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I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 5:12:15 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ever since my dom left me, I have just felt so lost.  He is with another girl now, but I really don't think she will make him happy in the long run.  He is thinking about moving in with her, although he told me it isn't because he wants to be more serious with her, but rather because it is just convinient for him- he needs a place to stay, and this just happens to be here for him.  But even still...they would be living together. 

I just want him back so badly.  This girl he's with is terrible.  I just want him back.  I feel so worthless that he left me, and since he's moved on, I just feel even worse.  The thought of this other girl touching him or being touched by him sends me into this terrible rage...I just can't handle it.  Besides that, she decided to post plently of things about him online for me to see about how wonderful he is. 

At this point, all I want to do is go to my ex and beg him to take me back, just to give me one more chance.  I'm so afraid that I'll lose him and so afraid that once he wants me back it'll be too late.  All I want is him.  No one else.  Ever.  I know I'm young, but this man and I had an absolutely perfect, wonderful relationship for over two years.  We were going to get married.  And now I have nothing.  All I want is him. 

How can I deal with this?  How might he react to me asking for him back?  I know he still really cares about me...we still see a lot of each other, and still go out for dinner and everything else.  He told me that he still loves me.  But god...I would do anything at this point to just get him back.  I just want to feel his arms around me again.  I just want him back.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 5:16:44 PM   
snappykappy


Posts: 616
Joined: 3/5/2005
Status: offline 		as the sayiong goes let them fly away and if it is meant to be they will cme back

i know this is corny but it just might be a special reason that he will realize what he rreally had or has and will take time to come to the realization

why not see if there is anyone else who might float ur boat

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 5:50:08 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I've felt this way before about a man. Thought my world was ending because he didn't want me anymore. Hurt so bad. Time really does lessen the pain and getting out and doing things with friends and not dwelling on him all the time will help a lot too. I look back to those times of pain and realize it was for the best that it ended and that I learned from it. Dwelling on it is harmful. Sitting back waiting for him to decide it's you he wants afterall or begging him to take you back is only going to increase your pain and do you no good. Take time for you. Get out and socialize, meet people. Don't let feelings for him stop you from living and finding happiness.
"If you love something, set it free, if it comes back it's meant to be."  This saying has helped me a lot in such situations.
Just my 2 cents from life experience. Take what you will from it and I wish you all the best. I'm sorry you're hurting so much.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to snappykappy)
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RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:00:41 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Time makes it easier, but to be honest, it's been 9 years since my relationship ended with a Mistress I loved very much. I never truly got over it. If she called me tomorrow and said she wanted me back, I'd probably be on a plane the same day.

I sometimes feel like damaged goods.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:13:18 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I would venture that many people here understand the pain and loss you describe.  It is completely understandable that you feel lost, confused, are desperate to return to the ways things were when you felt "happy."

This girl may be dreadful and have no chance of making him happy.  It does not matter.  He left you.  He may still have some feelings for you, but he does not want a relationship with you. It is over. That is sucky and harsh and even mean of me, but it is reality. 

Here is something else though.  You are not worthless or less than this other girl.  The fact that he chose to leave you, does not mean there was anything wrong with you.  You can and will get through this.  It will hurt unbearably for a time, ache a while longer and probably sting forever.  Let it, but spend some times figuring out how you can move past this as well.

I'd suggest suspended dinner and other contact for some time.  You might have a friendship or some type of relationship eventually, but right now you are just torturing yourself. 


(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:25:02 PM   
MistressTigger19


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline 		Healing takes time and self love.  And space. 

Blessings and healing be in your path.

Miz Tigger



(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:29:49 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		Break-ups suck. Mourning and grieving and getting over somebody sucks.
Try to think about the future instead of the hurt of right now.
Get out, do things, be around people, engage in hobbies, treat yourself to a bubble bath, and then let yourself cry into your pillow.
Repeat the process again tomorrow.
It'll get easier in time.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:30:20 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
Hello A/all,

I broke up with a relationship of several years early last year.  I went through a period of mourning which lasted months.  On the advice of friends, as well as Mr. Tiny's strident demands, I dated a few women.  Using the big head, (Men only have enough blood to run one at a time, ya know) I decided to take up swing dancing and connect with people on a social level.

I was never able to find somebody that I connected to the way my former partner and I connected, at least at the beginning of that relationship.

When I was contacted by her months later, I was in bliss.  I felt as if my prayers were answered, and it seemed that they were for all of 2 months.  Then the fabric of our relationship again unravelled, for whatever reason, and we drifted apart.  Oddly enough, I am not grieving the loss of the relationship the way I was last year.  Instead, I have a sense of acceptance and knowledge that some things are simply not meant to be.  I am moving on with my life, which I was not able to for most of last year.

My thoughts on what you are going through are twofold.

I tend to doubt that you throwing yourself at the person's feet and begging them to take you back is a particularly effective tactic.  Additionally, there is an aspect to it which does not really seem to me to be at all consensual on your part.  He broke up with you once, and while he may take you back for your begging, I dont see much future to the relationship if he does. 

The second one you may not like to hear, but it sounds as if you are still in the period of grieving the relationship.  While some have recommended you get back up on the horse, as it were, and start galloping off into the thrill of a new relationship.  You have not let the old one go, and I imagine it will haunt your new one.  Grieving takes time.  If you do not allow yourself the time you need, however long that might be, to grieve what you have lost, you will be haunted by the past relationship for the rest of your life.

Be well.

Sinergy 

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 6:40:08 PM   
apb


Posts: 103
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline 		my heart goes out to you SweetEscravo - i know just how you feel, as i am sure do many others who have experienced loss like yours.  i don't think there are words to describe the grief and pain ...

But, you have to give yourself a break.  Go easy in yourself.  Give yourself time - and space.  If this relationship is meant for you He will return.  If not, then rest assured there are better things in store for you.

you might even think about getting some help - perhaps talk to a therapist.  That is what i have done and believe me it helps to talk to someone who is completely impartial and has only your best interests at heart.

Whatever you decide to do i wish you all the best and sincerely hope you find your way to a happier place.

_____________________________

~ apb

"This is who I am - you can like it or not. You can love me or leave me 'cos I'm never gonna' stop."
~ Madonna

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 7:02:47 PM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		SweetEscravo: girl too has felt this way and after reading your post, she had to step away from the laptop to collect her thoughts, as she too is feeling this way even though it was she who asked for release and was officially granted release just a few days ago.

the feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, being lost will go away over time, but in the mean time keep a journal of your feelings, thoughts, desires and fantasies to help you move past this, and who knows if things don't work out with the new girl maybe He will come to you and ask you to take Him back, and you will have a journal to share with Him.

Even if He does not come back to you, you will have a journal to share with your new Master...

girl is sorry that you feel this way and should you wish to speak off of here please email her on here and she will give you her messenger id's so we can chat. hope that things work out for you ..

Blessed Be


_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to apb)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I feel so lost - 5/28/2006 7:23:18 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		ohh honey, when it ends it sucks---I have no words of consolation--other than we may think we know what's best--but well, it is after all up to the individual-------huge hugs dear one--tomorrow is a brighter day---let the sun warm your face.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 12:23:37 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		It feels like all your skin has been torn away, and the pain just doesn't stop.

But it will. Deep down you'll always miss him, but most of what you miss is the feelings you had while you were together.  And one day you'll find someone else who makes you feel loved and protected.

Don't just remember all the good things, though - if he really were the perfect one for you, would he have done this to you?  You're mourning the loss of the relationship, the loss of security, and the loss of your dreams.  But if he's taken up with this other girl, and allows her to hurt you, then he's not the person you thought he was.

It hurts like hell.  It will for a while.  But it WILL pass, you'll move on.  Right now find other things to fill your time - learn new things, work on your fitness and health, collect new toys to try, read and journal and work and just keep busy.  And one day you'll realise that you DIDN'T think about him every moment.  One day you'll be ready to find someone new, and different.  And probably better.

You're stronger than you know.  And you'll get through this.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 1:59:14 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Poor you. I think it's worse if you're submissive and a relationship breaks up. I think there's more dependence, more reliance on the man, practically and otherwise.
It doesn't sound at all likely he'll come back to you so best to be very clear that is it and get busy with other things, cry, rest, eat well, exercise and in a while the sad feelings will gradually lessen. It is his loss not to have you and perhaps you will ultimately be better off without him.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 4:59:11 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Ever since my dom left me, I have just felt so lost.  He is with another girl now, but I really don't think she will make him happy in the long run.  He is thinking about moving in with her, although he told me it isn't because he wants to be more serious with her, but rather because it is just convinient for him- he needs a place to stay, and this just happens to be here for him.  But even still...they would be living together. 

I just want him back so badly.  This girl he's with is terrible.  I just want him back.  I feel so worthless that he left me, and since he's moved on, I just feel even worse.  The thought of this other girl touching him or being touched by him sends me into this terrible rage...I just can't handle it.  Besides that, she decided to post plently of things about him online for me to see about how wonderful he is. 

At this point, all I want to do is go to my ex and beg him to take me back, just to give me one more chance.  I'm so afraid that I'll lose him and so afraid that once he wants me back it'll be too late.  All I want is him.  No one else.  Ever.  I know I'm young, but this man and I had an absolutely perfect, wonderful relationship for over two years.  We were going to get married.  And now I have nothing.  All I want is him. 

How can I deal with this?  How might he react to me asking for him back?  I know he still really cares about me...we still see a lot of each other, and still go out for dinner and everything else.  He told me that he still loves me.  But god...I would do anything at this point to just get him back.  I just want to feel his arms around me again.  I just want him back.


In my opinion, if it was an "absolutely perfect, wonderful relationship", you'd still be together.  He has made his decision to be with another, but he he's keeping you attached by telling you that he still loves you, and that is a problem.  Yes, it's very painful and you probably can't see yourself with anyone else right now, but getting yourself together and focusing on your emotional health is important.  Making someone the total focus of your life and then having that person leave feels devastating, so make an effort to be happy and fulfilled within yourself, first and foremost.
 
I wish you luck,
Julie

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 5:15:47 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Ending any kind of relationship is never that easy.  I guess what comes to mind after reading this is........what does moving in with another girl because he needs a place to stay and it's convenient say about him?   For me.........sounds like something i would re-think even if it did not work out for them.   I'm not sure i would want him back just because you are there just waiting.

I hope things work out for you.  Give it time...think about what you want and don't settle for less.

I wish you much peace...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

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(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 5:31:03 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		SweetEscravo,
I'm pretty sure you are not going to want to hear what I have to say as it's been said a few times over the last two threads you had about your break up.

The only way to really start the process of actually getting over this guy is to cut off all contact with him and start focusing on you. Don't run back to his arms if he offers you a crumb or decides to grant you a "pity" fuck. You are worth more than that. Don't go running into the arms of another because it's a quick and immediate fix to ease your current pain. You are worth more than that.

Take a few months and do some real soulsearching. Get to know who you are and what it is that you want....and what it is that you don't want. I know it sounds like I am just a cold hearted bitch but in reading over your last couple of threads it tells me that either your head is spinning so fast you can't see straight or you need to take time and do some growing because your posts show a lack of maturity when it comes to matters of the heart....and the genitals. Believe me when I tell you that I don't mean that as a slam to you....I have been down the road you are on at one time in my life too. It would be great to see you start putting some real thought into what is going to make you happy in the LONG term and start seeing yourself in the number one spot. Stop giving yourself to guys who don't give a damn about anything more than getting their rocks off. You deserve more than that.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 5:39:25 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		   Yes it's  very painful to mourn over a broken relationship, but as another person stated, if the relationship was "perfect and wonderful" then why would it end?  (please don't think i'm making light of your feelings, i'm not).
One thing i have found  to be true from my own experiences, when we mourn a broken relationship, i'm not sure we are mourning the relationship as it was, but mourning the demise of our expectations/hopes/dreams for that relationship. In my opinion...if a relationship is good, it doesn't end.

Sweetescravo, with all respect, is someone who will move so quickly to another, after a 2 year relationship that included plans for marriage, or who moves in with someone because he "needs a place to stay" really worth your devotion?

best wishes...


(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 5:50:24 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Take a piece of paper and write down everything good you can think of about your former Dom.

Then, take a piece of paper and write down everything BAD you can think of about your former Dom, including the fact that he has left you in this kind of pain. Be very precise and very, very honest about the negative things in his relationship with you.

Do this every day for 15-30 minutes, adding to each paper as much new information as you can think of each day. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you are feeling about him. Give yourself permission to get past the pain to the anger. The anger is a very important stage. Do NOT do anything with the anger other than feel it and write it out on your papers or in a journal.

In time the hurt and the anger will begin to diminish and you'll come to acceptance. Once that happens, you'll be ready to move on with your life as a wiser, more mature woman.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 5:55:13 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetEscravo

Ever since my dom left me, I have just felt so lost.  He is with another girl now, but I really don't think she will make him happy in the long run.  He is thinking about moving in with her, although he told me it isn't because he wants to be more serious with her, but rather because it is just convinient for him- he needs a place to stay, and this just happens to be here for him.  But even still...they would be living together. 

I just want him back so badly.  This girl he's with is terrible.  I just want him back.  I feel so worthless that he left me, and since he's moved on, I just feel even worse.  The thought of this other girl touching him or being touched by him sends me into this terrible rage...I just can't handle it.  Besides that, she decided to post plently of things about him online for me to see about how wonderful he is. 

At this point, all I want to do is go to my ex and beg him to take me back, just to give me one more chance.  I'm so afraid that I'll lose him and so afraid that once he wants me back it'll be too late.  All I want is him.  No one else.  Ever.  I know I'm young, but this man and I had an absolutely perfect, wonderful relationship for over two years.  We were going to get married.  And now I have nothing.  All I want is him. 

How can I deal with this?  How might he react to me asking for him back?  I know he still really cares about me...we still see a lot of each other, and still go out for dinner and everything else.  He told me that he still loves me.  But god...I would do anything at this point to just get him back.  I just want to feel his arms around me again.  I just want him back.


All the feelings and emotions you speak of and the thoughts you have are so natural.....and painful. It's SO difficult to think rationally and clearly when in a fug of emotion and understandably so.Feeling rejected is ghastly.

The loss of someone central in your life means losing many other things..routine, security of knowing where life was going, dreams and hopes.
A new routine will become established, your dreams and hopes will change as you become used to a new way of living and while you may still miss this person, the healing will have begun.

There is one thing that is almost always true and something I've hung on to at times like this.....and that is,  tomorrow I will feel a little differently, maybe not noticeably at first............and the day after that , I will feel differently again.

The days turn into weeks and clarity of some sort begins to return, as the worst of the pain subsides. It's *time* .....something we rail against when we are hurting, we don't want to have to go through it at all, but it's an inescapable fact that it has to be endured.
There isn't an ideal way of coping or *bearing up*.....everyone has their own mechanisms.

Although you feel, at this moment, that he was the only one, that you'll never love anyone else again .....that it was wonderful.....that you only want him .....I can assure you that you DO have something.

You have YOU and a life and future that may or may not include him........One that will include other things, other people and probably another person. It will be different....but that doesn't mean that it'll be any less fruitful and happy.

Take care and well wishes, agirl



(in reply to SweetEscravo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I feel so lost - 5/29/2006 7:02:23 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Young lady, I have written on the subject and many here write on this subject and nothing takes away the hurt you feel...at least not right away. Your hurt is obvious everywhere. Relax and take a few deep breaths and you will soon begin to feel that this is for the best, you'll see.

I have one questions and one stipulation:

How is it that he was even considering, i.e. looking, contacting and getting close to another while with you 2 years and proposing marriage, and you didn't get any indicators from his behavior prior to his leaving ?

Iam old-school so call me a old-fashioned but for me...a dom or master does NOT move in with his sub/slave. If he is 'real' in my book, any couple either moves into his place and here your guy doesn't even have a place to stay or call home, or the prospective couple moves into another place of his choosing. In my view in any of these relationships where the dominant moves under the roof of his sub/slave is not a real dom or master. Maybe that's just me, but back in the day a dom or prospective master never moves in to live with his sub/slave. Never, and should never need to.

I think it is also very possible he didn't see you as a future good meal ticket and now maybe he thinks he's found one.

You are young and have all the possibilities in the world sweetie, you'll get over this and be a better person for it.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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