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RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:33:43 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Oh definitely. extremely intelligent... which makes it fascinating... combined with vast knowledge base. It exciting to watch the new ones come in and teach this old dog something... and it makes me happy when someone actually learns from something I post.. which isnt often...

Usually, im just a nut case intent on having fun. .. at least out of the political threads.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:37:10 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Oh definitely. extremely intelligent... which makes it fascinating... combined with vast knowledge base. It exciting to watch the new ones come in and teach this old dog something... and it makes me happy when someone actually learns from something I post.. which isnt often...

Usually, im just a nut case intent on having fun. .. at least out of the political threads.


Yep, and I know more or less nothing about politics, which is why I don't post in there very often. I do find it funny that some of the regulars on there seem to think that I'm responsible for Moon's political views, though. Strange, that...
I also love learning from some of the lovely intelligent peeps on here, though.
Such is life, and wonderful it is, indeed.


_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:39:29 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		lol

The man often laughs at some of the things I post. He is always asking me, "What thread are you posting on now". But he refuses to moderate my posts here. He knows I know how far I can take things.

As far as our political views... he and I argue on some topics as much as I do with others on the threads there....

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:42:58 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		Yep, I've seen him do that, but I know he has very strong political views that I have no intention to change, which will not make the one's who don't like his opinions very happy. I thought they'd have gotten used to him, by now...

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:48:30 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I dont always agree with him, but I do adore him.. just dont tell him that. he doesnt need a big head... ok.. bigger head.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 6:51:05 PM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		If I was more politically minded I'm sure I wouldn't always agree with him on that stuff, so I'm sort of glad I don't. I won't tell him, anyway.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 7:44:06 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Actually tazzy you said this very well...one persons kink could be another persons ice cream. Thats why I said we are actually looking for the same thing, sort of. We are all human and at their base human all need mostly the same things. Levels of love. Levels of respect. And saying we are different is almost like either saying we are better or that we don't need those things which is just wrong.

*oh feck* you made me want to hug someone...you should be smacked.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 7:45:34 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

you should be smacked.


The man says... Probably.

I tend to agree.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/26/2011 9:34:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For me, no...no differences at all....except maybe he calls me his slave. Other than that though...no, none.

Then again I'm very traditional in that I've always had relationships with dominant personality men who are head of the household and women are the ones that submit to their men. It's how I grew up, it's how I've always been.

As for the kinky sex? I  have no idea really what that means. Maybe it's just me but sex for me has always been what it is now.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 7:20:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		A d/s relationship is only deeper in trust if you're wired for it. If you aren't, it will be a mess. Hell even if you're wired as submissive, you aren't going to find it more satisfying if you get pushed into the dominant role. Instead you'll be resentful and angry.
Someone who isn't wired for power unequal relationships will find dominants to be unpleasant control freaks and submissives to be unhealthy co-dependents without a backbone.

Some people prefer to have power equal relationships with major arguments and then incredible make up sex. Doesn't work for me, but it's sure enough right for them.

As far as sex, is it a vanilla blow job if I'm not tied up but he's demanding one even if I'd rather go to sleep? How do you define it?


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 7:40:37 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GaryXXX

It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! .


It depends on what your personal definition of a relationship is.

You can have a kinky sex based relationship and nothing else, or a full fledged emotional and committed relationship with kinky sex.

Depends on the people involved.

My last relationship started off as a love relationship, but degenerated into powerful kink, with nothing else to back it up.

I would not do that again; I need the foundation to be stronger, even if the sex is less earth shatteringly kinky, if that makes sense.

I would like both, but in my experience, I am pretty sure I cannot have both with one person.

(in reply to GaryXXX)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:01:02 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: GaryXXX

It can't just be kinky sex in a relationship , can it ! .


It depends on what your personal definition of a relationship is.

You can have a kinky sex based relationship and nothing else, or a full fledged emotional and committed relationship with kinky sex.

Depends on the people involved.

My last relationship started off as a love relationship, but degenerated into powerful kink, with nothing else to back it up.

I would not do that again; I need the foundation to be stronger, even if the sex is less earth shatteringly kinky, if that makes sense.

I would like both, but in my experience, I am pretty sure I cannot have both with one person.


That makes me sad, as I know there are plenty on here who are in relationships that have both. I hope you haven't given up hope completely, as you never know what the future holds.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:10:15 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Don't be sad, I am a realist; I don't live my life based on a fantasy ideal. I base it on a lifetime of experience.

So yeah, it could happen perfectly; they all start perfectly, don't they?

(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:14:59 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I believe both can exist, it's just difficult to find. Sometimes I think I already had my shot.

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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:31:06 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		I guess I'm always trying to be the optimist. I used to be the opposite, though. I just try to see the good side of things, really. I know it sounds a bit corny, but you really can find that happiness, and sometimes it just means being patient. Patience is something I had to learn. I hated it at the time, but it was definitely worth it in the end.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:52:25 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		I kinda go with realism, too. Optimism, to me, cuts off 50% of life experiennce. I've always accepted that I'm kind of a niche market. Not the type with a ton of potentials fluttering around. It was pretty lucky to have met the previous Dude. :p
That's just life, it is what is.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to bighappygoth39)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 8:55:55 AM   
bighappygoth39


Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, don't get me wrong. I've always been realistic in my views. I've never been too up myself and had many, many potentials lined up. I just never let it get me down when I was single.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 12:05:56 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GaryXXX

Apart from kinky sex is there any difference ?

Any opinions on this appreciated , if you don't get the question let me know I'll try making more sense


I feel like this thread is getting a little wishy washy in it's answers. There are some basic definitions, and when folks are new those definitions are important, they're little pins in our personal maps.

To answer Gary:

For some kink is just in the bedroom, and outside the bedroom it is like any other relationship. Some people like the act of kink but don't ascribe to any sort of roles or power play. For some it is all about the roles, and not about toys or S&M at all. For some people it is all day everyday, I'd say for most it is some variant inbetween.

BDSM is a crazy acronym that combines an absurd number of ideas.

It's more like B-D-D/s-S/m

Bondage, discipline, Dominance/submission, Sadism/masochism. People throw other shit in there too. I think I we have an obsession with words that start with one of those for letters. Master, slave, switch, to name a few more.

Some basic reading is probably not a bad idea, it'll help with being able to ask more specific follow-up questions.

It tends to be about a few self assessment questions:

Is it about power?

Is it about pain and suffering?

Is it about giving or receiving?

Do I need this some of the time, all of the time, or do I only like it once in awhile?

Many of us on these here boards fall more into the 24/7 category, because well were into this enough to post about it on boards.

Also, it should be stated is a little bit of kink, is not an uncommon thing in "vanilla" aka "normal" relationships. Especially in our increasingly sexually adventurous world.

Hell, you can now buy vibrators at Walgreens.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to GaryXXX)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 12:07:40 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm.. since you are so wise and intelligent... make the distinction between kinky sex and vanilla sex.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: vanilla diferances to D/s - 11/27/2011 12:34:52 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		Kinky sex - at least one aspect of BDSM and/or fetish is on the table
Vanilla sex - there is a lack of comfort and/or interest in expanding sex&intimcy into BDSM/fetish

Vanilla with occasional kink, kink is allowed within certain bounds, and every once in awhile, versus in a kinky relationship where kink is anticipated.

And yes, all these definitions are also as individual as every person on the planet. However, semantics are one of those necessary devils of communication.

I get the impression that Gary wandered in here and had his head blown, he needs some anchors to figure himself out, and what all these words mean to him.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 60
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