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RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:23:58 PM   
Hammermp


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
you are the colonel she is the private.


When mouse and I first met, I was an NCO in her squad and completed her introduction into the way “The real Army” works right as she got out of basic and AIT as a private. So, the whole NCO/soldier attitude and decorum shouldn’t be too hard to fall back into with a few twist.
She wants my authority 24/7 (still not sure how well this will work) but I do want the wife I married to be able to talk to and bounce ideas off…ect. How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?

Hammer


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:28:45 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You don't have counselling time with your squad? She tows the line, she makes corporal then sergeant then adjutant, then aide.......... hey, go look in intro there is a guy in CO new and his nick starts out army..... and wife, wanting in, you guys should hook up, you might be surprised that there aint just gays in the military there might be some get down motherfuckers in it.

btw, can someone give these guys some munches in the areas, or meet and greet?  I have to ask if its ok to out someone here, to you guys who has bigtime knowledge of some shit in the military end of this, I will be back....

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:32:01 PM   
seekerofslut


Posts: 215
Joined: 9/7/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammermp

How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?



Major John Reisman: What do you think, Sergeant?
Sergeant Clyde Bowren: I think you'll do just fine, sir.
Major John Reisman: [emphatically] Don't give me that! I said what do you think?
Sergeant Clyde Bowren: I think the first chance one of those lovers gets, he's going to shoot the Major right in the head... sir.

Gotta love Hollywood sometimes.

(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:32:13 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammermp


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
you are the colonel she is the private.


When mouse and I first met, I was an NCO in her squad and completed her introduction into the way “The real Army” works right as she got out of basic and AIT as a private. So, the whole NCO/soldier attitude and decorum shouldn’t be too hard to fall back into with a few twist.
She wants my authority 24/7 (still not sure how well this will work) but I do want the wife I married to be able to talk to and bounce ideas off…ect. How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?

Hammer


There is no switch. I'm his submissive and his wife. He views it as part of my role to speak up when I think he's making a mistake. We discuss our decisions all the time. He gets to make the final choice, but he takes my opinion into consideration.

Some times we're just goofy and silly. It doesn't always have to be "on" in flashing neon, Las Vegas style.....sometimes it's just an under current in how our relationship flows.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:37:49 PM   
Hammermp


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Cool... Thx osidegirl

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:46:59 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Don't step on that landmine sir.

Uh, sir, if you will pardon me,  I think that it would be  better to enfillade to the east, because that ditch will give us better cover........
Good Idea private!!!!  OK WE ARE HEADED EAST!!!!! FOLLOW ME!!!!

What switch?   A commander uses local intelligence to his advantage to accomplish the mission, right General?   

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:54:44 PM   
Hammermp


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Well that’s why I am here learning… Rule #1 is know the mission and the objectives, So that’s what I am doing.

Also, “Sir” is not a term I will ever be referred to by Anyone, that’s my father… I am not an Officer and therefore its an insult (mil joke sorry)… I work for a living…LOL

Thanks for the tip tho… didn’t think of it in that manner until now (and it was staring me in the face the whole time….lol)

Hammer

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 2:57:17 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am an ex army  SGT(e5).   I didn't think more than maybe 10% of the sirs were sirs. 

Yeah, you get to play army at home, and she doesnt want to play army at home, wants you to watch do it.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 3:42:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hi OP (and hi to you, jen).  A little bird told Me that I should drop in here on your thread.  (Man, that should have been a peanut butter joke, but I just couldn't come up with a good one.)

You've already got some of the best training on the planet on how to be in charge.  Even better, she's already quite familiar with how to follow instruction.  That means you are leaps and bounds ahead of some other folks who are just starting out.  You're going to be amazed at just how easy it is to transfer your life skills from one area to another. 

Ron's completely right.  There are more military and ex military kinky folks than you would think.  (Something about the structure that seems to be appealing.)  People are just quiet about it due to the job concerns.  It's like anything else, really.  Not everyone necessarily broadcasts what their private life is like at home in all different areas.  It's just a different version of the same thing.

If I'm getting the right kind of vibe here, you've got a time window to learn some things before you put it all in place.  (You certainly wouldn't be the first couple who wanted to explore this more after a deployment or other separation.)  That book list that some of the other contributors recommended is an excellent place to start.  There are also munch groups and such in your city where you can meet folks who have the same interests and help you out as well.  I'm not the best resource for your particular location, but that's a military town and I haven't been to one yet that you couldn't find something going on. 

If you've got any questions or concerns that somebody with a similar set of circumstances can help you out with, feel free to drop one of us a line.  We'll do what we can to give you a hand.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 3:51:27 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I didn't think more than maybe 10% of the sirs were sirs. 


Oddly enough, that's pretty much my view on dominant men too.....

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 4:56:00 PM   
Alida


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		What OsideGirl said is right. There is no 'switch', no on/off. It's not a game, it's just part of life. And it's really not that hard. Make it clear that you expect her to continue to talk and disagree with you as an equal, if you want. She's allowed to have opinions... most Dom/mes I believe allow for that. I think you'll find it natural in how you talk with her, to sometimes be talking to her and expecting her to do what you say, and talking to her for conversation.

She's not checking her head away, and unless I am missing something, I don't think you intend to micromanage her life. She's still the same woman, you are just responsible for more.

And I'm happy for you both.

And thank you both for your service. I appreciate that.


< Message edited by Alida -- 1/9/2012 4:57:11 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 5:20:45 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

She wants my authority 24/7 (still not sure how well this will work) but I do want the wife I married to be able to talk to and bounce ideas off…ect. How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?


Grant her Permission to Speak Freely, lol. I used to say "May I make a request?" or "May I give you some information?" and then we'd be less formal.

Total Power Exchange doesn't mean you have to be in Scene mode all the time, in fact, I think that would be exhausting and unsustainable.


(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 5:30:42 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I use the.. "Mind if I make a suggestion?" Its always his option to say no.

How does it work for us? Think of the show "Leave it to Beaver"... thats us to the outside world. I defer to his decisions, I respect those decisions, and if I feel a need to question those decisions, there is a time/place/manner to do so.

Dont over think it. You two are more ready than you may believe. I impart knowledge, I give advice, I ask questions, and I may even insist on things when regarding health issues. Other than that, He is in charge.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 5:42:37 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammermp


When mouse and I first met, I was an NCO in her squad and completed her introduction into the way “The real Army” works right as she got out of basic and AIT as a private. So, the whole NCO/soldier attitude and decorum shouldn’t be too hard to fall back into with a few twist.
She wants my authority 24/7 (still not sure how well this will work) but I do want the wife I married to be able to talk to and bounce ideas off…ect. How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?

Hammer




Maybe it'll help to give you a little snapshot like Des did.
My partner and I live apart. We email several times a day and call, we used to see each other once a week, but since i've been back in school it's been less since i need more time to study. When I'm out of school in about 1 1/2 years we're planning on having me move in.  In my relationship we always talk the same to each other unless we're in bedroom talking dirty- no switches needed. We don't use titles, we're actually pretty boring,  normal people. He's the boss, I'm the secretary. We consult each other regularly on every day things, and take what the other says into account. My kids and my school are my territory, and I have the final say on how things go there, although I may, and do, ask for advice.

At the heart of things he leads and I follow. I am his most trusted confidant, and have his best interests at heart. It's my basic role to provide support for him to make decisions, I take it seriously. I speak up at any time that there is something he should know pertinent to the situation. What he does with that information is up to him. The pertinent information might be a weather forecast or it might be personal information such as I really dont want to go kayaking this weekend and would rather go hiking instead, or I'm starting to come down with a cold. I give him any and all information, he chooses, I abide by what his choice is. One more thing....I have promised to him complete transparency. I always tell  him the truth. That is important information, he can't make good decisions without it. If I had a horrible day and really don't have much time to cook dinner I'll tell  him, he may decide we're going out...or not. He got the information though and he 'll see where to go with it. It's up to him.

This just played out this morning.
Him:  Wednesday looks better for you to come up, come up Wednesday instead of Tuesday, we'll have dinner with Mom, go to the gym together, and here is a link for an activity. I think we'll like this- it's a dog walk. We can meet some new people and walk the dog after we hit the gym. Would you like to do that?
Me:  Ok, we're on for Wednesday then. Dinner and the gym sound great, we can do the dog walk if you want. We should probably watch the weather and see how it looks during the day before we choose to go down for this walk or not. I'll throw my boots into the car before I leave just in case, don't forget to bring yours :)

I'm not really chomping at the bit to do the dog walk thing, he's more the social butterfly than me, but  you know, it makes him happy so  sure I'll do it. If I sincerely didn't want to do it I'd have said, I promised never to lie and won't pull passive aggressive crap on him of doing things I say are ok but aren't and then being sullen. So he knows by my answer that I'm not crazy for it but I'm genuinely ok with it, and I'll go and be friendly and all that. All good stuff. It all falls within the agreements we've made with each other. We get to be who we want to be and get what we need from someone else. 2 sides of the same coin.

(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 5:51:54 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Grant her Permission to Speak Freely, lol. I used to say "May I make a request?" or "May I give you some information?" and then we'd be less formal.

Total Power Exchange doesn't mean you have to be in Scene mode all the time, in fact, I think that would be exhausting and unsustainable.




Good point here Kalikshama and Tazzy as well, I find it very natural to say "May I ask you a question?" or "If it's alright I'd like to say something about that." I even do this when we're chatting on IM. He found it funny at first, but it seemed natural to me, and I continue to do it. It was funny because as I've said we don't really have any formal protocol or honorifics in place, I do however defer in ways like this. It feels right.

When your wife does something that appeals to you then mention it to her and have her be on the lookout for what appeals as well. You will have your basic guidelines in place before you know it.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 8:22:19 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammermp

[font="Times New Roman"]I am a very Dominant Military Male, married to one of my former soldiers. My Wife is an aggressive person in uniform (you have to be to survive as a NCO in the MP corps), but at home and with me she is Very submissive. This has been brought into our “bedroom” (not that we are always using that location…lol), but I never thought of it as more than a role-playing exercise for her (I must say I do enjoy it).


Hammer


Uh I dont get it you say your very domly but you cant figure out how to "control your wife"??? WTF over Any buck private understands a "generally healthy" power relationship. For me it was the 2nd best place to learn the dynamics of a power relationship.

I mean the military has tons of classes on how to lead men into combat and such. Furthermore they explain it so a 5 year old could get it. Did you sleep through you career or are you just a slow learner??? I suppose one could argue that a pissed off wife is far more dangerous than solider with a flame thrower.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 8:42:28 PM   
Hammermp


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/8/2012
Status: offline 		Professional control and discipline of my troops is not a problem for me, and after 10 years and 3 combat tours, and countless hours behind the wheel of a Squad-car, I have a pretty good grasp of how to enforce the orders I give through force and violence (I have conducted more than one “Wall-to-wall” counseling session on a undisciplined soldier). Enforcing my will through force and power is not my issue (hell, as my soldier my wife knew very well the effect of disobeying a order I gave.), I married someone who was my best friend and lover as a partner for me, a mother for my kids. As such, I do not want to destroy that relationship that I have. I instead want to take her need and deepen our marriage.

As far as not paying attention in “leadership class”… Trust me, NO ONE sleeps through PLDC and becomes a successful Combat proven NCO. And no offence to you, but the statement is insulting.

As far as my wife being dangerous… she is a 3d gen Puerto Rican soldier with a pistol on her hip 24/7 and a knife collection that would make most people cry. BUT, I have taught her everything she knows outside of basic… and the student has still has much to learn from this master...LOL.

My search for knowledge is to find balance… not move in and destroy everything I have through ignorance. And so learning about somthing that you are not an expert in...to me at least, seems like the wise thing to do.

Hammer

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 8:55:01 PM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		Hi OP. You seem to be picking things up rather quickly, and you seem very eager to learn so that you'll do things right--that's a good, responsible trait for a dominant to have. Just remember that there isn't any right or wrong way to go about this. It's all about what you and your wife want and what works for you. How do YOU want it to work? What about her? Make sure you talk things over with her extensively. Hear her ideas and opinions and let her know yours as well. You'll figure it out. :)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hammermp
She wants my authority 24/7 (still not sure how well this will work) but I do want the wife I married to be able to talk to and bounce ideas off…ect. How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?
Nothing like that for my Master and me. He always wants me to be open, honest, and to just let him know what I think. I'm allowed to (and in fact also required) speak up at all times when I feel I have something to say, so that he may make a better decision. There's no switch between him talking to his submissive and him talking to his girl, because I am both of those things to him at all times--we're not roleplaying, we're just being ourselves. I always tell him what I think and how I feel, and he expects it of me. He values my opinions and takes them into account, and then he makes the final decision. It's always up to him, he's always got the authority but that doesn't mean we can't talk to each other as partners.

I wouldn't worry too much about this aspect of things. If there's any specific way you or her want to address this, by all means go ahead and try it out. Odds are things will just progress naturally and you'll fall into a groove that feels right to the both of you. Good luck, OP.

(in reply to Hammermp)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Help getting started? - 1/9/2012 10:58:04 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Be insulted all you want I don't care. My point was simple the military is one of the finest places to learn leadership skills and somehow you didn't "get it" I would argue that everyone <esp a fellow solider who may risk his life to save yours> <not just your wife> deserves the utmost respect and leadership. So somehow throughout your military career you didnt pick up on that.

I salute your service to your country. I spent 2 years in the bush dodging bullets I have first hand knowledge of the horrors of war not that it matters but for some reason you wanted to roll out your resume. I was a chopper pilot Huey's and Cobra's. So either I was going into a hot LZ to fly out the wounded on the Huey's. Or I was headed to a hot spot to shot the bad guys in the Cobra attack chopper. I've been shot down, had a very good friend die in my arms. I made a trip to the wall to pay my respects. Like I said I know the horrors of war.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 6:30:24 AM   
Alida


Posts: 45
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		My search for knowledge is to find balance… not move in and destroy everything I have through ignorance. And so learning about somthing that you are not an expert in...to me at least, seems like the wise thing to do.

Take it slow and follow your gut, not fantasy. Domming is hard work, IMO, much harder than subbing. Pay close attention to her and learn to play her, encourage her and teach her what pleases you, and that includes being a partner, not a possession in the marriage. If she really is subbing, your pleasure gives her pleasure, which will give you more pleasure, and... well, it's the exact opposite of a vicious circle.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 40
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