemail.

i hate fucking phones. as soon as somebody has your number they seem to think they can talk to you any time they want to. fuck that. leave a fucking message and i'll get back to you when i want to talk to you.

I am kind of a combination of this, but also not paranoid either. I just purely do not like talking on the phone. It's more of an, as it's necessary, kind of dealio. I have like 20 or less phone numbers programmed into my phone. If it rings and I don't recognize the number, I don't answer it. Even then it can be hit or miss.

Right now......the phone is shut off. The people that might need me, know how to get ahold of me. Otherwise they can leave a message. I MIGHT get back to them in a day or.......10ish.

_____________________________

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(in reply to HannahLynn)

Post #: 16

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 12:29:20 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

Email/online is a big time suck for me. I'd rather get someone on the phone asap; it's a lot more efficient. Putting endless hours into typing back and forth only to find out there's no chemistry with a conversation is really a let-down, so I try to get to that as soon as possible after initial QC. Voices are important to me...if I don't like what I hear and/or what they have to say there's no going forward anyway. I ask for their number, do a lookup, and call from my blocked number when it's convenient for me.

Quite a few years ago, I had been exchanging email, then instant messages with a guy. Seemed nice, interesting, etc., so we moved on to talking on the phone.

He sounded like Rocky Balboa, a total turnoff. I couldn't get past that. It would have been worse had I never actually heard his voice and then met in person.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 17

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 1:42:06 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

After I decided I did want to meet and started making plans to do so, I gave out my cell phone. I didn't give out the landline.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 1:47:07 PM

withacherryontop

Posts: 16
Joined: 10/29/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

A local pal posted elsewhere how she was all WTF because some dude wanted her phone number, as if it was something *nefarious*. She was getting general agreement.

Obviously, my reaction was Wha? How are you going to talk without a phone number? Staying online forever until you get a DNA sample?

So, friends and foes, what's up with this? Am I a crazy old stegosaurus for exchanging numbers with someone I like well enough to want to TALK TO IN REAL TIME? Is it insane to give out my email address? (or chat, back when I did that...)

I am of the mind that the internet is all well and good, but if the person passes my initial "is he a douche" scan, I want to TALK to them, not endlessly exchange cmail. If I make a date, I want to have that person's number, and them mine---what if we get stuck in traffic, or get lost?

Trust v. paranoia.

Discuss.

Guys tend to give out their numbers without much thought to it. Women will sometimes want the guy's number, and then call him from a block number. I can understand why a woman would exercise caution.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Phone Numbers & Suchlike - 11/9/2011 2:17:01 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Lol...bit of history for me in this on.

I tend to want to.hear a womans voice pretty quicky. Weeds out the fakes and timid ones pretty quick. Plus my voice is rather lethal...

(in reply to withacherryontop)

Post #: 20

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