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But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 2:59:58 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I think about giving up something as simple as not having the tv on when I go to sleep, and I honestly can not see giving that up for anyone.

The simple things I have gotten in to a routine doing since I got divorced, they are the ones that I just can not see giving up. 

So, do you worry about such things?  Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 

Would a "twue" (puke gag and hurl) submissive be stubborn about such things?






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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 3:11:59 PM   
littlewonder


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Status: offline 		Coffee

Every morning I always started out my day with coffee. It got me through the day. It was not even something I ever gave a second thought about.

He saw it as an addiction and felt it was harming me so he put a stop to it. It's still hard for me to deal with that but I do because that's what he wants. I whine still at times about it lol.

I never saw myself ever giving that up for anyone but he gets what he wants and I willingly do it because I love him.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/16/2011 3:12:48 PM >

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 4:31:50 PM   
LafayetteLady


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

I think about giving up something as simple as not having the tv on when I go to sleep, and I honestly can not see giving that up for anyone.

The simple things I have gotten in to a routine doing since I got divorced, they are the ones that I just can not see giving up. 

So, do you worry about such things?  Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 

Would a "twue" (puke gag and hurl) submissive be stubborn about such things?



When you say something like sleeping with the tv on, I think about you and your partner sharing a bed. I used to be in a relationship with a guy who slept with the radio on, as well as a light. We didn't live together, so it was only "sometimes" an issue.

The light thing was explained as needing to see where he was going if he got up in the middle of the night. Personally, I thought it was a paranoid guy thing, and know a few guys who give the same reasoning.

He was asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow, so I have no idea what the radio was needed for.

Both drove me nuts! I want to sleep in the dark, and in the quiet. Finally, I told him he could have one or the other, not both (always secretly hoping he would choose to turn off the radio). It varied what he chose.

Anyway...the point is that there are things that people in a relationship, regardless of any D/s stuff have to "negotiate." If someone is not in bed with you, the whole "tv off" thing is simply someone playing with control for the sake of control. Not something I am into. If the guy is in your bed though, it can make for a miserable night's sleep for him.

If there are things you refuse to give up, or simply do not want to let go of, that is your option and you will find someone that fits in with what you don't care to give up or does the same things.

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 4:45:56 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
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Status: offline 		He wanted to sleep in pitch black, I had (have... >_<) a semi-fear of the dark. =p The first night I stayed over with him, I got really antsy because it was a new place and it was in the basement (he was really sensitive to light, to the point of having photic sneezes) and it was REEEEALLY dark. His compromise was getting me a color-changing night light for my side of his bed. =p haha

I was (am) a vegetarian, he was an avid meat eater. The compromise was that we often cooked together (which was always a ridiculous amount of fun), or he'd taste the stuff I made for him. I did eventually figure out his tastes -- he was simple to cook for because he didn't really like a lot of seasoning anyway. =p

As LafayetteLady said, there are just little details that you have to negotiate. Some are more manageable than others, and you have to figure out what is more important.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 11/16/2011 4:48:46 PM >

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 7:13:23 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

I think about giving up something as simple as not having the tv on when I go to sleep, and I honestly can not see giving that up for anyone.

The simple things I have gotten in to a routine doing since I got divorced, they are the ones that I just can not see giving up. 

So, do you worry about such things?  Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 

Would a "twue" (puke gag and hurl) submissive be stubborn about such things?



Oh my gosh, I'm dying for it. Left to my own devices (aka Dominantless) I am a wreck and I hate habits I have. Some other women do look at me with some envy at the ability to do simple things like fall asleep with the TV on (I do it, too) and not have to account to anyone for my actions, but...I think I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I miss having those challenges and expectations, and I miss having to change my behavior and reactions.

I don't worry about such things. I pray for such things.

About being stubborn - sure, I've been stubborn in the past about some things. But usually, if I'm stubborn about something, it's for logistical reasons, not because I just don't want to. You know. Because I'm a true submissive. ;)

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 7:30:14 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		I also enjoy sleeping with music or the television on all night. Master cannot sleep like that so I don't either. Other than that, the only "little" thing I've really given up is sleeping with clothes on. I prefer to do so but He doesn't want me to so I don't.
luci

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/16/2011 8:08:54 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


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quote:

So, do you worry about such things?
No, those sorts of things are beyond my control, Hanners will decide whatever she decides when she decides it, there's really no point in my worrying about things like that.

quote:

Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up?
Found someone, yes. Gave up small thing, yes. Found it really hard to do, no.

quote:

Would a "twue" (puke gag and hurl) submissive be stubborn about such things?
I have no idea about other submissives, but I wouldn't be stubborn about such things. If I'm told to do something that I have a major problem with, then I'll say so, explain my reasons, and abide by her decision. That's what submitting to another person is all about, isn't it?

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 2:29:10 AM   
JstAnotherSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

I think about giving up something as simple as not having the tv on when I go to sleep, and I honestly can not see giving that up for anyone.

The simple things I have gotten in to a routine doing since I got divorced, they are the ones that I just can not see giving up. 

So, do you worry about such things?  Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 

Would a "twue" (puke gag and hurl) submissive be stubborn about such things?



Oh my gosh, I'm dying for it. Left to my own devices (aka Dominantless) I am a wreck and I hate habits I have. Some other women do look at me with some envy at the ability to do simple things like fall asleep with the TV on (I do it, too) and not have to account to anyone for my actions, but...I think I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I miss having those challenges and expectations, and I miss having to change my behavior and reactions.

I don't worry about such things. I pray for such things.

About being stubborn - sure, I've been stubborn in the past about some things. But usually, if I'm stubborn about something, it's for logistical reasons, not because I just don't want to. You know. Because I'm a true submissive. ;)

I completely get this.  I think part of my problem is, after a 20 year marriage that was not D/s, but was more domineering asshole, my new found freedoms are something that I thought I would never want.  Being 40 before ever being on my own was so scary, but, having survived it and becoming a completely self sufficient person, I am almost terrified of giving up one little bit of my freedom.

Everything was so easy the first time, a couple of years after my divorce, when my first dom fell into my lap.  I gave my self so easily, and it was painless and effortless.  Now, I wonder if I have changed too much to ever do that again. 

Bah.  Things always seem to happen so easily, when they are right.  I just hope I have not avoided a right one because of my silly inner voices and stubbornness.


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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 2:46:47 AM   
xxblushesxx


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From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm not "allowed" to leave the television on when I go to sleep (I sleep during the day) generally I don't. But sometimes I do.
He likes a light on. I prefer pitch dark.
I could probably go on for pages, but, when you really want to be with someone, you work it out. Of course, many people, decide they'd rather have things their own way and live on their own.
If you did have "silly inner voices" take heed. They are there for a reason.

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 7:12:38 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 
When we moved in together it became very obvious that our clocks were different. I'd stay up until midnight, 1am. Master is usually asleep by 10pm (He gets up at 5am) He made a rule that I had to go to bed with him. I could read or watch TV until I was ready to sleep, but I had to be in bed. That was a long adjustment period.


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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 7:17:44 AM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		I'm not much of a habit person. I move around so much and change my environment so much that I never really get an entrenched routine set up, and I don't really have the basic propensity for it, either, I don't think. I imagine if I did and someone wanted me to change it, they'd need a damn good reason. If my habits and a subs habits collide and there is no overarching principle, it won't take me long to decide whose are more important to me.

ETA: I've never tried it, but I've always suspected many couples would be better off not sharing a bedroom, especially if one or both is a light sleeper. Get at least one of you a nice big bed you can both share if you're in the mood, and the rest of the time don't try to force yourself to sleep together if it isn't working.

< Message edited by Epytropos -- 11/17/2011 7:20:05 AM >

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 7:32:56 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

Have you found someone and had to give up "small" things that were really hard to give up? 


Sure, living together is full of compromising. We decided, for a variety of reasons, that we needed separate bedrooms, and that's what we got.

As a no TV person myself, I can't resist giving you this sleep hygiene link:

http://www.umm.edu/sleep/sleep_hyg.htm

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 8:02:10 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

As a no TV person myself, I can't resist giving you this sleep hygiene link:

http://www.umm.edu/sleep/sleep_hyg.htm



I've read similar articles which recommend against falling asleep with the TV on. But one thing in the article struck me:

quote:

Many people fall asleep with the television on in their room. Watching television before bedtime is often a bad idea. Television is a very engaging medium that tends to keep people up. We generally recommend that the television not be in the bedroom. At the appropriate bedtime, the TV should be turned off and the patient should go to bed. Some people find that the radio helps them go to sleep. Since radio is a less engaging medium than TV, this is probably a good idea.


I actually disagree with the part in bold. I find it to be the exact opposite. It's usually so boring that I find it relatively easy to fall asleep with the TV on. If I'm listening to the radio, I'm probably more engaged if they're playing music that I like. But talk radio will put me to sleep in seconds.

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 10:20:14 AM   
Ishtarr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Epytropos

I'm not much of a habit person. I move around so much and change my environment so much that I never really get an entrenched routine set up, and I don't really have the basic propensity for it, either, I don't think. I imagine if I did and someone wanted me to change it, they'd need a damn good reason. If my habits and a subs habits collide and there is no overarching principle, it won't take me long to decide whose are more important to me.

ETA: I've never tried it, but I've always suspected many couples would be better off not sharing a bedroom, especially if one or both is a light sleeper. Get at least one of you a nice big bed you can both share if you're in the mood, and the rest of the time don't try to force yourself to sleep together if it isn't working.


According to research, men sleep better with a partner in the room, women sleep better alone:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21091112/ns/health-sleep/t/men-sleep-better-beside-mate-women-worse/#.TsVP4mCwVUo

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 1:51:46 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
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Status: offline 		I don't particularly want to give up anything ( I like the TV thing too).....lol

As we don't live in the same house I can generally blither around doing my own thing. When he's here it's different and he generally runs things. I've no idea how awful it'd be if he was here fulltime but I imagine a very long adjustment period. (He says it'd be a short, painful one...LOL)

I'm not ungrateful for the fact that he's a short car journey away.

I like my space..he likes his too. It wouldn't matter who it was, or how much in lurve I might be, I am just no longer cut out for fulltime co-habiting.Up until ten years ago I could have done it but now I don't see any need to.

The truth is, it's unlikely to suit either of us and is highly unlikely to ever occur.

Best of both worlds, perhaps.

agirl




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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 3:06:55 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I started setting the sleep timer at bedtime the night the ex left.  It is also the night the dog started sleeping with me.  Other than one week between having Razor put down and getting Charlie the crazy mutt from the pound, that has been my routine when at home. 

I normally just turn the tv on and roll over to go to sleep.  It doesn't take long to pass out, 4 fucking 30 comes early.

agirl, I think I could handle the part time thing.  I definitely do not see me moving in with anyone for a long long time.  I never knew how much I needed solitude, until I had it forced on me.

Thanks for all the replies. Gave me things to think about.


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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 3:27:15 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

He wanted to sleep in pitch black, I had (have... >_<) a semi-fear of the dark. =p The first night I stayed over with him, I got really antsy because it was a new place and it was in the basement (he was really sensitive to light, to the point of having photic sneezes) and it was REEEEALLY dark. His compromise was getting me a color-changing night light for my side of his bed. =p haha

As LafayetteLady said, there are just little details that you have to negotiate. Some are more manageable than others, and you have to figure out what is more important.


"Negotiate" or "compromise for the one you love."

The night light was a great one. In other circumstances (or the reverse) a sleep mask that blocks light could work as well.

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 3:31:33 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

I completely get this.  I think part of my problem is, after a 20 year marriage that was not D/s, but was more domineering asshole, my new found freedoms are something that I thought I would never want.  Being 40 before ever being on my own was so scary, but, having survived it and becoming a completely self sufficient person, I am almost terrified of giving up one little bit of my freedom.

Everything was so easy the first time, a couple of years after my divorce, when my first dom fell into my lap. I gave my self so easily, and it was painless and effortless. Now, I wonder if I have changed too much to ever do that again. 

Bah.  Things always seem to happen so easily, when they are right.  I just hope I have not avoided a right one because of my silly inner voices and stubbornness.



You said it yourself, it's easy when you know it is the "right" relationship, even it is right just for now.

As blushes said, don't ignore your inner voices. They are rarely "silly" and are simply telling you it isn't right. They might also be telling you subtly he is likely the biggest asshat to walk the earth, but either way, you should listen.

Hey, having been living on my own since my divorce more than 15 years ago, I sleep in the middle of the bed. When I have spent the night with guys I was dating, they seemed to think I was trying to "cuddle" all night. I think they might have been a little offended when I told them I wasn't cuddling, just migrating to my "normal" sleep space and they were in the way!

ETA:

I was always anti separate bedrooms for people in relationships. Now, after relationships with people who wanted the lights on, the radio on or snored like a freight train, I think separate bedrooms is the best idea in the world. I tend to have insomnia and when I can actually go to bed and go to sleep, the last thing I want is any type of thing that interferes with that, D/s relationship or not. My sleep is important to me.

< Message edited by LafayetteLady -- 11/17/2011 3:33:37 PM >

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 7:34:08 PM   
Kaliko


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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I was always anti separate bedrooms for people in relationships. Now, after relationships with people who wanted the lights on, the radio on or snored like a freight train, I think separate bedrooms is the best idea in the world. I tend to have insomnia and when I can actually go to bed and go to sleep, the last thing I want is any type of thing that interferes with that, D/s relationship or not. My sleep is important to me.


I agree. My former partner and I had already agreed that when (if) the time came for us to live together, I would be allowed my own room, as my sleep habits are quite different than his. And...I kind of like the thought of being sent to my room. :)

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RE: But, I have gone to sleep with the tv on for 10 years! - 11/17/2011 7:41:07 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Actually I worry about this kind of stuff. I don't know that I want to give up my freedom, I'm a pretty solitary person and I like it that way. I like having things at home according to my taste. I also like being with my partner. I really don't know how it will resolve. He is very open about wanting a future together, and sure, I'd like that. But it would mean me giving up being alone eventually. Hmmm.......yeah, not sure about that. I love him, I like being with him immensely, are those two things enough to balance out giving up what I have for myself? I honestly don't know yet and i'm glad I've got some time to decide.

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