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RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 6:33:35 AM

thishereboi

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quote:

How do you other couples switch from talking to your sub… to talking to your wife?... Do you have like a “secret password” or something?

I found that talking to her like she was a intelligent human being worked all the time. I never had to switch up anything.

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Post #: 41

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 6:58:01 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I mean the military has tons of classes on how to lead men into combat and such. Furthermore they explain it so a 5 year old could get it. Did you sleep through you career or are you just a slow learner??? I suppose one could argue that a pissed off wife is far more dangerous than solider with a flame thrower.

It is certainly not a given that one can or should apply skills learned in the military to the home. That's why he's here asking for advice. He wants to enhance his marriage, not jeopardize it.

quote:

I spent 2 years in the bush dodging bullets I have first hand knowledge of the horrors of war not that it matters but for some reason you wanted to roll out your resume. I was a chopper pilot Huey's and Cobra's. So either I was going into a hot LZ to fly out the wounded on the Huey's. Or I was headed to a hot spot to shot the bad guys in the Cobra attack chopper. I've been shot down, had a very good friend die in my arms. I made a trip to the wall to pay my respects. Like I said I know the horrors of war.

I have no doubt about your military experience - what are your successful personal relationship creds?

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Post #: 42

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 8:37:35 AM

SailingBum

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Like that is any of your business. Suffice to say that there is not military/business leadership and personal leadership. The dynamic is the same. The point that seems to be lost on the OP and you is that leadership is leadership. thishereboi and other posters understands the concept why don't you? Some ppl excel at it and others not so much. So if your struggling with how to lead "anyone" as it doesn't matter their age,sex, or religious beliefs maybe your just not a good leader of ppl as much as you'd like to "think" that you are.

One great leader comes to mind General George Patton in great adversity he was still able to achieve his goals. A poor leader Our current President. Who in 4 years has accomplished almost none of his stated goals in 4 years. Now Patton could whine about those pesky Germans the way the Bombster whines about congress. But no the general persevered well the pres not so much.

BadOne

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RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 8:51:42 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
So if your struggling with how to lead "anyone" as it doesn't matter their age,sex, or religious beliefs maybe your just not a good leader of ppl as much as you'd like to "think" that you are.

I don't think he's struggling. Clearly, she's comfortable enough with his leadership to hand it all over to him. I think he's just doing his due diligence and studying tactics. He's got a lot to lose if it goes wrong.

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RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 8:58:15 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

Like that is any of your business. Suffice to say that there is not military/business leadership and personal leadership. The dynamic is the same.

Your claim is that military leadership effortlessly translates to personal relationships. What's your track record for long term happy relationships?

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Post #: 45

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 9:15:57 AM

SailingBum

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If your coming here asking advice from complete but sometimes knowledgeable strangers it's apparent to me that you are struggling in some way. If you weren't why ask in the first place?

Sure the OP and his partner have a lot to lose but I would me more inclined to discuss this with my partner than strangers. Ya know the learn and grow together concept. To my way of thinking that is a far better way than asking dear abby. The point being "if you work on it together" and worst case it fails you can take a step back no harm no foul.

ppl want to make this harder than it is for some reason. A BDSM relationship is not any different than any other relationship. There is not due diligence in leadership either ppl will follow you or they won't Yes it's that simple.

BadOne

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Post #: 46

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 9:31:43 AM

seababy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

If your coming here asking advice from complete but sometimes knowledgeable strangers it's apparent to me that you are struggling in some way. If you weren't why ask in the first place?

BadOne

Well he doesn't come across as struggling to me. Just an intelligent guy who likes to thinks things through before taking decisive action and doesn't have any ego hangups about asking people for information so he can make informed actions. My definition of a good leader.

I really love the way this couple are going into this all. Its so sane.
I know this will be an awesome (and incredibly hot) adventure for you both.

Wish you all the best

Sea

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Post #: 47

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 9:57:48 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Like that is any of your business. Suffice to say that there is not military/business leadership and personal leadership. The dynamic is the same.

Your claim is that military leadership effortlessly translates to personal relationships. What's your track record for long term happy relationships?

Ok Ill bite I have a 30 plus year relationship with my 2 girls. One of my girls I have dinner with one night a week. ummm I have a good relationship with all of my family<how many of you can say that???> 3 of my brothers and I go sailing every week. I have a 10 plus year with a girl who BTW has a MBA and on CM at my request who shall remain nameless. I still have some childhood friends that I see occasionally.

I spend my summers going to rock concerts and sailing. In other words I have been real lucky in life but I do notice one thing the harder I work the luckier I get. I have not a clue why this seems so important to you. Typically I don't discuss my personal stuff on here except in the most general terms because life has been very good to me and I realize lots of ppl are not as fortunate as I have been.

I refer to it as the lucky sperm club. I was born in the USA not some 3rd world shit hole. I was raised in a well to do community by parents who loved me. With that combo it's real difficult to screw up life.

Life's been good so far. BadOne

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Post #: 48

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 10:02:52 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seababy

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

If your coming here asking advice from complete but sometimes knowledgeable strangers it's apparent to me that you are struggling in some way. If you weren't why ask in the first place?

BadOne

Well he doesn't come across as struggling to me. Just an intelligent guy who likes to thinks things through before taking decisive action and doesn't have any ego hangups about asking people for information so he can make informed actions. My definition of a good leader.

I really love the way this couple are going into this all. Its so sane.
I know this will be an awesome (and incredibly hot) adventure for you both.

Wish you all the best

Sea

I see your point I just don't agree with it. When I go seeking advice my first thought is not to ask strangers more to the point I ask ppl I know and trust. I realize the concept might be foreign to some folks buts that's how I roll

BadOne

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Post #: 49

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 10:38:43 AM

Arienos

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quote:

I see your point I just don't agree with it. When I go seeking advice my first thought is not to ask strangers more to the point I ask ppl I know and trust. I realize the concept might be foreign to some folks buts that's how I roll

I agree with your thinking,intelligence gathering is not the product of unproven resource.

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Post #: 50

RE: Help getting started? - 1/10/2012 11:06:44 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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When I'm having a plumbing problem, I don't ask a person I love and trust who is a psychologist. When I'm having a relationship issue, I don't call an events planner who I love and trust. Sometimes an outside resource is the best resource.

Anyway OP, ignore SB as he's a well known shit stirrer who likes to insult everyone who isn't him.

If you and Jen - Hi Jen! - want to pick our collective brains for info, feel free. Take what seems helpful and ignore those who don't.

Our relationship model is more CEO and administrative assistant then General/Private. As far as taking advice, consider a surgeon and the OR nurse. She doesn't keep quiet if the patient's blood pressure takes a nosedive or if the surgeon miscounts how many sponges he used. She speaks up because that's her job, to have his back, to make sure he doesn't make bad mistakes.

Here it may include me reminding him to stop at the gas station because we're on E and living several miles from town, we don't always have the luxury of getting it later. Part of my standing rules is to not buy fruit ice cream, only those with chocolate in it. He doesn't care if it's chocolate chip or fudge ripple but it better not be strawberry.

As far as hitting her goes, you haven't tried all the different ways there are to play in the bedroom. Some people like s & m, others like bondage, some just enjoy giving forced orgasms till the woman begs no more. Look into sensual play; run an ice cube over her followed by your hot tongue or hot wax (note: watch out for drips or use a towel underneath). Read about different kinds of play, and both of you mark what appeals most. Start with that stuff. You may never feel a need to do stuff that either one dislikes or you may change your mind about things. Just talk to each other a lot, about stuff you want to try, and how it felt afterward.

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RE: Help getting started? - 1/11/2012 11:55:33 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I have not a clue why this seems so important to you.

Because you have come across as someone who has only has shallow superficial relationships with women and therefore not the best to advise the OP on his marriage. I'm willing to concede that I may stand corrected, and I do appreciate you sharing.

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Post #: 52