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fucktoyprincess -> RE: How Can I tell if He's a Real Man? (1/12/2012 6:10:48 AM)
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I personally think the concept of alpha, beta (and gamma and omega) males and females comes to us from the study of non-human mammals, and does not translate as easily to the human world. Also, it is quite misconstrued. For example, as applied to the non-human mammal world, there is only ONE alpha male in the community; beta male refers to the "second in command" - the one who takes over if something happens to the alpha male - in other words, "beta" does not mean some sort of inferior male, it means "second" as beta is the second letter of the Greek alphabet. So while it has become popular to speak of alpha and beta males in the human world, I don't actually feel like it is meaningful. It is also not meaningful when thinking about BDSM role. I know submissive men who are stereotypically "alpha" in their demeanor. Has ZERO to do with their preferred role in the bedroom.
But leaving that aside for the moment, if we define "alpha" as simply someone who is powerful (whether female or male), then it begs the question of what it is that makes them powerful. Power can come from many sources - looks, strength/athleticism, intelligence, money, hereditary social standing (like the Queen of England), etc. But to me, power does not translate into an automatic set of behavioral traits. Being powerful because you are more attractive than others doesn't mean you have to act like an asshole to be alpha. You are alpha because on the dimension of looks, you are stronger than others. Same with anything else. Power does not equate to behaving like a controlling person. Power means control. There is a huge difference. Some of the most powerful men in any society are those who are quietly working behind the scenes and who have a huge impact on our society, and yet, most people would not even know who they are if they walked down the street. Is that "alpha"? Or is the tall oaf who demands constant attention from those in his presence "alpha", even if he has zero influence on actual society. I feel there is no way to define this in a meaningful and universal way. For each person on this thread, something different will come to mind when they hear the term "alpha" - and for some it has positive connotations, and for others negative.
So to the OP, you have something deep in your mind and heart that you are searching for, and you are using "alpha" as short hand for it - but really, what is it that YOU are looking for in a MAN? You would like him to have some source of power, but that could mean any source of power, or a combination of certain sources of power. Only you know what you are attracted to. Men command respect in many different ways. Figure out what dimensions are most meaningful to you, and then find the men who fit that. And don't worry about what others think, because what others think is largely irrelevant, as long as you are with someone who you respect.
One of my best BDSM relationships was with a Dominant sadist whose main source of power were his looks and intelligence. But he was actually extremely shy in public. But his good looks turned heads. And when he spoke, people (powerful women AND powerful men) would truly listen because he had thoughtful insightful things to say. And he also called his mother regularly and told her he loved her. He also had a kid-like awe about the world, and as a result got along really well with his nieces and nephews. What does "alpha" mean to you?
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