RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online to real world?

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 2:29:47 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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Yeah, like I'm gonna tell him the shenanigans I get up to here! *lol*

I do LOVE that sig line though.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 2:33:33 PM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Meet for coffee in a public place...cafe, restaurant, park, etc....

Talk to them, get to know them.

It's that simple really.

How do you really trust ANYONE you first meet whether it's online or the real world? When you meet someone at a bar how do you know them? You don't.

You've got it kiddo. Besides, only a portion of people here are looking for a relationship. As many are looking for play...the experience and we read of it here regularly. As for pics, while many women do not like the naked men in profile, most are not shy at all about showing their asses.

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Post #: 22

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 3:08:24 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

PS. You have tan lines, so I know you had pants at some point in time. Please find them.

OMFG...

ROTFLMAO!!!

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 4:38:26 PM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
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Although I seem to have brought out some anger here, there is a lot of great advice in between the conclusions that I am just some kind of jerk. I am not new to BDSM but I am brand new to online social networks for the BDSM community. I am not cheating but I have a career and kids that are huge reasons for me to always be very discreet. The picture showing my ass was really stupid. What was I thinking? Anyway, thank you are for the helpful responses and the fair criticism.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 4:41:12 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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It really is gross. (I don't like to see naked men OR women unless I'm specifically *looking* to see that, and honestly that hardly ever happens)

So...for the umpteenth time this week, (by and to various posters) I give you:

Attachment (1)

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 4:44:10 PM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
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I changed my picture in my profile but it seems like the old picture will live on with this chat thread whether I want it to or not. Sorry about that.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 4:52:26 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

I changed my picture in my profile but it seems like the old picture will live on with this chat thread whether I want it to or not. Sorry about that.

I didn't mind looking at it. I mean it is a fine ass and well the whole of what I saw was fine. I did have to frown knowing you were dom and because of that and the fact that I'm deranged, I couldn't convince to you to bring your ass to my house.

Life sucks sometimes.

But don't worry... people will get over it. Welcome to the boards.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 6:41:11 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

I am not cheating but I have a career and kids that are huge reasons for me to always be very discreet. The picture showing my ass was really stupid. What was I thinking? Anyway, thank you are for the helpful responses and the fair criticism.

Hey, kudos to you for taking our criticism with grace!

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Post #: 28

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 8:54:19 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's no different than vanilla people dating. Take your time, talk about stuff, listen to what the other person says. Most people don't remember their lies well enough to repeat them. So if he/she keeps changing their story about what they do, where they studied, what they like - then it should be obvious they're lying.

But hell, people meet by chance and exchange phone numbers and go on dates every day without problems. Just because you like to be tied up in bed or flogged isn't going to change the rest of it. You meet for coffee and see if you had a good enough time that you want to meet for lunch. And then you decide if you want to go to a movie and have a bite afterward. Really dangerous things like that.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/29/2011 9:43:53 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

Although I seem to have brought out some anger here, there is a lot of great advice in between the conclusions that I am just some kind of jerk. I am not new to BDSM but I am brand new to online social networks for the BDSM community. I am not cheating but I have a career and kids that are huge reasons for me to always be very discreet. The picture showing my ass was really stupid. What was I thinking? Anyway, thank you are for the helpful responses and the fair criticism.

Well, if you aren't married, you don't need a "secret" sex slave. As you see, it doesn't go over well. Unless you flaunt your sex life at your job or in front of your kids, the private parts of any relationship stay private. A good number of people here have lives and children that know nothing about their kink. They do know, however, that they have a significant other who means something to them.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 6:21:45 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
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fr
It's hard to get over being mooned, but we'll try.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 6:31:58 AM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
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Thank you.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 6:35:53 AM

Mazterlock

Posts: 24
Joined: 11/28/2011
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Hah! I sure never thought of it that way. I am dominant with one exception. I have a female trainer and I do whatever she tells me to do in the gym. It is platonic but we both know that there is a power exchange going on and we have fun with that. Anyway, she's made me exercise my glutes until I thought I would collapse and maybe I was thinking I should show off the result of all that hard work.

Thanks for the feedback.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 12:10:27 PM

Fetters4U

Posts: 393
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline

quote:

LOL... A certain amount of posts will have most around here described as being deranged. Add a post from a certain member that brought a lot of laughs, thus my signature line... all well and fine. However... did you miss the comments I made about wisdom? If someone wishes to steal my identity... poor them! I won't be in the credit market ever again and if they wish to take on my medical debt and poor credit rating... thank you! I have false accounts... I have many protections in place and have a phone that no one can trace to me or trace me by unless it were a very serious legal investigation. I've been online a long time and did have an online stalker... I learned a lot about that and protecting myself. Bring it. lol If you can get passed what I do... then I needed to know someone could and take better precautions. I will not live in fear, but I will be wise and actually live my life.

You also do not know me at all. No one is in danger of my being deranged because I am not. I wouldn't off someone for something said. I might kick their ass out of my home, but no... I wouldn't kill. I would only arm and harm if someone I loved, including myself, were at real risk.

I also take steps to assure anyone coming to my home is pro-active in their own protections. But typically, anyone coming to my home has already been checked out from both sides, enough to know we both will be safe. If not... well, then we deal.

1. Only a deranged person would take a harmless tease from a deviant so seriously: QED. I rest my case.

2. A long chapter on how you protect your identity is useful to the thread, but hardly relevant when my premise is that you have already told me your address.

3. Of course, being the honest and upstanding soul that I am, I would never attempt to steal from you. In fact, I would make a small tax-deductible cash-donation in your name to certain charities and political institutions.

4. The last part of my jest is not aimed at you. In over 4 years on this site, you must have met psychos.

I may well have missed your comments on wisdom. Sorry.

My point is, that I would never give anyone my home address before the first in-person meeting, nor would I meet anyone for the first time in a private place, no matter how much they personally assured me of their sanity. More than one innocent guy has ended up in jail that way. Examples of abuse are not hard to find:

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jan/11/nation/la-na-rape-craigslist11-2010jan11

http://ehealthforum.com/health/my-boyfriend-set-me-up-to-be-raped-i-dont-know-what-to-do-t244810.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1225474/Girl-cried-rape-living-fantasy-having-sex-strangers.html

Ed

< Message edited by Fetters4U -- 11/30/2011 12:12:08 PM >

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 2:45:05 PM

domincalifornia

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/7/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mazterlock

I'm an experienced Master but new to meeting submissive women online. I take my responsibilities as a Master seriously.

My question is how do submissive women make safe and smart decisions when it comes to moving a potential M/s relationship from cyber-space to a real world experience?

It just looks to me like there are many, many men posing as "masters" online who are really prowlers and predators.

How do you sort out the legitimate men who are worth your time? What should legitimate dominant men do better in order to build trust?

Basically, you act like a human being.

You don't post a profile that focuses largely on kink, and lists kinky stuff as the only interests.

When you reach out to women online, you present yourself not much differently than if this was a vanilla dating site -- you focus more on who you are, and what your life is about, than on nipple clamps, whips, and chains.

You ask them questions about their life, rather than about their kinks.

You don't assume that you can immediately and automatically dom them.

You are honest and straightforward with them.

When you meet, you do so in a public place, with the expectation that you will get to know them rather than engage in kinky stuff right away.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 4:30:59 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
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I think it's awesome that you took what we offered with grace AND a sense of humour. I think you'll do just fine :)

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 4:45:18 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

It really is gross. (I don't like to see naked men OR women unless I'm specifically *looking* to see that, and honestly that hardly ever happens)

So...for the umpteenth time this week, (by and to various posters) I give you:

I LOVE the kitty, xx. Good choice.

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Post #: 37

RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 11/30/2011 6:00:49 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fornica

fr
I think it's awesome that you took what we offered with grace AND a sense of humour. I think you'll do just fine :)

True. I think it makes us more forgiving of the naked ass. But the tan lines are still unforgiveable!

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 12/1/2011 9:32:07 AM

easterlilly

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/29/2011
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I did something very stupid the other day. It doesn't happen often but it does happen. I met a guy on CM and after just talking with him once I met him outside my job and gave him my cell number. I'm sure the fact that I haven't had sex in a while came into play but at any rate I wasn't thinking clearly. Long story short it didn't end well and now I'm worried he may show up at my job. I'm not worried about my safety cause I can more than handle myself but it's not like I'm okay with crazy people presenting themselves to my coworkers.I just needed to share and this seemed like the appropriate place post.

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RE: Best ways for subs to stay safe going from online t... - 12/1/2011 9:40:35 AM

tazzygirl

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Joined: 10/12/2007
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The solution is simple. You two met, he was someone you thought you wanted to get to know better. You gave him your number. Perfectly reasonable.

Anything he comes up with beyond that.... tell them he is having a hard time distinguishing between reality and fantasy and that is why you broke it off.

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