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stellauk -> RE: Is BDSM a choice? (11/25/2011 3:04:35 PM)
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I feel that all this is somehow comes from our social conditioning and that there's a direct relationship between how we relate to others in BDSM and our experiences of being potty trained and toilet trained. You know? I think it's something Freud or Jung touched on in their works? Some of us are orally-fixated, while others have this anal fixation. Maybe the ability to hold a butt plug between your cheeks is directly related to that power trip when you were just a couple of years old and could hold off from doing a 'jobby' long enough to frustrate your mother and win a power trip just to assert yourself.
You know? It might have been the same time when you thought it was amusing to drop your guts against the moulded plastic of the potty with such sudden force that it surprised the cat, which would shoot off quite scared while you giggled uncontrollably at the effect. It's something they use in drama school when they're training drama students all about posture by getting them to 'squeeze their lemons' (imagine walking round with a typical sized lemon squashed between your butt cheeks) which also might come from that time. Indeed you can come across those who by adulthood have managed to develop their anal abilities so well that if you were 'fig' and shove a bit of fresh ginger root up there in next to no time you'd get back something which resembles that shrivelled, wrinkly old parsnip you find when you're cleaning out the vegetable tray (Vegemite stains optional).
I think the other obsession we develop at the time is one to do with our genitalia, and free of the Pampers maybe for some precocious child-like curiosity again causes those tiny hands to wander and 'play' which not only explains the extended connotation of the word in BDSM but also the humour of generations of pubescent would be guitarists when they come across Bert Weedon's 'Play With Yourself In A Day' book on chords and guitar playing.
Coming to sites like these you don't have to look too hard to see the connections - people dressing up, people not dressing up but letting it all hang out, people showing off their 'norty bits' to all and sundry, people showing off their toy collection, and all the different personas seemingly taken from the fairy stories - Princess, Goddess, Wolf, Bear, Lord, Lady, though I'll admit I've yet to find a Wicked Stepmother.
Some go much deeper into the regression than others it would seem, needing to call others by rude names, throwing a wobbly when they don't get their own way. Maybe you can be forgiven if you have images of some sat there in front of their laptops with arms tightly folded, sulking, sucking their thumbs, or even flinging the laptop across the room and rolling around on the floor arms and legs flailing when things don't turn out as they expect.
Jokes aside, I feel that there's more than a grain of truth in all this. That what we experience early in our childhoods remains with us to the grave, it shapes our thinking and our attitudes, and we are, after all, creatures of habit living lives developed over years of complex cycles of action, reaction, interaction, and development.
The thinking, ritualism, symbolism and attitudes may be similar, but being adults with different needs, wants, desires and such the payoffs are so much different because we are adults.
I for one firmly believe that the roots of much of our behaviour lie in the Life Script we developed in childhood so extensively defined and described by Berne in his revision of Freud's ego states and work on Transactional Analysis. The deeper you go into that the more individual your beliefs because you come up against stuff like reincarnation, behaviour modelling, the effects our parents have on our lives, culture, anthropology and psychology.
Suffice to say I feel that it is a predisposition which may or may not be triggered by events in actual relationships or indeed, in the way we ourselves respond to or internalize some of the experiences we go through in life.
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