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A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:29:01 PM   
littlesubjess


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline
what not to say to Master

Pushing limits does not mean making Master so angry the
vein above his right eye throbs.

"Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" "I'm hiding that toy when you go
to work tomorrow" and cursing a blue streak are not safe
words.

"Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!"
is not considered boot worship.

"Ya want fries with that?", "Want me to drink it for you
too?" are not appropriate remarks when Master gives you an
elaborate drink order.

Flipping your dominant off while your hands are cuffed
behind your back is a bad idea. Owners have ways of
knowing these things.

Putting lube, goop, Superglue, ink or any other substance
that will sully the hands of Master on his toys while
setting up for a session is not a good idea.

Kicking that toy you hate far under the bed is futile. 
Master will only secure your wristcuffs to your anklecuffs
and make you crawl  for it... repeatedly.

"Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.

Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire,
fire, fire!" during Master's lecture on fireplay safety is
considered rude.

Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial
Weenie" is not appropriate when Master asks you if you are
comfortable during a bondage scene.

Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while
Master practices his Japanese rope work on you will try
his patience, quickly.

Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your
dominant is discussing your punishment is not wise.

There is no such thing as slave immunity, free slave day,
or the pms defense.
The slave jury might not convict you, but the Dom judge
will override the verdict. Count on it.

Pretending Master's collection of buttplugs are toys and
singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song
is not a good idea.

Repeatedly blowing out each candle Master lights during
wax play will get you  punished.

Checking Master's head for the 666 symbol after a harsh
punishment will only get you more of the same, or worse.

"I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate
response when called a raunchy little whore during
humiliation play.

Using the spreader bars, paddles or canes for the
fireplace is not a good plan.

"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an
unacceptable remark when Master's flogger slips.

When Master pulls out his bullwhip and says he wants to
play, he doesn't mean hide-and-seek...he will find you
eventually.

Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce the
place up is not what your dominant had in mind.

"Faster, faster, we need a new Master" is NOT the song to
sing during a session.

"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to
hearing your dominant say he is not pleased.

During a play party is not the time to do your hilarious
imitation of Igor and hunch over, moaning "Yes, Master"
when ordered to fetch something.

Adding "Sir" or "Master" to "Fuck that plan!" will not
save you.

Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do
Better" under your breath during a session is considered
foolhardy.

Arguing whether "Master might not be right, but Master is
never wrong" is Zen or Buddhist philosophy will only get
you rewarded with kneeling in the corner on a bed of
Legos "to help you consider the question in quiet
contemplation."

Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to
crack your Owner up only lasts for so long. Then you will
pay BIG.

Asking "Is that as HARD as you can hit??" is considered a
cry for help amongst submissive suicide prevention
workers. 

jess xxx

_____________________________

And on the eighth day, He created Jessica ...

Anything is possible if you try hard enough ...... xxx

Only the one who hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:38:55 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline


I am Soooooo ready to see an "Ask jess" thread!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to littlesubjess)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:42:54 PM   
littlesubjess


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline
set one up lol - see what happens

jess xxx

_____________________________

And on the eighth day, He created Jessica ...

Anything is possible if you try hard enough ...... xxx

Only the one who hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:47:28 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
Start it. But make it a poll! Make your polls....
 
Brilliant guru.
SAM.
SRA.
The ______ that knows everything. (insert your colorful title.)
 
I will definitely have a few questions fer ya!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to littlesubjess)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:51:56 PM   
littlesubjess


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline
i dont understand

SAM ? SRA ? eh ?

jess xxx

_____________________________

And on the eighth day, He created Jessica ...

Anything is possible if you try hard enough ...... xxx

Only the one who hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 12:59:05 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
You Got Mail!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to littlesubjess)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 2:03:55 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
I don't sub, but I bottom, so I will "ask jess"

Q: Comfy ?
A: Well on a scale of one to ten, eleven.

This should at least get me more physical restriction. But the point is, will it piss off the top ?

Q: How does that feel ?
A: Like you are sticking a hot poker up my ass.

Of course there are times when the top or Dom is actually sticking a hot poker up your ass. I assume this would make them smile.

Q: Are those cuffs too tight, are they cutting of the circulation to your hands ?
A: What hands ?

Q: I got this new idea I am going to try on you today.
A: Oh shit !

That last one, please advise. I have topped but not Dommed. I hope someone can clear this up for me.

Q: Are those nipple clamps too tight ?

The answer doesn't matter, your nipples are going to be hamburger tomorrow. You will be OK in about a week.

Q: How does that gag feel ?
A: Hmmmph hmmmph hmmph.

Now that has to be an acceptable answer, if it isn't you got a really sadistic Dom(me). Enjoy.

Q: How does that hot wax feel ?
A: (refer to the gag question for the proper response)

Q: Are you enjoying that ?
A: (this is why I am here, yes or no ?)

I am really in the dark as to how to respond. Either response may be acceptable, but then what is better ?

Q: Do you remember your safeword ?
Silence is golden at this point. Hmmmph hmmmph hmmmph works well too.

On the sub/bottom side, "I have to pee" is very unacceptable. Hopefully your playspace is in the basement and you don't have to worry about it, but you better give warning, not "I have to pee", it's "I'm going to pee". You must give adequate warning. If you don't, be prepared for some new tricks.

Q: Hungry ?

This is almost always an order to perform oral sex, no answer is needed.

So you see I do have a basic understanding of the situation.. Now if someone could clear up those points on which I am unsure, I would appreciate it.

T

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/29/2006 3:55:55 PM   
ADomDoc


Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline
kudos!  Added that to my SAM list :-)

(in reply to littlesubjess)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Little Humour ... - 5/30/2006 9:10:58 AM   
spectreandnectre


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline
lmao

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to ADomDoc)
Profile   Post #: 9
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