stellauk
Posts: 1360
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It's a great thread.. many thanks..
Much of me, my mindset, BDSM persona, principles, and even my name are all down to one woman.
Kali.
Kali was my formative Mistress in Warsaw. She was a short sadistic lesbian domme who did pro-domming part time and real time for years from her apartment near central Warsaw, a stone's throw away from the last remaining 'bit' of the original wall which separated the Warsaw Ghetto from what was then Nazi-occupied Warsaw.
She took me from a classified ad I'd placed in Polish in the second edition of a BDSM glossy magazine 'Markiz' requesting that I worship her feet, especially when they were sweaty and she'd been walking all day. She took me on not at the best time in my life.. I was 300 miles away to the west in Poznan, still married (but separated), it was the start of my transition and I had a growing reputation as a dramatist.
None of this fazed her as a domme. She had her 'elites' built up over the years without much advertising or websites in that mysterious word of mouth way which held Polish society together in the former system. She had connections. One of those connections was OWK where she would take chosen 'elites' and let herself go. She also worked from time to time in Rotterdam, her subs travelled to her from as far away as Southampton, Leipzig, and Moscow.
Fortunately I never directly experienced that side of her for we had a different dynamic. She was also keenly into service and discipline, and the original intention was that she was to get this house on the fringes of suburban Warsaw in the forests to the south east and we would be 24/7/365 TPE and I would pro-domme alongside her in among everything else. She put me through it, her training was developed around a 'Mistress within' concept of internal discipline where I would be a submissive switch able to see things through her eyes and make the same decisions in her absence and when speaking, my voice would carry the same authority.
My training was entirely in Polish, even though she could speak decent enough English, but she was very clear that she was the Mistress, the one who is served, and our language was to be her native language. She would repeat one or two things once, and once only, misunderstanding wasn't an excuse, and she wanted everything done her way to her standards at the first attempt.
This is where I learned to associate service with discipline, particularly internal discipline and even now 'discipline' conjures up memories of her face, short black hair, coal black eyes, facial expression always under complete control. She had a backhand swipe with a crop which could make it feel like a cane and raise a welt just as accurately but much of her power came not from her right arm but from her insight, compassion and kindness, her attention to details, and her forethought. She also had a sense of humour, often deadpan, but also dry.
In the end she never got the house, despite trying. This made the last six months uneasy between us. It was uneasy because if anything was wrong with me Kali noticed it, and me too with her. It came out one Saturday evening, over coffee and cigarettes. She was releasing me. We had got through my 'peak' in Warsaw a year or so after an amicable divorce, and she said that she couldn't stand to see me living a double life slowly destroying myself and that I had to accept and go and find another domme equal or better than her and serve her 24/7 with my heart.
This wasn't the end, while it seemed at the time my world had ended. The bond between us had forged a very strong friendship. When her sister called me later to say that Kali was in hospital with liver problems I dropped everything and rushed to be there by her bedside. I nursed her back. Kali was the one who pulled me back from my suicide attempt during my last Christmas in Poland, she pulled me off the streets in Warsaw and was the last person I had contact with when I left Warsaw.
We kept in touch sporadically since up to last year when she called me out of the blue here in London. I called her back. She wanted me back, to return to Warsaw, her health was failing, and she said that she never could find a replacement. I told her I couldn't, but that she could come to London and she asked me to put it together. Two weeks later I posted her a ticket to London.
Nothing. I discovered a couple of months later that it was too late. This was by chance when I kept calling her apartment and caught her sister. Kali gave me my name, my leathers, and the core of my principles.
I hope people don't mind, but I wanted to share because service is not just about kindness, but it's also about integrity, discipline, commitment and sacrifice - not just from the submissive side of the kneel, but equally as much from the Dominant. I feel that by sharing that what Kali and I shared it's a fitting tribute to a woman who gave so much not just to me, but to others.
And serving such Dominants is not just a pleasure. It's also an honour. For it is through them that service subs learn their craft.
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Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.
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Another service sub thread: for those who get it...and ... - 
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