RE: What should I tell my girlfriend

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: What should I tell my girlfriend

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What should I tell my girlfriend

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: What should I tell my girlfriend - 1/2/2012 9:35:40 AM

LizDeluxe

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline

A few thoughts. It's one thing to go through the motions of service and another thing altogether to have those activities acknowledged for what they are and from where they come by someone who understands. The latter is very important to many submissives. I think you sense and realize this from what you have written.

You say you have had relationships that were everything you wanted from a submissive standpoint but lacked the connection you have in your current relationship and that was an unappealing compromise. Now you have essentially the opposite situation and I can't really see the advantage of one over the other since they are both missing something you desire. Many people have trod this path. Most end up feeling unfulfilled at some point.

No advice here, just observation.

(in reply to mownedbyYou)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: What should I tell my girlfriend - 1/2/2012 10:22:54 AM

BaradBeleg

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

I'm in the "talk about it" camp. It certainly would not (and does not) work if you are a Dom with unmet needs in a vanilla relationship--and there's no reason to believe it will work as a sub. Wanting something you will not get is going to chafe after a while. However, after 20+ years with a woman who is as vanilla as they come, I have found that talking about it is the talcum powder to that chafing. If this were an issue along the lines of "do these pants make my butt look fat" variety, then by all means lie, dissemble, and prevaricate. Here, however, you're talking about something at the core of your being. If this is truly a long term relationship, and she's truly a good partner for you, then telling her you are a sub, and talking about it with her, won't hurt. It may not mean that she ever gives you what you would like to have on that side of the coin, but you and she will understand it as part of the rubric of your relationship. If she freaks and can't accept that part of you under any circumstances, then as painful as it may be, she's not the one.

Although we're on opposite sides of the D/s coin, I am speaking from very personal experience...and in my case, the vanilla girl I fell in love with was the right one. I don't get everything I want, she puts up with more than she'd like, but we're lovers and partners who know each other fully.

That's a basis for a relationship like this, IMHO. Of course, my advice and $4.50 will get you a venti latte down at Star$. ;-)

(in reply to mownedbyYou)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: What should I tell my girlfriend - 1/2/2012 8:36:33 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

I didn't mean to imply I would never tell her and then just hope for the best. I was talking about the difference between doing a cannonball to get into the pool rather than taking the steps or ladder!

You enjoy doing the smaller services for her now. Your relationship is going well, just keep going. When she is curious, then talk about it.

(in reply to BaradBeleg)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: What should I tell my girlfriend - 1/2/2012 8:50:44 PM

Casteele

Posts: 655
Joined: 12/10/2011
From: Near Sacramento, California, USA
Status: offline

mowned.. Thank you for the clarifications, and yes, it does change a little how I would approach it. I'm still of the "talk to her" camp, in the sense that I think you should tell her exactly how you just told us. I don't see any kink or anything negative in that, just a lot of passion to please the one you love.You don't even have to label it as "I'm submissive" and she certainly does not need to be domme to make you happy, so approach it from a "this is who I am and how I enjoy showing my love for you" standpoint. From the way you describe the current relationship already, I suspect she'll be very understanding, and probably already "knows" although she may not have the right words to express it. (Might not even be the same words a BDMS/kink person would use, either.)

Understand as well that a large part of my advising this way is because you posted the question at all. That shows that it is something that is on your mind, it does affect you, it does need a resolution. Also keep in mind that advice is just that; It's what others think you should do based upon the limited knowledge they have of the situation. You're the man on the ground, though, and should tailor any advice to your gut instincts.

(in reply to mownedbyYou)

Profile

Post #: 24