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Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:17:04 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		and its agony!!!

Hmmm, this is the 3rd time this has happened during our 6 yr relationship, (1st time something similar to now, 2nd time was me having a total meltdown after a major crisis with one of my daughters) and it doesnt get any easier in fact its far worse this time around. Ive had 6 weeks to get used to the idea and im still not 'used' to the fact i have no Master, He has gone & im not owned or collared. What surprised me most was the pit of dispair i found myself in, really have been at a loss as to know what to do with myself.

Who knows what the future holds, this time im not looking for U/us to resolve this, His midlife crisis, loss of mojo and seemingly loss of interest in me has had me all over the place. Seems turning 50 for Him was such a huge mile stone He Himself cant find a way around it. What i think i have found the hardest is He stopped communicating, just stopped telling me how He was feeling etc, He refused to see His GP, denied anything was/is wrong for almost a year then out of the blue i asked if He wanted to release me as i knew He wasnt happy and yes He did. Total confusion reigned after as i knew He wasnt happy but that unhappy?! i also knew He wouldnt release me so im wondering at my own actions and why i felt the need to even ask Him. was it myself that was unhappy with how things had been ... jeez i am so doing my own head in!!!

We were going to meet next week, but thats not happening now (my fault, had a rant and basically slammed the door to Him) but i had to try and draw a line under it for my own sake.

This is very brief, as you would expect there is a lot more i could say but im trying to just keep to the bare bones of it.

Guess im wondering if any other subs/slaves have had this happen to them (midlife crisis) and how they dealt with their ex Master totally withdrawing from them.

dpt.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:20:53 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		You are 44, not 14. The douchebag has done this twice before and you took him back?

What kind of advice would you give the daughter you mentioned if one of her boyfriends treated her like this?

Personally, based upon what you've written, you've gotten exactly what you've asked for and the guy is doing you a favour by doing it again. This time, take the hint and move on.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:37:48 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Nice! Thanks for that, as i said its in brief & incidentally I did put I question myself at why I asked in the first place!

Hey ho we are all entitled to an opinion :-)

dpt

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:48:09 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		You are one among a zillion people that split up every day. Anyone who has been in a relationship of any sort has had a break up of some sort.
It sucks, especially when you are co-dependant and your whole identity is wrapped up in someone else.
It double sucks for women that are co-dependant and are on the older side of the fence ... because not only do you not have your identity in check you are old and your choices of men have slipped a bit since a lot of guys tend to go after younger women.

Theres no easy answer - except just get on with it. Youre gonna be sad and lost ..but thats the normal deal.
I hung out with my friends when I was in that state ... they got me through until I forgot about it.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to Domspaintoy)
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RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 7:55:22 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		LOL, christ im only 44 im not past it lol but i get you cheers, and yes my friends have been great!

Thats made me laugh, can always rely on folk here to do that.

dpt.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:02:25 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I'm sorry things haven't worked out with your master, but I see this more as a relationship
that has simply grown apart, with a few roller coaster rides in between. Since you have broken
up a few times throughout your relationship, I don't think it's fair to put all the blame on him and
call it a mid life crisis.
I don't understand how you had 6 weeks to prepare for it (time to pack and move out?)
or why, after the decision was made to end the relationship, you both had plans to meet again.

And yet, just three months ago, which was 6 weeks before your 6 week notice of ending the relationship,
you stated that you were reminded that were perfectly capable of living without him. What has changed
in such a short time that you seem to be at wits end now?
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3805640/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3810211


_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:08:07 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's the difference between knowing a loved one *could* die, and that you will be ok if that happens, and them actually dying.

Thinking about something or imagining it is not the same as when it actually happens. No matter how prepared you think you may be, you're usually not.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:08:34 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		No its been 6 weeks since we split, and its taken me this long to get my head around it. Its just been a difficult time for Us both and perhaps it does seem unfair for me to say its His mid life crisis but basically it is, He feels its unfair for Him to keep me as His slave if He has lost His mojo, He feels guilty because He feels He has let me down ..... i disagreed but hey thats life.

dpt

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:23:28 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		he did it twice before and you didn't get the hint then???

He has issues. Let him deal with them and you move on to someone who actually will want to be with you instead of taking his issues out on you.

And if you feel you just can't move on and can't have a healthy relationship with someone then think about some kind of counseling.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:27:09 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		What i love about here is there is no pussy-footing about, Thanks gals ive had a light bulb moment, never takes long as straight words from someone is sometimes enough, your all right! thanks.

dpt x

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:28:35 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		anyone know how i can get rid of the signiture? its been there that long i cant rem how i put it there lol

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:33:47 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Well, quite honestly what can you do? Since you can't change the outcome of him leaving the relationship it seems to me that your choices are to move on and still pine, or move on and put this behind you. Sounds simple, it's not, however...feeling like you've made a choice in the matter will probably make a world of difference to you. When my ex left I was bereft for a very very long time. It was his choice to go and I had to cobble things together and face something that I didn't make, and didn't want, which was a life without him. Once I 'decided' to get my shit together I've been much happier and productive.



(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:36:15 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy

anyone know how i can get rid of the signiture? its been there that long i cant rem how i put it there lol


At the top of this page is a link that says "My Profile". I believe it can be done there.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:36:31 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy

anyone know how i can get rid of the signiture? its been there that long i cant rem how i put it there lol

Click on My Profile up in the upper right hand corner. Scroll down till you see the box where you can delete it.

Aka - What searching4mysir said.

< Message edited by poise -- 11/21/2011 8:37:36 AM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:39:55 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		To get rid of the signature, scroll up to the top, and in the right hand corner, click "my profile" -- you can edit your signature in there.

Kinky or not, romantic or not, if someone shoves me away, then wants me back, then shoves me away, then wants me back, only to shove me away again, I would take that as my cue not to go back.
Maybe he released you this time because he's aware that he's having issues and he needs to deal with them on his own? Maybe he doesn't think this relationship style is for him anymore? Maybe he was feeling "pressure to perform" and interpreted you as being the source of it? Who knows.

But what's done is done -- break ups are difficult, and it can be helpful to think of it as a grieving process. Whatever your hopes were for the future, they're either severely altered or they're dead without this person. Take it easy on yourself, hang out with your friends, talk about your feelings -- but don't expect to find much help from the fella in question. You have to take charge of getting the ship back on course, whatever that might mean. Go to counseling, pick up a new hobby, write in a journal, go meet some other dudes. =p Whatever.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:40:05 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Who hasn't gone through a break up?  They are very painful, at any age. 
You need to let yourself heal.  You are suffering from an emotional wound, and just like a physical wound, it takes time to heal.  Be nice to yourself.  Have fun with your friends.  Eat right and exercise.  Don't start dating too soon (this one is really important).   If you find yourself too overcome, get some Prozac.  You will get through it.  In fact, one of the reasons you probably kept taking your ex back was because you didn't want to go through the healing process.
You are right, you are only 44.  You will have no trouble meeting someone else, when you are ready.  There is no rush.  I got divorced when I was 48, and plenty of men were interested in me, so don't worry about that.


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:41:44 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		thanks both of you x

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:49:25 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks think ive got rid of it now :-)

Breaks up are difficult, this was my 1st relationship for 11 yrs then we were together for 6 yrs. i think id forgot how to deal with the emotional ties once they are cut. and i am dealing with them im not deluding myself which is why it hurt as much as it did, still does but life does go on.

dpt x

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:50:18 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domspaintoy
I did put I question myself at why I asked in the first place!
Most likely because you weren't happy either.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Domspaintoy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Suddenly find myself released - 11/21/2011 8:59:57 AM   
Domspaintoy


Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		No i wasnt, but it was because i knew He wasnt happy that i wasnt (if that makes sense). i knew He felt guilty and felt He had let me down because He told me thats how He felt and neither of us knew what to do to resolve it, i disagreed and dont ever think He let me down, but i think if something becomes a fixed thought its easy to feel real.

dpt.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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