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do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 5:24:05 AM

BoxwineForBrunch

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are we a generation of man-children?

a close female friend of mine recently expressed her concern about the state of american males and their unwillingness to grow up. specifically, she launched into a long, expletive saturated tirade (filled with so many profanities that it began to sound like richard nixon gettingn blueballed on prom night) the gist of which was: too many dudes in their 30s still refuse to grow up and most of these guys pretty much want a mother more than a girlfriend. now this is a complaint i hear frequently from women i'm close to and i'd like to hear some feedback on it from internet strangers.

when it comes to kinky people, does this vary from doms to subs do you think? like, how common is it for sub dudes to basically be looking for momdage (TM)? have sub women also run into dom type dudes who also basically just want a mommy, or who refuse to grow up?

in the interest of full disclosure, i should note that i personally exhibit some man-childish tendencies: i belong to a basketball and indoor soccer league, i spend too much money on shoes, i still play video games, i'm reluctant to make relationship commitments, etc. in other ways, i grew up pretty young and i tend to work long hours, be extremely loyal, cook well, clean up after myself, know how to use a semicolon, say what's on my mind, etc. my best guess is that most guys are like me, and that the "man-childish" aspect gets played up when things in a relationship start to go sour and resentment is naturally high; but i am interested in knowing how others view the American Male in the 21st Century!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 6:44:51 AM

FeralBlueBird

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i would say earthling men, in general, have a hard time growing up.

+1 for the indoor soccer league, it's a personal dream of mine. but hey, let's call it football.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 7:20:57 AM

LadyHibiscus

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One of my fave shows is this UK dealio called "Manchild". It's about four men around sixtyish. Freakin hilarious. Point is, men have been accused of not growing up for the last fifty years. I am worried personally about ANYONE under 30 these days of a certain socioeconomic class.

Let's put it this way: leisure time is for LEISURE. We should do the things that we enjoy, as long as we don't enjoy arson and carjacking and the like. I knit, I collect Asian ball jointed dolls, and vintage Barbie & Francie dolls. I have loads of designer vinyl toys. My friends get together to play MtG. AND WE ARE CHICKS.

So have fun gaming, dude. You might be an immature prat, but not because of shoes and video games and indoor football. Va bene!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 7:22:58 AM

LaTigresse

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I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with U.S. males specifically. I was talking to a friend of mine in Iceland and she was telling me about a married male in his 30's or 40's that still has his mother do his laundry for him. I was shocked and then told, it isn't that uncommon.

I think men on the whole, mature more slowly than women. I also think that a large percentage of men, do a really shitty job of teaching their sons how to be honourable responsible men. Especially the fathers that are divorced from the child's mother.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 7:25:35 AM

strawberryshake

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I agree, too many times i can recall myself sayimg to my 31 year old BF. Sweetheart:

"Please take your shoes off in bed."
.
"Please wipe your pee off the toilet seat."

"That shirt needs to be ironed."

My new nemesis is a video game called Skyrim. For God's sake don't bother him he's playing Skyrim!!!!!
I sometimes feel like Skyrim is another woman.lol

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 7:38:53 AM

BoxwineForBrunch

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@ feralbluebird: i'm an almost comically inept footballer, but it's great fun and an ideal way to keep up my cardio conditioning during the winter.

@ladyhibiscus i am undeniably an immature prat, but i clean up after myself and make a mean madras curry.

@latigresse unfortunately it is true that there seems to be a shortage of positive male role models. i was lucky to have a father who was diligent and had good intentions about fatherhood. no matter what other personal faults one may have, as a parent i think a combination of diligence/determination and sincere good intentions will usually turn out happily. also i have been doing my own laundry since i was 15, although for the past few years i've mostly had stuff dry cleaned because i am usually short on time.

@strawberry shake omg i love skyrim! i am playing it right now in fact, while also posting on the internet and half-ass working on paperwork for work (it is my day off so i insist i get extra credit for worrying about paperwork). did he like fallout? i loved fallout so hard! your bf and i should hang out.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:17:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Dude, if your laundry makes it to the basket, and I can approach the bathroom without a hazmat suit, it's all good!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:26:11 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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I've no choice but to completely disagree with your entire gender discriminatory premise. It's not just males, it's females, too. Plenty of 30 something females take their laundry home to ma.

At some point that tends to change and the females grow up (more).

You see what happens is those females becomes mothers, and have to learn how to do stuff. Males do not have to learn how to do stuff, they can ask their wife/girlfriend to do it. Or just go without.

For several generations that I have lived through there has been a failure to properly parent. As in, teach your kids how to do stuff. Basic stuff: cook, clean, shop, budget, do laundry, drive (and maintain) a car, balance your checkbook, pay your taxes, mow the lawn . . .

Nowadays universities are developing classes and programs to help teach their freshman students the basics. That's how much of an issue this is, and it is certainly not limited to males.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:33:43 AM

JanahX

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I don't only think its the men. Its the last couple generations period.

It for sure started with generation X,

But see more of a decline in productivity/responsibility in generation Y (Millennial Generation (or Millennials) Generation Next, Net Generation, Echo Boomers.

And of course generation Z (Generation I, Internet Generation, Generation Text, Generation @) is coming of age right around the corner.

I think it has a lot to do with parents not being in the home to raise their kids. Everyone is at work. Kids need their parents-period. KIDS have to be felt WANTED and NEEDED. Who's raising the kids? Oh yeah ... the stranger at the day cares. What happens when mom and dad get home? (if that is even the scenario) .. which more than likely is not, since two parent homes are not common any more. What happens, is that they are too tired and need to prepare to go to work the next day ... hardly blinking at their kids.

Latch key children.

What happens ... kids grow up into adulthood and don't know how to do anything. No one was around to take time to show them and tell them why its important to do things for yourself. For them, having to research it is too hard, or they act entitled, do do things because they have an attitude that they don't have to do it, because someone else will do it. I see it all the time at my job. Very little integrity or initiative.

A classic case of our country is turning into a huge LORD OF THE FLIES.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 12/19/2011 8:43:58 AM >

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:37:12 AM

LaTigresse

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Absolutely. However, one thing I have noticed is that girls more often make the choice to move out sooner. The boys often have to be shoved out the door. It was that way with my siblings. It is that way with my nieces and nephews. It's that way with many of the families I know. Both of my kids could not wait to get out from under my house rules but both had to have the umbilical cord chopped for them as far as maturing and actually being responsible adults.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:40:14 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Both my parents worked, which was unusual in the 60's, and my grandmother or neighbors were my "latchkey". Mom ALWAYS had time for me, we did flash cards, read together, all kinds of stuff. Now the parents are into themselves and the kids are accessories. I was at the kung-fu dojo watching our faux-grandchild do his test, and most of the parents are on their phones texting and surfing NOT watching the kids. Hmph.

So yes, it's not just the men living the culture of entitlement. Having well off parents (by which I mean you always have food, activities, and new clothes not thrifted) is becoming a mental disadvantage.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:52:22 AM

JanahX

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I am from the early part of Generation X, where modern technology as we know it, was just being developed.
I actually remember when there were no microwaves... I had to read a map, had to look for pay phones, had party lines, use a typewriter, use white out, go buy film for cameras, looking for a job was actually an all day ordeal ... no hopping on the internet or computer to tweak your resume. Looking in newspapers for jobs. There was a lot of actual work to get what we do now very quickly done.

I remember growing up the neighbor ladies taking turns to watch the kids. Now days, I don't even see kids outside anymore. I remember when people actually knew their grandmothers. Now, I see tons of kids who dont even know who their fathers are, let alone their grandmothers and other extended family. Its sad.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:53:36 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Kids play outside? THEY MIGHT GET KIDNAPPED JUST LIKE THAT LINDBERGH BABY!!!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 8:55:42 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Kids play outside? THEY MIGHT GET KIDNAPPED JUST LIKE THAT LINDBERGH BABY!!!

Christ on a fucking stick.......I am going to get accused of endangering my grands then. I always take the boys outside to play. (the girls are still too small and are, if I am being honest, a right pain in the ass right now)

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:15:31 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Kids play outside? THEY MIGHT GET KIDNAPPED JUST LIKE THAT LINDBERGH BABY!!!

Christ on a fucking stick.......I am going to get accused of endangering my grands then. I always take the boys outside to play. (the girls are still too small and are, if I am being honest, a right pain in the ass right now)

UNATTENDED?? On the FARMETTE??? They could get...dirty!!

Srsly when a friend of mine told me her grands were not allowed to ride their bikes up a certain busy area because they might get kidnapped? I knew that we were all fucked. The hood we DO NOT live there, yanno? Though kids play outside in the hood..

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:17:19 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Kids play outside? THEY MIGHT GET KIDNAPPED JUST LIKE THAT LINDBERGH BABY!!!

Christ on a fucking stick.......I am going to get accused of endangering my grands then. I always take the boys outside to play. (the girls are still too small and are, if I am being honest, a right pain in the ass right now)

UNATTENDED?? On the FARMETTE??? They could get...dirty!!

Srsly when a friend of mine told me her grands were not allowed to ride their bikes up a certain busy area because they might get kidnapped? I knew that we were all fucked. The hood we DO NOT live there, yanno? Though kids play outside in the hood..

If they do not get dirty, I am not doing something right.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:18:43 AM

LadyHibiscus

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~~has load of sanitizer sent to LaT~~

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:20:38 AM

LaTigresse

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No no noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! I don't keep the stuff in the house or the office. Don't believe in it.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:21:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

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ha! Neither do I, though we do have it on hand for Dad (CancerGuy) because we don't take chances with him.

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RE: do american men have a hard time growing up? - 12/19/2011 9:36:15 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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My x bf was and probably still is a classic example of outside of the womb, but mommy treats him like a child and a helpless one at that. His mom controlled his money, where he went, how long he went, with whom he went, he seriously had to have permission to come over to my house, or to spend the night with me, and if we were going to go on a date, she doled out how ever much money she thought date night should cost. She took stuff from him with out asking permission, on the basis of whether or not SHE felt he needed them, Once I gave him a really nice old tv, it still worked wonderfully but I wanted a new tv, and this one would work his old game systems. She took it out of his room saying he didn't need it, left it on the porch and let it get rained on and ruined. and even one time kicked him out of his room to move across the house, cause his younger brother was coming home to live, after having lived at his dad's house, and for whatever the fuck reason, could not have the bedroom next to his parents, he needed Joe's room. When I told her I needed a check for the 200 some odd dollars Joe owed me since she controlled the money, she got pissed off at ME and then was going to sick her husband on me. And tried out right to break us up, telling Joe that if it was up to her* and it basically was* he'd never see me again.

The day I got sick of it all and told him to find someone else I was done with him, was one of the best things I ever did for myself, and I should have never got involved with him for as long as I did, because the still in mommy's womb signs were there all along, I had just hoped things would change and get better as time went on.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 12/19/2011 9:37:50 AM >

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