Finding whats best for US (Full Version)

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Fun1Couple -> Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 1:25:07 PM)

Hello everyone...Very new to alot of the ideas I see on this site. We have been on mostly "sister" wife type sites with no luck at all. Have been looking for someone for almost 3 years which is a short time compared to alot of couples. We ARE NOT " unicorn" " hunters" . We have met alot of cool women..but nobody that fits what we want.
That said I have noticed alot of the "slave" womens profiles fit what we want to a degree. We want a live in 24/7 woman to work when and if needed. That knows there is a "pecking order" if you will with me at the top...etc. My question is are we looking in the right direction?
I am naturally dominate...she is naturally submissive, so we are looking for a 3rd who is the same. Any comments are welcome. Thanks " Fun1Couple"




lelloy -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 3:14:17 PM)

"Pecking order" from what I've seen usually refers to there being a preferential order in terms of subs, not having a Dom at the top. What makes you not Unicorn Hunters? It's easy enough to claim. MANY people dislike the term sisters in reference to BDSM, throw in Sister-wives potentially brings to mind a religious element with several connotations which may or may not be true. What do you mean by "natural" submissive? That's not an attack on you at all, simply questions that came to mind.

Have you tried getting involved with munch or play groups? Even if you don't play they are a wonderful way to meet people and socialize.

It might be your want list or it might be a run of bad luck.

Also, *cough* many submissives dislike "natural dominates".




Fornica -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 3:58:42 PM)

fr
I'm not seeing anything that sets you aside from the other 4000 couples looking for a unicorn. (aka..a third sub woman)




Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:06:49 PM)

The first sentence is what I was refering to..... We are not unicorn hunters because there is nothing perfect, each person has something in their own right. We are not fuckin relgious church goers, and I hate that term myself and that fucking show for that matter...it's put so many DREAMS out there, and no I cant really judge the show because Ive not seen it. I think by me saying natural submissive is, she doesnt try to be submissive in daily life, which causes her to get taken advantage of. Again this has nothing to do with BDSM just our personality, or traits we have.
I don't take anything that is useful as an attack, only a tool to better understand life etc. We have met several people, but mostly it is just them wanting to play, with nothing long term in the works.
Our want list is actually pretty small.....And Ive read other posts about the natural dominate thing but put it in anyways.....thinking it would cause a comment. Thanks alot for you feed back anything is welcome that is useful.
Tha major thing holding us back long term is everyone wanting kids....so that being on our dont or cant have list hurts....but we learn something everyday.
Again thanks,




Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:13:52 PM)

No that is probably the problem......we need to stand out LOL....just normal people. Have met a few couples that have made it work so I know it will , just finding someone if we don't it's all good. We're happy as hell now. Just would like to share and have fun. Enjoy life before it's gone by the way this is Steve the "guy" posting shit LOL. Thanks.
We had a young "girl" that was way too young but I myself thought it best to let her go, she was only 19, which is a little too fuckin close to my kids age ??? Some would call me a fool, but?? oh well there's always tomorrow.




Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:17:44 PM)

Also the whole "unicorn" thing is kinda funny to me...I cant help it!!!




Lockit -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:19:14 PM)

I am not having a difficult time wondering why you are having a hard time finding someone. Dominant and dominate are two words you really want to understand the use of if you want anyone experienced to pay attention. I don't get the impression that you have any clue of what you're talking about and then you dis a successful poly family. Hummmm. Besides love and respect... you don't go into much of the dynamics and how that pecking order would go. Rather than leave people to project and assume they know what you mean... why not explain it?

Why is Jenny screening people? Especially when so shy that she can't answer certain questions anyone interested in poly would have?

The third will work when needed... hum? What does that mean? Will you be providing for all needs, current and future... with some assurance that if they don't work, they aren't fucking the rest of their life up if you and Jenny decide this isn't working out?

Come up in your game... actually put forth something that shows you know what you are doing and are planning for many different things and someone would be safe and sane to be with you and you might improve your score.





Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:31:48 PM)

I agre with you Lockit about not knowing everything...I don't. But I don't think I "dished" any successful poly family at all. As a matter of fact I have read a lot of success stories here on this site. Some with full time live-in's and some not. Jenny doesnt screen anyone, she just writes. And I do understand about her being shy and not being able to answer certain questions...that makes ALOT of sense.
I thank you alot Lockit.....it seems that my wording is in alot...alot and more attention. That is why I wanted to post things to see how I was coming across to people......so the way I word things is a big issue???




DarkSteven -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:43:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fun1Couple

We are not fuckin relgious church goers, and I hate that term myself and that fucking show for that matter...it's put so many DREAMS out there, and no I cant really judge the show because Ive not seen it.


Dude, where the hell did that come from?

I have to work and socialize with all sorts.  Those of my religion, those of other religions, and those of no religions.  And of course, those who are not sure.  I pride myself on tolerance of that and of other things.

I have no clue why your hatred of observing Christians is so great, but I'd be leery of anyone who volunteered that in conversation.  Especially with that vehemence.

Edit:  OP sent me a PM and clarified that he himself is Christian, and is not anti-Christian per se, but against those he feels misrepresent Christianity.




Lockit -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:47:46 PM)

You said that you hated that show (sister wives) and yet have never seen it. When it first started I was concerned about a few things and didn't watch it much. However I did start watching it later on and I respect the Brown family and the relationships, lifestyle etc. that they have. They are successful in their marriage, the kids are happy except for the move from their home town and despite their reasons for doing what they do, they are no more less right or wrong than anyone else in their reasons for doing what they do.

You are the person that has dreams here. Now, don't think I am speaking in anger. I speak in a very forthright manner and directly say what I think.

Your flippant answers, lacks in communication, even if you don't need to go into every detail, are hindering you in people taking you seriously. Poly lifestyles are an interesting topic and there are a number of well respected people involved. I cannot imagine one of them saying anything you have said here. Stop trying to be charming/funny and get on to the seriousness of what you wish to accomplish. Simply seeing that some poly relationships work doesn't mean a damn thing when it comes to you or anyone else making one successful.

Say what you mean and mean what you say, communicate clearly and if you are unsure... before rushing into getting something you want, just because you want it... know what it is and what it requires. If marketing something, you know your market. Know the types of women that will be open to poly. Know what is important to them. Then know how to present yourself as that... if it really is you and what you offer.




Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 4:54:40 PM)

throw in Sister-wives potentially brings to mind a religious element with several connotations which may or may not be true. What do you mean by "natural" submissive? That's not an attack on you ....a quote from the above that i was responding to bro.....so if you read the whole thing it may make a little more sense.




SuzeQ -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:02:51 PM)

You're looking for a bisexual female submissive willing to join you and your wife on a long term basis, correct? Well, a "unicorn" is a bisexual female submissive willing to join an established couple on a long term basis. Sound familiar? So just relax, you are unicorn hunters. There's no shame in that, the term isn't meant to be derogatory in the least, it refers to the difficulty in finding such a creature that is compatible with you and your wife.

I really have no idea how you would go about finding such a person, but I can give you some advice based on our personal experiences. There are 4 of us in Haytch House: a switch, a dominant, a submissive, and a slave. And we all met in perfectly innocent vanilla situations. Only one of us really knew anything about BDSM, or M/s, or any of the Dom/sub stuff when we met. We started out as three women with a common partner, and now we are a fully integrated and functioning D/s quad household.

So, my advice is to focus your efforts, not on finding a submissive bisexual who happens to be a woman, but to look for a woman who happens to be a submissive bisexual. By this I mean you should worry about meeting women with whom you are mutually romantically attracted, then worry about if she is submissive and poly.

Your first question shouldn't be "Will she join US?", but rather "Do we want HER to join us?" Do you see the difference? The mutual attraction has to be there or all the rest is meaningless, so find that first, then look at whether or not poly is an option. Heather made a good thread on this concept in the poly forum, here's a link to it: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3821031/tm.htm

Good luck you two, and remember its called polyAMORY for a reason. Find the love, and let the rest take care of itself.




peppermint -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:05:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fun1Couple
......so the way I word things is a big issue???


All we know about you is what you type. So yes, how you word something IS a big issue. You have to type so that it can not be misunderstood. You have to give us enough information to know what you are talking about. We are not mind readers.




Fornica -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:13:14 PM)

1) What ^^ they said. "Jenny" is too "shy" to say if she's bisexual or not? That's silly, and childish. Most potentials are going to want to know those most basic of things. Your posts here and on your profile are a jumble of contradictions, and neither make much sense. Take the advice given to you on here.
Also...please..please no more alot.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fun1Couple

I agre with you Lockit about not knowing everything...I don't. But I don't think I "dished" any successful poly family at all. As a matter of fact I have read a lot of success stories here on this site. Some with full time live-in's and some not. Jenny doesnt screen anyone, she just writes. And I do understand about her being shy and not being able to answer certain questions...that makes ALOT of sense.
I thank you alot Lockit.....it seems that my wording is in alot...alot and more attention. That is why I wanted to post things to see how I was coming across to people......so the way I word things is a big issue???





Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:15:49 PM)

I actually read that and that was one of the success stories I was talking about. I knew what a "unicorn" is, i still just find the term funny I cant help it.
Thanks alot....and Jenny doesnt need nor do I need a bisexual woman...I guess that is why I get hung up on the Term "unicorn"....and again explains why most of the women are so leary and don't answer alot of the messages because they get hounded to death by couples single men etc.....
We both know its a process of finding someone, if it happens it does....This website was kind of a different angle for us and it has proven to be very useful. The wisdome and experience on this site is vast.
steve




Fornica -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:19:56 PM)

So it's a platonic relationship you seek?




littlewonder -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:20:19 PM)

Personally and imo you come off as not knowing how to put sentences together, how to word what you want to say and not knowing much in the way of grammar structure and spelling. This will make you seem to many people you write to as not being very dominant <it's dominant, not dominate> and not very bright even though you might be more intelligent than how to seem to type.

I would suggest maybe going back to very basics and learning how to communicate, spell and grammar structure before even trying to engage in conversation online with others. Or you might want to find someone who can do a better job for you, someone who will write a profile for you if you cannot do that for yourself.

And yes you are a unicorn hunter and not unique one tiny bit from all the rest that are seeking the exact same thing as you which is quite a lot of people on here.





SuzeQ -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:26:11 PM)

quote:

So it's a platonic relationship you seek?
I think he means more of a V setup.




Fornica -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:32:35 PM)

Ahhh, ok. For some reason, I wasn't thinking along those lines. Thanks Suze. If he wasn't so vague, that might have been even clearer, eh?




Fun1Couple -> RE: Finding whats best for US (11/23/2011 5:40:05 PM)

Ok...i changed the profile. Check it out and see if there is not enough info or if I should leave it alone for a while. ......also...I have a VERY odd sense of humor..it is lost on most people, even myself sometimes.




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