RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (Full Version)

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Lockit -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 10:45:19 AM)

Yeah... our R did too. He controlled it until he couldn't. Seriously... come visit some victims. Then if you could hear their stories.. how mild it was to start and how it evolved... I doubt you could say what you just said. I've been working on this guy for years. His obsession almost got my daughter killed. He stayed away for years and then came back at us. Then he used others to get to her. I cannot tell you how many years I have been trying to protect people and now how much damage I have to try to help people get through.

This was a guy that was my friend to start with! An amazing guy... conned most our town. Tormented and tortured many and gets military honors he was so good at what he did. Until you know who will turn and who won't... you can't accept that kind of behavior and make light of it.



GreedyTop -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 11:00:42 AM)

omg, Lockit.. just saw the Goodbye Earl in your sig../


is that not seriously one of the BEST SONGS EVER????



GreedyTop -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 11:05:09 AM)

for those not familiar with the song/video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw7gNf_9njs&ob=av2e



Snort -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 11:14:06 AM)

I have dealt with this kinda thing a time or two. My approach is to sit down and have a conversation that goes something like this:

I value our friendship but you have me worried. For us to have a reasonable friendship ongoing, you need to kick this shit. Not hide it. Just work it out. I will know the difference.

Lost a friend, kept a friend. But I owed them that conversation for the sake of the friendship..



littlewonder -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 1:55:05 PM)

I had a friend who I thought was a nice guy until I got to know him. One day I went over to his house and saw a water bowl sitting on the floor. I asked him where his dog was.

"She died two years ago. I still leave the bowl out for her though".....eerrr...huh? I thought at first it was just a weird quirk.

Then he started stalking an ex, following her, driving by her place, telling people they were soulmates, that she was having his baby <she wasn't even pregnant>, blah blah blah.

At that point I came straight out and told him he needed help and that he was fucking nuts. He refused to  get help until one night he was hanging out with me and a friend and he started flipping out, broke down in tears and laid down in the middle of the road. We called the ambulance and he was unvoluntarily committed.

Was he a nice guy? Sure..when he wasn't spouting his insanity. But noooo way in hell I would have ever thought he was a catch. lol

After that he just went off the deep end and I stopped being friends with him. Too much drama for me.




stellauk -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 2:29:54 PM)

You know you can be as deeply spiritual and empathic as you like, even to the point of performing miracles, and it doesn't matter if you are with a soul mate or not, or have 'chemistry', you still don't get a free pass when it comes to relationships and you have to make as much effort as everybody else.

When you can both turn round to others after twenty or more years of being together and show the cohesion and harmony in your experiences, memories, and interaction consistently throughout then you can start talking about really being soul mates and having a spiritual bond.

Until then at best it's intuition, good luck, at worst it's projection and wishful thinking.

Anyone can find someone's wavelength for a while, feel their vibe, just as anyone can draw a natural 21 at blackjack. But to be able to do it consistently time after time?

This is just my personal opinion, but destiny and to some degree karma is taken as some sort of external validation pretty much in the same way as some of the religious nutters are able to exploit God as their imaginary friend. We all have our different take on reality and how things stand, but some people just can't resist distorting things even further by claiming that this is all because of some higher power.

You know there's quite a few people on medication and confined to mental institutions that also have 'special powers'.

I'm not for one minute disputing that people can be psychic, empathic, or share a spiritual bond, but generally these are people who share their lives in happy, harmonious, and healthy relationships.

Seeing really is believing.




Iamsemisweet -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 2:56:39 PM)

Yes, no doubt there are men, men who some people on here even know, who go off the deep end and stalk and sometimes even kill their exes.  I am sure there is an even larger number of men who don't, and who at worse engage in self destructive behavior.  I tend to believe my friend falls more into that camp.  Even if he was going to engage in violent behavior against his ex, there is not a damn thing I can do about it.  My concern is trying to figure out a way to get him past this obsessive behavior and find a real relationship.  Unfortunately, I don't think anything I can say or do is going to do that, so the best I can do is limit my exposure to behavior I find creepy and, at this point, kind of boring.  Perhaps if he loses a few friends over it, he will have more incentive to deal with it.  The important thing is that I don't enable him.



lizi -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 2:56:46 PM)

In the little snapshot you gave us here it doesn't seem like it's worth your time or in your best interest to be the guy's friend. If you feel there is value in the friendship you have with him then by all means keep it. His behavior towards the ex seems outside the realm of 'normal'. That would make me concerned as to what else about him falls outside those normal boundaries and how it might impact on me. You said yourself in this thread that his behavior is starting to freak you out, not the best thing to have in a friendship.

I've done it before myself where i pulled the plug on a friendship that seemed to be impacting me negatively. It's not real easy to do but I couldn't ignore finally that she wasn't a great friend for me to have in many ways.



webcamchastity -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 3:56:39 PM)

lose him, he is a dick, btw how the hell would this emotional wreck of a man be "a good catch"?
If he is the kind of guy you hang about with you need to have a word with yourself



DesFIP -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:01:02 PM)

I would tell him what you told us. That his behavior is way past normal or healthy and that although you used to value his friendship, you no longer want him in your life. And wish him good luck upon leaving.



Iamsemisweet -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:07:49 PM)

I know, he needs to go. It just seems so odd to me. I have known him for years, I had no idea he could be so crazy. Another friendship bites the dust. This AND my partnership dissolving is a lot to take.



webcamchastity -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:20:10 PM)

sorry your partnership is dissolving, but this guy is not going to be of any help with that anyway,break away completely, your real friends will help you, not him



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:25:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I am considering ending yet another relationship in my life.
I have this guy friend, who dated a woman 20 years younger than him for about 3 years.  They broke up 2 years ago!

WOW!!!!!!

She is engaged now (although he doesn't know that).  He still refers to her as his "soul mate" and says shit like they have a spiritual connection, so he knows when she is nearby.  Stalkerish stuff, in other words.  The latest thing he has done is found a hooker on Craigslist, gathered up all his ex's stuff still in his possession, and gave it to the hooker, saying that she is more honest and forthright than the previous owner of this stuff.  I think that is just too creepy for words.

WOW!!!!!!

I like this guy, in a friendship way, and he would be a hell of a catch for someone.  He is musically talented, smart, physically attractive, makes a great living, and is probably kinky as hell, but his obsession with this relationship is just too weird.  I can't think of anything to say to him to snap him out of it (he has done counseling to death), and his obsessiveness is starting to freak me out, not to mention that I am sick of hearing about the whole thing.   I certainly don't want to tell him that his ex is engaged. 

WOW!!!!!! WOW!!!!!! (<<<<< Double WOW!!!!!!).

I don't know, can this friendship be saved?  The thing with the hooker crossed a big line, in my opinion.

(I'm speechless).



Fetters4U -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:28:48 PM)

What makes you think you are going to be able to dump him? [sm=hellno.gif]



Lockit -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 4:38:19 PM)

I'm not speechless. He has done counseling to death... is still obsessed... by her own words, creepy, obsessive, stalkerish and crazy... but not the bad kind but if he is, what can she do about it and he would be a great catch.

Sounds like semisweet and he ought to give this thing a whirl... I mean... hell, why not? If she could wish this fuck on someone else, maybe she ought to experience this creepy partner that won't go too far.

Lady... you ought to have to do time in a women shelter or the morgue and see what creepy  really is... that you clearly have no fucking clue about. When I think what we have all just been through and you are talking this bull shit... saying one thing and then another and excusing the mother fucker that has been counseled to death and is still obsessed... then think of you having the balls to say this shit... I could fucking spit.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Counseled to death and still obsessive and a good catch????



Iamsemisweet -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 5:12:15 PM)

I think you misunderstand lockit. I am probably just as aware of DV issues as you. I have trouble believing someone I really like, and who is basically a caring person is going to suddenly go over the edge. His behavior is more self destructive than dangerous. I know his ex, she has never even mentioned him bothering her in the years they have been broken up. She is an atty and more than capable of getting an RO. I am so sorry that happened to your family, but I just don't think this is the same thing. He is a great guy, and good friend until this.



Lockit -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 5:17:25 PM)

Just as aware as I am? Really... when was the last time you spent dealing with a woman beaten by a hammer so bad she nearly died and will never be the same or be able to have her children with her. How about the one you had to ID? Or those you had to face off with guns because their girl friend broke up with them, came to the shelter and you just happened to open the door to the bad guy? You don't know much if you can say... he has been counseled to death... really nice guy.. but obsessive and a great catch.

How many women died today at the hands of a man that no one thought would ever do such a thing? How many women disappear in a week at the hands of a man that never did anything before and all of a sudden... well.. he just lost it? How about the woman that had a guy that liked her in high school and ten years later... came to get her at her home where she and her husband and children lived.

This hasn't just happened to me and my family. It happens to hundreds of families every single day.



stellauk -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 5:26:53 PM)

You know Ted Bundy was a great guy and quite a catch too but that somehow didn't seem to prevent him doing what he did.

Peter Sutcliffe was as nice as pie, soft-spoken, you could even take him for a male submissive. Too bad he had voices in his head, a ball pein hammer and an elastic relationship with the truth.

My point is that unless they have faced up to and have control of their issues, they have an issue which is controlling them and their thinking.

Listen to your inner voice. It's telling you something for a reason.



Iamsemisweet -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 5:37:20 PM)

The last time I had to deal with that was when I was in the prosecutors' office, about 10 years ago.  It was ugly, for sure.

It still doesn't mean that every man still yearning for his long dead relationship is going to go ballistic and turn into a murderer.  Of course Ted Bundy and others come to mind.  That's because you don't hear about the people who suffer in silence and just become self destructive.

I am really not afraid that my friend will turn his obsession to me.  We have never had a romantic relationship and I am way out of his age range.  He likes them lots, lots younger.  I also can't dislike him just because he can't seem to get over this woman.  Still, it isn't something I want in my life, and I hope he is able to face his issues.  
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Just as aware as I am? Really... when was the last time you spent dealing with a woman beaten by a hammer so bad she nearly died and will never be the same or be able to have her children with her. How about the one you had to ID? Or those you had to face off with guns because their girl friend broke up with them, came to the shelter and you just happened to open the door to the bad guy? You don't know much if you can say... he has been counseled to death... really nice guy.. but obsessive and a great catch.

How many women died today at the hands of a man that no one thought would ever do such a thing? How many women disappear in a week at the hands of a man that never did anything before and all of a sudden... well.. he just lost it? How about the woman that had a guy that liked her in high school and ten years later... came to get her at her home where she and her husband and children lived.

This hasn't just happened to me and my family. It happens to hundreds of families every single day.




Lockit -> RE: I am about to wash my hands of this guy (12/20/2011 5:42:07 PM)

So why not tell him your friend is engaged? What are you afraid of? Anyone, especially with your experience that thinks a piece of paper is going to keep someone safe is playing ignorant. YOU don't think he will... well, I sure as hell hope you're right. Why leave a friend if he is just stuck on an old love? 



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