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A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 5:00:15 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Not sure how to get my head round this or whether I should. I get into chat with a D type lady who then explains the poly nature of her lifestyle (if her profile mentioned poly I wouldn't have got in touch) & I can't help but go cold on the whole deal. The question is (I think) have I got a bug up my ass about nothing? Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I was a right promiscuous slapper but I just don't want this at all.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 5:06:13 AM

rachandchell

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if polys not something you want we wouldnt think you have a bug up your ass nine :) more your thinking with the right head lol x

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:05:54 AM

LaTigresse

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Some people can handle it and some people can't.

The only annoyance I have is with people that are wired one way, pursuing people they know are wired another way, and then get huffy when the one they were pursuing doesn't fall in line with their personal way of thinking.

I mean, why waste the time...?

Now if they ommitted the information.....be glad you found out early on they were a liar.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 1/8/2012 6:07:00 AM >

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:37:44 AM

Fornica

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Nah, I say follow your gut. You know what you want, so don't settle for less.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:38:50 AM

Ninebelowzero

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I'm sure you'll laugh but this has been driving me up the wall & I know it's me. There's that side that's saying get out there & get your jollies & the other saying nope it's not for me.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:48:27 AM

Fornica

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Ah, but sweetie...which is speaking louder? What if you go get your rocks off, but get feelings for this chick unintentionally, and have to deal with figuring out if poly is something you can live with while battling your feelings for her at the same time? Easier now to walk away, knowing it isn't what you want.
xxoo

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:53:25 AM

stellauk

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Hello Nine I don't think you have being honest..

I get that some people are poly, and some people are mono, and that this is the way they're hard wired.

But then again neither people nor relationships are ever black and white.. There's shades of grey..

What gets to me are the people who are one way but who present themselves the other way at the start.

It's a bit like the caudal luring of the water moccasin or the 'bird on the kerb' hitchhiking strategy. It's being less than up front.

And personal integrity is everything IMHO when it comes to relationships.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:55:25 AM

Ninebelowzero

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You lost me there Stella.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 6:56:37 AM

Fornica

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I think she meant that *they* haven't been honest with you?

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:02:23 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero
if her profile mentioned poly I wouldn't have got in touch

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
if they ommitted the information.....be glad you found out early on they were a liar.

Some people just aren't wired for poly and that's okay. If you aren't poly and she is, I'd say it's not a match. Plus, if her profile didn't say upfront that she is poly, I'd say she's a liar. Better to know now than later.

NBMG

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:08:46 AM

Miyani

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If you don't want poly, then don't go for the poly chick. If you're willing to try, but not sure it'll work, be very honest about that, and keep the lines of communication open with her as your feelings develop.

That said, polyamory doesn't translate to promiscuity, nor simply to "getting your jollies." For myself, and a large proportion of the poly people I know, it's about having more *love* in our lives, not more sex, and our relationships are just as committed as anyone else's.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:09:19 AM

Ninebelowzero

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my issue is I should be able to get into it, not the deceit.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:21:31 AM

Fornica

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Why should you?

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:24:27 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Damned if I know tbh, but it's just bugging the hell out of me.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:25:26 AM

LaTigresse

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That makes perfect sense. As Stella wrote.... it's not the type of relationship/s that is the problem, it's the honesty or lack thereof.

I wouldn't be in a relationship with a person that lied about such an important thing.

However!...... I do believe, based upon my own personal experience and life path, that there are people that will evolve (for lack of better word) into desiring something they didn't realize or admit to themselves, at some point in life. For example, I know other people that tried very hard to live, marry, etc.....as a hetro person. Only to accept or realize later in life that, as hard as they tried, they were living a lie. It wasn't intentional. It just was.

There are MANY people, especially men, that are bisexual but work very very hard to surpress that aspect of themselves. I don't consider them liars, just rather unhappy I imagine.

You see, we all believe for some reason or another, ourselves to be a certain way. As we mature, as life's storms blast us, sometimes we discover things about ourselves we never previously acknowledged.....for some reason or another.

If the woman in question was unable to admit to herself even, that she was poly......it is possible. I can attest to that. Sometimes shit just happens.

For us to try and determine what her motives actually where/are, we would have to know her an awful lot better.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 7:36:21 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Poly is freakin difficult even for those of us who are that way. For me, I am totally capable of being sexually mono, but emotionally? I need a lot more than one human can offer. So far, anyway.

Be yourself, Niney. It's not like being poly is some kind of buffet, it just offers up new levels of complication.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:06:15 AM

DesFIP

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Poly doesn't mean promiscuity. It's about having more than one person who you love. The successful poly relationships always involve everyone in the relationship loving each other.

From the way this woman presented things, I don't think that's what's going on. It isn't her and her partner seeking a third to love, it's all about her needs and no caring about the various part time other relationships she's involved in and their needs.

As far as should you someone force yourself to be poly. Why? Should you also somehow force yourself to be bisexual or homosexual? I really do believe this is also something we are hard wired for. I have no intention of trying to force myself into liking avocados. I've eaten them when I've had to but I've never enjoyed the taste. So why would I try to force myself into a poly relationship when I know from the start that I won't ever be happy in one?

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:11:01 AM

Ninebelowzero

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right I think I'm getting it now, thanks.

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:36:20 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Poly is freakin difficult even for those of us who are that way. For me, I am totally capable of being sexually mono, but emotionally? I need a lot more than one human can offer. So far, anyway.

Be yourself, Niney. It's not like being poly is some kind of buffet, it just offers up new levels of complication.

This....so much THIS.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: A wood for the trees moment - 1/8/2012 8:36:29 AM

LizDeluxe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ninebelowzero
my issue is I should be able to get into it, not the deceit.

I get where you are coming from. What are you looking for? Personally, I am not interested in any sort of 24/7 commitments in my life at this time so I could not care less how poly someone is. Are you playing the field or are you looking to settle down?

(in reply to Ninebelowzero)

Post #: 20

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