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Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 11:54:11 AM

Futuresocks

Posts: 112
Joined: 5/25/2008
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I don't mean those hollow souls who demand only kink satisfaction for commitment-less thrills, but those who seem lost in their own depression in the search for that special lady. Is desperation a no-fail turn-off, or are there any ladies here who will go a bit longer to look for that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough?

Post #: 1

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 1:02:52 PM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

The only 'desperate' subs I've actually chatted to and even met have all been the do-me ones unfortunately, so I'm not quite sure which sort you actually mean.
If you mean the sort of sub who is very keen to find someone for a D/s relationship, but actually wants to find someone they are attracted to and get on well with, then I don't class them as desperate, just eager to find the right one they feel they can give their submission to, and I really can't say that's a bad thing. I think it shows that they are very serious about finding that someone special and not just anyone will do.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Futuresocks)

Post #: 2

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 1:51:54 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Futuresocks

I don't mean those hollow souls who demand only kink satisfaction for commitment-less thrills, but those who seem lost in their own depression in the search for that special lady. Is desperation a no-fail turn-off, or are there any ladies here who will go a bit longer to look for that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough?

You have an interesting turn of phrase here. Let me examine this a bit. Most that are desperate are not seeking a special lady... but any lady... anyone at all. We know that, but I am not sure that you do because of the last part of your question/statement that implies... we aren't willing to look deeper... for that down in the dumps diamond in the rough. Is it our place to accept being just any lady to a man that would take any lady and give it merit by way of giving him merit or an excuse of feeling low because he has no one and might be a diamond in the rough? (There is a difference between feeling down in the dumps and desperately seeking and sometimes a reason for being down in the dumps is not having half decent life and relationship skills.)

Do you see how this plays out? It suggests that we cannot see a good thing even if a bit buried because we failed to look long enough at it. It suggests that those desperate men seeking could be diamonds in the rough... when if you do give them a moment in time to prove they may be unable to project a certain charm and may be fumbling through things... that it is okay to be desperate, to seek just anyone and expect to be accepted and treated as a valuable thing, rather than how they are actually acting. Do you see how this puts the domina in a position of some fault and enables the fumbling in the dark whether it be honorable or not?

I will not be treated as if I am just an anything. I am not just anyone and if being female and dominant is all it takes to capture a man and shine him up... I will go man-less for life! Helpless men... desperate in all their ways don't make for shinny diamonds. They make for drama and excuses because they haven't found comfort within or value in themselves or others.

So lets turn this around a bit? Do desperate men expect dominant women to enable their faulty social and relationship skills, just so we can have a body to dominate and think that is all we would want because they want it? Do you think we buy the diamond in the rough... that remains a diamond in the rough for most their life and think we can change that if we were even willing to try? Do you think that we will excuse poor behavior and buy into.. he just doesn't know better... he's hungry... he needs me? Do you think we are stupid? lol

I don't expect perfection... but I do expect to be treated as if I have value and if he can't see my individual value or his own... that is just too much work for too little.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to Futuresocks)

Post #: 3

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 2:55:40 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What guarantee is there that the rough actually does contain a diamond?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 4

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 3:40:36 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I can certainly understand frustration at looking for a lengthy time and not finding the right person yet, that I can understand and there's nothing wrong with that. But actual "desperation?" No way.

Desperation gives off a negative vibe and I think it's unattractive...to me anyway. Desperation gives me the impression that any Domme will do and I'm just not into that at all. I want someone who wants to be mine specifically, and not just because I happen to be Dominant and have girly parts.

It's true that there might be some out there who are diamonds in the rough and I'm willing to work with that, but if they give off an air of actual desperation, then I am not likely to be interested.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to Futuresocks)

Post #: 5

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 3:58:49 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Desperation of any kind is highly unattractive.

Wickad

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 4:25:44 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Futuresocks

I don't mean those hollow souls who demand only kink satisfaction for commitment-less thrills, but those who seem lost in their own depression in the search for that special lady. Is desperation a no-fail turn-off, or are there any ladies here who will go a bit longer to look for that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough?

Is this question tied to your journal entry: "I realize I love the thought of being pitied."?

Yes, I have previously found "that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough", but I have never ever selected as a submissive a man I pitied... I'm just not that nice.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to Futuresocks)

Post #: 7

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 4:33:39 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux

I'm just not that nice.

Since it is the panto season............... OH YES YOU ARE

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 8

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 5:53:30 PM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I think your question contradicts itself because even a diamond in the rough knows it is a diamond. It doesn't get desperate or depressed while looking for the setting that will allow it to shine for the world to see. If you were to ask if there are dom/mes that don't seek perfect people to match them than the answer would be yes, there are. Most of us are aware there is no such thing as perfect.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to Futuresocks)

Post #: 9

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 5:56:55 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I pity no man that can put his pants on, tie his damn shoes and learn how to live life. If he can't... of what use is he even to himself? He will get no pity from me.

ROFL... diamond in the rough...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 10

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 6:37:00 PM

Futuresocks

Posts: 112
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux

quote:

ORIGINAL: Futuresocks

I don't mean those hollow souls who demand only kink satisfaction for commitment-less thrills, but those who seem lost in their own depression in the search for that special lady. Is desperation a no-fail turn-off, or are there any ladies here who will go a bit longer to look for that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough?

Is this question tied to your journal entry: "I realize I love the thought of being pitied."?

Yes, I have previously found "that occasional down-in-the-dumps diamond in the rough", but I have never ever selected as a submissive a man I pitied... I'm just not that nice.

I see why you say that, but no, not at all. That was spoken from the perspective of vanilla folks who look with contempt at anything out of the norm. I find a certain elation in being pitied. The scorn of those who "dinner and a movie" their way to intimacy is pitied by me, and hence, I have learned to view their scorn as a 1-up.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 11

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 6:39:43 PM

Futuresocks

Posts: 112
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain

I think your question contradicts itself because even a diamond in the rough knows it is a diamond. It doesn't get desperate or depressed while looking for the setting that will allow it to shine for the world to see. If you were to ask if there are dom/mes that don't seek perfect people to match them than the answer would be yes, there are. Most of us are aware there is no such thing as perfect.

I would respectfully disagree. I think it is often that the good guys and galls need encouragement in the form of someone saying "If only every guy/gal were like you..." Sometimes we forget that because we view ourselves more harshly. Who is a "diamond" must then be determined by everyone else but one's self in my view.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 12

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 7:35:14 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
If you were to ask if there are dom/mes that don't seek perfect people to match them than the answer would be yes, there are. Most of us are aware there is no such thing as perfect.

This. ^^^ I don't expect perfection, but I don't want someone who's so desperate that "any Domme will do" either.

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)

Post #: 13

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 9:20:54 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I have no interest in the desperate, and I never had a Pygmalion complex. I am not a therapist. Of course I expect to enhance my sub's life--and he will be doing the same for me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/24/2011 9:39:58 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What guarantee is there that the rough actually does contain a diamond?

As both a gemologist and a domme, I can safely say "not much." In 53 years I have never had a happily-ever-after with a man I considered was a 'diamond in the rough.' They've all turned out to be a lump of coal (well, kimberlite if we're being gemologically accurate here.)

quote:

I would respectfully disagree. I think it is often that the good guys and galls need encouragement in the form of someone saying "If only every guy/gal were like you..." Sometimes we forget that because we view ourselves more harshly. Who is a "diamond" must then be determined by everyone else but one's self in my view.

I'm done with fixer-uppers. I prefer a man who is comfortable in his skin, exudes good humor and remains self-confident no matter how trying the circumstances. CM brought me just such a man and it is the most joyful, effortless thing in the world to be with him.

OP, everyone deserves love and a significant connection; I do hope you find your match. Good luck to you.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/25/2011 4:59:48 PM

NovaDomme01

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/2/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

(fast reply)

Desperation of any kind is highly unattractive.

Wickad

I second this!

_____________________________

Are you a saxaphone or a mandolin player?

(in reply to Wickad)

Post #: 16

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/25/2011 5:03:41 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

I'm a rough diamond does that count?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What guarantee is there that the rough actually does contain a diamond?

As both a gemologist and a domme, I can safely say "not much." In 53 years I have never had a happily-ever-after with a man I considered was a 'diamond in the rough.' They've all turned out to be a lump of coal (well, kimberlite if we're being gemologically accurate here.)

quote:

I would respectfully disagree. I think it is often that the good guys and galls need encouragement in the form of someone saying "If only every guy/gal were like you..." Sometimes we forget that because we view ourselves more harshly. Who is a "diamond" must then be determined by everyone else but one's self in my view.

I'm done with fixer-uppers. I prefer a man who is comfortable in his skin, exudes good humor and remains self-confident no matter how trying the circumstances. CM brought me just such a man and it is the most joyful, effortless thing in the world to be with him.

OP, everyone deserves love and a significant connection; I do hope you find your match. Good luck to you.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 17

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/25/2011 5:09:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

You're like those polished crystals DeBeers shows, Niney!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 18

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/25/2011 5:27:47 PM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

fr
Personally, I have too much happening in my life to take on someone with that level of neediness.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 19

RE: Dommes: How Do You Feel About Desperate Subs? - 12/25/2011 5:50:53 PM

xXLithiumXx

Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline

Here are a couple of things I notice....

From a common sense perspective, men should not be desperate. They should be confident. Even as a submissive, they should know exactly what they bring to the table. Generalized statements will land you in a pile of shit. Generally speaking.

From a female perspective...I can't say for certainty what the numbers are, but I do think that most women are not attracted to massive amounts of body hair. There are a variety of reasons, but the least of them is the lack of desire to cuddle up to a wool blanket. I am not trying to be mean..I am trying to tell you that grooming, for most of us, is imperative. I personally would make you wax that mess. Or at the very least make sure it has had its rabies shot.

Like Fornica, and most of the women that you will encounter...there is just too much happening to be able to sit down and constantly reassure you, or tend to whiny, needy, bitches. I'm sorry, that's the truth. I do not not want another child. I want a man. In whatever form he comes to me, I will deal with when it happens, but in totality, he needs to be independent. My children are teenagers. I had them young so I wouldn't have to take them by the hand and tell them how to act at this stage in the game. It's time for me to chill and relax and have fun. It is not time for me to raise you because your mommy did a piss poor job.

Your profile also indicates to me that you have no real working knowledge of self. That's a red flag for me personally. If you do not know who you are, how can you know what you want? And why am I going to put time in with you until you figure it out?

Take a moment. Collect your thoughts. Collect yourself. Then...after a time of self education...approach a dominant. But be prepared. Read what they have to say, and think about what they are telling you in their profiles. If you know yourself, you will know if they may be an approachable person to match with.

But aimlessly throwing yourself at whoever...yeah...that's bad.

_____________________________

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

(in reply to Fornica)

Post #: 20

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