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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/20/2011 8:27:14 PM

strongbottom88

Posts: 40
Joined: 9/10/2011
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As I read through this thread I guess I am seeing three different questions - Why would a guy contact a woman and seek a meeting without any further communication of any significance?; Why would a guy be willing to meet a woman without having established a significant vanilla friendship first and perhaps not even knowing what the woman looks like?; and Why would a guy be willing to play with a woman without knowing her?

As to question 1, I have no idea. Sometimes, because some women's profiles are not very detailed it can be a bit of a struggle to figure out how to approach an opening contact message, but requesting a meeting does not seem to show any kind of tact or thought unless something in a profile suggests it is appropriate (an openly pro domme profile may qualify I suppose).

As to question 2, assuming the meeting doesn't require a cross country flight or something like that, I think most men are going to be ok with a meeting whether they suggest it themselves or not. We simply aren't socialized to be as cautious about meeting a woman we may not know well. I have met three women in person from this site so far. We did know what each other looked like (at least we had seen pictures of each other) and we did email, chat, and text ahead of time (only in one case did we talk on the phone first). Even if I had not seen a picture and had only limited contact, I would not have an issue meeting in some public place. I may learn something about friendship and/or kink compatiability with an in person meeting that multiple emails, chats, and even phone calls won't establish. If I were a woman meeting a man, I would probably feel different about too quick of a meeting. That is just the reality we live in.

As to question 3, that is a different matter as now I am potentially leaving myself vulnerable. I have played as a bottom/masochist with women I did not really know at all, but only because they were known by someone else I knew and trusted. Being willing to meet and play as a sub/bottom with someone you do not know at all, speaks of ignorance and desperation all the way around. Perhaps domme to sub men ratios increase the level of risk a sub is willing to take, but this seems over the top.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)

Post #: 21

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/21/2011 5:05:16 PM

switchblademoi

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: experiment2

i agree wiht some of the prior comments that there are many more subs that Dommes. most subs are willing to take a chance in the belief the Domme will not hurt or injure them seriously if they have made a mistake in the first place.

Males tend to be easily excited and controlled by there balls rather than there brain and will take a greater risk than most females will. to a sexually stimulated male logic takes a back seat.

Assuming a sub is going to be sensible and suggest the first meeting is coffee in a public place, what's the risk? Worse case scenario, one or both of you won't like the other and you'll go on your way, having wasted a little time. That's no different than a vanilla date found on match or cl.

A male will be more likely to do that because of supply and demand -- if a sub is only hearing back from one domme every two months, it's no big deal to meet. If a female domme is getting 10 offers a day to meet for coffee, she's going to be choosier.

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 22

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/21/2011 9:15:14 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.

Why woud I meet a Domme that I do not know what she looks like?
Looks are just not that important to me. As anyone on this board that I have conversed with knows I never once have asked for a pic. If we are emailing back and forth because we have a similar interest I know I will find out what you look like.

Why would I serve a Domme without knowing her?
Life is short. And its getting shorter for me all the time. To me this is know different than going on a date in the vanilla world. Do I need to know the person before I go on a date? No, I have no problem taking a chance on something. The worst that could happen is the date is a bust and the night was boring. Same on the D/s side of things. So I meet a Domme and serve her for an evening. Whats the worst that could happen? She doesn't like me or I do not like her. Chances are that even if we do not hit it out, a night of interested conversation will happen at a bare minimum.

I will say I do send emails to Dommes. I do read their profile and look at their interests first. If I feel there are some similar D/s interests I will write her and ask if certain things interest her. Do I have to know here as a person first before asking her D/s interests? My answer to that is no. I would rather see if we have similar D/s interest first and if so then get to know her more. For instance I have a latex fetish. If I were to meet someone who hates latex it would never work out. So I want to know if we are D/s compatible first.

Now I am not saying that I do not want to get to know someone. Rather the opposite is true. I want to know what makes them ticks, what turns them on, what turns them off, what makes ther wheels inside their head go round and round. :)

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to LovelyLady39)

Post #: 23

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/21/2011 10:28:36 PM

missygwen

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/20/2011
Status: offline

I think there is a certain attraction for some men to serve a woman without knowing anything more about her than that she's Dominant. It's somehow part of the fantasy for some guys.

Then, too, I think some look at it from their own point of view: that if they were looking for a female sub, one who wrote and unconditionally offered to do whatever he wanted would seem attractive at first, so I think that's what they expect the Dominant women are looking for.

I have to say that being a good conversationalist is not something that has done much for me yet. The last Dominant lady I was interested in loved having conversations with me, but I just wasn't her type sexually or the kind of person she wanted as a submissive. We're still friends but after a short period of experimentation the physical/BDSM part went nowhere.

As to why we might be considering kinks over other common interests: all I can say is, I have a lot of women friends, and I could probably have more if I were more socially driven. Finding people with common vanilla interests has been the easy part. It seems like there are plenty of women on here I could be friends with, but there may not be any whose kinks are compatible.

I admit too that I find the intangible parts baffling -- when people talk about finding a "connection" I wonder just what that means. I'm not really sure I've ever felt that way with anyone -- either that or I think it's something more than what it really is.

_____________________________

--
"There's nothing wrong with me, this is how I'm s'posed to be
In a land of make-believe, that don't believe in me..."
--Green Day, "Jesus of Suburbia"

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 24

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/22/2011 10:55:04 AM

UniqueJust

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2011
Status: offline

Depends on the guy. Lame people get lame results.

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 25

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/27/2011 7:58:48 AM

Funbuns11

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/26/2011
Status: offline

Thats a good question, as a sub myself I've been looking to find a connection with a Mistress for a very long time. I understand what you're getting at, and it's just as frustrating for us subs because there are so few doms to begin with. Which is why so many subs have little to no standards when choosing a dom. It's just a vicious circle. Personally I also think a lot of the problem is that there are less women online in general. Many of them see meeting someone online as a sign of desperation, when in-fact it's 1000x better then meeting someone randomly in real life. At least online you can learn much more someone's personality before you hook up. I'm not an expert, but as a bi-sexual sub I feel like I have a better in-site into people. Women tend to generalize men almost to the point of having a mental check list eg. job, looks, etc. Which is why there are so many un-happily married women in the world. It's not all the females fault for this. Men in general lie and will say anything at first to get what they want. Then you have people like me who are courageous enough to just be themselves. I'm a 33 year old gamer geek, who happens to be a bi bottom sub.

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 26

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/27/2011 10:03:59 AM

Soyokaze

Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

If it's just meeting/temporary, then why not just meet without much back and forth beforehand (from a subs perspective). For more serious relationships, people willing to do so without information is just an act of desperation. I've only ever fallen for someone before meeting in person one time, and that was after a great deal of back and forth. That ended in disaster though : ( Other serious relationships I've had were only really solidified after meeting several times.

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"When I was a little kid, I wish the first word I ever said was 'quote' so right before I died I could say 'end quote'" -Steven Wright

(in reply to Funbuns11)

Post #: 27

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 11/27/2011 10:29:50 AM

81song

Posts: 293
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

I also do not understand that someone can be under a Domme and not know them, that is very strange to me. A Domme and a sub should know a room full of details and that comes with time.

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 28

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/4/2011 7:29:03 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.

Because your options are 125,000 to 1 of ours...and we gotta get cracking!

(in reply to LovelyLady39)

Post #: 29

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 8:24:35 AM

Piercemenow

Posts: 13
Joined: 10/24/2011
Status: offline

"My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all. "

Part of it is the high caused by danger. I've been ripped off before, but most times not. We can kinda tell when someone is legit over the Internet. For example: I never answer anyone pretending to be a Gorean who is into financial dominance.

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 30

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 9:23:58 AM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

I think there needs to be a very clear distinction made between 'serve' and 'sub' or 'submit' because I find sometimes that this is part of the confusion.

Anyone can sub to anyone else at any time at the drop of a hat. It's a matter of choice. But to 'serve' you need to know how, what, and you also need to know not just the expectations of the dominant but also what pleases them. Unless you actually get to know the person you're serving at best you're guessing, at worst you're fooling yourself.

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)

Post #: 31

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 10:42:35 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

IMO split the wank fantasy merchants from the discussion. & the serious subs are merely trying to put together a sales pitch.

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to experiment2)

Post #: 32

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 11:13:54 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I call bullshit on 99%.
I think they just want to jerk off online. I bet out of the 11 pages of unanswered messages from sub boys in my box right now, if I messaged each one saying ok, sure, come serve me..*maybe* one actually would, in RT.
I have nothing scientific to back this up, just the feeling I get when i read "zomg Fornica, I want to worship you forEVER AND EVER" messages.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 33

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 12:07:43 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

fair call I guess.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 34

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 12:42:45 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them? ............I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.

Sorry I'm late joining this thread, but I disagree with the entire premise of your question.

You say that "so many are willing to serve a dominant female". You also said that "I understand your need to serve, I get that". But obviously, you don't get it.

The problem is that you seem to think that they want to serve, when in reality, they have no interest in serving. "Service" is a selfless act of doing something for another person. To truly qualify as "service", it should benefit the person being served. But most of the horny guys who pretend to be subs on this site have no interest in serving anyone. Their motives aren't selfless. In truth, their motives are completely selfish.

That's why they're so interested in "serving" you without getting to know you. You see, it has nothing to do with YOU, and everything to do with them. You are simply a prop in their one-act play. Your wants and needs are irrelevant to most of the horny net geeks who claim to be male subs.

Here's a simple test for you. The next time someone says that they want to "serve" you, accept their offer. Then tell them that you'd like them to start by mowing your lawn. Watch how quickly they decide that they're not interested in your brand of "service".

To them, "service" means that they will allow you to do the things that are on their kink list. So if they're into bondage, "service" means that they'll let you tie them up. If they're into humiliation, they'll let you laugh at their small penis. But they probably won't be open to doing anything that isn't on their kink list. And they certainly won't be interested in doing anything that might actually benefit you.

What they don't understand is that being "forced" to dress up in women's lingerie, or being cuckolded, or being "forced" to suck another man's cock, or whatever else is on their fantasy list, probably doesn't qualify as "service" in the minds of most Dommes. If the Domme were to do what the male sub truly wanted, it would be the Domme who would actually be serving the sub. After all, his fantasies would be fulfilled, while the Domme would get very little from the interaction.

Moreover, most of them tend to want their "service" to be done exclusively on-line or on webcam. When you try to actually meet them in real life, they'll evaporate like last week's rain.

Does that sound like "service" to you?

Hopefully, that helps explain why they're so willing to "serve" you without even getting to know you.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)

Post #: 35

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 3:46:57 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

^^ wise words. ITA.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 36

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 5:40:40 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

^^ wise words. ITA.

(I was thinking them).

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 37

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/5/2011 5:47:15 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

That doesn't count.
No soup for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

^^ wise words. ITA.

(I was thinking them).

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 38

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 12:52:59 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Moreover, most of them tend to want their "service" to be done exclusively on-line or on webcam. When you try to actually meet them in real life, they'll evaporate like last week's rain.

Some of them may not even get as far as online servitude. There do seem to be a lot of men out there (and, for all I know, women too) who fantasise about submission, and get a thrill out of talking to a dominant about it, but get cold feet when it comes to actually doing it.

On the other hand, even the ones who are quite serious about wanting to meet a dominant woman might not be all that interested in the non-kinky side of her personality. I never like to over-generalise, but I think men are probably more likely than women to focus on the experience itself (in this case, servitude and submission) as opposed to the person making it possible.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 39

RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 1:01:32 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Moreover, most of them tend to want their "service" to be done exclusively on-line or on webcam. When you try to actually meet them in real life, they'll evaporate like last week's rain.

Some of them may not even get as far as online servitude. There do seem to be a lot of men out there (and, for all I know, women too) who fantasise about submission, and get a thrill out of talking to a dominant about it, but get cold feet when it comes to actually doing it.

On the other hand, even the ones who are quite serious about wanting to meet a dominant woman might not be all that interested in the non-kinky side of her personality. I never like to over-generalise, Ibut think men are probably more likely than women to focus on the experience itself (in this case, servitude and submission) as opposed to the person making it possible.

I have talked to men literally breathless with excitement that they were speaking to a DOMINANT FEMALE. Sad? Pathetic? Perplexing? All of the above. Those men really never leave their fantasies.

Regarding what I bolded: isn't that our endless complaint, that we're treated as fetish delivery systems? And "servitude and submission" according to whose definition? I have yet to meet a woman, even one deeply into objectification, who will allow herself to be used by just anyone. Anyone her master chooses, perhaps, but not ANYONE in a random group.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Wheldrake)

Post #: 40

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