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this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 10:13:16 AM   
crystalamber


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/26/2005
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		hello to all,  :)

i am in training with a local Dom.  i haven't met Him, yet, but He wants to have coffee tomorrow.  i've been exchanging emails with Him for about two weeks. 
He has been very good at returning my emails. 
i had a tough weekend.  a lot of emotional upheaval and doubts about my ability to be in service to Him.
i know that it is a holiday weekend.  it's why i'm trying to keep calm about it.  but, i haven't heard from Him since saturday.  He hasn't been on collarme since saturday....so i am assuming He's doing holiday-related stuff. 
i just needed to vent a bit.  the waiting is killing me.  i know it's way too soon to freak out about it, but i'm so anxious about it.  i just hope it's not about me.  ::sigh::  old tapes are soooo hard to get rid of. 
thanks for listening.

blessings,
crystal amber
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 10:25:04 AM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline 		I would take several deep breaths, relax, and focus your mind on something else completely, like friends, family, hobbies, anything you enjoy. If you find it difficult to do, imagine your Master has requested it of you, and do your best to please him.

I travel outside the country alot, and when I do, I am usually out of communication and offline with everyone in my life, including the one I love. Sometimes these times last for more than a week, she does her best to understand, I do my best to stay in contact, and be someone who she can trust. Not much else you can do, until he returns and fills you in on what he's been doing.

< Message edited by Morpheus07 -- 5/29/2006 10:27:52 AM >

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 10:25:05 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Couple things jump out at me. How are you being trained by someone you've never met? Did he tell you that he had plans this weekend? Personal flag for me because when I'm training someone consistancy is the key especially if they've had bad experiences. Knowing that I'm available to them even though I have x,y & z to do this weekend and want to meet them afterwards, in my mind, helps with the exact feelings you're having.
Are you being insecure because of bad previous experiences...possibly. Are you right to have doubts, yes because they are your feelings and only you know why you're having them. Take some time, relax, journal and try to get your headspace right. If this dom doesn't call it's not a character flaw of yours.

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 11:11:15 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face.  He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit.  Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 11:26:23 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.




I think this has to be the very best advise I've ever heard....You can learn a lot about your potential mates from how they fight or argue.  Will they duke it out to the end or stop and put aside their own feelings to hear yours? And would you do the same?

To the Op your original post left me with some questions, are you feeling insecure because you are having a 'case of nerves about meeting face to face, or are you feeling insecure about the whole thing in general? Do you have little warrning flag or bells ringing in yoru head, or is it just cold feet? It's so hard to offer advise unless we can understand what exactly has you feeling this way.

If your sure you want to meet with Him and its a case of nerves, you've already gotten great advise, do things to take your mind off of it, read a book, take a walk, see a movie..

If it's more then that, and you've got warrning bells, I suggest you take a quiet few moments and really look at what yoru getting into and why you have the bells then when you can talk with Him, tell Him what your feeling

good luck
~dancer

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 11:31:55 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		chill out relax if it becomes longer than just this week, then it's time to become supicious when you don't hear from them.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 11:41:40 AM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.


That is excellent advice, never consciously thought of it, but now that you mention it, I do that with people very early in the getting to know you process. Must be trying (subconsciously) to see who they are and how we relate...or else I just like to be disagreeable.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 11:50:28 AM   
shygirldesires


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face.  He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit.  Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.


Tis an ECHO of Master's words.

_____________________________

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 12:13:26 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		Forgive me...but why oh why is this not basic common sense?

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face.  He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit.  Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.


_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 12:20:58 PM   
crystalamber


Posts: 20
Joined: 6/26/2005
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Thank you to all.  :)

I appreciate it.  All the emotional upheaval I was feeling must have been because I was sensing something was wrong.  I was getting a red flag, he mentioned getting together tomorrow, but wasn't specific about where, and didn't bring it up again.  I was waiting to do something about it until tomorrow.

I'm getting very frustrated with this site.  I mean, the people who participate on the forums seem real enough, but I get emails from wannabe's or wankers.  ::sigh::

I'm going to just get on with things. 
Thank you JohnWarren, I will remember your advice.  :)

I hope everyone's having a good holiday.
blessings,
crystal amber

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 12:32:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Don't invest anything in a relationship until you have met the person face to face.  He may be busy on the weekend or he may have played you for as long as he cares to and now is making an exit.  Until you've looked into someone's eyes, keep cool, exchange information and keep your emotions in check.

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.



Excellent advice here... if I were you I would follow it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 12:34:33 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		That is just a part of it...just like any other website, chat room, bar, coffee shop, fetish event, munch.....where ever you choose to meet people, 'they' are always going to be there in some fashion.  It just so happens that with such easy access via the internet it seems more common place.
The ignore and delete key can be valuable.  When I get emails from what I feel is a wannabe or wanker, sometimes I just let it go and move on with an amused giggle..or if I am feeling rather bored, pmsing (lol), or just really full of myself (double lol) I respond with something equally ridiculous....just depends.  But no point in letting it get you down.

quote:

ORIGINAL: crystalamber

~snip~

I'm getting very frustrated with this site.  I mean, the people who participate on the forums seem real enough, but I get emails from wannabe's or wankers.  ::sigh::
~snip~
blessings,
crystal amber


_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 12:37:56 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear crystalamber, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Good posts and advice has been given.

Communications in all levels are very important. 

I also prefer meeting someone face to face.  I don't mind having prospects seeing me suffering from a cold or something that gives me a misery.  People always do their best to show the best light but, when you're seeking a life long person, will they serve a fantasy picture of what a female dominant is or a human?  I refuse to wear leathers in bed, especially when I'm sick.  My makeup isn't going to last around the clock, etc.  I want to see the prospect in the same way.

You are a beautiful lass, so follow your gut instincts and be kind to yourself.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 8:01:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Couple things jump out at me. How are you being trained by someone you've never met?
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.

It's not real until it's real. I think cyber's just fine if you're just playing, but serious relationships (even the start of one) needs to be real life.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 8:09:41 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Couple things jump out at me. How are you being trained by someone you've never met?
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.


WOO HOO what'd I win...just tell me it's not a session with a cyber dom.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 8:58:39 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Couple things jump out at me. How are you being trained by someone you've never met?
Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.


WOO HOO what'd I win...just tell me it's not a session with a cyber dom.


<cue the music> She's won an "Insta-Cyber-Master"! Just blow him up and he'll convince you that he's the "real deal"!

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 9:17:16 PM   
piscess


Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crystalamber

Thank you to all.  :)

I appreciate it.  All the emotional upheaval I was feeling must have been because I was sensing something was wrong.  I was getting a red flag, he mentioned getting together tomorrow, but wasn't specific about where, and didn't bring it up again.  I was waiting to do something about it until tomorrow.

I'm getting very frustrated with this site.  I mean, the people who participate on the forums seem real enough, but I get emails from wannabe's or wankers.  ::sigh::

I'm going to just get on with things. 
Thank you JohnWarren, I will remember your advice.  :)

I hope everyone's having a good holiday.
blessings,
crystal amber


crystal,
 
Take his advice and learn from it.  And training?  I know I may be of the minority but why do submissive women believe they need to be trained? 
 
piscess

_____________________________

There is nothing simple about me.

(in reply to crystalamber)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 9:53:03 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: piscess

 And training?  I know I may be of the minority but why do submissive women believe they need to be trained? 
 
piscess


Quite frankly, I have issues with the term "training" because to a lot of Doms "training" is tying the submissive up and having a play session. Now, if you're in a high protocol enviroment, I can see having training for that protocol. Same with if the submissive needs to learn how to prepare the Doms favorite, how he likes his shirts starched. So, I always give a mental eyeroll when someone says they're in training, and usually ask what they're learning.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to piscess)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/29/2006 10:28:09 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OhBeMyMind

Forgive me...but why oh why is this not basic common sense?



Because there's nothing common about sense.

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: this sub is feeling insecure - 5/30/2006 7:31:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Frankly, I'd go further and say don't trust anyone until you've had a disagreement with him or her, but no one would listen.

I would but that's because it's my advice too.  You don't fully know someone and what your relationship really is until you've had a serious fight with them.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 20
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