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RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 1:57:16 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have talked to men literally breathless with excitement that they were speaking to a DOMINANT FEMALE. Sad? Pathetic? Perplexing? All of the above. Those men really never leave their fantasies.

I agree to a point, but I think this attitude becomes less perplexing (and hopefully a bit less pathetic) when you remember the numerical imbalance between dominant women and submissive men. There's also the fact that some dominant women really do give off a "you're probably not good enough to talk to me" vibe. When you put those things together, it's easy to see how inexperienced submissive men could regard dominant women as rare, almost too-good-to-be-true entities that they're lucky even to be interacting with. I had a touch of this myself once upon a time, but I've pretty much grown out of it. Now I just like and admire dominant women, without putting them on that much of a pedestal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Regarding what I bolded: isn't that our endless complaint, that we're treated as fetish delivery systems?

Sure, but that's a slightly misleading way to look at it. A fetish delivery system would spank you in a predictable way when you pressed the "spank" button. I could be wrong, but I don't think many submissive men (sincere and committed ones, anyway) really want this. They want someone who will take control on her own terms and exploit them for her twisted, sadistic pleasure, which naturally might involve activities they genuinely don't enjoy and would never programme into a fetish delivery robot. The more service-oriented ones probably also want to be exploited for practical purposes. They just don't necessarily need to feel a deep emotional connection to the woman running the show, or know a lot about her as long as they're convinced of her capacity for dominance and/or sadism.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
And "servitude and submission" according to whose definition? I have yet to meet a woman, even one deeply into objectification, who will allow herself to be used by just anyone. Anyone her master chooses, perhaps, but not ANYONE in a random group.

There's a lot of space between "just anyone" and, say, "only someone I know well and really like". A dominant that's careless, psychotic or irresponsible is going to be dangerous, and one lacking imagination, natural authority and at least a bit of a evil streak is probably not going to be all that exciting, but as long as those qualities are in place there may not be much need for additional common ground.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 2:05:07 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		<<They just don't necessarily need to feel a deep emotional connection to the woman running the show, or know a lot about her as long as they're convinced of her capacity for dominance and/or sadism>>

<<but as long as those qualities are in place there may not be much need for additional common ground>>

You have explained EXACTLY why professional dominance will always be a viable profession. Even a person who loves to play is going to get very tired of beating the same old carcass unless she has some motivation to keep bringing something new to the party. If cash or friendship arent there, what's left?

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 2:32:18 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
You have explained EXACTLY why professional dominance will always be a viable profession. Even a person who loves to play is going to get very tired of beating the same old carcass unless she has some motivation to keep bringing something new to the party. If cash or friendship arent there, what's left?

The sheer joy of seeing that old carcass twist and squirm, I suppose.

Of course I realise that, for many people, this simply isn't going to be enough. I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with needing "cash or friendship" - but equally, there are people who don't need those things, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. However, it seems to me that a lot of the frustration (on both sides of the kneel and both sides of the gender divide) that sometimes shows up on this site, and in the BDSM community in general, is rooted in the fact that women are more likely to need the cash or friendship whereas men are more likely to see those things as basically surplus to requirements.

Personally, I think it's great when a BDSM relationship can include friendship, but from my point of view the friendship is icing on the cake rather than an essential ingredient of the cake itself. And there's even a certain dark attraction in the idea of being the helpless, abject property of someone whom I really detest, and who detests me in return. On the other hand, I'm currently in a relationship that has a sweetly romantic component as well as a BDSM component, and I have to admit I find it rather complicated and confusing to combine the two - but it also has its compensations, of course.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 2:38:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have certainly done the beat and run type of relationship...and it gets boring as hell after six months or so. Really, if we dont care about each other, it's nothing more than mutual masturbation. I am fast at figuring out where the hot buttons are, but if I don't care if he is having a good time, well WTF? NEXT!

It gets old. I had a fantastic FWB for years, we barely knew a thing about each other, though he was a great guy. Never kissed once. Never did any date stuff. And when it got old, it got old, because neither of us wanted anything more.

Fun is great, I am all for fun, but I prefer long term satisfaction.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 8:02:19 PM   
SubRopes


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/30/2011
Status: offline 		I read though most posts and I would like to add my 2 cents in here. I am a sub, verging on switch but 99% of the time sub and one thing that has put me off a little bit from the site is how most femdoms are just after financial domination. While I sure there are some doms, and subs, that are into that sort of thing, it feels as if this site is flooded with scammers sometimes. I could totally see subs sending messages to many doms trying to get a handle on whether or not each particular dom is just after their money or is actually into BDSM.

As I sub I do not expect dom's to pay for everything, but when you think about it in a real, or at least practical, dom/sub relationship each party should get what they want out of it. Eg, Doms want someone to serve them and subs want to serve someone. Any monetary cost should be split. The femdoms on this site that basically ask subs to pay them to be able to serve them kind of give subs a bad idea of how a real relationship works within the bounds of BDSM.

Unfortunately I can not speak from experience, as I have not ever been in, at least a good, BDSM relationship, but I have had many relationships. I would expect one based around BDSM would still function like a vanilla relationship. I mean interpersonal relations are still interpersonal relations, no matter what shape you try to put it in.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/7/2011 9:12:51 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline 		Sorry, can't answer that... I've never understood those guys either. And a friend of mine is a Domme who doesn't seem to want to know her subs either, and it's rather frustrating seeing her play with sub after sub while I'm stuck here not having found a single interested lady.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/8/2011 2:55:03 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hangemhigh1953

Sorry, can't answer that... I've never understood those guys either. And a friend of mine is a Domme who doesn't seem to want to know her subs either, and it's rather frustrating seeing her play with sub after sub while I'm stuck here not having found a single interested lady.



That has to be maddening, you seem like a cool guy and fun to hang with. It happens to so many people, too, I will never understand what makes some of us wallflowers.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 6:40:32 AM   
Toucan


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/26/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LovelyLady39

I realize for females the challenges are different. Can the sub boys explain why (some) so many of you are so very willing to serve a female Dominant without knowing them?
My question doesn't have a tone, I'm just trying to understand how I can get emails, daily, from boys willing to meet me without knowing what I look like, or knowing me as a person at all.
I understand needing to serve, I get that. Just as badly as I want someone to serve me. But I need to get to know someone on a vanilla level as much as a bdsm level.


Honestly? I have no idea. I find the idea of just diving into it without establishing a rapport, a bit way out there(and on many levels outright terrifying). But another poster hit the nail on the head. The people who do such things view the person more so as an object then as another person. To be entirely fair, I imagine it as a kind of deep fixation on their part.

Also there is a high chance that your get many messages from the same people. I wouldn't be surprised if some employ a multiple prong strategy using a few different profiles(that contain information that can't be linked to the other profiles) and different styles of messages. So as to maximize their "yes rate". But that could be giving credit where it isn't due lol. Also, some people are just jerks that like to troll too.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 8:25:22 AM   
Danielletropy


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/29/2010
Status: offline 		OP, I wouldn't know how to answer your question, as I do not approach the problem in such a fashion. However, I do seem to have little better luck than habitual one liners despite levying well thought out greetings after looking over the profile of the intended Domme for any possible points of connection. I will discuss kink likes and dislikes up front, so as to avoid confusing anyone as to who I am and what I'm in to. I don't anticipate getting abused by a Domme or Dom without some conversations and a vanilla meeting or two prior to any possible play, however.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 11:03:14 AM   
delightedbyyou


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline 		That's an easier one for me to answer, because I don't want to meet anyone based on a single correspondence or instant message. I never have. To be honest, I'm a little suspicious of anyone that would. People are welcome to live life however they want, that's their choice. But I recognize that my own submissive qualities, while a sense of joy to myself and some few others, could be a bit of a liability when meeting a stranger. It's kind of a big deal to let someone see that side. There is a certain vulnerability on the part of a sub-minded person. I think this is perhaps a big part of the attraction to a dominant minded person. I suppose I view it as a dominant has a great deal of influence, of course, and with that comes a certain responsibility. That's why I need a little bit of time to allow them to convince me they have that quality.

(in reply to LovelyLady39)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 5:08:36 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

one thing that has put me off a little bit from the site is how most femdoms are just after financial domination


You're in New York. Get thee to a munch.

http://darkheart.com/usalist.html#New York

(in reply to SubRopes)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 5:38:43 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

It's not an issue of safety, PureVenom, it's that they are just not interested in who we femdoms ARE. It's insulting, it's baffling, and it's the reason so many of them are going to be looking a damned long time.





I dont disagree with this Lady H, although there is another reason being overlooked here. When you are new to this it is not only exciting but addictive, the desire to serve, at any cost, gets in the way of rational thinking.

Once a sub guy has come to understand more about his wants, that desire to serve at any cost diminishes.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 8:07:12 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I'll toss in my nickel's worth here as well....

I don't necessarily agree with Stella's comments about submission vs. service, because for me, it's the opposite.  While I have no issue serving most Dommes, I'll submit to very, very few.
This may be because we simply have different definitions of what those two words entail.

From my perspective, many of those men who are willing to submit (or, if you prefer, serve..) to "any ol' Domme" without getting to know her first....are just plain inexperienced....or desperate.  They are so thrilled to have found someone who will fulfill some of their fantasies, that they are not that interested in who she is as a person.

I see this at ClubFem events on occasion with new boys.  They are usually so thrilled (and excited...in more ways than one..) to have the attention of Dominant women, that not only will they play with any woman who wishes to play with them, but some believe that if they say "no," that they will not get another invitation. I rarely play at ClubFem...I perform my duties as a service sub (I identify as a domestic servant)  I spend my evening prepping food, serving food, cleaning the kitchen, maintaining the space and keeping it nice while the others play, and cleaning up at the end of the night.  Because I don't know many of the Dommes personally, and because so far, I haven't seen one that will be a good match for me, I have declined most invitations to play when asked.

This apparently is shocking to both some of the Dommes...some who think that every man who attends is so desperate for attention that they would never say no....and to the men..who can't understand why I'm so "picky."     I am more than happy to bring any Domme in the club a soda....clean her equipment when she's done, and clean the snow of her car before she leaves.  But we definitely have to have a closer and deeper personal connection before I will allow anyone to place their hands (or implements) on my body.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/10/2011 11:43:44 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

Have you tried asking the guys who do this?


I have. some times sweetly, some times diplomatically, some times angrily. I have yet to get an answer - although they'll happily promise the moon and the stars. It's extra fun when the same guy comes back a week later with the same spammage.



_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/11/2011 3:55:51 AM   
Arienos


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/5/2011
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry, can't answer that... I've never understood those guys either. And a friend of mine is a Domme who doesn't seem to want to know her subs either, and it's rather frustrating seeing her play with sub after sub while I'm stuck here not having found a single interested lady.


After receiving a gold letter I considered not commenting further on this site but I think it important to once again say to those males/females pursuing submission be true to yourself, do not allow another or a group or any collective of D/s practitioners to tell you how or when or to whom you will differ. You are the controller of your destiny and those things you aspire to. Remember no battle is more courageously fought then the battle for self, respect your enemy (those who would alter, change and rob you of the man or woman of you) then dismiss them respectfully.

< Message edited by Arienos -- 12/11/2011 4:14:37 AM >

(in reply to hangemhigh1953)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/11/2011 4:31:54 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I have meant some wonderful submissive and real and we meet and no kink but talk
i sense the ones whom send nude pics and when someone has no pictures and it works better
i mean the present submissive, real as it gets funny and not looking to jump but learn first! 
that is the type of man i have and he was here on cm!

When they send me a emial and they have a group of women on there what do they need me for
they have some already ( charles i am not speaking of you) but other have written and have dommes on their profiles
i just do not like that or the pcitures of anything and everything, it is like they are saying look at all of the women i have! It is a turns me off, i will not even answer those emails at all! No profiles no emails and then i had a 19 years that is too young for me!

mons

(in reply to experiment2)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/21/2011 1:33:08 AM   
SlavedogHk


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/14/2011
Status: offline 		Being dominated by a female stranger really excites me!

(in reply to experiment2)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/31/2011 6:51:16 PM   
ChicagoAmy


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline 		That's because there are no true submissve males. They are all so willing to "serve" because they think that means "tie me up and get me off".

(in reply to experiment2)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/31/2011 8:05:41 PM   
mummyman321


Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline 		What?......you will not tie me up and get me off just so that I can be a pleasure to you?........what is this world coming to?????

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Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: got a ? for sub boys - 12/31/2011 8:17:45 PM   
hangemhigh1953


Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChicagoAmy

That's because there are no true submissve males. They are all so willing to "serve" because they think that means "tie me up and get me off".

That's certainly why there are so many sub male profiles. But submissive males DO exist; we're just not as common as this site would lead you to believe. Well... I personally believe I am naturally submissive, but then again I've never been able to relate to any other guys...

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

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Profile   Post #: 60
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