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RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:18:45 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Knowing when a man is close to cumming... I would have removed my mouth and looked at him in that domly way we have and said... aren't we forgetting something here? This is a good time for instruction on what you expect, getting him to talk about what he was feeling, etc. If you find that he was saying to hell with it and was going to go for the cum, then you have reason for punishment if you use those dynamics.

The thing I don't understand is... he safe worded. Was it clear he wasn't to safe word... but to say one certain thing to comply with you? Did you make this very clear or could this have been a confusion there? It is up to you in my opinion to sort these things out and make sure they are clear and not rush to punishment as if you do, you will find that it backfires on you.

Its lots of fun to be in charge... but if you are... you really need to be in charge and there is a bit more to it than ordering something and punishing someone. If you value your submissive and relationship... you will learn a bit about punishment dynamics and dominant accountability.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:23:13 PM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline 		Realize with most guys & oral pleasure there is a tipping point and sometimes it surprises even them.

In all sorts of scenes, I give my subs a slow down/pause word and a hard stop word. I tell them that I expect they will use both only if really necessary, but that I will respect the use of those words if used. Very rarely are they used (and not for lack of my effort with the whip).. I think that says something to the quality of my playmates, and our compatibility for intense play.


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:42:38 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: intriguedLynn

I was testing sub's limits for receiving oral pleasure, and I was enjoying myself immensely when he used a safe word because it was "too intense." Suggestions for appropriate punishment?

***edit - addition to original post***
Oops, I omitted that he was to inform me when he was close to his limit or ready to cum.
So my question should have been, suggestions for appropriate punishment for disobeying..




So you were sucking him off, told him to inform you when he was close to his limit and now you want to punish him because he did. 

Are you so new not only to BDSM but to sex that you think a guy is able to form really coherent thoughts when his partner is sucking his dick? 

He told you he was close, by safe wording.  Apparently, you figured he was going to verbalize it in some other way (which you don't say you did in your post), and because YOU weren't clear he is to be punished.  Nice.

(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:46:05 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
So you were sucking him off, told him to inform you when he was close to his limit and now you want to punish him because he did. 

Are you so new not only to BDSM but to sex that you think a guy is able to form really coherent thoughts when his partner is sucking his dick? 

He told you he was close, by safe wording.  Apparently, you figured he was going to verbalize it in some other way (which you don't say you did in your post), and because YOU weren't clear he is to be punished.  Nice.

Yeah, that makes ZERO sense to me too. Most guys can't even speak coherent words when they're that close to cumming. Hell, I can't either if I'm that close. haha


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:47:06 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		And they make the cutest faces!

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Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:52:16 PM   
MistrixMsE


Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline 		Watch for the curly toes... they can never fake the curly toes!

LOL (and if I am coherent when I am cumming... I am faking it )


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Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:55:37 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/27/2011 9:58:41 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistrixMsE

Watch for the curly toes... they can never fake the curly toes!

LOL (and if I am coherent when I am cumming... I am faking it )



If Im not growling, he is doing it wrong.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MistrixMsE)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 12:05:10 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Shit happens. Human beings are not perfect and don't always follow the same predictable paths and we don't even know ourselves when things change up. Haven't you ever been surprised yourself by something that kind of came out of the blue? Plus, sometimes submissives push themselves to take more for their Dominant than what they're comfortable with. It's hard to recognize at those times where the line is. I don't think the guy should be punished, he probably feels like a failure already, instead figure out a way to fix the breakdown in communication. JMHO, but I think punishment in general is a crock. 

(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 2:38:13 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		I think alot of submissives hate to disappoint. Disapproval is punishment enough for me. Are you sure your not looking for an excuse to introduce "funishment" into the mix?
If you want to spank/whip his butt or use nipple claps you dont need an excuse Dommes do that for fun!
The event that occured sounds more like a training and communication issue that needs more thought put into it rather than an opportunity to punish.


(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 3:45:05 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

he was to inform me when he was close to his limit or ready to cum.
What the Hell are you complaining about, he did just that, you say so yourself.

quote:

he used a safe word because it was "too intense."
What the fuck is that if not informing you he was close to his limit?

For punishment I suggest you tell him to find a worthwhile dominant.


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(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 3:52:36 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		I've learnt to fake my cum face.
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

And they make the cutest faces!



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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 3:54:50 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I just grew a really bushy beard....nobody can tell what face I'm making under it.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Ninebelowzero)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 3:57:17 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


Because you're a clueless bint.


I even read the follow up posting and I still second what LadyHib wrote.

Punishing a guy for doing what you've asked...........clueless.

Hibby for hitting the clueless bint on the proverbial head..........priceless.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 4:20:03 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		Mmmmmm I've thought about this quite a lot. My advice to the OP is do it again & again until YOU get it right. I'm positive your sub will hate every minute of oral pleasure & will ensure that he does everything he possibly can to ensure you're competence is total.

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 4:48:51 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: intriguedLynn

Ah,  a discussion is pretty what I had planned for tonight when he arrives.
I am looking more for ideas for if this happens again.
He had never disobeyed before, so I am thinking a good talk and discovering together if or how he can be more aware... or if he was aware and was just pushing himself for my pleasure, until the threshold was too close to give warning. So many aspects to consider which is why I love the constructive comments or criticisms from this forum.


Sounds like time for a good guilt trip-you know, one of those, "I expected so much better of you..." talks...:-)


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 5:01:15 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		I would never punish someone for using their safe word. The whole point behind it is giving the sub a way to let me know there is a problem. Then he is supposed to be able to trust me to stop what I am doing and either try something else or stop play all together. How can they trust me if I punish them for using it?


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(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 5:27:02 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

Most guys can't even speak coherent words when they're that close to cumming.



HEY!  That is a sneaky way to imply that we ought to be coherent when we're NOT coming!


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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 9:34:40 AM   
intriguedLynn


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/17/2011
Status: offline 		Constructive criticisms and comments noted.
Yes, I know I need to learn more, which is why I am here. And I am learning I need to phrase inquiries on this forum more fully before posting.
We had a nice discussion when he got home from work yesterday, about expectations on both sides, levels of safewords (for lack of a better term), and so much more.
He was not feeling well so instead of a play night we had a simple dinner snuggled. He was visibly disappointed in not having the opportunity to pleasure me until I reminded him that is willingness to place me first was a great gift and that caring for his needs gives me great pleasure as well. Every moment together is cherished.

(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Appropriate punishment suggestions - 12/28/2011 10:44:10 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Just what did you not phrase well enough that we misunderstood something? You learned that you need to phrase things better because we weren't sticky sweet in our responses and now you know about us. However, what was unclear to us?




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to intriguedLynn)
Profile   Post #: 40
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