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RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 8:38:23 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I imagine they were just skypeing and a family member wandered by and started chatting also. I've walked into my kid's room while she's doing this and suddenly I'm chatting with some college friend of theirs I've never heard of.

As far as developing feelings for someone you haven't yet met, yes it happens.

So now that the holidays are almost over you two are finally having an hour to meet. Go, enjoy, see if you still like each other in person. Sometimes there just isn't any chemistry and sometimes there is. Meet in public, not private. Nobody ever gets abducted inside a Starbucks.


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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 8:41:26 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

To me, meeting wouldn't even solidify it, because until you actually spend time together person to person, you will not know what your real reactions are to him.  


To me, too. 

The  Mister and I talked for 2 months before meeting in person and then it was a couple more months before I really began exploring my submission with him, and a few more months until I considered myself to be his.  I've been with him almost 3 years now and it was only earlier this year that I actually began feeling enslaved to him.

He had to show me who he was, and I had to show him who I was, during this time.  How did we react to various life circumstances?  How did we handle anger?  How did we treat our families, friends, and strangers?  Did he like my cooking?  Were we compatible in the things we like to do for fun (movies, theater, sports events, etc.)?  Could I live with how he keeps his house?  Were we compatible in the bedroom?  How well does he parent his daughter?  Is there drama between he and his ex? And so on.  We were looking for a life-commitment and these things were important to both of us.

If, before we met, he had told me he owned me, I would have wished him a good life.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 9:00:13 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I imagine they were just skypeing and a family member wandered by and started chatting also. I've walked into my kid's room while she's doing this and suddenly I'm chatting with some college friend of theirs I've never heard of.

As far as developing feelings for someone you haven't yet met, yes it happens.

So now that the holidays are almost over you two are finally having an hour to meet. Go, enjoy, see if you still like each other in person. Sometimes there just isn't any chemistry and sometimes there is. Meet in public, not private. Nobody ever gets abducted inside a Starbucks.



I am not saying these things do not happen. I can see that happening and have no issue with it. However, I cannot see being owned by someone in a month and a half, never having met and going to loving places even with family members, turning out well for most. Those that have, that I have known, surely didn't back track and think... maybe I better find out if this is odd. They felt sure of something or someone and made a choice from an adult position.

If you aren't sure about what you're doing... why are you doing it? Some things don't matter so much and being unsure isn't a big deal. Involving family members and going to places like this... tend to be a game for most and all sorts of drama tend to be the result.

I have met people online and became close to them. I was sure of myself and of them and had reason for such. I have even allowed someone in my home that was rather new to me in person, text with my adult daughter as we were all joking and planned a meeting between us all for later in the month. She had great fun with him and we all laughed. I couldn't say she loved him though... nor could I say I did. I didn't need anyone's opinion on what I was doing and was fully ready to face any consequences that I did consider fully before I acted.


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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 11:46:54 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
the few that I did answer I met a Dom who was close by  and seemed sane. We have talked everyday since either via phone or internet. He lives really close but we both have been to busy to meet.

Even for just a half hour for coffee etc? How would you ever have time for an actual relationship/dynamic if you can't carve out a half hour to meet in the first place?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
He just recently became my owner and I don't know if thats good or bad cause I have not meet him physically yet. I was thinking to meet then see if the vibe is right.

I will never understand how someone can be owned by a person s/he's never met in person. In my opinion let's just say it's not a good thing. Do you think so little of yourself that you would allow any unknown(I mean, really he is, unknown) person to take control of you?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
He has spoken to my family in  some conversations and they love him.

So how do they know they love him if they've never met him? They probably know even less about him than you do, which can't be much because you've not met him yet.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
We have video chatted several times so its not like he is just some virtual Dom.

Umm, yeah, actually that is the very definition of a virtual Dom. Until you actually meet him in person, he is exactly that. A virtual Dom.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
I know he is close and I know that I am to meet him very soon in fact a few short days. Please tell me is this odd?

It's odd to me. But in this day & age of computer romance and all, unfortunately, it's not all that odd really. It happens a lot.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bree11
I want to be his sub, but I want to be cautious also.. Can a Dom take ownership of you if you have not met them yet?  Bree:) 

The short answer is "No, not unless you want him to." But wait. You said up above that he recently became your owner, so aren't you his sub already? Or did he just decide, unilaterally without your input, that you belong to him? He can't own you without your consent, so if he's saying he does and you haven't agreed, he's just spouting empty words. There's not a lot you can do about that unfortunately, except maybe put a line in your profile that says you are NOT owned at this time.

Think about this.....would you marry someone sight unseen, never having met him in real life? There are so many things you don't really know about a person without meeting them for real. A person can anything he or she wants to about themselves on the net and you'll never know if they're lying or not until you meet them in person.

NBMG


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 11:59:21 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I keep coming back to the "too busy to meet" bit. I hear that often from men, and I flat out ask them how they will find time to serve me if they don't have time for coffee? We are all busy people...is he busy with a wife and family? Or just not that interested in real time.

It's possible to form friendships and deep attachments via letters and phone conversations. Those feelings are real. That doesn't mean that they will translate into real life in the same way, or even at all.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 12:14:04 PM   
Clickofheels


Posts: 603
Joined: 10/23/2011
Status: offline 		NBMG has some great thoughts and advice to share! (Smiles)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 12:23:51 PM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Are ya kidding-would you marry a guy you haven't met? ...



Hey, there's a Maury show devoted to exactly that, engaged couples who haven't met, but will on his show (and pleezzee don't ask me how I know )

_____________________________

- Miss Marie


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 2:45:40 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'm glad some of the other posters brought up about the not meeting thing being weird, I was going to and forgot. Someone who lives close by and has no time to meet? Really? What about all this time he's spending on the computer or phone with you every day? The fact that it hasn't been convenient for him to meet yet is a huge red flag. He's got something to hide, which is probably why he pushed for owning you as soon as he possibly could, he's hoping that when you find out his secret that you'll stick around somehow. The thing he's hiding is most likely that he's married.

By all means be cautious and in control of your life, don't let others make decisions for you - you are an adult and the responsibility rests upon you to be wary until trust has been established. Meet and date like people usually do before deciding if he's the right guy for you, you are entitled to choose him as much as he is in choosing you.

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 3:18:32 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Bree all i can say is slow things way down.  I talked to my Master for 2 months online and phone before we met.  He never said since you are talking to me i own you now.  If he said that i would have said no i own me until i say otherwise.  That being said he is my owner now  but that happened after we met a few times and talked and detrirmined that we has similar thought on what our relatoonship would be.

I think you shuld not agree to his "ownership"  of you until you mett the guy in person and see if you still feel the same attraction you feel online/phone.  I will just repeat myself  skow down what's the rush?

Best of luck.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 3:31:36 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		What everybody else said especially this:

quote:

All in all, online allows your mind to create a fantasy of the person, you don't see any of his bad traits so to speak, and you can't feel or touch him which is a HUGE concept in actual relationships with someone because until you meet him you will have no clue if you have chemistry.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 4:14:45 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Clickofheels

NBMG has some great thoughts and advice to share! (Smiles)

Thank you. And, I do apologize for being snotty on the other thread.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to Clickofheels)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 8:57:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I keep coming back to the "too busy to meet" bit.



I was wondering if he works in retail and it was just crazy hours from Black Friday on. And now that the holidays are over, he's back to normal hours.

Like accountants are too busy for a couple of months prior to April 15th.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 9:07:20 PM   
SweetCheri


Posts: 228
Joined: 10/16/2011
From: Hopefully in my place.
Status: offline
quote:

Can a Dom take ownership of you if you have not met them yet?
Not of me.

I would have to meet her and date her and get know her in person first. I would have to either be in love or very close to it before I would even consider a person as a dominant.

Look at it this way, what if she has bad breath or really bad BO, wouldn't that be a good thing to know first?


_____________________________

Une fille d'Ottawa
Grandit je ne sais pas.


CG/HH

(in reply to Bree11)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/30/2011 9:30:59 PM   
xXLithiumXx


Posts: 723
Joined: 9/2/2008
From: Hell, Kentucky
Status: offline 		When I first got into this, I got into some very old school type stuff, basically, there were three steps to a collar...consideration, training, and permanent.

The two of you are learning each other, you are taking your time and feeling out how you work, if you work, and will you work. I am wondering here if his "ownership" of you has been discussed, or is this something you just assume? Do you realize that you could be talking to an axe murderer? And why on earth would you expose yourself and your family to someone you do not know and who refuses to take time to meet with you? If they can't make time for you now, and if you can't make time for them now, what do you think will happen in three months when you have this just add water collar on and the fantasy isn't what you thought it would be, and he is kicking the shit out of you or your kids? The idea behind considering a person is to CONSIDER what is going on around you. I know, I know, as a sub, you need that rush, and you love that feeling of belonging and being possessed...I get that. God, do I sympathize with you...but honey...no. This is not the kind of relationship you play around with. You can get killed doing this. If the Master of Kung Fu (David Caradine) can kill himself doing this, what do you think a psycho with a set of police issue handcuffs can do? My theory? You've waited this long. Invest the 20$ and do an on line record search. It's really worth it, since it's cheaper than a funeral.



_____________________________

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement


You have to believe in yourself. -Tsun Tzu-

Resident Malkavian.

(in reply to SweetCheri)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 3:39:16 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I keep coming back to the "too busy to meet" bit.



I was wondering if he works in retail and it was just crazy hours from Black Friday on. And now that the holidays are over, he's back to normal hours.

Like accountants are too busy for a couple of months prior to April 15th.

I totally agree with you on that one---I live 5 hours from my partner---the time it takes to travel is just too much---he works full time as do I and if either of us traveled it would be for half a day tops then turn around and head back and honestly it's not worth the time or the expense. We had hoped to visit for Christmas but he could not get the time off and We had hoped to visit for New Years but an unexpected house guest arrived---and since we are getting together basically for PHYSICAL time we decided to wait for more privacy. We DO talk twice a day---on my lunch break and later in the evening but with cell phones we can and sometimes do speak at other times during the day. We DO speak online but not as often as the phone. Because we MAKE the effort to speak daily our communication is better than any Dom I have ever lived with---and for me that IS one of the bonus's of being semi-long distance.

And honestly I don't really buy the crap about you have not met him therefore you do not know him. You can live with a person for 20 years and still not 'know' them and if you go into a bar pick some guy up and bring him home just because you have met in the physical presence does NOT mean you know him. Hell you might know nothing more than his first name.


Playing on the first met---I HAVE several times---I HAVE even had SEX on first meets and I have NEVER ever met in public unless you call being picked up at an airport or bus terminal public. I honestly think that if I feel I NEED to meet in public or I am UNABLE to play then there must be some reason why I should not go in the first place.

About talking to family---my family members have not met my partner yet---we have been together less than a year and honestly his travel to here has been difficult and part of that was my problem, because for the first 6 months or so---I had the landlord from hell and I refused to allow him to visit my home---long story behind that apartment but I have since moved. My children are older but both of my daughter's have spoken to my partner. If I am not home are they NOT supposed to answer my phone---if he messages me (and I do leave my IM on whenever the pc is on) are they to not answer? If for some reason I am not answering my phone home or cell he may call my daughter's house to see if I am there and to simply check and make sure all is well with me. My daughter's do have his number as well in case something happens to me. He has sent my daughter care packages at college containing granola that he is fond of and thought she'd like (which she does). He sent my grand daughter a Christmas gift because I talk about her all the time and she HAS spoken to him on the phone. He helped me pick out presents for her when I last visited him and she liked the ones he picked the most---she has seen pictures of him and knows who he is. If you don't understand this and can't relate~shrugs who cares.


There are no hard fast rules in this lifestyle even SSC is debatable because everyone's concept of SSC is different. Like I said before---everyone needs to learn over time---and find their own place. Do what works for you.


_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 5:17:12 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Fragile, you can "know" someone from the internet, but until you've spent a lot of time with someone, you never really "know" them.
Many people don't show their true colours until you are living with them. It is a lot easier to keep up the nicer, better facade over the internet and phone than when you're around someone 24/7.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 5:36:56 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		blushes that is true you can hide more if it is just an internet thing---however if it is just staying an internet thing does it really matter---for that matter why does it matter if someone else chooses to do it that way....in addition you can live with someone and never really know them....someone very close to me lived with a man for SIX years and NEVER knew he was a pedophile until he got caught downloading the shit on their personal PC....I am just saying...the ball bounces either way and it's just as easy to hid shit even when you live with someone.

_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 5:49:17 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		"for that matter why does it matter if someone else chooses to do it that way"

Well it doesn't matter to me. I was responding to what you said.
I have to disagree that it's "just as easy" to hide things when you live together. Possible? Absolutely. Just as easy? Aww, heck no.
If it's just over the internet, the guy could have creepy stuff all over his house and you'd never know. In real life (as in face to face) he at least has to do a half decent job hiding the stuff.
You find out all kinds of stuff about people when you live with them. It's why I suggest never to have your best friend move in with you. (unless it's a romantic relationship) because you're gonna know stuff you wish you never did. *lol*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to fragilepieces)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 6:53:14 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		So blushes are you saying that unless you live with someone you are romantically involved with---that you will never know them? LOL that sort of sucks cause I simply have had my share of living with people and really am not up for the whole live in thing again---I am debating about working in his area three or four days a week then coming home but on a full time 24/7 basis not really.

Again though if the guy is a creeper and you are just doing the online thing and not planning to meet---shit it really isn't going to matter---yes feelings might get hurt at some point but we take that chance with every person we have a 'romantic' relationship...and honestly I beg to differ about being able to hid things---my ex smoked crack and I never knew until he moved out---we lived together and had two kids together---he did drink that lead to the break up but I had no idea he was doing drugs in my house I simply was not educated about the effects of crack AND I was gone 8 to 10 hours a day as well---you know working---going to school and I rarely ventured into the basement---it was after he left that one of his friends enlightened me and did not enlighten me prior because he was afraid to---just saying it happens more times that we want to admit---guys cheat---gals cheat---hell I read something in the news yesterday that some 99 yr old guy was divorcing his wife of 77 yrs. She was 96 and 50 yrs ago she had an affair and he JUST NOW found love letter and confronted her. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8982958/99-year-old-divorces-wife-after-he-discovered-1940s-affair.html

Sure it IS easier to hid shit if no one is around but if someone is a jerk, they are going to be a jerk whether we live in the same god damn house or in another freaking country---moving in is not going to change it other than you may find out a little sooner.

_____________________________

Me to Daddy: Now you'll think I'm a weirdo
Him: I love you BECAUSE you ARE a weirdo.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: ve not met him yet. - 12/31/2011 7:35:30 AM   
Bree11


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/16/2011
Status: offline 		SO basically some how with me being new to the whole lifestyle and letting this Dom use possessive phrases, I basically have walked into a proverbial mess. Thanks. No I have no collar and I have spoken with his family as well as he has spoken to mine. quit often. Still for me I am in a grey area and will make a more contentious effort to stop this snowball effect from becoming a disaster.. 

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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