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RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 7:52:44 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

ehhh
I go both ways on this.
On the one hand, yeah, asking for a pic can smack of shallow.
On the other hand, I really don't care to establish any kind of rapport with someone who reminds me of Uncle Icky who made me sit on his lap in my wet swim suit when I was 6.
Nor do I want to be courting a gal only to find out that the reason she can't send a pic is because she's really a 52 year old man in mom's basement.

...OK..I agree with Propietrix on this..and I am getting darn sick of it!..

...I refuse to be the leader of the Proprietrix fan club!...I have opinions too but she keeps beating me to them!...

..of course change the courting gal to Dominant male who does not live in Moms basement..for my interest group..Of course pic could be a false one..but eventually all comes out if and when you meet.Personally I would hope for a more getting to know me the person first off..at least 2-3 e-mails then maybe requesting pic but sometimes it doesnt happen that way.Also for some reason this extra arm sticking out of my forehead tends to discourage many from further contact,...be well..Tempting

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 21

RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 7:54:30 PM

Massokissme

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/15/2006
From: Behind the Crooked Cross
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

< rant >

I don't mind too much being asked for a picture, but then again, I have clear face photos with my profiles everywhere, as I'm lucky enough to be able to be out.

I get very frustrated by individuals who demand I turn on my (nonexistant) webcam or call them on the phone before they will talk with me. The excuse I've gotten is that they've met a lot of men pretending to be women.Well, if we're just talking online, why does it -matter- if I'm a man or a woman? And if we're going to meet, wouldn't it become abundantly clear, very fast?

There's a huge number of people we never met, because they wouldn't meet us for coffee without me showing myself on cam. I just don't -get- that. If you live close together, the most that one's lost in a little bit of time. If I wasn't a woman, you'd probably notice pretty fast.

< / rant >

A-MEN. What's a little bit of time? My time is money, too, but damn, you have to have balance. No balance = no relationship. -M

_____________________________

"Say to yourself what you would be, then do what you have to do."

"Persistence and determination are omnipotent."

"A dark, black past is my most valuable possession."

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 22

RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 8:35:25 PM

SweetEscravo

Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

I get a lot of those "let's trade pics" messages and it's the same reply : "I like to get to know a person first".

I never hear back from any of em.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 23

RE: Question for the group - sharing photos - 5/28/2006 9:10:29 PM

mayapple

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/1/2006
Status: offline

(Before I had a Dom...) I did not mind being asked for a photo right away; I did not mind complying; it was not a deal-breaker for me. Sometimes when I've made a new female sub friend she has also asked to see a photo in one of the first messages. Several have explained it like this while asking, "I like to be able to see who I'm talking to." It doesn't mean they are planning to reject me if they don't like what they see; they just prefer having a face to match to the personality. And I feel the same way.

I have also been faced with the opposite extreme. I had a close male Dom friend for many months, and he asked for many photos from me, but he never sent a single photo of himself. He was one of the most important people in my life for many months, and now he is out of my life, and I will never have an image to associate with his personality. I thought it was very strange. He described himself as attractive (and I don't doubt it), but he was excessively distrustful in that one regard; he had some sort of irrational fear that his photo might get posted on the Internet (by me?? why???) and this could lead in turn to the downfall of his primary relationship. He considered himself just being careful and prudent, but I still feel affronted that he was that paranoid and distrustful.

I would *much* prefer exchanging photos on the first day than never to see the face of an important person in my life.

mayapple

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 24

RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 9:17:16 PM

ladyseekinglord

Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline

I am always weary of anyone who asks what I'm wearing, what my measurments are or to see a pic in the first few minutes of conversation. I am not an unattractive person, so that is not the issue.

The issue is, that for me, one's mind and personality are the most attractive qualities an individual can possess, and I want someone who shares this viewpoint.

Of course, physical attraction is important, but I don't care how good looking you are - if you are shallow or a jerk, I'm not interested. If your sole basis of attraction is physical, again, I am not interested. I need someone with some depth and intelligence, who seeks and has the ability to know all of me, my mind AND my body.

lady

< Message edited by ladyseekinglord -- 5/28/2006 9:22:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 25

RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 9:21:34 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

There are some guys who have conducted lengthy online relationships with men who pretended to be women... I know My own brother insists on seeing at least two casual pictures before he will proceed very far with someone... He insists on casual rather than glamour pics because it's easy to get multiple pics of a model, but more difficult to get casual pics of the same woman. I know from experience that My brother appreciates a woman for her mind (cause he's gotten very serious with a couple of real unfortunate looking women who were fantastic in every other way), but he simply cannot relax anymore when he first meets someone until he's fairly sure that he's speaking to a real woman.

Something to think about

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 26

RE: Question for the group - 5/28/2006 10:17:33 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheareddelight

I have a question that I would like to throw out to the group...

How would you respond to a Master or Dom, that requested to see your picture before you even exchanged an email to determine if there was an interest by either or both parties?

Am I way off base here? I look forward to the replies.

Thank you,
delight

How did the Dom convey the request to you if you have never even exchanged e-mails?

If his request was made in a chat room from a total strangler... consider keeping your pic and reply not.

If in one-to-one chat or IM you should have been able to converse enought to determine basic interest or not.

There's only about a million reasons or excuses for why someone asked for your pic...

It's your pic until you give it to them... so the answer is how comfortable YOU are with knowing who you are sending your pic to... your call, nobody elses... just you.

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 27

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 12:05:15 AM

LdyS

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

Adding my three pence to the pile: A pic (cothed) does not seem an unreasonable request during the initial getting to know you stage of acquaintance. However a pic as a prerequiste to getting to know someone speaks poorly of the person making the request - worse if it is a demand. Best wishes. LdyS

_____________________________

Mistaking kindness for weakness is a serious mistake.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 28

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 12:15:34 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Ehhh, not much wrong with wanting to know what another looks like. Now, if he wants a nude pic.... he may be a wanker, a sticky-fingered rogue, and I'd tell him "naw". If it feels wrong to you, then move on to someone more in line with you.
Level

My sentiments exactly. I always want to have some idea of whom I am emailing or chatting with, whether we are friends or potential lovers. I have on a couple of occasions been so impressed by someone's thinking/writing, that I didn't much care what he looked like. There are also the instances where I don't care what he/she looks like if I know for a fact we are not attempting courtship, and will never meet in real life.
A picture is one way to initially personalize a conversation (albeit an online one) for me, followed soon by phone conversation than face to face meeting. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 29

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 1:24:33 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I think asking for a pic is totally unreasonable. I'd never consider doing that.

Just send me your address, phone number, credit card details, PIN numbers, bank account information....

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 30

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 2:03:42 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

More fundamentally:

I don't get how this is working.

If there has been no email, are you communicating by telepathy? Lacking any knowledge of you beforehand why did he even contact you at all? If you are conversing via chat, then that's like emails except via short messages. Why chat if you aren't interested? How would you find out if you were interested but by further conversation, emails, and picture exchanges?

There are some that do a search for whatever they are looking for...when the list pops up they send out mass emails...They really don't bother reading profiles, they just pull up a certain, age, fetish, orientation...and go from there, and if there is no pic they ask for them right off the bat....been there lived that.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 31

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 2:16:02 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

I can see both sides

I ask for a pic in my profile, mainly because I think it's only fair since I have my pic on my profile. I like to see who I am talking to.

On the other hand, if I didn't have one, I would never ask until we had talked a while, and again it would be out of curiosity . I've dated guys that would be considered "non attractive" but their personality made them absolutely irresistable to me....then I've had what some would call "hunks" that had such bad attitudes, they became physcially ugly to me.

I do think it's somewhat shallow to ask before you even say "hello" for a pic. I have a pic on my profile and I have yahoos that don't even have a profile let alone a pic want to see more, those I totally blow off along with the jerks that ask me what I would to do them if they were mine, and the darlings that only look at the pic, don't bother to read the profile, and want to submit to me on their first contact.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 32

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 2:36:46 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

This can be a tough one for me. When a Domina and I first make contact I don't want her to feel as if physical appearance is top priority for me and I don't want to feel that looks are number one either, it can come off as somewhat shallow.

First issue for me is that I am a lesbian and I don't want to be duped by some man pretending to be a woman.
Also I was stalked on-line by someone I had meet and dated a few times for about a year, so although a pic does not necessarily prove this is not the person that was stalking me a few different shots will help me feel more comfortable and I am amenable to sharing a few of myself. Of course I already have one up on my profile, same as my avatar.

For me it is not a need to see right off the bat if I find this person attractive physically because the mind and heart are more important area's for me anyway. But I can not be comfortable and open thinking this might be the return of my nightmare.

Most times, I don't ask before any e-mails. I kind of try and feel the person out with a few e-mails and if we are somewhat interested in knowing and sharing more I tell her about my experience and that sharing pic's would need to take place before I open myself up any further. I also ask her to understand and not take this as topping from the bottom but that it's more a case of protecting my ass from being stupidly vulnerable when it could be this other woman trying to know my business once again.

The person that stalked me continued to do so by faking she was other people(including here at CM) until I sent her the laws of on-line stalking, which made her stop. I fear though and it is always totally possible that the person contacting me could be her. So I feel I need to be extra careful. I clam up and shut down when I am feeling the person may be wanting to hide their idenity. I think "could this be this person? Could this be a HNG wanting to beat meat while talking to a lesbian?

So it is tough, I don't want to come off as shallow and I may run the risk of terminating a very good match but if I explain and this person dosen't get it I do feel silly sometimes about being overly suspicious but I do stop contact and move on. I guess I figure if this person is not understanding to my plight they are probably not worth going forward with as understanding and compassion are in the top character content for me.

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 33

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 2:42:18 AM

MsMacComb

Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheareddelight
I have a question that I would like to throw out to the group...
How would you respond to a Master or Dom, that requested to see your picture before you even exchanged an email to determine if there was an interest by either or both parties?
Am I way off base here? I look forward to the replies.
Thank you, delight

Until you relinquish power to a Dom/Domme of *your* choosing you have the right (and imho, the responsibility) to tell them no, not until you are ready or to fuck right off. You hold all the cards and its up to you to do what you want. Keep in mind that chances are good that a photo of yourself, any photo, clothed or nude sent to someone you don't know will end up on websites all over the world.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 34

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 4:08:16 AM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I don't have a problem with someone asking for a vanilla pic but there are some things that put up yellow flags for me:

-if he asks for a pic in the very first paragraph
-if he demands a pic
-if he asks/demands a pic without forwarding one of his own
-if he refuses to send me a pic (to me that shows insecurity and/or something to hide, besides if he isn't willing to send one he has no basis for requesting one)
-if he insists I send mine first (in theory I don't have a problem with sending one first - and many times I have - but I have also had situations where I send mine and they don't reciprocate despite requests for a pic)

Ultimately you have to do what you are comfortable with. If you prefer to wait a little bit before trading pics tell them so. If they aren't willing to wait then that tells you what you need to know.

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 35

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 4:19:23 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Yes I know we have been talking for months and get along very well. Oh thanks for the picture, I am so happy to finally get to see you. As for the arm growing out of your forehead... not a problem. Yes I know it is one of my hard limits but for you, anything is just peachy.

I've yet to see someone with an arm growing out of his forehead, but I have seen many with heads that seem to grow out of their asses

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 36

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 5:46:06 AM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

I have had it both ways. I email even once or twice or even a few times ask for a photo and usually get one. Some I didn't have to ask for pics at all and got a whole portfolio of bondage photos, which for me at the time was totally off-subject but what the hell. Then with another and I thought we were doing so well after 1 email each, get to chat, right in the neighborhood, not 'mine' but very nearby, and she asks for a pic right away in our first chat. Said she wanted to know 'who' she was chatt'n with. I sent a clothed conservative pic and wooosh, she was gone like a virgin on prom night. Now to be honest, it could have been that one large eye right in the middle, but I was told my glasses did a good job of covering that up...but not really, I guess I was just hoping they were right.

(in reply to Chaingang)

Post #: 37

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 5:46:57 AM

MoonGoddessIsis

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

ehhh
I go both ways on this.
On the one hand, yeah, asking for a pic can smack of shallow.
On the other hand, I really don't care to establish any kind of rapport with someone who reminds me of Uncle Icky who made me sit on his lap in my wet swim suit when I was 6.
Nor do I want to be courting a gal only to find out that the reason she can't send a pic is because she's really a 52 year old man in mom's basement.

Giggles.. yes... when asking for a picture it is so I know he is not from the Adams family and living with his mother!

Lady Moon

_____________________________

"Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before"

(in reply to Proprietrix)

Post #: 38

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 6:14:31 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sheareddelight

I have a question that I would like to throw out to the group...

How would you respond to a Master or Dom, that requested to see your picture before you even exchanged an email to determine if there was an interest by either or both parties?

Am I way off base here? I look forward to the replies.

Thank you,
delight

I wouldn't mind in the least, I like to see who I'm chatting to, myself. If he's going to be put off by a picture, no amount of emails would change that. It's not always a shallow trait to wish to have an idea of the physical aspect of a person....It's no use ignoring that having a physical attraction to someone is part of human nature.I suppose he could ask you in an email to describe yourself...but it's simpler to send a picture.
I'd rather by-pass any chance of someone weaving an idea around my words of what I look like.
If he's happy to send you a photograph of himself too, I'd probably view it as a common sense action.

agirl

(in reply to sheareddelight)

Post #: 39

RE: Question for the group - 5/29/2006 6:29:22 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Giggles.. yes... when asking for a picture it is so I know he is not from the Adams family and living with his mother!

How does a pic let you know if he's living with his mother???

But then, if he's from the Addams family and looks anything at all like Gomez, he's so in with me!

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to MoonGoddessIsis)

Post #: 40

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