Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!*

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Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 12:18:58 AM

theidaeof

Posts: 16
Joined: 12/18/2011
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Hi, I'd like to hear from people about how they have managed to keep BDSM in their lives when they have kids in the picture. either before they came along or after.

Did you continue with how ever BDSM was involved in your lives?, how did that work out?, or Did you stop until they moved out or were older, or stop all together?

Do most people who have BDSM has a strong part of their lives not have or not desire to have kids?

I ask because i would like to have childen one day and i'm not sure if i am comfortable with how my BDSM would gel with children around.

Saludos.

Post #: 1

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 12:30:43 AM

MistressDemeter

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/13/2008
Status: offline

Great title!

I have four kids, aged between 22 and 12. all living here with me, I've never had a great problem combining Ds with regular life, Its just part of who I am. The kids see nothing, they'd see nothing much of a vanilla relationship either. The 'rude' stuff happens in private.
Its a bit tricky meeting new people. you can't just have them back to yours as easily as when you are childless but its not a bit deal.
I'm known as a bossy cow in vanilla life so my bossing 'boyfriends' about isn't anything unusual either. I find if you just get on with it and employ a bit of common courtesy, everything works fine.

HTH

V

(in reply to theidaeof)

Post #: 2

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 12:59:32 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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My kids were older when I found BDSM while dating others after leaving my marriage to their Dad, and they are adults now. I keep lifestyle things totally separate from them, but I also don't hide who I am. They and their friends know me as the Mom who does lots of things for them, in that respect I can't totally hide *who* I am from their world, but the overt D/s stuff is carried on in private. My partner and I are happy that way, we have plenty to keep us satisfied in that department without having it leak over into my family relationships. In fact my kids like my Dom very much, and seem to feel he not only takes great care of me, he's an awesome guy as well. He and I have had a few years together at this point. If they ever found out about my private life it wouldn't be the end of the world, and I'm not ashamed of it, I just don't find it necessary to push their faces in it either.

There are actually some old threads about this subject that may give you ideas, you can do a search for them. In the past, some have suggested sound proofing in the bedroom, many have said they actually engage in BDSM activities only when the kids are totally gone from home and in the care of others for the night. It can be done, it just takes some preliminary work with your partner to outline how you want to handle things, much like discussing how to handle religion or discipline styles before the children arrive. Being a parent doesn't mean you have to subjugate who you are, although it might mean that you temporarily suspend things that the little ones shouldn't be exposed to. You'll figure it out.

All in all I do feel that children always always always come first, and their parents should keep their welfare as the top priority- if that means that certain things get pushed aside till the kids are grown then that's life. I personally don't think that my own lifestyle choices should be a part of my children's life, or influence them in any way. Whatever they were meant to do or be, I'd like them to figure that out without being unnecessarily influenced by my own choices.

(in reply to theidaeof)

Post #: 3

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 3:05:52 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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With kids, good manners and other crossover protocols fit in nicely, like calling me Sir. I was asked why mommy called me Sir and I explained it was respect. However, foot kissing and stuff like that is kept out of their sight.

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(in reply to theidaeof)

Post #: 4

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 5:14:07 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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Shit when I was a kid, nobody gave a shit, we were invisible, they'd just slam the door and keep on smoochin'.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 5

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 9:42:15 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

My children were more or less grown up when I met my partner. They regularly go and stay with their dad, but only the youngest lives here properly, anyway. My partner and I prefer to keep some of the more obvious things private, but as for me bossing him about, they're used to me being like that in general.
My partner has no interest in having any children of his own, so it all works well for us, other than it taking a bit longer before we're ready to live together, mainly due to getting used to kids being around.
I don't think you should worry about having children in future. Just remember to teach them not to just barge in the bedroom and respect your privacy. You won't go wrong that way.

_____________________________

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(in reply to theidaeof)

Post #: 6

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 9:59:50 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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My daughter was young when I first started out. She simply saw a traditional relationship where man is the head of the household, he makes the decision and is the breadwinner and is king of the castle.

As a kid she would just shrug it off and roll her eyes. It was not her style. Now that she's an adult she sees two people who love one another and she now carries some of those very traits into her own relationship.

I like to think I was a good role model.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 7

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 10:06:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Kink/sex is done the same as vanilla people do. In the bedroom, with the door locked.

As far as him making decisions, nobody blinks an eye when he says to buy chocolate chip ice cream instead of strawberry.
And that's what him being the dominant is, someone who just makes most decisions.

As far as me getting him another cup of tea, I told my kids that doing things for people is how I show love, and that's also why I do so much for them.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 10:28:04 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

Short version. I haven't. Boys mother a classsy top went right off the whole shizzle post childbirth & turned into a puritan who wants to ban sex standing up as it might lead to dancing. Since the split I've had boy every weekend bar 4, part guilt, part ensuring that he knew I was still there for him & love him dearly & miss each other shitloads. i missed 3 parties over the holiday to be with him but the chats we had were worth it. Boy told me to get a girlfriend & it's ok if he doesn't stay at mine sometimes if I'm out looking for one.

So...

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Post #: 9

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 10:30:04 AM

AndreSanThomas

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/4/2012
Status: offline

I can't say enough about the importance of a LOCK! lol. We had to talk to my step-daughters when they were 6 and 3 because the house we lived in had no locks on any doors and one walked in on us at midnight! Fortunately, she didn't see anything that interesting, vanilla or otherwise because there happened to be blankets in the way, but she definitely knew this wasn't just step-mommy and daddy having a "cuddle".

My step-daughters are teens now and live with their mother, but my own girls are 7 and 5, so still young. It is very normal to have one or the other get up in the middle of the night for something or other, so again, the lock is important. And of course if there are noisy sound effects, you want a gag and/or a house layout that puts the grown ups bedroom not right next to the kids (if possible). But it is doable. You don't have to give up kids for this. And if you're lucky enough to have aunts, uncles or grandparents who can take kids for weekends- the sky's the limit!

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andresanthomas.blogspot.com
Explicit romances of lust and passion found at the feet of the master.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 10:41:26 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

I have kids. Lots of kids. My kids. Other peoples kids. Some kids that just randomly show up for reasons I can't explain(I think they do it to test how long it will take me to figure out who they are) With my kids they have for the most part known about it since they were small. Things didn't start to get interesting until they became teens. That is when they start asking the really "interesting" questions. When they were little my son would just tell people "Mom's the boss. Things get done the way she says" He still tells peoople that now, but he sometimes adds " and I suggest you don't make her mad" It was all actually pretty easy until the girls started asking questions. The boys all seem to just think my house is how things work everywhere. The girl, oh lord the girl, she asks questions about everything. She asks me. She asks the livein. She asks the pets. I'm starting to wonder if she asks random strangers. What seems to differ between the boys and the young girl(she is 13 now) is that the boys ask about(big shock) sex. While the girl asks about everything else she can think of. Why I get to give the orders. When I decided I was going to give the orders. How old was I when I decided. Does it make other people mad(she believes it would make her mad) Does it make the livein mad(yes she asked him) Why does he just do what I say. When did he decide he would do what I say. Has he always thought like he does now,etc. As long as she doesn't get into questions about sex I'm happy. I have no issue explaining the act of sex with the boys(they are all teens now) but they are not exposed to anything that happens between me and others as far as sex goes. I am more than happy that the girls are either all old enough now to understand sex(so they don't ask me much) or they just don't seem to care about it yet. I think that as far as this "lifesyle" goes it is like any other part of being a parent. You protect your kids from the things that could hurt them. You expose them to the things that won't. And you hope that in the end you have taught them well enough to know the difference between the two.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 1/4/2012 10:44:58 AM >

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(in reply to theidaeof)

Post #: 11

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 1/4/2012 10:46:35 AM

Fornica

Posts: 2986
Status: offline

I have 5 bio kids, and one step. All under 12, and including one being a baby, a 5yro with cancer, and a 120lb dog in that mix ;)
Everything is kept age apropos..sexual stuff is behind closed/locked doors, but it's not difficult to have Dominant/submissive roles in your everyday lives in front of them, to a point, yk? If you'd like to talk more detailed, message me on the other side..I don't get too deep on the boards about my personal life.

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There is no spoon.

(in reply to AndreSanThomas)

Post #: 12

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 10:23:29 AM

MrsT301

Posts: 48
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Kink/sex is done the same as vanilla people do. In the bedroom, with the door locked.

As far as him making decisions, nobody blinks an eye when he says to buy chocolate chip ice cream instead of strawberry.
And that's what him being the dominant is, someone who just makes most decisions.

I agree with this. Our kids go to bed pretty early so we have plenty of time to unwind/play.
I think it would probably be more difficult when you have teenagers but we're not there yet.
My kids don't even ask me to decide things anymore like what are we doing today or what's for lunch when daddy is home- they just ask daddy.

I have on occasion forgotten about stuff and woken up to find my son in bed with me asking me "Mommy what is this thing?" (A ball gag). I told him it was a toy for grownups and he left it at that. We have a file cabinet with a lock on it for our toys, rope, etc.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 11:14:57 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I have a question to add to those comments. and by the way I have no children, but more so curious as to how one would explain this: even behind a closed locked door, lets say junior decided to get up in the middle of the night when mommy and daddy were having a great BDSM time,lol. and junior is hearing all kinds of explicit words coming from the door and hearing paddle or crop noises..how does one explain to them what they heard and what happens if they go to school the next day repeating it and get in trouble by a teacher.

just something I thought of....curious to hear answers from ppl who have kids.

(in reply to MrsT301)

Post #: 14

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 12:57:25 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Being a parent you develop spider senses for other doors being opened, footsteps, cars coming home etc. Although he claims I'm noisy so he gags me. I claim it's just because he gets turned on by a bound and gagged female.

If the house is small and sound travels, that's when you leave a tv on and claim it was an action movie which they're not old enough to see. I was reading somewhere about a guy getting oral surgery when his cell phone rang and he was summoned to school because of use of the word slut. Turns out the kid overheard them talking about Rush Limbough.

But hell, my kids have heard most explicit words before age 5, we just explained we were wrong to yell that at the guy on the tv and it's not appropriate for kids to say.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 15

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 1:43:54 PM

MrsT301

Posts: 48
Joined: 2/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have a question to add to those comments. and by the way I have no children, but more so curious as to how one would explain this: even behind a closed locked door, lets say junior decided to get up in the middle of the night when mommy and daddy were having a great BDSM time,lol. and junior is hearing all kinds of explicit words coming from the door and hearing paddle or crop noises..how does one explain to them what they heard and what happens if they go to school the next day repeating it and get in trouble by a teacher.

just something I thought of....curious to hear answers from ppl who have kids.

My kids have heard us before. I told them mommy and daddy are play fighting.
The explicit words are kind of a non issue here since they fall asleep to music and we usually have music playing as well, so I very much doubt they can hear a word we say.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 16

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 3:56:56 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I have a question to add to those comments. and by the way I have no children, but more so curious as to how one would explain this: even behind a closed locked door, lets say junior decided to get up in the middle of the night when mommy and daddy were having a great BDSM time,lol. and junior is hearing all kinds of explicit words coming from the door and hearing paddle or crop noises..how does one explain to them what they heard and what happens if they go to school the next day repeating it and get in trouble by a teacher.

just something I thought of....curious to hear answers from ppl who have kids.

The answer is to use Vaseline for sex.

Put it on the door handle to the bedroom and they won't come in.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 17

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 4:28:30 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

The answer is to use Vaseline for sex.

Put it on the door handle to the bedroom and they won't come in.

MalcomNathaniel, the Macgyver of Bedroom Activities.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

Post #: 18

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 5:25:32 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

great responses, especially Macgyver of bedroom activites,lol ;)

MrsT3, sounds good . like I said, I have no kids but wonder how people with kids are able to function in BDSM.

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 19

RE: Kink with Kids * NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!* - 3/9/2012 5:55:48 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

MalcomNathaniel, the Macgyver of Bedroom Activities.

For my next magical trick I will make this wok smoking hot without the use of fire!

poise, bend over and clench your teeth, this may sting a little.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 20

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