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Casteele -> RE: How do you define the "Perfect Partner?" (12/18/2011 12:32:08 PM)
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(FR/General reply)
I admit that I am a bit surprised by how many replies indicate thoughts similar to my own; The way dating/personals sites are structured and the way I hear people talk about relationships and dating often leaves me to believe people place far too much stock in what I've always called "By the numbers" dating. That is, you look at a profile the same way you would look at a baseball or football roster. Quantified raw numbers that you can compare and compute probabilities and chances for success. In a way, "speed dating" is like that: The idea is that by meeting many people in a short amount of time, you have a higher probability of meeting one or two people whom interest you enough to see if you want to take a more "traditional" approach of getting to know them better on a second date. It's not something I think I could do, but I've known a few people who say it's worked well for them.
There's many comments worthy of replies, but I will be selective here..
MsE: That is truly wonderful in more than just finding a potentially good match. There have been so many times I've heard people say something along the lines of "As soon as I got in the right mindset and let go of the past, my future walked right in to my life!" Although I do not believe it is cause and effect, but more of when you're not seeing/thinking clearly, you walk right by those whom might-have-been without really noticing them because you're too focused elsewhere. You seem to have come to realize that you can never replace what was lost, but you can find someone who can fill that void that was left behind. Many people in your situation never learn that difference, which is sad because it's a negative feedback loop: You only end up missing what you lost even more, and want even more to replace it. My best wishes on the journey ahead of you with this new guy, he sounds like a great guy indeed.
FF: No worries--I see many people poo-poo the idea that money or looks matter. I think those people are just deluding themselves. While such things should not be the top priority in most relationships, they do matter because they do strongly affect how your relationship will evolve and grow. My instinct is to treat my special one like the princess I see her as.. But my pocketbook reminds me I'm not Bill Gates! Likewise, I cannot see forcing myself to be close and affectionate with someone I find looks or smells repulsive to me. That would turn the relationship in to a constant struggle and too much work. In the end, I'd only end up resenting myself for even trying (and likely blaming them instead of myself, as it was I whom made the decision to try).
ashjor: Seems many of us agree there is not universal "perfect partner," but reading your profile, it looks like you have a pretty clear idea of what and who would make you happy to spend the remainder of your life with. That, IMO, is a good thing.
barely: I only see your "downside" as a downside if you are truly comparing the present/future with the past. In every relationship, we learn a little more about ourselves. What we like/dislike, want/don't want, need/can live without, and the deal makers and deal breakers. As you learn and grow, that bar should continue to rise, and you should not settle or accept something less than what would make you happy and complete.
little: Congrats, and well put. My blessings and best wishes for a long and happy life together!
Sorry for those I have not commented on; Your posts are all great!
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