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i'm curious - 12/18/2011 12:47:31 AM

fadedshadow

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a while back, i was involved quite a bit in the lifestyle but i don't think my experience was typical of most submissives. to me, the pain i felt only allowed me to become numb and detached, and was basically my way of dealing with past emotional trauma, i never could truly enjoy playing. that's why i'm asking this. i want to know what it's like to truly enjoy a play session

i don't think i'll really have another opportunity to experience this again so it's something i'm just wondering. any insight provided would be appreciated

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 4:01:06 AM

SimplyMichael

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You are 21

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 6:31:47 AM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow
i want to know what it's like to truly enjoy a play session

It's enjoyable, or so I've heard

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 7:00:41 AM

lizi

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Everyone is so individual. Both physical and emotional responses are filtered through our past and present. Your experience then was just a snapshot, with more time you'll find out what appeals to you and what doesn't, and then it might change on you as things so often do.

For myself, I enjoy a play session because I enjoy the person I'm doing it with. For me it's the connection between us. I don't have to be committed to that person or in love with them or what have you, but I have to be connected to them. The bond pushes me into high gear and accentuates things about my personality while also allowing me to set those same things 'free'. Basically, another person wants intensely what I have to give, it makes me feel needed on a whole other plane of existence. When I give them what they want, it gratifies me through and through. I think that's pretty much it. I like sex too. A lot. Pretty much my favorite activity. Play sessions are weeeeee! for me because I get awesome sex and naked bodies.

In a nutshell, it's the sex, and it's also a basic drive for me to give of myself to another. I probably wouldn't enjoy any acts of service topping directed towards me, things just wouldn't be the same.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 7:01:20 AM

angelikaJ

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Perhaps pain just isn't your thing.

Play can incorporate so much more than pain: there is sensation play, there is flogging in such a way it doesn't hurt, there is bondage... .

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 7:05:29 AM

myotherself

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Yup, what Angelika and Lizi said.

I love pain play. Really love it. But I hate being tied up (boooooring!!) and I certainly wouldn't get a kick out of being a service sub. I'm also not into dressing up (nekkid is sooo much better!).

For me too, I need to have a connection with the person I'm playing with. I'm fortunate that I love the person I'm with, so play is just like mega-foreplay, followed by amazing sex. Doing the same things with someone else would not be enjoyable.

I would say that you are still young and have plenty of time to explore what kind of play you want. You're still evolving - go with it and enjoy the ride

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 8:02:21 AM

LillyBoPeep

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You've still got a lot of time left on the planet (one would hope) - why do you think you won't get to experience "this" again?

It's kinda hard to explain what it's like to enjoy a play session because people are into different things... like other have said, maybe you're not a pain person - ooor you might become one later if you deal with your past trauma and no longer nneed to associate them.

Was that the only reason you were doing it, or were there other elements, like being under someone else's control, that you were after?

Sometimes I like when every little thing is ejoyable (and what "enjoyable" means to me may not at all be what it means to you) and other times, I "enjoy" when it doesn't matter what I want or like. I call myself a masochist because I "like" pain, but I don't necessarily "like" it, if that makes any sense.
I've been tryinng to nail it down, but I think I'm just overcomplicating things for myself. :p
Maybe you are, too?

You have plenty of time to make new friends and have new expriencees that might help you broaden your ideas of what scenes can be. Have you ever tried bondage, or wax play, breath play, other things that arenn't necessarily about pain?
Or are you even interested in any kinky foolin' around?

Some people in power dynamics don't even bother with BDSM

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RE: i'm curious - 12/18/2011 12:26:07 PM

lelloy

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If pain isn't fun then do other things. You *might* be able to enjoy some forms of pain play at some point, if reintroduced to it right but when related to trauma I wouldn't push it. Also, I'd agree with that smug lookin' guy at the top. You're 21. You have all the time in the world to experiment.

Detachment isn't *necessarily* a bad response to a scene, but it shouldn't be a negative thing. I don't like pain, but I like the effects of it, I like the detached floaty feelings. I usually end up treating pain like an endurance test. There are also several types of sensation play that aren't necessarily painful but do have some bite that can be interesting. Fire cupping and some types of electrical play some to mind especially if you like marks.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/19/2011 12:03:01 PM

DesFIP

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There's more to play than just pain. There's bondage. There's sensation play: things such as ice being run up and down and inside you. Or feathers or fur or just fingernails being dragged down your body.

If you have problems with pain, but are still submissive, then find a dominant who isn't a sadist. Explore different types of sensation play. Or just find one who isn't very kinky but still wants a female who is inspired to submit to him without pain.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/19/2011 3:50:26 PM

kalikshama

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Pain might not be your thing, but - were you properly warmed up first?

warming up a bottom should include literally warming them up by getting their blood flowing. This can decrease pain and bruising. Some examples she gave included massaging the areas you will be smacking around and light slapping with your hand or a riding crop.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/19/2011 3:52:42 PM

kalikshama

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psst - the OP is a male seeking females

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RE: i'm curious - 12/19/2011 4:01:32 PM

sugarplum30064

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I had a recent experience which caused a release of past bad history. I worked with a therapist to deal with it. She is a sex therapist and aware of this lifestyle. Her suggestion is to stay connected with my partner with keeping my eyes on him, not closing my eyes to detach. IF I had just known this prior to asking for release, I would be a happier person.

Listen to yourself, go slow, and live life. Hiding away doesn't help you deal with anything.

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Post #: 12

RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 12:21:06 AM

fadedshadow

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i guess i was a bit vague as to the details. i have experimented with sensation play, bondage and other things that everyone posted. i guess i couldn't get in the correct mindset to truly enjoy it. that's why i wanted to know what it was like. i had many things on my mind that kept me from really having fun with it. the person i played with said it seemed like my mind was haunted by personal demons.

why i feel that i may never experience this again is my desire to play diminished a lot and i really wasn't a good submissive to the person i played with. i think trying to get her to play with me would be an insult to her, as i've screwed up enough. i guess i have trouble forgiving my past mistakes, well then i did anyway.

thanks to everyone who commented by the way and i realize i need to update my profile. i'm 23 now heh

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 12:25:06 AM

fadedshadow

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also, my play didn't involve sex. i'm not really the attractive type you know

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 6:05:16 AM

DesFIP

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You have past trauma that needs to be addressed. You have self esteem issues that need to be addressed. Address them.

You may or may not decide that you want a power relationship or a kinky relationship. But you need to deal with your issues in order to make decisions as to what does appeal to you.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 7:52:48 AM

fadedshadow

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the best way i can do that is to prove i'm not worthless. right now though that's pretty tough, i get a job interview but i'm so damn stupid i don't even have the means to get there

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 12:14:51 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

i get a job interview but i'm so damn stupid i don't even have the means to get there

Well, I was going to offer advice for this but think you might want to focus on getting yourself together first. Therapy?

Also try volunteer work. After you help out at a homeless shelter you'll feel differently about yourself.

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 2:17:00 PM

fadedshadow

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well at least i don't have to worry about getting to the interview, it was canceled. i think it's my destiny to be scum. at least nobody has the displeasure of having me as their submissive

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 2:39:04 PM

Azonier

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(tiptoes quietly out of the room)

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RE: i'm curious - 12/20/2011 2:57:29 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fadedshadow

well at least i don't have to worry about getting to the interview, it was canceled. i think it's my destiny to be scum. at least nobody has the displeasure of having me as their submissive

If it is scum you think you are then it is scum ye shall be. I won't argue with you. It would be fruitless anyway.

Personally you are coming across as an attention seeking drama queen.......but that's just my perspective.

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