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RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 1:27:47 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Go to munches. Who cares if everyone is partnered? Get to know them. If you're not a complete fuckwad, they might introduce to to friends - who may or may not be single, but if you're not an absolute douchecanoe, they might introduce you to THEIR friends. It's all about networking.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to midmichiganguy)

Post #: 21

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 6:13:40 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

Michigandude~ It's all about the attitude.

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There is no spoon.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 22

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 6:19:58 AM

stellauk

Posts: 1360
Status: offline

Searching isn't enough, you also have to get involved.

The problem here of course is that a lot of people are stingy with their time, attention and resources and if things aren't going like an express train towards meeting their expectations they will lose interest or back off.

But why does it always have to be Route One without any deviations? This is something I can't work out with most people. Most attempts at getting to know someone fails, but people just move on and go to the next person and adopt the same strategy time after time after time.

The thing is, most of the big stuff starts with the little stuff, the minor details. Something like fifteen minutes of your undivided attention in conversation, offering help with a problem, and if you're a guy looking for a domme, I'm pretty sure that an afternoon spent gardening or doing odd jobs isn't going to hurt.

Relationships aren't just about play, and sex, and kinks. Any form of interaction, even a five minute conversation about the weather - this is a relationship.

Therefore I'll say it again, start with the person and with the interaction and leave them with the opportunity of continuing that interaction. It's more effort, no guarantees of course, but this isn't a race or a competition.

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Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 23

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 12:16:20 PM

MistrixMsE

Posts: 198
Joined: 1/3/2010
From: Chicago, USA - Touring Internationally
Status: offline

Simple illustration of much of the advice you are being given:
I met one of my closest friends in the scene at a kink con a couple years ago... what did we bond over? Use & mutual comprehension of the word bibliophile in a casual 5 minute conversation in the lobby. No, we aren't dating.. but it's still a RELATIONSHIP.

See women are funny like that, you never know what quirky little commonality or shared interest will create that little spark that says 'i want to have this person in my life' be it as a friend or more. The only way to find out is to have a conversation, get to know each other as people, and see what happens. If that little spring pops out and you find out you went to college in the same city, or you're both Jets fans, or she thinks its really funny that you do rocky horror dressed as columbia.... who knows where it might lead? You wont know without trying.. but one thing is for certain, if you just go out and make it all about the kink, you being sub, her being domme, you'll be like 95% of the guys she talks to.. and you wont likely stand out much..

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Sadist with a sense of humor... your predicament amuses me.

(in reply to stellauk)

Post #: 24

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 12:24:31 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
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met someone over the holidays over an extended lunch (5hrs) we didn't talk BDSM just good getting to know each other shizzle. Awesome dinner date. Dammit it was perfect.

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

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Post #: 25

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 2:46:56 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Way to go, Niney! Rock on with your bad self!

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 26

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 3:27:34 PM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Well now I feel like a right cunt lmao just had the incompatability mail.

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

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Post #: 27

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 3:28:23 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

even male subs have to kiss alotta frogettes.

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(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 28

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 3:31:53 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Awww. It happens to all of us, Nine. Don't let it get you down too much. At least you had a wonderful dinner, and made (hopefully) a nice friend.

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~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 29

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 3:45:33 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Honestly it baffles me when I spend a few hour with a person and they decide I'm a no at the end. Why not just cut the evening short?

Dinner: you always get another chance tomorrow!

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 30

RE: Searching. - 1/1/2012 5:57:30 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

Michigandude: that has not been my experience at munches or local play parties. what I DID find however....was the more idiot men that attend....the better off I looked! I haven't been able to attend the local parties because of my work schedule, and I've been asked "when are you coming back?" by at least two of the Dommes. If you are a sub/servant/slave of quality, the Dommes of quality will appreciate what you have to offer. If you walk in with a negative attitude, everyone can pick up on that pretty quickly....and it doesn't make you attractive.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 31

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 2:43:30 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Thanks guys, at my age I'm too old to get bugged by a crash & burn.

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

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Post #: 32

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 3:04:10 AM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allforfun123

I've "Read the FAQ's in here", and nowhere does it say I cannot ask for advice on meeting a domme or mistress.

I'm almost certain you're correct.

That wasn't her point.

(in reply to allforfun123)

Post #: 33

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 7:26:58 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

'twas lost ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

quote:

ORIGINAL: allforfun123

I've "Read the FAQ's in here", and nowhere does it say I cannot ask for advice on meeting a domme or mistress.

I'm almost certain you're correct.

That wasn't her point.

_____________________________

There is no spoon.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 34

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 8:42:42 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Thanks guys, at my age I'm too old to get bugged by a crash & burn.

Pick yourself up and shake it off. That was always my motto while I was searching. I absolutely hated the waiting and having to be patient, but it certainly worked out in the end and was definitely worth the wait, and boy did I wait...

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 35

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 8:46:29 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bighappygoth39

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero

Thanks guys, at my age I'm too old to get bugged by a crash & burn.

Pick yourself up and shake it off. That was always my motto while I was searching. I absolutely hated the waiting and having to be patient, but it certainly worked out in the end and was definitely worth the wait, and boy did I wait...

Awww fanx Miss Gothy xxx I'm in no hurry tbh, if I'm doing this then I'm doing it the right way built for the long run. Casual flings/disposable relationships aren't my thing any more.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 36

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 8:51:05 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

Yep, that was my way of thinking at the time. I was perfectly happy being single and was in no rush. I also felt no guilt in being pretty picky about the people I chatted to online. It'll definitely be worth the wait, though, and it sounds like you've definitely got the right attitude about it, so keep it up.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 37

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 8:53:32 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Jeeze am I turning into a chick? :-)

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More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 38

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 9:00:20 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

I doubt it, unless there's something you're not telling us?

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 39

RE: Searching. - 1/2/2012 9:02:54 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Well these heels are killing me.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 40

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