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Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 4:47:59 AM

DullRazer

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Hello E/everyone. This is my first post on these forums, and I am relatively new to the lifestyle, and so I beg Y/your pardon if this makes me appear a bit... naive.

I was just wanting to know, how to actually get to *know* a potential Dom/me over the 'net. Y/you see, I am speaking to one Domme in particular, and she is quite stern/strict, which is exactly what I am looking for. However, I do not know exactly what questions and such to ask Her, and how to ask them, without appearing nosey, etc. I attempted to ask Her what her plans were for the day, and she said that it was none of my business. This is understandable I suppose- but, it is quite hard to facilitate conversation when simple questions on day to day activites are rebutted.

Is this just a form of possibly 'testing' me, to see if I am *truly* interested in becoming Her submissive. As I said, I am relatively new/inexperienced, which leads me to believe that theory of 'testing' somehow.

I did ask Her if she was satisfied with my attitude/demeanor/actions while speaking with Her, and She did say I was doing fine, which I suppose shows that She is not dissatisfied with me. As such, I simply can not figure out
[-A-] The reasoning behind the aforementioned actions (I know it may not be my place to question Her intentions- but, some clarity would be nice)
and
[-B-] What questions I should pose about 'normal' activities (How her day was, what She plans to do today, etc. etc.) and how should I pose them?

Thanks in advance for any help/advice that can be given.

Post #: 1

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 5:02:19 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

To be blunt, she sounds kind of assy. Now, if you were besieging her with questions, maybe she just got tired of hearing them, but if you only brought it up once, she may not be the gal for you. If it's strictly online, she may not be a gal at all.....

Level

< Message edited by Level -- 5/30/2006 5:05:23 AM >

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 2

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 5:49:10 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree with Level on this one. If all you did was ask her what her plans were and she wouldnt answer, you might want to try looking elsewhere...

~RS~

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 3

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:01:39 AM

DullRazer

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Thanks both of you for the input. As I said, I am rather new, so- I am not quite sure what is and is not acceptable on behalf of both parties involved. Thank you again, it really helped.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 4

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:15:47 AM

FloridaISIS

Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I agree with Level and RS on this one.

As long a you weren't barraging her with questions then you "should've" been fine. In four years I don't ever recall telling a sub it was none of his business what I was doing that day, if anything you were trying to get a glimpse into what she enjoys. That's what it's about, getting to know one another.
As for maybe not being a Domme that's a possibility too. Many men pose as Dommes. Why, God only knows

As long as you weren't playing 50 questions with her, than I don't see where you should've been rebuffed.
Just my thoughts.

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 5

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:17:47 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

DR.....first I just have to comment....your eyes and smile are absolutely gorgeous!

Okay, anyway.....I agree with Level, but would add my small tidbit of advice.....find a munch in your area and go.
IMO, getting to know someone over the net is over rated. Admittedly, I met my Sir online, but I got to know him face to face (if that makes sense). I mean, of course, through chatting online (openly and honestly) we were able to find common threads, but with the way the internet has become the infamous stomping grounds for losers, wannabes, wankers (one of my new fave. words...lol), just to name a few.....you never know if a person is who he/she says they are until you meet face to face.
Talk to many people, no sense in limiting yourself to one person.

I do not understand the concept of it not being your place to question 'her' intentions.....why not??????? Is she your Mistress? Are you committed to 'her'?

Going over this in my mind, given the nature of your acquaintance with this person, if it could even be called that, is getting my hackles up. Probably because I know how many times I have been had or duped by someone online. I know it happens, I know it is going to continue to happen....but that doesn't mean it pisses me off any less.

There seem to be some sound people on this board, as far as advice goes.
Good luck to you cutie-pie!!!!

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 6

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:26:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I don't get to know people online in terms of finding a partner for a long term relationship.

If I can't meet them within a few weeks of talking online, then we just keep it as a cyber friendship.

I think that helps things tremendously.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 7

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:27:07 AM

FloridaISIS

Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OhBeMyMind

DR.....first I just have to comment....your eyes and smile are absolutely gorgeous!

Indeed they are!

Okay, anyway.....I agree with Level, but would add my small tidbit of advice.....find a munch in your area and go.
Good luck to you cutie-pie!!!!

Google "Charlotte NC BDSM munch" and you should be good to go on that aspect.

Also, I looked over your profile, and I think it's dead on. Very nice job with it. You were very candid and honest about your newbie status, and even took a gentlemanly attitude with it:

quote:

: DullRazer hope this pleases/interests a Domme out there, and if so, I hope you contact me (as I don't quite know how the site works yet) to express that interest. [/endquote]

Enough said. I think you're on the right track.

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)

Post #: 8

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:36:22 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

I have to agree with what's been said already. Let's be realistic here.. how are you supposed to get to know her enough to even begin to trust her enough to be your "owner" if you aren't allowed to ask her something as simple as "so, what do you have planned for the day?"

I'm going to hazzard a guess and say it might not be the "way" you ask your questions, it the fact that you ask any questions at all that is bothering her... All I can say is do not pass go... just run. Find a munch and meet up with people face to face and ask questions... and lots of them.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 9

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:42:46 AM

DullRazer

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

FloridaISIS, thank you for your compliment on my profile. I know I have an uphill battle, being new and such, and so I didn't want to complicate matters by having an incomplete/unclear/somewhat arrogant/dishonest profile. I really put alot of time and effort into its content, and I'm glad it is appreciated. I also appreciate your advice equally.

OhBeMyMind, thank you for your compliment on both my eyes, and my smile. Oddly enough, I am somewhat self-conscious about my smile; although not to sound arrogant, my eyes are usually the source of the few compliments I get. I also appreciate your well wishes and advice.

As far as my amount of questions, essentially the only question I asked was (and I asked it in almost an identical fashion) was: "May I have the privelege of knowing what you have planned for today?" . The response has already been detailed. So- hopefully that clears the 'How many questions' aspect of it up.

Thank everyone thus far for their advice and support.

(in reply to FloridaISIS)

Post #: 10

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:46:21 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

I agree, beautiful eyes and smile....lol

I really don't see a thing wrong with your question, at least you showed interest in her and her life, which are things I am always greatful for on here, it's very rare. Personally, I'm not into to the "playing" Domme online...I use this as a tool to get to know people, I do my training in person. Now I don't know the situation, but she seems kind of mean, I mean there are nicer ways to decline to answer a question....but as I said, I don't know the circumstances.

I did love your profile, but you might add just what kind of relationship you are looking for (realtime, online, casual, etc.) If you are looking for just online, maybe she thought the question was a bit much since you two will never meet. A lot of people love the net because they don't have to get close to anyone, they can just "play" relationship for a while and walk away.

Me personally, I'm not into the "questions"...makes me feel like I'm in an interview or being interrogated. What you might try, and what I try to tell guys that email me to the point of beating my head against the wall...is just chat with me...talk to me like you would if you met me on the street. My fav to tell them is; I'm sure you would not go into Starbucks and after hello start spewing all of your sexual preferences, then ask for a latte.....lol....My point is give everyone time to warm up, usually the Dom/Domme will take the lead and go into that avenue of conversation when they are ready. I learn a lot about people through just regular conversation, with some questions sprinkled in of course...lol

Now all this is just opinion, I don't know what you two talked about before hand, nor do I know what kind of relationship you or she are looking for....but just some ideas from my camp....lol

< Message edited by TxBlkMistress -- 5/30/2006 6:48:24 AM >

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 11

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:47:20 AM

FloridaISIS

Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DullRazer

FloridaISIS, thank you for your compliment on my profile. I know I have an uphill battle, being new and such, and so I didn't want to complicate matters by having an incomplete/unclear/somewhat arrogant/dishonest profile. I really put alot of time and effort into its content, and I'm glad it is appreciated. I also appreciate your advice equally.

You're quite welcome.
You're eyes and smile ARE gorgeous.

As far as my amount of questions, essentially the only question I asked was (and I asked it in almost an identical fashion) was: "May I have the privelege of knowing what you have planned for today?" . The response has already been detailed. So- hopefully that clears the 'How many questions' aspect of it up.

Thank everyone thus far for their advice and support.

"May I have the privilege of"---what more does she want? You were polite and as considerate of her as you could be.
Run!

< Message edited by FloridaISIS -- 5/30/2006 6:51:49 AM >

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 12

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:48:19 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

ShiftedJewel said it already....so this is just an echo:

do not pass go.....just run

quote:

ORIGINAL: DullRazer

As far as my amount of questions, essentially the only question I asked was (and I asked it in almost an identical fashion) was: "May I have the privelege of knowing what you have planned for today?" . The response has already been detailed. So- hopefully that clears the 'How many questions' aspect of it up.

Thank everyone thus far for their advice and support.

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 13

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 6:58:11 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

As far as my amount of questions, essentially the only question I asked was (and I asked it in almost an identical fashion) was: "May I have the privelege of knowing what you have planned for today?" . The response has already been detailed. So- hopefully that clears the 'How many questions' aspect of it up.

Speaking on behave of the Dommes that have been sent such "gems" as "hey sexy, wanna ....." Well you get the picture, lol....A question that starts with, "may I have the priviledge" is a breath of fresh air...lol

Forget her, find someone more suited to you sweet and respectful personality. And don't let people like that change you...you don't feel comfortable...move on...she's out there somewhere.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)

Post #: 14

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:07:35 AM

spectreandnectre

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/20/2006
From: nebraska
Status: offline

To me also there is the typical online redflags-IMHO i believe that a submissive interviews a Dom/me in the beginning if you can not earn trust how can you submit whole heartedly to Them

_____________________________

"When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 15

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:08:46 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

First off.. welcome to cm.

i have talked to a few sub/slave friends on here..and it seems that most of us run into the same thing when we are new. you start talking to one... and just really don't know what to expect. you are afraid to offend..yet.. something just doesn't feel right. Maybe you are afraid to pass one up.. that another might not come along and you screwed up. Personally if i got that response from a potential Master... my next response would be.. "Thank You for Your time..but i don't believe we are a match.. good luck in Your search, Sir."

She is not your Domme yet..and you have to get to know someone..and the only way to do that is to talk to them.. learn about their day... what they do...what they like to do. Seems to me.. though i could be wrong (i know.. don't faint) that an answer like that would come from a Dom/me that is possibly on a power trip..and that is all it's about to them. So many smell "fresh meat" and think they can take total control.. and you won't look any further. So, my advice is.. don't think she is the only one out there... there are so many..and from what i have seen on this board..so many wonderful Domme...you will find One that suits you better. i also agree with above... get out.. try to meet ppl in person..get to know the scene a bit. Online is great for getting to know ppl sometimes..but..it can also send you crashing and burning just as easy.

you seem very bright... with a good head on your shoulders.. ( i agree with the nice eyes part)...and the fact that you were not too intimidated to ask the question shows a lot. Always feel free to do that here.. i was a bit nervous at first.. but have found that ppl are very helpful..and will try to guide and help you in any way they can.
Good luck ~butterfly

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 16

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:19:56 AM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

First off.. welcome to cm.

i have talked to a few sub/slave friends on here..and it seems that most of us run into the same thing when we are new. you start talking to one... and just really don't know what to expect. you are afraid to offend..yet.. something just doesn't feel right. Maybe you are afraid to pass one up.. that another might not come along and you screwed up. Personally if i got that response from a potential Master... my next response would be.. "Thank You for Your time..but i don't believe we are a match.. good luck in Your search, Sir."

She is not your Domme yet..and you have to get to know someone..and the only way to do that is to talk to them.. learn about their day... what they do...what they like to do. Seems to me.. though i could be wrong (i know.. don't faint) that an answer like that would come from a Dom/me that is possibly on a power trip..and that is all it's about to them. So many smell "fresh meat" and think they can take total control.. and you won't look any further. So, my advice is.. don't think she is the only one out there... there are so many..and from what i have seen on this board..so many wonderful Domme...you will find One that suits you better. i also agree with above... get out.. try to meet ppl in person..get to know the scene a bit. Online is great for getting to know ppl sometimes..but..it can also send you crashing and burning just as easy.

you seem very bright... with a good head on your shoulders.. ( i agree with the nice eyes part)...and the fact that you were not too intimidated to ask the question shows a lot. Always feel free to do that here.. i was a bit nervous at first.. but have found that ppl are very helpful..and will try to guide and help you in any way they can.
Good luck ~butterfly

Very well put! And after all the comments I broke down and looked at his profile... wow, they aren't kidding DullRazor... awesome eyes.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 17

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:36:43 AM

DullRazer

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline

Wow. I can't say enough how appreciative I am of all the responses. Who knew, that along with some very solid advice from some very intelligent and understanding I/individuals, I would receive so many compliments on my eyes. LoL-- too bad that the rest of me can't be as awe-inspiring as my eyes, huh?

But, seriously- I do appreciate all the help, and will appreciate any further comments/advice on the situation. Thank you.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 18

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:36:49 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

I did the profile check too (when I could keep my eyes off of his pic

), and yes, it is very well written (beats the hell out of mine!! lol....but I detest writing profiles about myself, and I already have my Sir anyway) and it shows thought, intelligence, seems honest, and is quite pleasant and respectful.
The way DR approached the forum in the initial post as well as the replies are polite, pleasant and respectful as well.
Hell if I wasn't a submissive.......

......yeah, ummm let's not go there.

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 19

RE: Bit of a question... on questions. - 5/30/2006 7:41:16 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

I am sure there are several of us (myself included) that would not mind offering an opinion on 'anything else' as well!

Gosh....did that sound slut-ish of me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DullRazer

too bad that the rest of me can't be as awe-inspiring as my eyes, huh?

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to DullRazer)

Post #: 20

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