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new with crazy fear - 12/15/2011 4:54:55 PM

lifetimecomit

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/9/2011
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I am meeting my maybe soon to be dom this weekend .. I am totally new to this lifestyle. And between fear and excitement i am overwelmed. I need a. Advice from another sub/slave or a friend to tslk about my role as a sub.. Thanks

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/15/2011 5:27:34 PM

EmilyRocks

Posts: 357
Joined: 5/5/2011
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Wouldn't the ask a submissive forum be a better place to look for a sub friend?

(in reply to lifetimecomit)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/15/2011 5:39:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Welcome to the lifestyle!

I'd advise a few things:

First, the meeting place. The absolute best is at a group get together (play party or munch). With you being so new, I doubt you're doing this. The next best place is a Starbucks or other public place. The worst are your house (if he's crazy, he knows where you live), or his place (too private). If you're meeting at either of your places, change to a Starbucks.

Second, ask for references. He may or may not provide them. But his response is key. If he tries to blow you off ("Doms don't provide references", or "I need to protect my ex-subs"), walk.

Third, I'd strongly advise against playing on a first meet. It happens, and I've done it, but when the hormones speak, the brain doesn't.

Fourth, if at all possible, find some local kinkfolks and meet them. Ask if they've heard of this guy. And if for any reason you enter the community without him, see if you can find a sub sister or mono couple (someone who won't want to jump your bones) and have them introduce you locally.

Welcome to collarme!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to EmilyRocks)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/15/2011 5:40:02 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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It isn't unusual to have fear and excitement at the prospect of meeting someone
for the first time. This also happens in vanilla relationships.
My concern is you've only been online here for less than a week and are
already under consideration. That designation isn't as awe inspiring as it may sound.

The best advice I can offer is to meet in a public place.
And to remember, he is also under your consideration.
The both of you are merely man and woman, not Dom and Sub,
until you feel comfortable giving him authority over you.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to lifetimecomit)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/15/2011 7:55:08 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lifetimecomit

I am meeting my maybe soon to be dom this weekend .. I am totally new to this lifestyle. And between fear and excitement i am overwelmed. I need a. Advice from another sub/slave or a friend to tslk about my role as a sub.. Thanks

Have fun.

Be careful.

Have a speed dial friend (already/previously identified with the location you'll be at)...with a note to her or him that if you don't answer....call 911 or a guy that weighs 360 lbs that comes with a (very sharp) knife.

Don't fart.

(in reply to lifetimecomit)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/23/2011 8:42:12 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

Don't fart.

Come on, you know how hard it is not to fart when you're face down, ass up.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/25/2011 2:56:01 PM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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I think perhaps you should read up on sub frenzy...

I used to feel like you...then learned to approach new encounters with non-attachment.

I kissed a lot of frogs but finally ended up with a prince.

(in reply to lifetimecomit)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/26/2011 4:08:20 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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DarkSteven

What a wonderful answer to her questions and you address her fears
also! As a Domme i do the same meeting places must be out in the open
public place and starbucks is great Ok you have an A+ from the former school speciast , l
ol i work with speech lol not spelling!!! But steven I disagree on refernces, it is not know
that anyone would want their private life given to a stranger!! It is not safe and whom knows
if this will work out , but of course you mean after knowing someone for a time then you may ask for that
information! I certainly do not give a submissive rights to say anything about our relationship at all!

But you still have an A+ !

best wishes
mons

(in reply to kalikshama)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/26/2011 4:31:16 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mons
.But steven I disagree on refernces, it is not know
that anyone would want their private life given to a stranger!! It is not safe and whom knows
if this will work out , but of course you mean after knowing someone for a time then you may ask for that
information! I certainly do not give a submissive rights to say anything about our relationship at all!

mons

mons, I would not do that without asking if it's okay to be used as a reference.

The idea is for a sub to request that the Dom do something that will make her feel safer and more comfortable - how will he react? His reaction will say a lot about him. If he responds by telling her that as the Dom, he's in charge and she has no right to ask, that signals a pattern. If he happens to have five laminated copies of references in his pocket, he's a player. In my case, even if my ex-subs did not want to disclose anything, I know several prominent locals who have seen how I treat my submissives and would be happy to serve as a reference even though they were never in a direct relationship with me.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mons)

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RE: new with crazy fear - 12/26/2011 6:06:53 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I think perhaps you should read up on sub frenzy...

I used to feel like you...then learned to approach new encounters with non-attachment.

I kissed a lot of frogs but finally ended up with a prince.

This.

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yep

(in reply to kalikshama)

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