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RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 4:46:54 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		I think those of us for whom kink is a part of our lives have a harder time finding a compatible mate - or at least I certainly do!

I couldn't settle for someone who was a superb kinky match, but a poor 'nilla match, and vice versa.

The good news is that places like this achieve a similar "pre-selection" to the one that that lucky (and doubtless fabulously attractive!) Lance talks about wrt gay bars.

Then there's looking for someone in this subset who is a nilla match for me... If anything that's harder.

I've gone through phases of giving up one set of preferences and focussing on the other - But experience has shown that it doesn't matter how much we get on, if there isn't kinky chemistry it aint going to last. And conversely, it doesn't matter how much kinky chemistry we've got going on - if I can't imagine spending 'nilla time with her - while it'll be fun in the short term, it will not last.



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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 6:42:41 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

My advice:  Wait for the building to catch fire then start flirting madly with any guy who orders people around.  Bonus points if everyone makes it out alive and they all still love him.



See? And my friends poke fun at me for loitering around the fire stations and airfields. Destiny doesn't just happen, people!

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 9:33:09 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andromeda06

Because that's all it really is, right?




It feels like I'm looking for a purple kiwi.

My friends casually date on POF etc but I tend to have no problem just meeting men where ever. Plus, to start a profile there would feel overwhelming and like I was somehow not being truthful about what I want. I've met a few here, and all of them were actually quite wonderful, but it's just not... It. Not right. Not by a long shot. I want to somehow take parts and pieces of the men I've known and just squish them together. If I were reading this, I know all I would want to say is, "Suck it up. That's just dating. Patience etc." I also know that when I feel like this it's best to just stop for awhile. Which is hard for other reasons.



You are really really long winded about it... That about sums it up...

BadOne



< Message edited by SailingBum -- 11/12/2011 9:35:16 AM >

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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to andromeda06)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 9:50:36 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		That is actually pretty good dating advice.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

My advice:  Wait for the building to catch fire then start flirting madly with any guy who orders people around.  Bonus points if everyone makes it out alive and they all still love him.



See? And my friends poke fun at me for loitering around the fire stations and airfields. Destiny doesn't just happen, people!


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 2:14:03 PM   
Buzzzz


Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline 		For me, kink is a need. It has to be in my life. So, I start on kinky sites and go from there.

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_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._



(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 3:25:23 PM   
pachel


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to meet and date like a regular vanilla relationship, but I'm told that is not what this site is about and that is not going to happen from here. The majority of men I have talked to expect the kink up front and that is all they want. That being said, I have met a couple men from here that have been very nice, we just didn't connect. 

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 3:34:44 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pachel

I would like to meet and date like a regular vanilla relationship, but I'm told that is not what this site is about and that is not going to happen from here. The majority of men I have talked to expect the kink up front and that is all they want. That being said, I have met a couple men from here that have been very nice, we just didn't connect. 



This site is about anything you want it to be about ;)

Master and I met and dated like a regular vanilla relationship. Our relationship isn't all about the kink.

(in reply to pachel)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 4:00:40 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		The truth is, I'd like to have a kinky partner, but he needs to be great as a 'nilla partner TOO.

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(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dating - 11/12/2011 4:01:12 PM   
delilahdelight


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/3/2011
Status: offline
My two sense cents- find the purple kiwi.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 8:18:44 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pachel

I would like to meet and date like a regular vanilla relationship, but I'm told that is not what this site is about and that is not going to happen from here. The majority of men I have talked to expect the kink up front and that is all they want. That being said, I have met a couple men from here that have been very nice, we just didn't connect. 


I have had the same experience here (and on other sites). I am sure there are those who do meet and date like regular people, but you are correct; there is an abundance of people on kink sites who simply believe we are all here for kink only and therefore not only have the expectation of kink up front but upon learning you want to get to know each other first before talking about kink, they will annoyingly tell you to go on match.com, etc. instead of here.

As far as the OP, I am pretty much over dating. I think we all have our individual reasons for being tired of dating. In my case, I believe my last long term relationship has rendered me apathetic about relationships, even though I do really want to be with someone.

But finding someone who is the right person has become rather difficult and perhaps it is me, and I need much, much more time to get over my past relationship before I can even think of connecting with someone else.

I have found that dating in my younger years was much more fun; now they all seem like job interviews; except that the men seem to be interested in only talking about themselves; so after one date like that, I say no to a second, and the men never seem to understand why.

If I bother to inform them why, I tell them that going on a date with someone actually requires mutual conversation and showing interest in the other person, not just prattling on about themselves and thinking that is enough for a woman to be interested in them.

I also find dating today to be much different than in the past; I think there is more pressure today on people, more expectations, more are trying to figure out a way to short circuit the getting to know you part; everyone is used to instant gratification and dates take too long for most people.

I find it more productive to just go do the things I like to do in my free time and just live my life. If someone comes in my orbit, hopefully I will recognize him. But I am not really proactively looking.


(in reply to pachel)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 8:35:04 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I don't think it is just the kink sites where people are looking for sex first. I've met people through vanilla sites and it wasn't any different, just the actual activities desired.

Is it different for men looking for a woman? Who the hell knows, I only have my perspective as a woman looking for a man. However, given the number of men who want sex and then to see if they can build a relationship, it seems doubtful that we are going to here from many guys saying how all a woman wanted from him was his dick.

pachel:

Anyone who tells you that, tell him to fuck off. It isn't true, and they are just doing what guys have done since the dawn of time...making shit up in the hopes that some woman will let them in her pants.

I think a high percentage of people have found relationships when they stopped "looking." I look at it like when you lose your keys. You will search and search and get anxious as hell worried you will be late. Then you stop for a moment to think, take a deep breath....and your damn keys are right in front of you and you probably walked by in your search half a dozen times and didn't see them (as long as you didn't put them in the fridge, lol).

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 8:36:42 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: delilahdelight


My two sense cents- find the purple kiwi.


keen.
+1


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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to delilahdelight)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 9:22:03 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pachel

I would like to meet and date like a regular vanilla relationship, but I'm told that is not what this site is about and that is not going to happen from here. The majority of men I have talked to expect the kink up front and that is all they want. That being said, I have met a couple men from here that have been very nice, we just didn't connect. 

Sure, guys will say whatever. What do you think is a good way to meet someone and figure out if they're what you're looking for? Just because someone says this is the way it's done that doesn't mean it's the way it's done for you.

I personally did'nt care what men said about what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to go about things, I did it how I was comfortable. If they expected kink upfront that's great.....for them. I'm not going to knock their choice, but I don't appreciate being knocked for mine which is wanting to go about it a different way. It honestly drives me crazy when people try to nail things down for everyone in the entire world by saying this site is for only this (x,y,z), or people come here for this (x,y,z), or if you aren't doing what I do or want then you're doing it wrong. Screw that.

People do meet and date like a vanilla relationship here. I did, and then obviously the men I dated from here did too. So that proves the men who are telling you otherwise false. Go about things in the way that appeals to you and if that means dating then date - there definitely are men here who share your views. Some of the first dates I've had with men I've met here were for coffee, going to a college basketball game, dinner, and having a drink.

(in reply to pachel)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 9:55:39 AM   
lelloy


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: One end to the other, US
Status: offline 		I think it's a little more than dating. I prefer D/s when we're past the dating and into relationships. For the most part I look in the kink and kink-aware communities. I'm open to meeting people through vanilla venues but I don't hold much hope for it. In terms of online I have discreetly attached a vanilla dating profile to that other major fetish website...but most of my socialization and meeting new people has been through our local play group.

I think the Taken in Hand types are a bit easier to spot than kinky, and that at least gives you a power dynamic. I dislike egalitarians so I'm not willing to put much faith in normal connections.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 9:58:56 AM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline 		I have but two things to offer this conversation:

1. You are responsible for your own happiness. (no one else is)

2. Chemistry...is the glue that holds a relationship together.


Respectfully submitted,
Clickofheels

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 11:50:53 AM   
TheFireWithinMe


Posts: 1672
Joined: 10/3/2011
From: The Depths of Hell
Status: offline 		Well call it dating or "getting to know you better" it's what I'm going to be doing especially since I have chronic pain issues (hip knee and thumb) that need dealing with before I can even think of playing. Just as well because jumping in feet first hasn't been working for me. That works for me because essentially I want a whole relationship not just D/s or M/s and I've found that the best relationships grow out of friendships.

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Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

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(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 1:23:02 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
See? And my friends poke fun at me for loitering around the fire stations and airfields. Destiny doesn't just happen, people!
  You sure it's just because of the loitering?  

_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 1:48:42 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

Let's hope so - a bit of pain will split your arrogance down the middle and give you the capacity to empathise.
Oh you're so sweet, but we all know you're just jealous, you wish you were me.

Am I the only one who finds a rather large dose of irony in Awareness complaining about somebody being arrogant and lacking the ability to empathise?

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 1:54:15 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
Heather's choice for the
Sunny's Quote of the Day
goes to
Awareness

for this most interesting dating advice:

My advice:  Wait for the building to catch fire then start flirting madly with any guy who orders people around.  Bonus points if everyone makes it out alive and they all still love him.

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dating - 11/13/2011 2:05:08 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather Oh you're so sweet, but we all know you're just jealous, you wish you were me.
  I seriously considered this premise for a whole three seconds.  Initially, fucking three women at once sounds positive, but on reflection it would be a fucking nightmare.  The whining.  The bitchiness.  The simultaneous menstruation.  I'd tie them all up and dump them deep in the wilderness inside a month.

Way I figure it, if they make it back to civilisation alive, then they're fit to be Spartans.  If not, then less mouths to listen to.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 60
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