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ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Casual date, sub-she pays – should Dom-he put out?=- (1/6/2012 12:38:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The problem inherent in this is that you assume both parties understand each others value systems and share them. So the guy bringing the expensive gift assumes the woman shares his belief that gifts above $100 mean he gets sex in return. Unless he says it outright, then he gets what he deserves for making an assumption.
Coming in with the gift and saying "you can only take this if you have sex with me" would be much more honest. I doubt it would get him any more sex, but it would avoid the emotional fallout that comes from giving the gift without explaining and then being upset when he doesn't get laid.
As far as comparing sex to food, I would make a casual friend a sandwich, I wouldn't slave all day making a four course meal. That gets reserved for very special people and occasions. The kind of casual affection I would give a casual friend is a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Thanks for sharing your values.
As far as the OP goes, I wasn't assuming an understanding between the parties. There doesn't have to be an understanding or preconceived notions. I ask about your values. What would you do for X? The expectations are personal projections, presumptions and bias on the part of the readers. My reciprocation, is based on my own values. Even if their gift (not their expectation) just happens to be an expression of those values.
I personally don't have many guilt factors in my makeup. However, I have personal bias. If an heiress gave me a $900 gift, I presume it was no skin off her back but she was being very sincere in picking something of quality to impress me. If a poor waitress gave me a $900 gift, I would think she was being very dedicated in that it represented a weeks worth of work. It would impress me more than the heiress because she invested a week. So it's not the monetary value, it's the investment of time, the commitment, thoughtfulness and sincerity that impress me A girl that can convey all that in a single gift on 1st date is very wise in my book, not presumptuous.
I had a 4 day first date. We were beyond the 1st date 'sniff before we fuck' stage because I flew her in, but this is a good example of values anyway. She knew I loved my old classic convertible car. One day after running out for a bit in my other car, I came back to find her slaving away in the hot sun detailing the convertible. I walked up and asked why she was doing that instead of relaxing by the pool. She said it was because my love for the car impressed her and she wanted it to look its best. I was very touched by the sincerity and thoughtfulness of her efforts.
Our value systems are complex. I truly enjoy that you guys are sharing how sex, love, money, service and BDSM are valued and exchanged in your life.
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