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The poor little confused newbies - 5/27/2006 9:34:35 AM

Proprietrix

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

This is a spin-off of Calandra's "balanced view of collars" thread. My opinion here isn't so much about collars, but about newcomers to the scene. One thing the OP stated was:

When new people (for the rest of this post, assume I'm speaking of both Dominant and submissive power identities) come onto the scene, they are full of questions, and often find that sorting out how and where kink fits into their life takes a confusing turn when they begin reading the majority of resources out there. So many posters to newsgroups and bulletin boards have the tendency to state things as a "fact" rather than as one "option" or "opinion" because in their lives what they are stating IS a fact. This tendency then leads to strife when someone else posts other options or viewpoints. All the while, newbies are watching the dialogue and getting more and more confused.

Ok, call me a cold-hearted uncaring bitch, but I really don't have an overwhelming amount of sympathy for newbies. Sure, I like to see people get educated in anything new they are undertaking. It's always nice to see people learning and growing. And yes, most everyone can benefit from learning things like safety, new opinions, diverse perspectives, and tricks of the trade.
But....
Newcomers are only different from the more seasoned in one way - they lack "time". They are still humans. They are still adults. They still think for themselves.

They should have the common sense to form their own conclusions and not take any one person's word as gospel. This is a lesson they should have learned a long time ago in life. They should have the common sense to realize that if 30 different people have 30 different views, there might not be a truism. If they hear 100 different definitions of the meaning of a collar, they might get a clue that it varies from person to person.

We're not dealing with grammar school children here. Just like politics, religion, controversial social issues, the environment, and *life* in general, everyone is going to have a different point of view. They should know that already because they've been living in society in general.

If a newcomer is experiencing strife because they are receiving differing viewpoints on BDSM, my advice is for them to reflect back on every other aspect of their life and determine whether or not differing view points in general cause the same strife within. Do they get confused and bewildered when people don't agree on politics? Do they feel overwhelmed and mixed-up when people have varying opinions on parenting? Do they experience doubt, conflict, and turmoil in all areas of life in which people aren't just sitting around nodding their heads agreeing with one another?
If so, they might have some internal issues they need to work through.
If not, why do they expect anything different from real life opinions here in the BDSM realm?

I have a difficult time taking it as my personal responsibility, (or passing on the responsibility to everyone who has some kind of BDSM involvement), to make it abundently clear that every word that comes out of my mouth is strictly based on my personal point of view. I don't do it when discussing politics, philosophy or spirituality. Why should I be expected to do it here?

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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).