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Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 7:12:35 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Okay a question for the masses --

Should the person being proposed to pick out their own engagment ring, or should it be the proposer's thing they pick out and it be a surprise?

I know there are many thoughts about this. I personally am for the latter in that the proposal and the ring should be a surprise, and that is how my ex proposed. I love emeralds but diamonds no so much, unless its a green, aren't my thing for major events though i have them, i prefer other gems. so i always have figured if a guy proposed with an emerald or green diamond, he would know me well -- if he didn't -- it would mean he wasn't paying attention and didn't know me all that well.

My girlfriend and her husband decided they would be getting married, and she picked out her own ring and told him exactly what to buy and exactly when to propose.

My other friend's husband asked her to marry him on the fly and they then went together to pick out the ring and he paid for it. n

So i am curious as to how people view this.

angel

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 7:16:30 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		Since the ring is intended as a gift, I would prefer that he pick it out, and then surprise me with it.  I admit, though, that if it was too hideous I probably will exchange it for a different one.  

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(in reply to barelynangel)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 7:32:24 PM   
RexDarcy


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		The person proposing should buy the ring. If the relationship is at that level, they should have enough knowledge to know the type of stone and metal is right.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 8:08:45 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		I'm guessing it wouldn't matter much to the average gal, but it sure would to me. My tastes in jewerly (and other things) are very specific, and much different than others, so chances are, without my guidance in what was being picked, it would not suit me, physically or otherwise. I'm funny that way.

(in reply to RexDarcy)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 8:10:33 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I agree with Rex. When HM picks out my ring, he does know my taste. Very old fashioned, classy and tasteful. (imnsho) : ) 
(he says my taste in rings is expensive...)

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 8:20:20 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Okay a question for the masses --

Should the person being proposed to pick out their own engagment ring, or should it be the proposer's thing they pick out and it be a surprise?

I know there are many thoughts about this. I personally am for the latter in that the proposal and the ring should be a surprise, and that is how my ex proposed. I love emeralds but diamonds no so much, unless its a green, aren't my thing for major events though i have them, i prefer other gems. so i always have figured if a guy proposed with an emerald or green diamond, he would know me well -- if he didn't -- it would mean he wasn't paying attention and didn't know me all that well.


So if everything else was great about your relationship, you would turn him down for shitty taste in jewlery and/or not knowing the perfect ring for you?

quote:


My girlfriend and her husband decided they would be getting married, and she picked out her own ring and told him exactly what to buy and exactly when to propose.


Staging a proposal/telling him when to do it is a bit crass and pushy in my book.  To me, technically when they pick out the ring, they know they are planning to get married.

quote:


My other friend's husband asked her to marry him on the fly and they then went together to pick out the ring and he paid for it. n


I see nothing wrong with this.  She is going to wear the ring, she should be sure she is going to like it.

quote:



So i am curious as to how people view this.

angel


For me, some guys just don't have good taste in jewlery.  The thought is there, but the taste just isn't.  Other guys have great taste in jewlery.

If I was going to marry a guy, since I don't wear much jewlery and certainly don't talk about it often, he would have no idea what I would or would not like, unless he asked, and then I would become suspicious, so there goes the surprise.

Hopefully, he would have decent enough taste to pick out something nice.  If it was absolutely hideous, I honestly don't know how I would handle it.  As I have no plans to ever re-marry, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it.

(in reply to barelynangel)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 8:24:53 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		My ex husband proposed with an empty ring box and inside was a little note saying, You have such great taste in everything, please help me pick out your diamond.

He knew me very well.

It did not ruin any of the surprise and I got the ring I wanted.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 8:57:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I was engaged he proposed to me with a $10 ring lol. The next day we went out and picked our rings together, he paid and a month later we got married.

I don't see the problem with the woman picking out her own ring. She's the one that has to wear it and it should be something she actually likes looking at, unless she's one of these types that doesn't ever expect to wear her ring. I rarely ever took my rings off so I wanted something I liked.

He was never very good at buying jewelry or clothes..I bought all his clothes for him lol...so it really wasn't a big deal to me that he didn't pick out my ring.

For me it was the proposal and our marriage that mattered. The ring was just an added bonus and a symbol of our relationship.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 12/4/2011 9:01:18 PM >

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 9:32:03 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

My ex husband proposed with an empty ring box and inside was a little note saying, You have such great taste in everything, please help me pick out your diamond.

He knew me very well.

It did not ruin any of the surprise and I got the ring I wanted.


What a loving and brilliant move! Well done, ex-hubbie.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 11:52:29 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		A couple will often know the preferences of the other when they reach that level.

Before I was engaged, he and I looked at rings together - you know, just when walking around in the shops, not that we went out specifically to do so. So he had an idea of what I liked. I would guess that's somewhat common to do.

(in reply to barelynangel)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/4/2011 11:56:01 PM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		My personal preference would be for the two of us to go together and choose the ring and
our wedding bands together. That's what my
parents and grandparents did. There's something cozy and romantic about it.
Other reasons. I would want us to have a
hand so to speak in the design, engravings,
etc to make the rings as personal as possible.
I know that image of a guy surprising a woman
with a ring is powerful in a lot of ways but
it isn't always practical.
Some people have problems get a ring sized
correctly, some stone cuts don't work out
for day to day wearing.
I know some guys ask the advice of a woman
close to their intended to find out what she
would like but I think it's better to get it
from the horses mouth.
I knew a girl whose boyfriend misunderstood
something she said about heart shaped stones.
When he proposed he presented her with a
heart shaped diamond which she hated. She
wore it anyway and didn't say anything.
Another woman I knew got wind her boyfriend
was asking her friends about what kind of ring
she wanted. She told him to forget about the
engagement ring they could use the money
for down payment for a house.
So some girls don't even want a ring.
It's not that big a deal to me. The wedding
band would mean more. If I got one sprung
on me I didn't like I'd take it and wear it.
And if he asked he'd find out I don't like
diamonds but love tourmalines which are
a lot cheaper.





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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 2:13:01 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		With the first and second exes we picked out the rings together. Ex number three knew my love of emeralds and bought a beautiful ring of diamonds and emeralds that brought me to tears it was so lovely.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 4:11:49 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		My last time around, the guy knew what I liked, what metals "worked" for me, he knew I didn't even want anything real haha
But he wanted me to have it anyway.
I think surprises can be special, and picking rings together can be special. Letting her pick can be special - you still surprised her with the proposal, right?

Telling him WHEN to propose seems over the top to me... yikes.
Sounds like a future Bridezilla, creating her faerie tale at the expense of everyone else.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 4:22:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I figure it is whatever works for the people involved.

I am good with buying my own bling. I have good taste and expensive taste. I do not demand anyone else bankroll it.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 4:52:32 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		My engagement ring is a boat cluster. We had only been together for 6 months and I was surprised by his choice and the fact that he had obviously noted some conversation about me not wanting a solitaire.

In the past 8 years he has bought me a number of rings for birthdays and they have all been gorgeous and just what I would have chosen for myself.  I did wonder if he had help from my sister or mother but seems they were all his choice.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 5:28:47 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		No LL it wouldn't be because of a piece of jewelry, it would be because he didn't know me. If u don't understand that then it would be too hard to explain. I am not secretive that diamonds aren't my best friend. I didn't say I would throw it all away. But I would say not yet.

Angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 8:41:01 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My ex husband proposed with an empty ring box and inside was a little note saying, You have such great taste in everything, please help me pick out your diamond.

He knew me very well.

It did not ruin any of the surprise and I got the ring I wanted.


I love it!

My now ex husband picked out the initial rings and then the 10 year upgrade rings together.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 10:00:04 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		We picked together, he asked me to marry him on christmas morning, so we went window shopping boxing day, we picked it out, oval emerald flanked with single diamonds. We waited till the first business opening day and sized it for the engagement announcement on new years eve.
He knew me very well we had been living together for three years, but choosing it was a joint decision, it worked for us.
I dont thnk he would have chosen the one we decided on, but his mind doesnt work like mine, expectations of him knowing me as well as I know myself was ridiculous. I dont have a favourite type, If I see it and I like it, "somethign similar" wont do..
Im not a big "bling person" anyway, I like simple understated , classic. Right now I like Tanzanite, its rare so I like the Swarovski crystals in tanzanite:)
I make my own.

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 10:38:31 AM   
Ishtarr


Posts: 1130
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		When my husband and I got engaged (and married a week later) I had made it very clear to him I didn't want a ring at the time, because paying off debt was more important to me than spending money on jewelry.
He got me a fake ring for about 20 bucks that I've wore the entire first year of our marriage.

On our first wedding anniversary, he proposed again, asking me to spend another year with him, and surprised me by having bought proper wedding rings for both of us.
He got exactly what I wanted, white gold, modern design, lots of small stones instead of a solitaire. If he had showed up with a yellow gold single stone I wouldn't necessarily have been pissed, but I would have wondered how well he really knows me.
I definitely would have gone trade it in, if he picked the wrong ring, jewelers let you do that for up to a month or so anyways, but the fact that he knew exactly what to get me made it all the more special.

The week after he got me the ring I went back to the store to have a pair of yellow gold diamond earrings reset in white gold so they match the ring. It gave me a chance to look around, and he picked exactly the ring I would have picked for myself.

If a woman hasn't made secrets about what kind of jewelry she likes, and her man still manages to pick something opposite to her personal taste, I would assume he just doesn't care about her and doesn't pay attention to her needs and desires.
If he picked the wrong ring, because he's got bad taste, but he did pick it in the category that she liked (so picking a green diamond or emerald for angel, just one she doesn't happen to like) it's something else. You can't make a guy have taste just by telling him what you like. But if he's clueless to what you like to start with because he doesn't care enough about you to pay attention to what you like, then why is he bothering to propose in the first place?

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RE: Engagement Rings - 12/5/2011 11:31:28 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		my ex proposed to me even though he knew i didn't want to ever be married. we were away from home for the first time ever and he asked me with no ring. i said yes at the time because me not wanting to be married wasn't because i didn't love him enough, or that he wasn't worthy.

i compromised by wearing a ring when we went out. i chose and paid for it myself. it's a fire opal, my favorite stone, set in a victorian setting with nothing else. when younger i didn't like diamonds much even though they are my birth stone. as i've got older i like them more, but a solitaire and in a white metal.

i guess really, for me, as i don't want to marry anyone, the question would have to be put forward because the person would think i was worth it, but as a token gesture. also accept that if i said yes it was also as a token that i considered them worth it, and so the ring would only be token too. if that person chose to get me a ring with all that in mind i'd at least expect them to have noted my taste. if not i'd be happy to choose my own or have none at all.

needles

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