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stellauk -> RE: The Transgender Thread (11/15/2011 11:02:34 PM)
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Being transgendered is a state of being, a condition, and in that there is nothing wrong with it. It's not an illness, it's not a dysfunction, just a difference.
Just like say autism, Asperger's or any one of a number of hereditary or genetic conditions.
Just like .. ahem, being male or female. Naturally born, complete, whole. This is who you are, this is how you were born.
Through simply being something which lives we have to procreate to survive. Sex is important, therefore so is gender, genitalia, and to some degree our genetic make up.
Generally speaking all the transgendered really want is to be able to resolve their issues and go about their lives on a par with everyone else. There isn't an area of your life that being transgendered doesn't affect, simply because it affects relationships - your relationship with yourself, and with other people.
It should be simple enough, a simple explanation that you're transgendered.
But it isn't. It isn't because some people focus on the issue and not the person who has the issue. Kind of like people who are disabled and have to move around in wheelchairs. Kind of like people who are mentally ill, the mentally handicapped, and so on.
It carries social stigma. People see you and they form two categories 'us' and 'them' and they are in this 'us' category and you're not.
This isn't so much in itself that great a problem. The problem is when people start demanding proof, or evidence. There is no evidence. Deal with it. We have to, why not you? If there was evidence it would make our lives so much easier, but there isn't. It relies on self-diagnosis, and as a result also on personal integrity and honesty with yourself.
This is where the problem lies. The accusation, unstated or not, that you're mentally ill, deluded, you have issues with people, that you're deceiving yourself, that you're trying to be someone who you're not. That you're kinky. That you're a bad person.
And yes, it gives you, the transgendered person an additional issue which you somehow have to deal with. It puts you on the defensive, constantly, and that in itself can be tiring, it can wear you down, and it can also distract you from the main issues. When you're put on the defensive you have three ways of responding - confront the issues and the prejudice, avoid, or ignore.
This is where stealth comes in, this is why people get defensive and go on the counter offensive, it's part of the entire coping strategy, where you discount and you compensate. In each case you're looking for that compromise between conforming to society's expectations and being true to yourself. Few who are not transgendered can see it, it's sometimes like walking on a tightrope.
You see even the physical aspect isn't that easy. This isn't man becomes woman, it's not just a case of growing a set of boobs, a dick, or replacing a penis with a vagina. Almost everything physical has to change, the entire body and the way it works, the homeostasis, hormones, metabolism and your lymphatic system. This carries significant risks, liver failure, blood clots, sudden death.
This preferably takes place in alignment with what's going on in your mind, and your life. Sure physical transition is important to some, but not as important as the ability to function adequately and happily in society. This is the benchmark, because it's what everybody else has to do.
This is why it's just not possible for a man to become a woman or vice versa. No doctor will agree to it, because of the significant risks involved in the physical aspects of the transition.
There's also a social hierarchy that some people buy into, due to the social engineering that we are all subject to, closely linked to social stigma, privilege, advantage and disadvantage.
This is also what pisses some people off. They see it as you're trying to gain an unfair advantage, or claiming entitlement to something you're not entitled to, such as a M2F in transition wanting to be treated as a female when they don't have the vagina. Some find this objectionable, others too, but not in the presence of the M2F.
The way round this is simple - simply broaden your definition of what female is. There's no threat, and if you wouldn't have anything to do with such a person, sleep with them or have a relationship that's okay. Most of us are cool with that. This comes within the parameters of not everybody has to like you or even embrace your reality. We just want you to make a special allowance in our case that's all. Doesn't need to change your own values or your life philosophy. Why? It removes the issue, the stigma and the conflict.
It's not really that much to ask when all is said and done, just to treat us for the people we are and to accept that we're different and not like you. It's not much different to the way you treat other people. Someone comes up to you speaking in broken English, it's hard to understand, so you make that little bit more effort to understand and communicate. Why then not do the same and accept that some of us need to function the way we present ourselves?
Why argue or challenge who we are as people? Shouldn't that be beyond all discussion?
Believe it or not we understand your confusion and discomfort but in reality it's a drop in the ocean compared with the discomfort and confusion that we are put through. It's chicken feed, just a small issue. It shouldn't really that be such a big issue to you.
Sure, I get people who go out of their way to point out that I have a gender issue, a mental problem, that I'm deceiving myself, deluded, and so on. I'm used to it, because it's happened that many times.
But to those that do this sort of thing, well whether they acknowledge it or not in choosing to bring into question my whole being through confrontation they're stepping into my territory and as with most people I will respond accordingly. Might not be pleasant, but hey, they made that decision to cross the boundaries, and so they take the consequences. It's not much different to what anyone else would do.
Generally speaking I just move on and walk away. Let go. There is no burden of proof. Just accept or don't accept. It's not that I'm afraid of confrontation, Lord knows I'm not, because that goes with everything else and part of the process is finding answers to some very difficult questions. But there's a way to go about it.
I'm actually generally ambivalent over whether society in general accepts it or not. Part of me feels that it would be better and nicer if this was to happen, but the realist in me thinks that it won't. I feel to demand so many changes is asking a lot from people in general, and if it were that possible then surely those changes would have taken place by now. Legal recognition would be helpful but in terms of the way people think, well it is as it is.
Some people will make the effort, some people won't. Changing society means changing people, and people are subject to human nature. Far better to seek the changes on a personal level, within yourself and within your life and leave the rest of society to work it out for itself.
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